by pepper of salt*n*pepper
Author's note: Ahh! Another humor fic from the brain of pepper! This is a romantic comedy...well i dunno if it's romantic OR a comedy...but i guess i'll find out by your reviews ^_^ i personally think it's more on the "cute" side...
Jesse stared at the sparkling engagement ring on her finger, a slight smile spreading across her blushing face. After all these years of just being partners in crime, how could they have fallen in love? Maybe there was just one two many hugs....or too much hand-holding during the mottos...or maybe it was the fact that Meowth wouldn't shut up with the hints...whatever it was, their love was out in the open because just last night James has proposed to her. She sat back in her chair and sighed heavily, recalling the lovely evening…
---~*~* sound of harp-entering flashback-~*~*----
James nervously paced back and forth, rehearsing everything he was going to say.
"Jessica, will you marry me? No, no, no...that's too formal…Jesse, there's something I've been wanting to ask you for a long time now... no, no that's not it….Jess, let's forget about pikachu and get married!!!…No, no no!" James slammed his forehead numerous times into a nearby dresser. "Why can't I just get this right!?" Suddenly he felt a tug on his pants. "Huh?" James asked, looking down. Meowth grinned up at him. James went red. "Meowth, what are you doing here! I'm a little busy right now!" He shouted.
"Tryin ta get Jesse ta marry ya huh?" Meowth asked, a smile spreading wider on his face.
"I don't know what your talking about Meowth…" James replied, his nose in the air. "Jesse and I are partners in crime, and nothing more."
"How stupid do ya tink I am!!!" Meowth shouted. "Did you really tink you could fool Meowth!?"
"You mean you knew about this?" James scratched his head.
"Well it was getting pretty obvious when you two kept giggling like idiots every time Jesse said "To denounce da evils of truth and love!" I knew from da start youse two were gonna get togetha!"
"Well that's very nice that you have nothing else to do but to pry in other people's love life...now if you'll excuse me I've got some practicing to do..." James replied, his arms across his chest.
"You're not nervous…are ya...?" Meowth smirked.
"No not at all..." James said confidently. His face softened as Meowth continued to stare. "Well...sorta, maybe...just a little..." Meowth still kept his eyes glued him. James fell to his knees, covering his face in his hands. "Alright!!! Yes!! I am very nervous!!!! Okay?!?!? Did you get satisfaction out of that?!?!"
"I'm sure Jesse would..." Meowth laughed as James chased him out of the room.
"James is something wrong?" Jesse asked from across the table. James shook his head no. "Well, fine, if you're just going to be like this the whole night, we can go home now!" Jesse said crossly. Meowth had helped pick out a fancy restaurant for James, just for this special night, he couldn't let Jesse just walk out now… James looked at her and nervously smiled.
"God, it's crowded in here…" He thought, looking around the room. "I better just get this over with…" As he slowly got up out of his chair, he could of sworn at least a hundred people turned around to watch him. A faint murmur could be heard around him which sounded very much like
"Ask her! Ask her! Ask her!" James began to sweat as he made his way over to Jesse's side of the table. He could hear his own heart beat loud and clear. Buh-bump Buh-bump Buh-bump. His imagination seemed to play tricks on him, because now he saw the whole restaurant turned around in their seats, clapping and yelling for him to ask…ask the one question he was so nervous about… So many people…so many interested…out of the corner of his eye he even saw Meowth was wearing a 100% Rocketshipper shirt…James bent down on one knee and looked at Jesse, who pretended to not know what was going on…
"So quiet…their all staring at me…waiting…" James thought, sweating rivers now…He heard the seats creak as people leaned on the edge of them, as he took her hands in his. He stopped, frozen into this position, as he felt a million eyes piercing into his back.
"Yes James?" Jesse asked quietly, noticing he was not moving. James slowly opened his mouth to say the lovely words Rocketshippers all over the world would die to hear…
" MAR ME BLAHHHHHH!!!" he screamed completely stumbling on his words. James desperately tried again, this time screaming
"BLAHHHHHH!!!" even louder in Jesse's face. Jesse jumped back in her seat, shocked.
"What?!?" She cried, staring at James like he had two heads. James felt like crying. He just ruined his whole night, he was too embarrassed to say anything now.
"What I tink he meant was…..would you marry me Jesse?" Meowth smiled, hopping up on the table. Jesse looked at James for reassurance. He smiled and nodded yes. Jesse threw her arms around him and kissed him.
"Of course I will, if you're not speechless when we're doing our vows…"
Jesse suddenly stood up from her seat, the flash back ending.
"I don't have to worry about him not saying anything! The whole church will be silent! We don't have anyone to invite!" She cried suddenly. "James, James!" Jesse yelled.
"Yes, my darling diglett?" James asked, his eyes growing big.
"Do NOT call me that…" Jesse said angrily. "Didn't you think things through before you asked me to marry you?!"
"Huh?" James asked.
"James, we don't have anyone to invite! My mother and father are dead, and yours might as well be!"
James sighed.
"Jezebel would make a great bridesmaid…" Meowth snickered. Jesse and James glared at him.
"The only thing she's great at is whipping people!" James shrieked.
"Alright den, what about da boss?" Meowth asked.
"Are you crazy?! If he found out we were seeing each other never mind getting married he'd have a heart attack!" Jesse said frantically.
"And dat's a bad thing…?" Meowth asked.
"What about Butch and Cassidy?" James suggested.
"Oh, please, James, they'd join up with the Twerps before going to our wedding!" Jesse said sadly.
"Dat's it!" Meowth cried, jumping up. "You can invite da Twerps ta ya wedding!"
"The Twerps?!" Jesse and James cried together.
"Well let's face it guys, dere is NO one else! You said so yourselves!"
"Yes, but to have the Twerps come would be so…so degrading!" Jesse replied.
"So humiliating!" James added.
"So dey're coming right?" Meowth asked. Jesse and James looked at each other.
"We'll get the invitations!" They shouted, dashing off together.
"So where are we going today Brock?" Misty asked, walking close to him.
"Uh, it says on the map that the next stop is the…. Middle of nowhere? Is that even a place?"
"Ash! Where do you get your maps?!" Misty shouted smacking Ash on the side of his head. Ash laughed.
"Don't worry guys, we always have a pokemon adventure where ever we go!" Misty and Brock looked at each other, each silently screaming for help. "Hey I think I see a pokemon!" Ash suddenly shouted. Running at full speed, he left Brock and Misty in a small dirt cloud.
"And another one bites the dust…another one bites the dust!" Brock began singing. Misty grabbed his ear.
"Let's go catch up with Ash before his brain turns into dust!"
Ash opened his pokedex and searched in the nearby bushes. Misty grabbed it and threw it against a tree. "That's for going ahead of us!" she yelled. "Dexter!" Ash cried despretly trying to put the pieces back together, each time getting shocked by the exposed wires. Suddenly an evil female laugh was heard. Jesse and James jumped from out of nowhere and took the three kids by surprise.
"Prepare for trouble, we have a question!" Jesse began.
"Make it double, it's a great suggestion!" Jesse and James continued their motto.
"Oh, man, this isn't what I wanted to hear now!" Ash complained, already annoyed about his broken toy. "Pikachu, Thunder shock…now!"
"No, wait you don't understand!!!!!!!" Team Rocket shouted in unison. Pikachu closed its eyes as sparks began to fly from it's cheeks. It admitted a huge lightning bolt, shooting Team Rocket sky-high. "We're blasting off again!" They screamed as they disappeared into the sunset.
"Good!" Ash said, wiping his scorched hands.
"You know Ash, it actually looked like Team Rocket was going to tell us something…I think you should have waited before blasting them to the moon." Misty said sighing.
"Hey do you think there are any pokemon on the moon?!" Ash asked, jumping up and down excitingly.
"Moon, earth, sun, sky, stars, planets, it doesn't matter!" Brock screamed holding his head. "Pokemon is everywhere! I just can't get away from it!!!!"
"Aw, come-on Brock, could you imagine a life with out pokemon?" Ash asked patting his back. Brock smiled as he saw himself sitting in a golden-chair, surrounded by beautiful women, eating grapes, as they constantly kissed him and played with his hair. Unfortunately his desirable dream sequence was disturbed by Ash's loud and annoying scream…
"I GOTTA GET ANOTHER BADGE!!!" which brought Brock back to reality. He groaned and looked at the cheap map.
"Uh, according to this what-a-waste-of-ink-and-paper map, the next gym is located…." Brock paused and stared at the tiny writing on the map. He put his face in his hands.
"What's the matter Brock?!" Misty asked, rushing to his side.
"It says the next gym is located up my ass…" Brock replied.
"Ooooh I bet Gary wrote that!" Ash cried, his fists clenched.
"Let's just head forward, don't worry, I'm sure we'll come to one of the millions of pokemon gyms…" Misty said, rolling her eyes.
"Misty…I can't just battle at any gym! I have to take time and consideration as to what badge I'll win…how tough the gym leader is…and most important, what new pokemon adventure lies ahead of us!" Ash beamed. " I'll win of course, that's obvious…" He said, smirking at Misty.
"It's obvious you're obsessed!" She screamed, whacking him with her mallet. Ash fell lifelessly to the ground.
"Misty, you killed him!" Brock yelled.
"Oh he's just knocked out, relax…" she replied. Ash suddenly opened his eyes.
"What?! Where am I?" He asked.
"Knock it off Ash, let's hurry up and get to your stupid pokemon gym before it gets dark." Misty said impatiently.
"Pokemon? What-what's pokemon?" Ash asked, looking at her with a blank expression.
"Oh my God…." Brock whispered, grabbing on to Misty's arm, a huge smile spreading across his face. "Misty, he's got amnesia! Don't do anything to remind him…one sudden familiar memory and this wonderful time will end…" Brock continued whispering happily.. Suddenly Pikachu ran up and jumped into Ash's arms, making a pose so cute, you'd wanna kill it on the spot…
"Oh Pikachu! Pokemon! I love pokemon!" Ash screamed delightfully. "And…"he softly whispered motioning Brock and Misty to come closer. They leaned so close they could feel Ash's breath on their faces. "I GOTTA GET ANOTHER BADGE!" he suddenly screamed in their ears. Misty and Brock groaned as Ash happily giggled on their way to the next gym.
"Okay Bulbasaur! Use your tackle attack!" Ash shouted, spit flying from his mouth.
"Houndour, fire spin, now!" The young gym leader shouted. Brock gazed lovingly at her, but Misty made sure she put a stop to that by yanking hard on his ear.
"What the hell is this?" she asked looking at a shiny metal object in her hand.
"Uh…an earring?" Brock said sheepishly.
"I don't wanna know…" Misty said handing it back to him.
"Heracross return! It's up to you Pikachu!" Ash cried. "Use your agility!"
"Wow, what a heated battle!" Jesse whispered from behind a bush. James looked at the invitations in his hand.
"Jesse, maybe we should just forget about this…I don't wanna get blasted off again!"
"We are not going to quit now! I will not stand in a church with just you and Meowth!" Jesse replied. "Now come on…"
"Yeaaaaaa!!! I got another badge!" Ash cried making a victory pose.
"Very good Ash, maybe we'll meet again someday so we can battle and maybe, just maybe, someone will win besides you…" The gym leader said, shaking Ash's hand. Suddenly a smoke bomb went off, covering the whole gym in a thick fog. Red, blue and yellow fireworks illuminated the floor.
"Prepare for Trouble you haven't answered our question!" Jesse started.
"Make it double, we need your undivided attention!" James continued. Ash gave a loud sigh.
"Sorry, short attention span…" He said as he threw a pokeball. "Heracross, tackle attack, now!"
"Wait! We want to invite you…" Jesse started holding up her hand. But it was too late, Team Rocket had already come in contact with Heracross's powerful attack, and were flying through the air once again. "We're blasting off unanswered again!!!!"
"Hmmm…I knew they wanted to tell us something!" Misty started.
"They said "we want to invite you!"
"Sounded more like "we want Pikachu" to me…" Ash frowned.
"But they just said we're blasting off unanswered!" Misty protested.
"No, it was more like empty handed." He said, holding the pokemon close.
"Well we messed up again." Jesse sighed, brushing leaves and sticks off her.
"Don't worry my beautiful Bulbasaur, we'll find a way." James replied.
"I thought I told you NOT to talk to me like that!" Jesse growled.
"Sorry…" James said looking hurt. Jesse frowned.
"Come on we have to make more plans…" She sighed. "…my sexy scyther." James immediately brightened and followed Jesse back to their cabin.
Ash, Brock and Misty continued onto another town, Misty having the strange feeling Team Rocket wanted something, Brock reading "Idiots guide to girls" and Ash's mind completely blank.
"Hey look over there!" Misty said, pointing to two people in the distance. "They probably want a match!" Ash cried racing ahead. A lady in a business suit greeted the trio with a smile.
"Hello all you pokemon trainers, how would you like to come to a once in a life time pokemon convention!" She asked.
"Boy would I ever!" Ash cried happily.
"Great, then just take these three invitations from this official looking man next to me…" The lady said pointing to a young man in a mustache. He gladly handed the three invitations over to them. "And do not be late!" She shouted, quickly disappearing out of site.
"We did it we did it we did it!!!!" Jesse and James shouted, ripping off their costumes. "Now all we have to do is wait for them to come!!"
"Oh yea, it's just perfectly normal that a pokemon convention is in a church…Team RockHEAD!!!" Meowth yelled.
"Maybe Meowth has got a point, Jess, we should just be honest…" James said.
"Oh, fine, we'll go back and tell them the…" Jesse paused and shuttered. "…truth" James gasped loudly.
"See the way you shuttered?" he asked waging his finger. "That's from years of being in a lying, cheating, stealing organization, better known as Tea-"
"Put a sock in it!" Jesse interrupted angrily.
"I love you.." James cooed playfully.
"Don't remind me." Jesse mumbled, hiding her smile.
"They spelt my name wrong..." Misty said reading the invitation.
"How would they know our names anyway?" Ash asked, tearing his open.
"Well they obviously don't if they called me Musty!"
"You think you got it bad, they addressed me as Crock!" Brock said frowning. Misty glanced over at Ash's invitation.
"Hmm…but they seemed to have gotten your name right…Ass Ketchup!"
"A minor mistake…." Ash grumbled. Suddenly in the distance Team Rocket came running, holding a small white flag.
"Oh man these guys just don't die..." Brock muttered.
"We come in peace, no need to blast us off again…" They shouted waving their arms.
"Oh my God -it's an ambush!" Ash screamed. "Everybody-GET DOWN!" Misty grabbed Ash's arm.
"Hold on Ash I-Ahh!!!" Misty yelled as Ash shoved her to the ground.
"Cyntaquil Fire Blast now!" Cyntaquil let out a huge fire attack which turned Team Rocket's useless little white flag to a scorching black, crumpling to the ground in 3.4 seconds.
"Team Rocket's giving up for good!" Jesse and James shouted as they blasted off.
"Hey sounds like Team Rocket's finally giving up!" Ash cried happily as he watched the star twinkle in the sky.
"Yea, their giving up on trying to get through to you!!" Misty shouted angrily wiping dirt off her clothes. "I know they want something Ash, and you just can't wait two seconds for them to say what it is!"
"I already know it's Pikachu, Misty! I don't have to wait!" Ash raised his voice.
"Okay, Okay, calm down you two, let's just forget about Team Rocket for now, and go to the pokemon prevention…uh-I -I mean convention!!" Brock said sweat-dropping. Ash immediately brightened.
"Are you sure the address is right, Brock?" Misty asked, gazing at a marble floor, pews and alter.
"It says it takes place right here!" Brock replied, confused.
"Excellent - a pokemon battle in a church!" Ash squealed with delight.
"Don't be sacrilegious!" Misty yelled slapping him in the head. The three trainers walked toward the front of the church, listening to their footsteps echoing in the silence. Suddenly the wedding theme began to play. Ash, Brock and Misty whipped around to see Jesse and James as bride and groom, looking almost as shocked as they were. Instead of walking gracefully down the isle, Jesse and James ran forward at full speed, knocking each other out of the way to get to the Twerps.
"You made it!" James cried.
"You're here!" Jesse said happily. Meowth popped up out of nowhere…..
"At Team Rocket's wedding!"
"W-what?!" Ash said looking at the couple. "Why are you dressed like that?! And where's the pokemon convention?"
"Haha! we fooled you twerps again! There's no convention-we just wanted someone to come to our wedding!" Jesse said waving her bouquet in Ash's face.
"We tried to tell you, but you kept blasting us off! Well, at least you're here now…" James said.
"Wed…ding?" Ash asked slowly, looking more confused then ever before. Misty broke out into a huge smile.
"Oh I can't believe you two are getting married! How romantic!"
"Does this mean you're not going to try and steal Pikachu anymore?" Ash asked hopefully.
"Ash!" Misty said sharply, elbowing him. "Uh, what he means to say is congratulations…" Misty said, sweat-dropping.
"I can't believe evil Team Rocket can fall in love and get married, yet I can't even get a girl to go out with me!" Brock said, frowning.
"Brock!" Misty said in the same sharp tone she took with Ash. "He says congratulations too…" Jesse and James continued on the way to the alter, while Misty pushed Ash and Brock into the front row pew.
"Misty…do we have to…" Ash began.
"Yes! Maybe you should take some notes like Brock over there and learn a thing or two about love!" Misty shouted, glancing over at Brock who was violently scribbling in a notebook, occasionally looking up and nodding his head. Ash lowered his hat over his eyes and sunk lower into the pew, hoping that maybe he could get some sleep. "Show some respect Ash! Take your hat off!" Misty yelled, yanking the hat from his head. Misty stared at Ash's pointy wild black hair that sprung up immedaitly after the hat was removed. It bushed out from both sides of his ears and on the top of his head. "Uh, i think it would be more respectful if you kept it on...." She said, handing Ash back his hat.
James looked lovingly at Jesse, gazing into her blue eyes. She smiled back at him and squeezed his hand affectionately. This was it, Jesse and James were finally getting married. After all they've been through, all the failures, all the hard times, it would all be okay, now that they had each other to love.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife!" The priest declared. "You may now kiss the bride!" James moved closer to Jesse, who wrapped her arms around him and the two embraced in a warm and loving kiss.
"Ewwww! GROSS!!! Disgusting!!!!! Yuck!!! My eyes! My eyes!" screamed Ash.
"Ash! I hope you go straight to hell for saying that!" Misty hissed.
"I think I already did…" Ash moaned. Brock started spontaneously clapping. Jesse slyly smiled and threw her bouquet as hard as she could at Ash's head. "Ow!" he cried as it bounced off his head and into Brock's lap.
"Oh yes!!!!" Brock shouted. "I'm gonna get married next!!! Girls watch out!"
"It only works if you're a girl!" Misty yelled. "So I'll just take that..."
"But it only works if you catch it!" Brock protested, holding the boquet out of Misty's reach.
"Speaking of catching...can we go catch some pokemon now?" Ash asked hopefully. "NO!!!" Brock and Misty shouted at Ash, inbetween fighting for the boquet.
"Thank-you so much for coming Twer-I mean kids…." James said as the trio walked out the doors.
"We'll invite you to our baby shower!" Jesse said. Misty excitedly clasped her hands together
"Awweee, when is that!!" She asked smiling.
"Oh-same time next year…" Jesse said looking James up and down. Ash's eyes bugged out of his head, and started uncontrollably screaming as he ran full speed out of the church.
"What's wrong with him?" James asked.
"Oh, he'll be fine…" Misty said shrugging it off. "He's just a little…um,…traumatized…"
"Well I would be too, if my enemies were suddenly making babies together!!" Brock said. Everyone stared at him. "Oh…I…uh...mean…that's nice…" He said slowly, turning his face towards Misty.
"I know it's hard not to think about sex, Brock, especially when you're not getting any!" Misty said.
"What, I am too!"
"Well that's disgusting!"
"You're disgusting!"
"Now you're acting like Ash!"
"What! I don't like Ash!"
The two continued fighting as they walked out of the church. Jesse and James looked at each other and did the only thing you do at the end of a stupid, funny humor fic - laugh.
Author's note 2: hahahaha! i hoped u liked it!!! I wasn't inspired by a true life story like i was in "Jesse i need some pants" but Spruceton Spook *did* give me this idea on the phone...three cheers for her!!! Believe it or not but some of the things the characters said were directly taken from mine & Salt's experiences....remember dinner w/ your teacher Salt? or hows about MAD magazine? or the concert? LOL ~ yea, our whole life is a joke...