I do have title art that I did for this over on my LJ account, check it out if you want. Thanks again to my beta's Lady Kiren and samtheburrito. I apologize for this in advance. Warning: You will need tissues. This was inspired by Breaking Benjamin's cover of Who Wants to Live Forever.
There's no time for us…
They never had time.
As Captain of one of the best starships out there, James T. Kirk had little time for a relationship. Quick occasional one night stands at a star base here or a backwoods planet there were all he could afford. That didn't stop him from watching his CMO with hungry eyes every time he left the bridge, or spotted him in the hallway.
Between reports, supply requests and life or death surgeries, a CMO had little time for frivolities. Dr. Leonard McCoy always had his mind on something or another, usually medical related or occasionally how screwed they were, because Jim seemed to be all kinds of an idiot. That didn't stop the small seed of affection that he held for his captain from beginning to grow, and he'd have to be blind to miss the looks Jim kept sending his way.
There's no place for us…
Since they were both senior officers, they couldn't exactly fraternize. There were regulations in place. Though that had never stopped Captain Kirk, and Dr. McCoy wasn't above bending the occasional rule when circumstances dictated it. However, they both felt that the middle of space would not be the best of places for a relationship, just sexual or otherwise. After all if they became emotionally compromised, what would happen to the Enterprise? It was better this way, at least that's what they convinced themselves of.
What is this thing that builds our dreams; yet slips away from us?
Jim Kirk never had an easy childhood. His mother loved him sure, and did her best to be there, but it wasn't enough. He could feel it, with every confrontation it grew. He actually started to believe all the belittling comments that his stepfather spit at him. Love had been absent from much of his life. He supposed that was the one thing he'd been secretly hoping for during all of those one night stands. Jim knew he would never find it that way; he told himself that just one night of it was enough, but there was a soft voice deep down whispering that it wasn't. He knew what he wanted, but he was helpless and had to watch it slip through his fingers like grains of sand.
Leonard McCoy grew up in a small town, with a prestigious father; one who never really spent any quality time with him until he graduated from med school. It was as if he'd had to climb onto the pedestal to get his father's attention. His mother liked to sit around the house and drink her wine and smoke. They never really acted like a family with each other, and the gaping hole in his soul told him that he was missing something from his life. It wasn't until he went to his grandmother's house that he found it. When he would spend the day inside reading a text book she would always scold him and tell him 'to go outside and enjoy yourself'. It was the few times he didn't feel the disappointment from his father looming over his head. Yet, seven years to the day from their first meeting, she died. At the age of 21, McCoy felt the hole tear open again leaving him grasping for anything and nothing at all.
Who wants to live forever?
McCoy was on the bridge when he felt the Enterprise suddenly shudder and twist sideways. Anyone standing either stumbled or fell. Warning claxons began blaring around him, and he could hear Jim yelling for a status report. Through the din of the sudden confusion, he could hear the call for red alert, techs yelling off damage reports. He knew he should get back to medical, the infirmary needed to be readied to take on injured personnel, but before he could get anywhere the Enterprise was hit again. He couldn't catch himself in time to keep from falling, and he fell hitting his head painfully on the deck.
Who wants to live forever?
Jim tried to yell over the blaring alarms, calling out instructions, hoping that they would somehow be heard. His attention was divided among too many things at once, this shouldn't be happening. They were losing power, and damage was extensive. Their sensors couldn't even tell where the shots were coming from just that they were there. Jim winced as he felt his ship seize beneath him. He looked around as the lights dimmed, all remaining power being put into the shield and engines per his order. A hand on his arm caused him to glance up sharply. Bones stood next to him swaying slightly as the Enterprise shuddered, blood was running down the side of his face.
"What's going on?!" his CMO yelled.
All Jim could do was look helplessly around the bridge. He didn't have a clue.
There's no chance for us…
Jim tried to do his best, but the moment they lost the engines he knew it was over. He quickly barked an evacuation order. Shields were minimal, and phaser power was near its limit. He could probably hold off the attacking ships just long enough, to help the shuttles escape. He glared at the view screen, if it had been a fair fight they probably could've survived, but three against one wasn't fair. Usually he could've pulled a miracle out of his ass and saved the day, but it was as if the ships knew his every move. Three ships were down to one now, but he took little consolation in that.
It's all been decided for us…
Jim didn't really like clichés but in the face of certain death, he couldn't help but reflect back on his life. What he'd had, what he'd lost and what he'd wanted but never got. Jim closed his eyes in a grimace.
Their time was gone, his and Bones. Bones would be on a shuttle soon, heading away from the fiery explosions, and so would Spock and Uhura, Chekov and Sulu, his closest friends. They would get away, while he valiantly went down with 'his lady.' He wondered what his memorial service would be like, who would be there, what would they say about him. How long Bones would mourn him, or whether the doctor would read the video file that Jim had left him, explaining his feelings, his pride for who McCoy had become.
There wasn't much he could do about it now though. All the captain of the U.S.S Enterprise could do was pilot his ship until she could give him no more.
The world has only one sweet moment; set aside for us…
McCoy heard the Captain give the order, and knew it was over. It hadn't mattered whether he'd made it back to the med-bay or not, the ship was giving it her all, but was dying and he and Jim were going with her. No matter what, even if it meant certain death he wasn't going to leave Jim's side. He'd always been there to talk sense into Jim's ridiculous plans, or to stitch up gaping wounds when such sense was ignored. He wasn't about to leave now.
As McCoy stepped to stand next to Jim's left side, he saw the same look of determination mirrored on the remaining faces on the bridge. Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, and Spock, they weren't going to abandon their Captain. That said something for the mettle (metal?) that Jim was made of. When Jim Kirk had first gained control of the Enterprise, many older officers had doubted the capability of someone so young. They should've known better, a Captain shouldn't be judged by the success of his missions, but by the loyalty of his crew. Jim was certainly one of a kind, and he had a loyal crew.
McCoy smirked a little at the shock on Jim's face when he realized his senior officers hadn't left.
"The shuttles are clear captain and the shields are back up, though they are down to 30 percent. What are you orders?" Spock spoke in his usual monotone, though if you were listening and had been around the Vulcan as long as McCoy had there were emotions underneath. Jim looked at them disapprovingly, and McCoy kept his smirk as Jim looked at him. The disproving look turned into a grin, and Jim nodded as if he'd been half expecting this. All of them had their eyes on their Captain, standing firm in the midst of Armageddon.
The alarms were blearing and the emergency lights where on casting half lit faces in an eerie gold glow, but it was their moment. One of their last.
Who wants to live forever?
McCoy's vision was blurry, and his head was pounding in time with his heart, but he stood tall. Sparks were beginning to fly as systems were damaged past overload, and he flinched away from them. Squeezing the hand he had on Jim's arm to get his attention he yelled to be heard.
"Well Jim?" Jim grinned before turning to Sulu.
"Plot a course that won't get us blown up before we can get a few licks of our own. Stay within weapons range."
"Aye, Sir," Sulu confirmed, returning to his controls.
"Uhura, send a message to Starfleet command apprising them of the situation."
"Yes, Sir."
"Chekov," here Jim paused to grin, "Fire everything we've got."
"Aye, Keptin!" Chekov returned the grin.
"Spock, how much time do we have left?"
Who wants to live forever?
"Roughly four minutes, six seconds Captain."
Jim inwardly cursed, that wasn't much time. Then again, they never had a lot of time…for anything. As soon as one mission was over the next crisis needed to be averted. Now they all had little time left.
Jim stood, the trembles in the floor sent pain slashing across his heart. He gently caressed an arm of the command chair.
"I'm sorry girl," he murmured. The day that everybody knew was coming but hoped never would come, was here.
Jim looked up to see Bones watching him with concern, one hand gripping the chair to stay upright as the ship shook and the other half raised as if to reach for him. He took a step closer and was almost in Bones' personal space, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Uhura, Spock and the others turn their eyes away to give them some privacy. It seemed he hadn't been so discrete in his ogling.
Jim took another step so he was practically nose to nose and chest to chest with Bones. He brought his hands up so they rested on either side of Bones neck. The doctor's pulse was rapid underneath his fingers, and he tilted his head so their mouths were almost touching.
"Jim…" Bones' breath ghosted across his lips, but the doctor had made no move to back away.
Who dares to love forever?
Jim's lips were on his, and he couldn't exactly pull away. Endorphins joined the adrenaline that was coursing through his blood, and it made him feel light headed. Their crumbling world faded away as Jim poured everything he needed to say into the kiss. It was desperate and needy, everything that he'd wanted and yet not enough. Jim pulled away too soon and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before resting them together.
"I'm sorry." Jim's voice sounded ragged and tight.
McCoy settled a hand against the back of his neck and rubbed his thumb reassuringly.
"It's okay."
Oh, when love must die?
An explosion ripped them apart, the deck beneath their feet bucked violently.
"Captain ze target has been neutralized!" Chekov told him, glad to at least take out their opponent before they themselves blew to bits.
"Captain the initial shockwave took out our shields; there is significant damage from the explosion and resulting shrapnel. There is less than 2 minutes and thirty seconds before the warp core reaches critical." Spock spoke up, standing next to his station with Uhura.
"Thanks Spock, Chekov," Jim spoke, his tone heavy.
He knew what he had to do. It was time to use the speech he'd fitted together over the years, one he'd hoped to use when they finally retired the Enterprise. Jim had to fight past the tightness in his chest and he cleared his throat before he spoke.
"I've never been more proud than I am at this moment. It has been an honor serving with you, and although we may not return, rest assured that we will be remembered." Jim spoke with sincerity and conviction. The shuttles would be safe, and their occupants carried with them the story of the Enterprise and its brave officers.
Their time was growing short and it was time for last goodbyes. Uhura threw her arms around Spock, and buried her face in his shoulder; Spock gently did the same resting his head against the top of hers. From where he stood he could hear what they were saying to each other, but he really didn't want to know. Now wasn't the time for childish actions. Chekov and Sulu stood side by side fingers twined together and smiles on their faces.
Jim turned to Bones, and was met by a lopsided grin and damp eyes.
Then touch my tears with your lips…
McCoy leaned into Jim's gentle touch. In the face of certain death, he let himself go. The old grouchy doctor fell away and instead he let himself feel. Closing his eyes he could feel Jim's hands run along the sides of his jaw, down his neck and back up again. He could feel Jim kiss his closed eyelids, before a calloused thumb brushed away tears he didn't even know had fallen. It was pathetic how sappy he'd suddenly turned, but McCoy was about to die and with Jim kissing him the way he was, a stoic death was out of the question.
Touch my whole world with your finger tips…
Jim never thought of himself ever acting this way, sappy and sweet. He'd always thought of himself as the tough guy, who took necessary risks for the greater good. Yet here he was kissing Bones, whose skilled surgeon fingers ran over his back, then his chest. He knew he'd never completely lose the walls that made him objective, calculated and safe. The one thing he'd looking for all those years was the one thing he was afraid of most, which is why nothing went past a one night stand. He could feel them falling though, the walls. Fear had no place with death, and he was letting Bones fingers scrape away his defenses.
The increase in intensity of the alarms told them their time was up. Jim reluctantly stepped away from Bones, but keeping a hold of his wrist he led his doctor down…
And we can have forever…
They all came together on the bottom tier of the bridge, right in front of the viewscreen. The stars stretched out in front of them as the timer counted down.
And we can love forever…
The pairs held each other tight. Grounding each other and conveying their love.
Jim turned to Bones, knowing the end was almost there. His mind replayed the old recording of the final minutes of his father's life. When he first listened to it all those years ago he'd felt anger at his father for leaving him alone, leaving his mother alone, but now he understood. It took him becoming a Starfleet captain to fully understand, and now he had the chance his father had never gotten.
Jim gently began running kisses up Bones jaw to his lips, murmuring 'I love you' all the while. In the silences between he heard Bones answer back.
The ship buckled, finally reaching her limit. Their world exploded in a flash of light and heat, the sound lost to the silence of space…
Forever is ours today…
Epilogue
Who wants to live forever?
The day of the memorial dawn cloudy and gray. The service was to be held outside, beneath the wide open sky. The seats were set up in a semi-circle, with a platform standing behind a small circular fire pit. A fire pit that had stayed lit since the news of the death of the Enterprise had reached the academy. The news had spread fast and even though many of the cadets hadn't known any of the officers personally, they'd heard of their legacy, the way they had bravely faced death so many times. It was a tragedy they'd finally been taken.
Who wants to live forever?
The cadets and instructors stood solemnly, standing at attention in honor of the bravely departed. One of the best flagships and crew in fleet history were gone. The least they could do was pay they're respect.
After the incident at Vulcan where six ships were destroyed, all except for the Enterprise. She had gone on to pull out of certain doom constantly, as if she and her captain could somehow cheat death. Though, that didn't seem to be the case.
Forever is ours today…
The names were read: Captain James Tiberius Kirk, Dr. Leonard Horatio McCoy, Commander Spock, Lieutenant Noyta Uhura, Ensign Pavel Andreyevich Chekov, Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu and the dozen or so others that had been killed before the shuttles had left.
There few dry eyes after the last note from the taps faded away. The dean stepped forward spoke in a strong voice. He told the mourners, the flame in front of them would never go out; it would stand as a memorial and testament to The Bravely Departed.
Who waits forever anyway?
As the gather slowly broke up and students filled out subdued one figure hung back. He raised a shot glass of his last batch homemade whisky as a salute.
"We'll never forget ye."
The words were whispered and quickly torn away by the wind and carried to the stars.
So what did you think? Good Bad? R&R