Eye of the Beholder
"I am here today to tell you, my brothers and sisters, that the Lord does not want you to despair. I know this from my own experience. Yes, my brothers and sisters, I, too, despaired of God's grace; I wandered lost in the wilderness. But you have heard and I'm here to say it's true – the Lord works in mysterious ways, his wonders to behold.
"When I first came west to preach the gospel, I thought I had arrived in paradise. Freed of the constraints of living crowded together, people could live as Jesus had taught, share peace with our neighbors. I thought I had found the Garden of Eden, dry though it might be. In my foolishness I thought I would be preaching to the believers, those who followed the gospels of our Lord." The preacher looked out on his spell-bound audience.
"I was wrong. What I encountered was evil and debauchery. The Lord's words were taken in vain. Thieves and killers roamed at will. It seemed sin abounded everywhere I turned. In my arrogance, I thought that I would save them. But I soon saw that my words fell on deaf ears, or so I thought. The sin and debauchery continued. I had failed utterly. Yes, my children, I despaired. And in my despair I lost my way.
"I wandered long in the wilderness. I left my flock and took to drink. Man seemed too riddled with sin to hear the word of the Lord. Finally, I came upon a town where I could lose myself in drink, while despising the foibles of those around me.
"But the Lord took pity on me. He sent a man to help me find my way home." The preacher looked up and smiled at his audience. "Now, this man did not come dressed in robes or driving a golden chariot. We did not see him descend from heaven on angel's wings. No, he arrived in the usual way, on horseback – he and his friend. Why they came, they never explained, just told the curious that they had recently completed a job and had stopped to rest their horses."
He smiled. "They were peaceable men. You wouldn't have thought it to look at them. They looked hardened, men who could take on the west without fear. And their appearance on the scene caused fear. Yes, my children, they caused fear in the apparently fearless. One man ruled that town by fear. But he, too, was afraid - afraid that someday his power would not be enough. These visitors, they frightened him. So he tried to stop them, to control them. He threatened them and provoked them.
"Now the stranger's friend, he backed down. But this one man, the stranger, did not. He bowed to the man's rules, not out of fear but to keep the peace. For me, it was salvation. I thought I had finally found the perfect man of God of whose existence I had despaired. No matter the provocation, this man turned the other cheek. I realized I had been too quick to despair and resolved to abstain from the alcohol with which I had been solacing myself.
"But the Lord knew, and wanted me to know, that men are not all evil or all good. Not even his messenger. On the day I was to leave, my savior was pushed too far. He broke. He shot his tormentor. But again, it was not out of evil intent, or even out of fear. It was simply that the man had to be stopped, and stopped he was. I realized later, that my angel could have killed his tormentor, but he did not; he gave that man a second chance, just as he gave me a second chance.
"I was shocked, shocked that my man of God could commit such violence. My angel had feet of clay. But he explained what I had been too foolish to understand. We are a mixture of good and evil; God and the Devil battle within each of us. It is in ourselves that we must find the strength to perceive God's desire. Men like me, men of the cloth, we are as flawed as yourselves, but our job, my job, is to help you find the strength to live God's life and to help myself find that strength as well. There will be failures, but there will also be successes. And that is why we are here today to succeed and to forgive ourselves our failures and those of each other. Amen."
The Reverend Spencer bent his head, spent from his sermon, hoping that he had made a difference, even if only a little one in one person. He knew if he had then today he had succeeded.