Author's Notes: THIS IS A REWRITE. I've decided to delete all the existing chapters and completely rework them. I started this story at a bad time in my life and it got to the point where I was just being WAY too melodramatic. The more I read over the original Regret, the more I hated it. Emi wouldn't have handled things that way, and Leo was a little OOC. So I'm going to fix things. I'll keep records of the original chapters, but I probably won't release them online again. Ever. EVER.

Regret

Chapter 1

"I want you to know, that I'm truly, truly sorry about this." Her soft brown eyes looked down on the man with sympathy. It hadn't been much of a fight. The guy was obviously not very active in his day to day life. It had taken all of ten seconds for her to jump him and take him down. Swift hands had bound his wrists and feet with thin black rope that was knotted just right to hold him in place. She was thankful that he hadn't struggled much after that first blow to the head. And he'd been too surprised to call out before the duct tape went over his mouth. From his perspective it should have been a quick information exchange. And not only that, he'd been expecting someone much much different than what he'd got. Supposedly the man was here to meet with a fellow colleague, someone he trusted. Someone he shouldn't have trusted, she thought to herself. He might have thought himself a hero, probably exposing corporate deceit and fraud in the name of justice. Whatever it was he thought he was doing, all he had actually accomplished was getting himself centered in the crosshairs of someone who he'd royally pissed off.

With a small sigh, she reached into all of his pockets until she found the man's wallet, checking quickly for the ID that would assure her this was the right man. She knew it was. But she was cautious and wanted to avoid any messy mistakes. As she replaced the wallet, the man started to struggle more against the ropes that held him. The pain and confusion he sustained in the blow to the head must have been clearing up and he realized what exactly was going on. His dark eyes grew wide and he began shaking his head vigorously. Muffled cries and pleas for mercy were coming from behind the tape and she leaned over and laid a soft gloved finger on his lips.

"Shhhh." She whispered softly and he ceased struggling for a moment to listen, hanging on the hope that maybe this was just a warning... a misunderstanding even. "You trusted someone you shouldn't have. I'm sorry about that. It will be quick, I promise." Her words seemed not to sink in right away, and it wasn't until she was rolling him over that he really started struggling again. A loose strand of hair lazily drifted across her nose and she absently brushed it out of her face before forcefully shoving her knee right into the man's spine. His struggling ceased for just a moment as he grunted in pain and exhaled sharply through his nose. But before he could renew his efforts at escape, she reached down and encircled his head with her arm. Years of practice and execution had given her a deathly grace and the man only made one last grunt as she wrenched his head around. She waiting for a moment, feeling for a pulse and when none was found, she gently laid his head down and let out another small sigh. "I'm sorry", she said again and stood up quickly.

Pulling a packet of papers from her bag and gently placing them under the body, as instructed, she stood up and took a last look around. Removing her robin's egg blue Polaroid camera, the one given to her as a present on her birthday nearly ten years ago, Emi snapped a final picture of the body. Packing the camera back up and waving the picture lightly as she walked away, Emi did not look back at her handiwork. It was not something she took pleasure in.

After visiting the late-night post office and trading in the papers outlining her most recent job along with the photo of the body for a nice bundle of cash, Emi made her way into a diner and changed clothes in the restroom. The tight black 'catsuit' as Marty liked to call it was now stashed safely in her duffelbag along with her camera and her cash. Really, it was just a pair of worn black jeans and a tight black cotton shirt. Her light brown hair had been pulled out of the tight braid it had been in and was now hanging loosely around her shoulders in soft waves. She smiled a little and toyed with her hair, almost wishing it would stay like that. But the next time she washed it, it would fall back into the limp, flat sheet of mousy brown that was pretty unremarkable. That's how she liked to be remembered though... unremarkable. Exiting the diner, she smiled to the woman behind the counter and was handed a small paper bag. With a quick 'thank you', she made her way outside and walked down the street, already smelling the grilled ham and cheese sandwich with the side of homemade tomato soup. Emi always stopped at the diner after a job these days to freshen up. It was owned by an 'associate' of someone she had done many jobs for and was a reasonably safe place to change clothes and wind down. Plus, the head cook there made a fantastic tomato soup. Ocassionally she'd stay and eat in one of the booths while watching the news on the ancient black and white television hanging over the prep station. People were always asking the owner to replace the tv, but he claimed it was 'vintage' and would be 'damn well left where it is'. Emi found it charming.

Tonight though, she'd taken her food to go and her stomach was growling by the time she got home. Her apartment was small and modestly furnished, located in a decent part of the city. A perfectly average little space that wasn't out of the ordinary. It had been her home for three years now, and she had really grown fond of it. It was so much better than some of the shitholes she'd had to put up with in the past. While her jobs always paid well, sometimes you just couldn't work out of a highrise penthouse suite. Although, every once in a while it did, and those had been a few really enjoyable jobs. After a long morning jog, Emi would sometimes stand in her cramped shower and dream of those precious few months she'd spent in an L.A. condo with a jacuzzi tub that comfortably fit four.

But for now, New York was where she was staying, and where she planned on staying for quite a while longer. There was never a shortage of work, and other than the murdering and lying she was living a pretty normal life.

Humming a little tune to herself, Emi unlocked her door and started to take a step inside. She froze though when she saw that the window directly across from where she stood was open just a few inches. It had been closed when she left, she was sure, but now the white gauzy curtain was lifting gently in the night breeze and brushing against the back of the micro-suede green sofa below. The call for the job had come in at six that evening, and she'd been out the door within five minutes. It was a 'rush order', her least favorite kind but not something she could easily pass up. They pay was too good. Even though she was in a hurry though the last thing she'd done before grabbing her duffelbag was to shut the window. She'd made sure of it.

It took her less than a second to recover though, fairly certain she knew who had opened the window, and who was most likely still in her apartment. With a quick glance to the right, she could see the dim light of her bedside table was on and shining around the outline of the door like some eerie portal. No professional would be so clumsy as to leave a light in the apartment on while waiting for her to come home, so Emi was reasonably sure that even if it wasn't her boyfriend waiting for her, she could take them out with very little effort.

Years of dedication and practice had given Emi the ability to quickly and flawlessly switch out of assassin mode. Her shoulders instantly relaxed and a very slight bounce in her step emerged. The concern on her face melted into a pleasant smile and she picked up her soft humming as she placed her bag of food on the little side table next to the door. Her keys dropped next, and she gently set her duffel on the floor near the entrance to the little kitchen off to her left.

Still wary, but not letting it show, Emi made her way over to the door of her bedroom and pushed it open gently. Her first glance told her she had been correct. It was indeed her boyfriend who had opened the window, and she was pleased that he'd decided to stay. The strong lines of his body were illuminated by the dull yellow bulb in her antique lamp but he was facing away from her, looking at a framed photo on the rosewood dresser. She saw his finger gently tracing the lines of her face in the picture and for some reason, her heart stopped for a moment. There was something in the way he stood… the way the muscles in his arms were a tad too tense. The slight hang of his head. Something wasn't right. Oh god, I hope it's not Splinter, she thought suddenly. The kind old rat had always treated her so well, but his health had been deteriorating lately. It was the only reason she could think of that Leonardo would be standing there so tense. Something had to have happened.

"Hey," Emi said softly as she stepped into the room. "I thought you were busy tonight." She didn't want to give away that she'd noticed anything different, but the tension was radiating off him so heavily that it was hard not to comment on it.

He turned then and she saw the cold storm brewing in his icy blue eyes. They flashed dangerously as he looked at her, his jaw tightening in a grim mask as he breathed slowly out. The hand that had been caressing her face in the picture was now balled into a hard fist at his side. He said nothing, just stared at her in the dim light and for the first time in many years, Emi faltered. She paused midstep, and a spike of fear went through her abdomen. He knew. She shook her head almost imperceptibly and started to raise her hands, ready to defend herself. Oh god, how could he know?

"Leo…" She prayed she was wrong, he couldn't have known… she'd been so careful not to let him see. For three years, she'd hidden it from him.

"Who are you?" He demanded roughly. "Because this?" He gestured angrily at the picture on the dresser, the one of her giggling at something he'd said as he carefully lined her face up in the camera. It was one of the only pictures that had been taken of her in the last three years. Leo had asked where the rest of them were when she brought only one back from the developer. Emi had told him that something was wrong with the film; only one had turned out. In truth, she'd burned the rest. She would have burned that one too... but Leo had been so insistent on having a picture of her. It would have broken his heart to not have one when he tried so hard to get the perfect shot. The picture had traveled back and forth from his underground home to her apartment. He would carry it with him and leave it at one place or another, depending on where he thought he'd be spending most of his time on any given week. She'd thought it was sweet, if not just a little weird. But he insisted on always keeping it close. "This is not the same woman I saw tonight in that park."

"I… Leo, please…" She wanted to explain, but all her words seemed to be caught in her throat as her mind raced along wildly. She tried to think, tried to find a way to explain. To diffuse the situation. As she looked at him, he seemed to grow larger in the small bedroom. Emi wasn't scared of Leonardo, but she was suddenly very wary. Even as she tried to think of something to say, her mind was also working out how to escape the situation. There was no way she could get away from him, and he could easily take her down if he wanted.

She also wanted to tell him that it wasn't what it had looked like... but how could she say that? It was. It was exactly what it had looked like. How he had found out didn't even matter, and it wouldn't do any good to deny it was her. Even if she did... and even if there was the slightest possibility that he believed her? What would happen after that? He'd always be suspicious and she'd always be on edge.

When Emi finally dropped her eyes from his she was surprised by easy it was. Shame rolled over her in a way she hadn't expected and the weight of it nearly dropped her to her knees. Shame wasn't something she felt. It had been beaten out of her long ago. Emi was good at what she did, and took pride in her work even if she didn't really enjoy it. She'd still been very young when she realized that people get killed. It was a fact of life. And it had been very thoroughly explained to her how much money some people were willing to pay. She'd witnessed more than a few very sloppy hits that didn't end well. Emi had been taught to be clean, to be fast, and to never hesitate. And never spare someone's life on a whim. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else by the next day. And the poor bastard would be no less dead in the end and she'd lose all credibility. Emi had also been taught to always look for a way out. And as she stood there in the small room with Leonardo still glaring at her... she found she didn't really care about getting out anymore.

The life she'd been building for the last three years had just crumbled beneath her feet. It had taken all of what.. a minute? Two, maybe? But honestly... had she really thought she'd be able to keep it up forever? Leo would have found out sooner or later... Emi had just always hoped it would be later.

Her shoulders slumped and defeated, Emi turned slowly and sat down on the edge of her bed. The frame creaked slightly, just like it always did and the sound seemed to break her silence. "It's... a job, Leo. It's just a job..." Her voice trailed off a little as she fingered the worn quilt underneath her. "I don't... I'm not... a bad person... not really." It sounded pathetic even to her and Emi closed her eyes trying to steady herself so she could explain. "I didn't want you to find out like this."

"You mean you didn't want me to find out at all. Do you know why I came here tonight? I wanted to surprise you." His voice sliced through her like a knife and she cowered slightly, turning away from the anger in it. "I came here to give you this." Something landed next to her on the bed, touching her finger, and she instinctively looked toward it. A small black box.

Shaking her head, Emi jerked her hand away as if it had burned her.

"Open it." His voice was harsh and choked with emotions. It tore at her to hear him like that.

"No." Emi whispered. She didn't want to see it.

"OPEN IT!" His voice boomed in the apartment and Emi worried for a brief silly second that the neighbors might complain. The little old couple that shared her bedroom wall didn't like loud noises after seven, and it was already nearing ten.

She reached back down and plucked the little box up. With shaking hands, she gently opened the velvet lid. "Oh... oh, Leo..." her voice quivered and before she could control herself, tears welled up in her eyes. It was a very simple ring, smooth braided silver with a small bright diamond. She didn't wear jewelry much, but when she did, she'd never worn gold. She didn't like the way it looked with her skin tone. They never talked about it, but he must have noticed. The ring was beautiful. It broke her heart to look at. She wanted to take it out and slip it on, but knew that she couldn't. That ring wasn't for her. Not anymore.

"I loved you, Emi. I still do. But I don't know where to go from here." His voice had softened and Emi finally looked back up to see that he had lowered his eyes as well. The tension had gone out of his body and and his hands were flexing slowly as if it had hurt him to clench them so hard for so long. "Tell me what I'm supposed to do now, Emi."

Emi shook her head and snapped the little box shut. She didn't want to look at it anymore and she had no idea how to answer him. She was sure she loved him too. There had been times when she questioned it... when she got back from a particularly hard job and took a good look at herself in the mirror and whispered who are you to the woman staring back. Changing identities had never been a problem. When she had to move on, it came so easily to her, switching from one personality to the next. Blending in with whatever environment she had to. But she'd been 'Emi' for so long, she now wondered how much of it was real and how much was just her playing the part. It felt like her heart was being torn from her chest and she was finding it harder and harder to keep things straight in her head. She didn't want to lose him. She loved him, she was absolutely sure of it. It wouldn't feel like she was being ripped apart right now if she didn't truly love him, right?

"I don't know, Leo..." Slowly standing up from the bed, she turned toward him and held the box out. When he didn't step forward to take it, she tossed it to him lightly. He caught it on instinct, stared at it for a moment then tucked it into a small leather pouch on his belt.

"I don't understand. How could you?" He let out a forceful breath and turned back toward the picture on the dresser. "How big of a fool was I that I didn't see..." Leo's voice trailed off and he hung his head. In the reflection in the mirror, she could see that his eyes were closed and Emi wondered if even after all he saw tonight, he still trusted her enough to turn his back to her. It was a silly thought she knew. Even if she was stupid enough to try and jump him, there was no way she's be able to overpower him. She really wanted to be able to read into that gesture though and hope that it meant something.

"You're not a fool." She spoke gently and turned away from him as well. Leaning against the doorframe and staring out into her darkened apartment, Emi felt a bit of calm roll over her. It would be easier to talk to him if she didn't have to look at him. She wiped away the tear that hadn't quite managed to fall from her eye and sighed heavily. "I never meant it to go this far, Leo." She stopped for a moment trying to choose her words carefully. Biting her lip, she wondered just how much she should tell him. Would it make things worse? Better? It didn't matter. After tonight she'd most likely never see him again. "You remember the night we met?" When he offered no response she continued as if he had. "I was coming back from a job that had gone south. Someone tried to kill me, and he very nearly succeeded. That's why I was hurt so bad. I... wasn't in my right mind. I should have pushed you away then, but you were so kind. And then you kept coming back to check on me..."

Still, there was silence behind her. "At first I thought I could use you as a resource. So I said I wanted to keep seeing you too. But as time went on..." She shrugged, not sure if Leonardo was even looking at her. "I enjoyed your company. I found you charming. Before I knew what had happened... I was in love with you." Emi finally turned her head and was surprised to see him right behind her, close enough to touch. He was watching her silently, his eyes full of emotions but his face giving away nothing else.

Leo reached out as if to touch her shoulder, but couldn't seem to bring himself to make contact. His fingers clenched again and he pulled back at the last second. "I don't-" He stopped and shook his head for a moment as if to clear his thoughts. "I need some time... I need to figure this out."

Push him away, Emi told herself. Push him away now and it will make things easier. "There's nothing to figure out, Leo." She turned around and faced him fully, fighting back the emotions that were threatening to bubble over. Her jaw was sore from trying not to cry and she did her best to push everything she was feeling down into that place deep inside where no one could see. "I suppose this is goodbye." He shook his head in denial and it took everything she had to not fling herself into his arms and beg him to stay, to forgive her. Not that he'd even let her get that close right now. "Do you honestly think you could ever trust me again?"

"I don't know." His voice was soft now, almost a whisper. "Emi, please..." His jaw tightened and he swallowed hard, seeming unsure of what he was even wanting to ask her. "I can help you. Whoever you're working for... we can get you out."

Oh, Leo. Every problem had a solution; every question had an answer in his world. There wasn't anything that couldn't be done with hard work and a helping hand. Even after everything that he'd seen tonight, a part of him was still so sure that she wouldn't be in this life by choice. Emi shook her head and raised her arms up and crossed them over her chest, willing herself not to give in. "There's no getting out of this for me."

"Don't say that. There must be something-"

"There isn't." She cut him off briskly and stepped into the bedroom, sliding to the side of the door as she did so. He took a step to the other side, keeping the same distance between them as before. "You should go." Emi said, even as she thought, Please stay. Please stay and kiss me. Tell me again that you love me. Tell me that it doesn't matter who or what I am, that you will always love me. But she knew that was way too much to ask.

He stared at her for a long while, trying to come to a decision it seemed. The conflict of emotions was evident in his face now, his hardened mask beginning to drop.

"Go." Emi turned her face away from him and closed her eyes. "Think. Do whatever it is you need to do. You'll see why I couldn't tell you what I was. You could never be with someone like me. It has to be over for us."

"I can't accept that. Not yet. We can work this out."

A light touch on her cheek made her jump slightly, and Emi fought the urge to lean her face into his hand. Leo gently tried to pull her chin up to look at him, but Emi jerked her head away and refused to look at him. "Please just go." But his soft leathery touch lingered for a while before he spoke again.

"I'll be back. I promise. I'll find a way to..." To what, Leo? To save me? Or to stop me? It seemed he wasn't quite sure either, because he didn't finish his thought. After a moment, his hand left her cheek and there was a soft rise of air that passed over her as he left the room.

She heard the slight creak of the window as he pulled it up to climb out, and then he was gone. Taking a few harsh breaths, Emi opened her eyes and stumbled to the bed, sitting down shakily on the end of it. Bringing her feet up and circling her legs with her arms, Emi rested her forehead on her bent knees and found herself weeping for the first time in years. Despite how much she was hurting inside though, she allowed herself only a few muffled cries and then let the tears fall silently. She stayed like that for maybe ten minutes, not nearly enough time to properly grieve the end of her relationship with the turtle that she had come to love.

After wiping her eyes on her sleeve, Emi stood up with a determined air and looked around her apartment. There really wasn't too much that she would miss. Still sniffling a little, Emi made her way out into the darkened living room and grabbed the duffel she'd left sitting by the kitchen door. Making her way quickly back to the bedroom, she walked over the the dresser that Leo had been standing at and knelt down on her hands and knees. She reached underneath it and felt around for the large brown envelope taped there. With a rip of the tape, the envelope came loose and she pulled it out and flipped it open, checking to make sure her passports and ID's were all still there. Another envelope under the bed. A third taped to the underside of a drawer back in the kitchen. All together, she had seven different sets of identification, and those were just the ones she'd kept hidden in this apartment. Emi had hiding holes all over the world filled with secrets and lies.

When all three envelopes were packed away in her bag, she made a quick sweep of the apartment and decided that there really wasn't much else she needed to take with her. She had a few small gifts around the apartment that had been given to her by Leo or one of his brothers. A knickknack here, a book there. All of them fit into the duffel. She didn't need to take any of her clothes; they weren't important. Clothes could be gotten anywhere. Emi picked up her keys from the small table by the front door and looked at the bag of food sitting forgotten. The soup was still warm, but the sandwich was probably already cold, the cheese and ham congealed into a greasy glob on the dense whole grain toast. She wasn't hungry anymore, but she picked up the bag anyway. There was a crabby homeless guy who spent his nights in a refrigerator box in an ally down the street. Emi decided she'd hand the food off to him before catching a cab and leaving the place she'd come to call home.

It hurt more than she thought it would, leaving the apartment behind. She wasn't attached to the building at all... but the memories that she and Leo had made there were running through her head and making it hard for her to concentrate on what she needed to do next. Disappearing would be easy, she'd done it hundreds of times before. But leaving Leo... it felt like the hardest thing she'd ever done. If her father could see her now...

After the food had been dropped off, and a cab hailed, Emi tried to relax and not think about anything. She watched the lights of the city flash past as the car made it's way through the city and did her best to only think about where she would go next and who she should make contact with. It was only when the cab was nearing it's destination that Emi jerked up with a start and realized she'd left the picture of herself on the dresser. Oh shit. She'd meant to grab it, she really had. If she went back for it now though, there was a good chance Leo might be there waiting. Gritting her teeth and rubbing her thumb against the palm of her left hand, she weighed the risks of going back for it with the risks of what could happen if she left it. She could color her hair... change her eye color. She could even get facial prosthetics if she needed. Besides... Leonardo was smart. He'd know better than to go waving that picture around to anyone and everyone, right? Now knowing what she was, he'd realize that it could put her in danger if that picture got out. Unless he also realized that she was not really a good person. If he started to think he needed to stop her from killing...

Emi shut her eyes tightly and banged her head back against the headrest of the seat, cursing herself. What the hell had she been thinking, leaving that picture behind? Well, there was nothing to do about it now. It was better left alone. Besides... the picture didn't really even look like her. Not the real her.

As the cab pulled to a stop, Emi's cellphone buzzed in her pocket. She threw some cash to the driver and nodded a thanks, then hastily stepped out into the night air, pulling the phone out. Looking down at the number, her heart jumped in her chest. It was Leo. He must have come back to the apartment sooner rather than later. That, or he was calling to make sure she was still there. She sent his call to voicemail and then bounced the phone lightly in her hand. She looked around and could see that the street was fairly dark. No one went out much in this neighborhood at this time of night. There was no one within sight other than the driver of the cab, and his taillights were already turning around the nearby corner. Making a quick decision, she dropped the cellphone on the ground and slammed her foot down on it. Then again. And one more time for good measure. She picked up the larger pieces of the now destroyed phone and walked down the street until she came across a trash bin sitting outside a closed cigar shop. Emi dropped the pieces inside and readjusted the weight of the duffelbag on her shoulder. Her actual destination was still quite a ways away, but it wasn't too long of a walk. Even if Leo somehow traced her to this spot, he wouldn't be able to figure out where she went after.

With a grim, determined step Emi quickly made her way through the streets in the darkness, trying desperately not to think of the turtle she loved and that she had just left behind.

Author's Notes: Okay. So there's the new first chapter. If you're reading this, then I've probably deleted the rest of the chapters since they now won't make much sense. It will all sort of be the same, but enough of a difference that it just won't jive with this new first chapter.