Chapter One

Amicus Deserit

"I could give you money," Sheldon offered in a higher register than was typical.

Though with the knowledge he sounded whiny and petulant, he couldn't evade the high pitch. He felt betrayed by his long-time roommate. If one had suggested that he, Sheldon Cooper, would ever be anything but relieved over the loss of Leonard's constant presence in their shared living space, why, he would have inferred that person get tested for a plethora of mental disorders. Yet, here he was, practically begging Leonard to stay. He ought to be ashamed of himself.

Sheldon could do the math and the chances of the circle of friends remaining by his side rather than Leonard's hovered, at best, in the red. This was something he had broached and reluctantly acknowledged long ago as Raj and Howard had confirmed.

He would have to abandon his comfortable routine and begin something… new. Newton, how he loathed changes in his patterns. All of this he had explained to Leonard but that hadn't stopped him from taking his belongings and moving in with that awfully fatuous, hyper-sexualized woman, their Howdy-Doody-Neighbor-from-the-Boonies, Penny.

"Have you even been listening to anything I've been saying?" Leonard asked in a tone suggesting this was a question that had been repeated several times over.

"So sorry," Sheldon replied in the heaviest sarcastic tone he could muster, "I was busy pondering over the implications your departure will mean. I won't have to cater to your and Penny's needs any longer. I can abide by my schedule and you won't ever be able to interrupt it again. No longer do I have to worry about my lactose intolerant roommate's flatulence after a breakup binge on ice cream."

"It's not like I'm moving to the moon, Sheldon. Besides, there's not going to be anymore breakup binges. I'm getting married."

Recognizing Leonard's patronizing tone, Sheldon flexed his hands at his side, his stooped head leaning forward to properly express his—pretend—lack of care. "You may as well be. And you know what? Yippee. I couldn't be happier."

Leonard lifted an eyebrow and placed down the box labeled "Comics 40/42" at his feet. He crossed his arms over his chest, lifted a finger to his pursed lips thoughtfully. "Oh, really? Then how do you explain all the begging you've been doing up until this point?"

Sheldon quickly ran over a short list of comebacks but found none of them would be convincing. His shoulders sagged as he stared wide-eyed at Leonard.

"Leonard, you know I won't be able to handle a change in our routine. I was finally getting used to socialization with you and my lesser-abled 'colleagues'"—Sheldon made quotes in the air—"excluding Howard, of course. How am I going to get anywhere? You know I don't drive! And you know we have a very strict schedule; you've witnessed the ramifications when I'm unable to abide by it. Don't do this to me, Leonard." The words had returned to shrill supplication by the end of his tirade.

He had been staring intensely at Leonard, hoping some of his copious amounts of mental power would finally manifest itself into hypnotic conversion, or perhaps telekinesis. He would make his roommate stay forever and banish Penny from their circle and Wi-Fi access. It would keep Amy Farrah Fowler from returning as well; things had gotten into awkward, hovering into the unknown territory of where the relationship even stood, since Sheldon had gotten on a train after Leonard's announced engagement.

"I'm not doing this to hurt or leave you, Sheldon. This is for my relationship and my sanity," Leonard paused and ran a hand through his tousled, hippy hair. His narrow, dark eyes wouldn't meet Sheldon's. He toyed with the end of his 'It's going to be a long, Dark Knight'shirt.

"How many times must you be broken up with before you realize it's not going to last with her?" Sheldon reminded him, his words a pointed whiplash.

"She's grown as a person since we first met her. She's not just the waitress-slash-failed-actress anymore. She is capable of being in this thing with me for good this time. Besides, this time, she asked me."

"I think you've forgotten that I don't care about what goes on between you and Penny unless it inadvertently, or otherwise advertently, affects me and the goings on of my life and research. I don't care to hear about it, read it, see it, or be aware of it in any capacity at all."

Leonard wouldn't take the bait. His mouth set in a straight line, patience wearing thinner by the moment.

"I know this is hard for you, Sheldon. But I have to do this. If it's any consolation, I'm going to miss you, too."

"Whoah, whoah, whoah. Hold the phasers, Leonard. No one said anything about… missing one another." The sentence felt as grotesque to Sheldon while coming from his mouth as it sounded. He felt a little nauseous and made a gagging face.

The much shorter man looked up at the drooping Sheldon and shook his head.

"Look," Leonard sighed as he picked up the box of comics he had previously sat on the ground, "I already put out an ad for you for a new roommate. The same one you put out seven years ago. It's going to be an easy transition." He rested the box on his hip with one hand on the doorknob.

"Malarky!" Sheldon exclaimed angrily, approaching the shorter man and using his height as an advantage for a scare tactic. He wagged a long, bony-knuckled finger in his bespectacled face. "I won't allow this to happen and there is absolutely nothing easy about this so-called transition. Can't you at least just move across the hall? I don't understand why you have to move somewhere… new."

"All of our things won't fit into Penny's apartment."

"Penny can barely fit all of her shoes into Penny's apartment," Sheldon shot back tartly.

Leonard stared hard for a moment then squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Look, nothing is going to change my mind, Sheldon. You've told me before you're much farther along the evolutionary ladder than anyone else. You're going to have to take all your evolved skills and learn to adapt to your new environment."

Sheldon huffed and sat in his spot. He didn't look up when Leonard opened the door to exit. He didn't look up when he heard Penny's voice outside their… his apartment door, or when Leonard handed her two boxes (because she offered and Leonard could only handle one), or when she asked if Leonard was ready. And he most certainly did not look when Leonard said: "Goodbye, Sheldon" and placed his copy of the apartment key in the keyholder by the door for the last time.

Leonard stood outside the apartment door and something in his face made Penny aware of his reluctance. A little glitter in the corner of his eye. He turned his face away from Penny's bemused stare.

"Oh my God! You're crying!" she exclaimed, then laughed.

"I'm not crying!" Leonard denied louder than was necessary. He inconspicuously dabbed at his eyes. "It's the dust from the boxes. I'm allergic to dust. You should probably know that since we're getting married and all."

"Oh, come on."

"It's just," Leonard began quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I just hate making him sad. He looks like someone just opened one of his mint condition comics."

Mouth twisted to one side, the former waitress shook her head. "No you don't. You like seeing Sheldon miserable. Will it make you feel better if we go home right now and christen our new home?"

"How do you christen a building?"

She leaned forward and whispered just exactly what she meant.

"Oh." Leonard elongated the vowel, then nodded profusely. "Oh, yeah, definitely. Sheldon schmeldon. Let's go! Now."

"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" she asked, probably for the hundredth time. However, this time, her voice was much tenderer than the others. She really meant it, not just to hear a reminder that Leonard was as committed to this relationship as she was. She wanted to be sure he wasn't going to hurt her, that she wasn't hurting him by taking him from his best friend.

This time, though, Leonard smiled at Penny as he said, "I've never been more ready for anything in my life."

Neither looked back as they climbed down the flights of stairs and into a new life together.