AN: I got this idea from Hawaii Five-0 when McGarrett left Danny with a "Dear Danno" letter. And also Judgement Day where Jenny left Gibbs, a few years back, with a Dear John letter. And I don't usually write Kensi/Deeks so forgive me if this is a little out of character.
As always, the disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that you may recognize.
Expect the unexpected. Really, that was Kensi Marie Blye's motto. A person could never know what may lie through the twists and turns on the journey of life. And in her line of work, the motto fit. From a case you thought was a slam dunk easy win that turned out to be an international horror story; to a fugitive you thought was dead, but really he just wants revenge; or when you think the room is clear and suddenly you have a gun to your face and your hoping that the bastard behind the gun isn't going to blow your brains out. The unexpected always happened.
And this unexpected turn of events in Kensi's life was well… unexpected and not exactly welcomed. For a girl who was a daddy's girl at heart and was more bad ass Jason Bourne than anything, she wasn't sure what to do. Kensi was always in control, she prided herself on that, but this time… this time was different. She suddenly didn't have any control over what would happen.
Her emotions and her hormones were fucking with her big time and Kensi hated that. She hated being an out of control, volatile person but at this stage in the game, she couldn't really help it. She wanted to; she wanted to return to the way it was. Back to the life that she was comfortable and happy with and knew. But that life was over. It was over the minute she had conformation.
She wondered how it got that far. She knew, she wasn't stupid. The sparks flew between them the first time they met and the sparks had slowly erupted into a firework show every time they were in the same room. She wasn't blind or oblivious, she had a major attraction to him. She was stuck on him, as Callen and Sam pointed out. And for some god awful reason, she couldn't get herself unstuck. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't put the distance that they needed to have, between them.
Sure, some of it was his fault. He egged her on, teased her, flirted with her. It was all just fun and games until they couldn't take it anymore. It was a do or die type of moment when they first realized that they were either going to have to go full steam ahead or ask for either one of them to be transferred. They couldn't work as partners if the "thing" between them wasn't going to work. Both of them knew it.
And all of that led to what she was about to do now. Kensi sat on her bed with a stack of paper in front of her and her favorite black pen. She desperately wanted to put down what she was thinking but she couldn't find the words for it. They weren't coming on a piece of paper. Lots of rolled up paper balls, mistakes, littered her already messy floor. She bit her lip, trying to find the words. He deserved to know. She owed him that at least.
Hell, she owed him a lot more than what she was going to leave him with. For Christ's sake she was taking a page out of Callen's book with what she was about to do. She had heard of Steve McGarrett doing this to Danny when Steve left for Japan. But even though she was probably doing more harm than good with was she was about to do, she couldn't think of another way. She couldn't face him. Kensi was strong, but this event had left her trembling and a complete and utter mess. She knew if she wanted, she could get help. Stay with Sam and his wife maybe, figure out what to do from there. But she couldn't do that either.
Kensi wanted a clean break from Los Angeles, even if it was unfair to the rest of her team. She knew she was being selfish but she couldn't help it. The memories were too hard. Even though this all had to do with Deeks, she felt sorry that her mother would have to deal with the repercussions. Finally, after 15 years, Kensi and Julia had started to connected, but Kensi still couldn't go to her.
Finally the words came to her. She wrote them on a piece of paper, tears streaming down her face. She was sure that some of the tears had fallen on the piece of paper, but she didn't give a damn. After she had finished, she stuffed it in an envelope. She then packed a bag, her passport, gun and some cash along with the go-bag. She was skipping town. Fresh start, even if it meant leaving Deeks with a Dear John letter.
When Deeks opened up his front door that morning to let Monty out, he never thought his life would be changed forever. He was a firm believer in fate. After all, fate had brought him and Kensi together. But fate had a cruel sense of humor. No, cruel wasn't the right word for it. Horrible, despicable and downright awful. Why was this happening to him? What did he deserve to be left with his? He didn't know. Really, he had no idea.
And just when you thought you knew a person, they throw a pretty damn good right hook at you, and you're left on the ground, trying to figure out what the fuck happened. What made them do that? What did you do to provoke it? Deeks thought he knew Kensi, probably better than anyone. She had told him, in her mother's garage, that he was the only one she trusted. But he didn't think she was capable of that. Callen, sure, but not Kensi Blye. She was always in control of her life, but he knew sometimes emotions swayed her decisions and he was sure that was it. However, Kensi Blye threw one hell of a right hook.
He somehow made it to his couch, and stared at the letter for a long time. Really? She really did that to him? He honestly had no idea what she was completely capable of. He knew she was capable of making him feel like the band nerd trying to go out with the homecoming queen. He didn't think he could really get Kensi, but he did. And he loved every second of the time that they spent together- at work or just on their own. And he thought he did a pretty good job at masking some of the deeper feelings he had for Kensi.
He read the letter, over and over, again. Trying to make sense of what she wrote down. But he couldn't. Why? Why would she not accept his help? Why did she think she needed to do this on her own? It wasn't fair to him, at all. Fuck, nothing was fair these days. Deeks tried to rack his brain for something that could make sense to it. But he couldn't. Really, he was at a loss for words.
Dear Deeks,
I don't really know what to say, or fuck, even what to write down. But I need to do this. For myself and for you. It's better off this way. I know you may not think so, but trust me Marty, it is. We both know we need a clean break from each other.
I'm pregnant. Yeah… I know it's not fair to you, hell, it's not fair to me, but trust me, it is better this way. I took the pregnancy test last night. And well, I'm probably about 6 weeks along. Obviously that one night that we drank way too much had a lot of negative repercussions. I'm sorry that this is the way it has to be.
By the time that you read this, I'll probably be in Hawaii. Please don't come looking for me or come after me. And please, for the love of God, do not ask Eric or Nell to trace my GPS. I've gone off the grid. I don't know what else to do. Marty, I think we both know, it would never work between us. But, I want you to know that I cherished every moment we spent together, even if it resulted in this.
I'm sorry
Kensi