How to save a life

Disclaimer: Still not Cassie

Warning: I wrote references to self harm and self loathing, if it triggers you, please don't read, your safety is first, go read fluff or smut ;)

There was humming coming from somewhere in the room.

"Alexander... what's this?" I could feel Magnus twisting slightly my arm, and then I realized what he must be seeing.

"Nothing" I said taking my arm away from him.

"Alec" I opened my blue eyes to see his big green-golden ones hovering over me "what was that?"

"It's just a battle scar" I mentioned as relaxed as possible tucking my arm behind my head.

We were at Magnus' room in a late afternoon, after our second time ever having sex. It was amazing, I could never get over how mind blowing was the way our bodies collided, how Magnus' body felt over mine. For the first time Izzy was covering me, so I could spent a couple hours more relaxing next to him, just watching the other one breathing like we hadn't be able to do our first time. Of course I hadn't considered that being naked around someone else could uncover my dirty little secret.

"Alexander, don't lie, I'm old enough to differentiate between a battle wound and that" I gulped "that scar was straight as you are not. What happened?"

"Magnus ... I..." I was lucky he had had only a couple of minutes and a sole arm at his inspection "I don't feel like talking about it."

"Well boo hoo princess," he frowned, showing a bit if his make up eyelids "look, I'm just worried about you" His words drifted as he laid his view on my other arm "are those more of them?"

"Can we not" I sat up, letting the red silk sheet fall into my lap -talk about them.

"Alexander, who is hurting you?" he was now sitting up like me "I know we had only been together for a while" he took my hand on his "but you know that I'll help you if someone is..."

"I said no" I stood up letting his hand fall into the air "talking about it."

"Alexander that person that you are trying to protect isn't worth it"

"I know that" I shrugged.

"Then tell me, who is hurting you?"

"No one" I stated exasperatedly.

"Alec, please, those are blade cuts, to precise to be battle ones, and your iratzes aren't working on them" he passed his hand through his hair "just please I swear I..."

"WHAT PART OF NO" I raised my voice, at which I saw him flinch "look" I leaned against his bedroom wall to keep myself calmed "I just don't want to talk about it, can we just get back to bed?"

"Alexander, even though I would love to get back in bed with you, you need to tell me what's happening" his sight deviated from my eyes and looking me as a whole. Truth to be told, I felt very self conscious "there are more in your thighs? Enough, Alexander, talk to me."

"Stop looking at me!" I grabbed my boxers from the floor, putting on them quickly "There is NOTHING to talk about!" my eyes drifted to the bedroom's door, calculating how fast I had to run to avoid Magnus.

"Don't even think about that, Alexander" he closed the door magically "who is hurting you? Is it your dad? He found out and is hurting you? That's why you aren't telling me?"

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!" I entered the bathroom, closing the door by leaning against it, feeling the tears fall "Leave me alone!"

"Alexander" he rested his forehead against the door "sorry, I over stepped the line, just... Fuck, just tell me what's wrong."

I couldn't, I just couldn't tell him, I couldn't watch as his faith in me disappeared. When he found out about it he would know how fucked up I was. So I continued sobbing until I fell to the floor unable to keep myself together. In the state I was I didn't notice when he entered the room.

"Alec, babe" he lifted me up from my curled up position and hugged me burying his face on my hair "tell me."

"It was me" I breathe out "I cut myself."

"You... You do self-harm?" He was tracing circles on my shoulder but I could feel the surprise on his voice.

"Yes."

"How often?"

"A…" My voice broke "almost daily."

"Why?" He whispered, as he couldn't believe I deserved it.

"Because I'm the worst. I am a monster, look at me. I'm a gay shadow hunter; I was in love with my parabatai. I'm shy. I can't talk to anybody. I can't kill demons, my hair is a disaster, and my eyes are dull. All my clothes look like I pulled them from the rubbish. I don't deserve you, I should just kill myself, but I'm a coward, I can't do it. So I just watch the blood run."

"Sweetheart, I'm a very much old warlock, born from a demon, a High Demon. I'm bisexual, I have the demon's mark, but you know what? I believe in myself, and I believe in the words of a lovely shadow hunter, with stunning blue eyes and a perfect black hair told me, I'm worth it and it is not my fault. I'm going to introduce you to him, his name is Alec, he always protects his siblings because he loves them."

"You're too sweet for me" I had stopped crying at his words, maybe I could just merge myself on the world he painted me, where I was worth it.

"How hasn't Jace, talking about the blondie, seen this? He is supposed to look after you."

"He is just busy, I guess" I shrugged.

"Well, now you have me, you can call me whenever you feel like hurting yourself and I'll try to help" he lifted me up carrying me to the bed in his arms "and, oh, I'll just have to do a complete search for evidence daily" he winked as he laid us down.

"Full body search?" I asked feeling hopeful, knowing Magnus was there for me.

"Yes, no clothes on, sorry, I'm just fulfilling my job" I cuddled next to him.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to cooperate" he laughed.

"Alec, I'll take care of you, you don't need to do that again, I believe in you. We can do this together" He kissed me on the forehead and I felt better, he loved me and accepted me "No matter what, we are on this together."

AN: So yes, I did that, and yes, I should be uploading Will you, Alec? and believe I'm on that, I just took a quick vacation and the inspiration for this stroked me too soon in the morning, hope you liked it.