Author's Note:
This is the first fanfic I have written in a long time, so bear with me until I get the hang of it again. I love long chapters, but I prefer quality over quantity - so some chapters might be ridiculously short. I know how this story is going to go, and I've got a few ending alternatives planned out. My stories tend to start writing themselves after awhile, but I basically know what's going to happen. There IS a pairing in the story, but it's not really the main point OF the story, but you are free to try and figure out what that pairing is. It should become a lot more obvious in the future.
Ages are a little off. But basically, it's like this. Hinata and most of Rookie 9 are around the same age. Hinata is eight years old. Rock Lee, Tenten, and Gaara are both nine. Itachi is fifteen, Neji is thirteen, and everyone else should be around their usual ages. So uh, kind of take it for what it is. It's an A/U obviously, although it does have deep ties to the canon.
Please, I love reviews. They keep me happy and updating. You don't have to be all 'complimenty' (yes it's a word D8 ) or anything. You can say pickles for all I care. I just want to know who is reading this.
The story will be rated T - possibly higher. There WILL be violence, lots of it, in the second arc and beyond. I plan on having a lot of chapters but I can't say how many. There will also be SOME, repeat, SOME sexual content/innuendo, but it's going to be much, much later in the story and trust me, I write all that stuff tastefully and I don't go into much detail. ..Innuendo-wise, expect some wise-cracks from the boys - especially Naruto.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did I sure as hell wouldn't be writing this.
Warrior
Book One:Girl
Chapter One: Sold
I learned the word 'sold' when I was eight years old.
I first heard the word when I listened in on my father conversing with a strange man in a red haori vest. He had bright orange, unruly hair, and smelled odd - like fancy cologne and herbs I could not name. When he walked, I could smell where he had been. It permeated the room, as though he had come to make himself known in the Hyuuga estate and was determined to leave his stench all over it. Like he had claimed it for his own.
I could see them from behind the curtains. Mother was clutching my little sister Hanabi in her arms. She was only an infant then, her dark hair finally showing itself and her body nestled safely against mother's breast. I could see how protective my father was acting - although it takes a Hyuuga to completely understand another Hyuuga. The strange man could not have possibly noticed. But I did. I saw him slyly shift the subject every time Hanabi's name was mentioned. My eyes were nowhere near the level of my family's, but very little ever escaped them.
But then my name came up. My eyes widened, my heart pounded like a drum in my ears and I shrunk back, away from the curtains. I didn't know what 'sold' meant then - at least, not in the terms that they were discussing. But as I continued to listen, the mood in the room lightened somewhat. My father's invisible, protective hold upon my mother and sister loosened.
I had not been allowed in the room while this man was here. I didn't know why - was I not part of the family too? Hyuuga Hinata, heir to the Hyuuga estate - that was my supposed title. But who would call me that? Especially when I was bullied. My only hope had rested upon my older cousin, but he had disappeared some years ago, leaving me to my fate. He had even offered to help me grow stronger. But that offer was destroyed when he vanished. My family did not know of his whereabouts. I know my cousin despised me, but he seemed more part of the family than I did. I was just the useless arm now.
The conversation continued. I could almost swear they were talking about me, but my name did not come up anymore. Eventually, he left. My father simply turned in my direction and told me to come out and stop hiding like a frightened animal. Shaking, I crept out, having no alternative.
That night, we ate in silence. Mother was feeding Hanabi, and I poked dumbly at the shrimp on my plate with a chopstick.
"Hinata, eat your dinner," father said, startling me out of my reverie.
I hated shrimp, but I ate it nonetheless. My father rarely yelled. He didn't have to. His voice alone held all the unsaid threats that I needed to hear. After I ate a piece, I managed to find my voice.
"F-father," I whispered. "W-what's ...what's sold?"
Father fell even more silent than normal - if this was possible. It was as though the very air in the room had turned cold. I shivered unconsciously. Mother diverted her attention to Hanabi. In that moment I envied her more than I thought I ever could.
"When something is sold, it is given in exchange for money."
Money. I was young, but I was well aware that our clan was beginning to lose its status in the political hierarchy. I didn't know what that meant, but I knew it meant my life had changed. It had taken root some time before I was born, when a great demon fox had attacked our homeland. After that, it was the Uchiha family that had gotten all the attention. When I was born, I was unaware of most of it - but my cousin told me what he knew. Not that it was much, because he was only five years my senior. And with the sudden unexplained massacre of the Uchiha clan, the Uchihas had again gained popularity. The Hyuugas, who opposed such attention, began to lose it.
There was a lot more to this story than I was told, but money had somehow been the root of it. And now, money wasn't something we had.
I went to bed early that night. Father refused to answer any more of my questions, and he had sent me to bed in what I guessed was a fit of anger. I didn't know why, but not even mother wished me good night. It was as though they were disowning me. I did manage to give my sister a hug before mother noticed. She shifted, and smiled, the only person I didn't need to worry about understanding.
---
Morning came much too early. I was awake, but not enough to realize what was happening. A cold hand gripped my wrist, and I was dragged like a limp doll out of bed. I struggled weakly, but there was a crushing power behind that hand. I had no choice but to be dragged along.
"Come on, girlie, you're coming with me now!"
I recognized the voice of the man in the red haori. Somehow, that roused me completely and I began fighting again - at least until I saw my family staring at me. Mother looked more stern than I had ever seen her. Father was staring at me, eyes registering nothing but disgust and loathing.
"F-father!" I whimpered, pulling against the man in the red haori. "M-make him let go, please! F-father-oof!"
I was struck. The back of the man's other hand hit me right across the face. There was enough force behind it to jerk my head in the other direction. Eyes stinging with tears, I reached out for my family as the man pulled me away. Father was glaring at the floor, fists balled, and suddenly turned on his heel and disappeared into another room. Mother followed after him, sparing one last glance before I was dragged out of the house.
I screamed, hoping maybe they might hear me.
It was cold outside, and foggy. With a single arm the man thrust me onto a wagon, inside a small, wicker cage. I hit the other side, body wracked with sobs, and watched as the gates closed before me and the estate grew smaller and smaller. I couldn't stop crying. My lungs ached, my face felt swollen, and I could do nothing but push against the cage door as the man drove me away.
I was a little girl then, and I did not know much. I did not see money pass between my father and the man in the red haori, but I knew that I had been sold.
------------------------
My world was flipped upside down. From within the estate walls I had seen people from only one side. I had been accustomed to the formal, the familiar, the stiff and polite gestures of court.
But the people I passed in the street were nothing like this. I could only gawk as in my wake walked barefoot, dirty people in straw hats. I saw rice paddies with the earliest risers tending to them, feet shin-deep in the water around them. I saw robe-makers, fisherman, and beyond that, the buildings. They looked strange. Some of them were heavily damaged and others under repair. I shivered against the cold and pushed myself to the back of my cage. This was terrifying.
The wagon bumped heavily and I was bounced about carelessly, head spinning and no one cared. I gave up trying to reach my hand through the bars. People shied away and wouldn't look at me. Could they not recognize me?
By mid-afternoon I was no longer able to cry. My body was still wracked with sobs, but I had no more tears to cry. I could only shudder heavily and try to bear the long ride as best I could. The day warmed slowly, but it grew cloudy and by nightfall it was raining.
I was not very tired, but I was hungry. In spite of that, I managed to fall asleep.
Sunrise awakened me. It was more intense than normal, scalding my swollen face and I rubbed it, grimacing. Around me, I saw other wagons. Other cages. Other children like me. I rose, leaning against the bars. The wagon had long since stopped. To my left, I saw a little boy with rusty red hair. He was dirty and dissheveled, almost as much as I felt. To my right, there was another boy, his short hair in a ponytail and a calm, if not bored expression on his face.
I tried speaking, but my voice cracked and I choked on it. I was very thirsty, it seemed, and my stomach complained. Fortunately, the boy with the ponytail perked up after a moment and turned to look at me.
"Wh-where are we?" I whispered, holding my neck.
The boy shrugged. "Dunno," he said quietly. He couldn't have been much older than I was. While he seemed calm, I spotted the red around his eyes. He, too, had gone through a terrible ordeal to get here. "They'll prob'ly tell us eventually."
Of course they would. What was the point of driving us all the way out here to just leave us here?
"Did- did you lose your parents too?" I asked, swallowing what little saliva I had left.
The boy sighed heavily. "I dunno where my dad is. I got lost a few days ago.. I'm sure he'll find me though." I was impressed at his ability to keep his voice from trembling. I could never have done that.
The boy fell silent again and I turned in the other direction. Perhaps the other boy would help. I bit my lip. He had a strange aura coming from him, seeming to leak out of him like a toxic gas. He lacked eyebrows, and the dark markings around his eyes gave me the heebie jeebies.
"What're you starin' at?" he grunted, glaring at me.
He looked like he cried a lot. I averted my eyes.
"I-I'm sorry," I whispered. "D-do you know where we are?"
Whatever irritation the boy held vanished at the word 'sorry'. He thought a moment, looking around. Maybe he could help after all.
"No.." He turned back to look at me, shrugged, and glared uselessly at the bars holding him in. For a second, I couldn't help but feel a strange, sick relief that he was stuck in there. I don't know why.
So much for help.
We waited there for what felt like hours. The sun eventually dipped lower in the horizon. It was hot, being in direct sunlight. Only the red-head boy didn't seem affected. In fact, he hadn't broken a sweat. The other boy was laying down, curled up, occasionally blowing air upward onto his face. Like me, he seemed all cried out.
Finally, voices roused us and we all peered around to see a group of unfamiliar men. They felt unfriendly, but then again, so did everyone. When I was let out, they allowed us a moment to stretch before tying us up and leading us in different directions. Other children in other cages were released, but no one ran. I squinted my eyes, trying to see what was around us in this rocky area, but that was just it. Rocks. Lots of them. Boulders. Cliffs, walls. I sighed.
A man led me and a few others into a great network of caves. I marveled at the shapes carved into the walls, head tilting to see them at better angles. My wrists were bound to the girl behind me, and likewise on back until a yellow-haired boy trailed behind. He seemed distracted, not a tear on his face. The only one who seemed relatively positive. Many of us were still sniffing, the after-effect of being completely torn from family, I guess. I wasn't really in the mood to go investigating anyone's reason for being here.
The caves were well-lit, as I saw what seemed to be a small room ahead, two doors splitting off on either side. The group of men split up, and I didn't see the man in the red haori. I was glad. In spite of feeling the bitterness that welled up in my gut for my family, he was the only person I felt anything direct for. One of the men cut the ropes in between us, but none of us were really about to flee.
"Boys over here," said a man in a gray flak jacket. "And girls, remain where you are." He raised his right hand, the reason I did not know.
One by one, the boys shuffled over to him like broken mules. I grimaced, daring to cast a shy glance upon the pink-haired girl behind me. I could hardly see her eyes; her bangs covered them. As they were getting settled, I counted the number of boys. Eight. Behind me, I counted the girls. Three. Plus me meant four, and altogether there were twelve of us. I was fairly certain of that.
I noticed that the other girls bunched behind me, and being in the front of the line I supposed they looked to me as leader. I had no idea why. We stood there for a few minutes and I was able to examine everyone. Little escaped my eyes.
The boy in the front of his line, like most of them, had dark hair and the strangest round eyes I'd ever seen. He had long eyelashes and thick eyebrows, and his hair was rather choppy. He looked angry, but his body suggested that he was rather upset. I couldn't blame him.
Behind him stood a taller boy with dark sunglasses. His hair was also dark, a bit more unruly than the first, and he was nestled in a jacket that was much too large for him. He was one of the few I had trouble reading.
The boy I saw next was unruly, with red facial markings and wild hair. He seemed almost canine.
Behind him was the boy with the ponytail that I met from my cage. Behind him, however, was a chubby boy with light brown hair. He had his fingers in his mouth, and was chowing down on them - nervous habit?
I saw the red-headed boy, who was shorter than the rest of us - even the girls - and then there was another boy with dark hair and eyes. He seemed to radiate nothing but absolute anger - and this made him more unnerving than the creepy red-head in front of him. I noticed the girls behind me were staring at him. Behind this boy stood the yellow-haired boy with whiskers. He, out of all of them, radiated nothing more than a mild curiosity.
The girls were much worse off. The pink-haired girl behind me was crying. Behind her, a blonde girl was hugging herself, and in the back was a brown-haired girl whose face was turned away.
We were led down separate halls, and the particular one we saw was lined with many doors. We arrived at the only open one, where there was a man standing behind a large, cushioned table. It resembled a doctor's room. I swallowed. I was up first, and the other girls huddled together, watching me with wide eyes.
They made me remove my clothes, and I covered myself with my hands until the doctor pulled my hands away and examined me. I tried hard not to whimper, and I shut my eyes and thought of happier times. That is, until the man peeled my eyes open.
"Hmmm.." He mused. "Why ever would someone like YOU be here..?"
But he didn't question it further. I didn't want to answer. Bile rose in my throat - they knew who I was. Did everyone else? I was startled. A finger found itself between my legs and I jerked back. A sharp pain seemed to explode in my vison and I cried out. But then it was over, and there was little blood. I trembled, shivering at the stinging pain somewhere in me.
"Relax," said the man, "You won't need that where you're going."
Where were we going? The man seemed satisfied, so he had me sit along a bench while he did the same to the other girls. One by one, they cried out - the brown-haired girl being the quietest one. Out of all of us, she seemed the hardiest. We huddled together, nude, not caring so much about our decency as we cared about surviving.
One of the other men returned shortly with what I supposed was clothing. I watched in horror as my old clothes were tossed into a bin. The clothing we were made to wear was cheap, and a bit scratchy. The first layer was simply a shirt and shorts - no underwear? I grimaced in horror. But over that came a tan jacket that wrapped not unlike a robe. He tied up the sleeves around my shoulders. The pants were knee-length, with wide-legs. Our shoes were nothing more than simple black sandals. All in all, I thought the getup looked ridiculous compared to what I was used to wearing. The jacket was tied with a belt. It looked more like a sash than anything, and was off-white, dirty in some places.
When we were dressed, we were led into another room. I knew we had to be hungry - I know I was. Used to at least having a little breakfast before I began my lessons, I regretted all those wasted meals. My father's voice rang in my mind, always chiding me for not eating all of my dinner. In spite of being angry, I understood why.
We were made to wait again, where we joined the boys once more. They wore similar clothing. We eyed one another, as though trying to figure out what in hell they'd just put on us.
"I suppose you are all hungry?" The man that spoke didn't sound eager. We couldn't feel much either. But there were nods across the group, so the man led us into another room. By now, I was completely lost in the tunnel.
All in all, they had been civil at best. But there was nothing friendly about these men. They were simply doing their jobs, and I had the impression that there were a lot more of us here. Perhaps it was like our estate, and this particular area was for us. Were we made to be servants? I could only wait. Walking in a cluster, we approached a long table.
Twelve bowls of rice were resting on the table, a spoonful of soggy steamed vegetables resting on the top. We didn't bother asking who wanted what, or complaining about the food. We just ate.
Except one boy.
"More please!"
All of us stared down the table at the blonde boy. He had not only finished, but was holding his bowl in the air and asking for seconds. Beside me, the chubby boy raised his up as well.
"Yeah, me too!"
I had a feeling they'd regret feeding us, for soon most of the boys were asking for it as well, in their own way. While I wasn't fond of shiitake mushrooms, I took my father's irritated instructions to heart and ate them. I didn't know when my next meal would be.
The men responsible for feeding us stared us down, but one eyebrow was raised. Had this not happened before? But he didn't laugh. He rubbed his nose and turned away from us. The blonde boy stood quickly, palms pressed against the table in a fit of rage.
"HEY YOU!" he shouted. "It's your fault we're all here, so the least you can do is feed us!"
The man halted, turned on his heel, and replied slowly, "You're on my time now, brats. At least until tomorrow. When you will, if you are LUCKY, eat again." Suddenly he had the poor boy pinned against the wall, kunai at his throat. "Unless of course you'd prefer NEVER to eat again!"
We jumped back, being small kids at the time, and had no idea what to do. I had some knowledge of martial arts, but it was minimal and I knew there was no way I could fight this man. And we had no ties to one another. We simply watched, eyes wide and bodies trembling. Hating ourselves for being too scared to do anything.
The blond boy growled angrily until the man dropped him.
"Now," said the man. "We'll be taking you to your rooms." Whatever trace of anger he had was gone now. "In the morning, you will all learn just what is going to happen to you."
---
Our 'rooms' were simply three cells across from one another. Four girls in one, eight boys split into the other two. There were no beds, but there was straw on the floor and several old blankets. We were locked in, the lights off.
A few of us fell asleep immediately.
"Hey," whispered a voice. I listened. It was one of the girls. She tapped me on the shoulder.
"Huh?" I whispered back, voice heavy in the air.
"My name's Ino."
I couldn't see her at all, but she seemed friendly enough.
"H-Hinata," I replied.
Within a few moments we'd all introduced ourselves. The pink-haired girl was named Sakura. Tenten wasn't too keen on mingling further. She insisted we sleep - for whatever came tomorrow might be even harder than today. We wisely followed along.
But someone else did not. All night, I heard the blond boy, raging at the cage, until finally, someone shut him up.
----
Morning came again. I was sniffling - the cold air had gone right through our crusty blankets, and I was starving again. We were allowed to use the bathroom, then we were sent out to another part of this network of caves. Outside again. I inhaled deeply, in spite of the cold, thankful that I at least had a jacket on me.
We were led into a fenced-in area, which I recognized immediately as some kind of barracks. I spotted squared off sections of the earth, targets, and various weapons stored along the perimeter of the fence. And at the very center, stood three people.
As we drew nearer, I could identify them better. The first man was tall, with silver hair and a simple mask covering most of his face. A book covered the other end. He seemed rather absorbed in it. In the middle was the shortest - someone I thought was female at first, but then I realized it was not. He had dark hair and - My eyes went wide. He had the same eyes as I did? A bandage covered his forhead. My heart pounded furiously. It couldn't possibly be..
The third man was not much taller than the middle one, with dark hair and heavy bags under his eyes. His hair was kept in a ponytail behind his head. Behind me, I heard someone growling.
"Now," said the man leading us. "You will be organized alphabetically into groups. Once there, your new instructors will inform you of your purpose here." He gestured towards the men. "There, they're off my hands now." He then stormed off, and we watched him go.
The silver-haired man sighed and pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, closing his book and placing it into a pouch at his waist.
"I'll call your name, and you stand over here." He surveyed us, single visible eye seeming rather bored. "Aburame Shino."
The boy with glasses hesitated, then stepped forward.
"Akimichi Chouji."
The chubby kid.
A sliver of hesitance. "Gaara."
The red-head stepped forward, standing away from the others.
"Haruno Sakura."
I frowned as Sakura shuffled over to them, and for a moment they all regarded one another with detached curiosity.
The middle boy spoke then, and upon hearing his voice my heart pounded. If we were in alphabetical order...
"Uchiha Sasuke."
The angry boy stepped forward, rage practically pouring off him. His eyes were on the third man. The long-haired instructor stared at his note, eyebrows furrowed.
"Inuzuka Kiba." A gruff, unruly boy came forward - the canine boy. I tilted my head.
"Nara Shikamaru." The boy with the ponytail.
"... Rock Lee." The boy with the eyebrows.
Something seemed off about all this. Wasn't my name supposed to have been called?
The third man finally spoke, voice quiet. Something about him suggested a frozen lake. Steady, with a terrifying undercurrent. The last of us felt it too.
"Tenten. Hyuuga Hinata. Uzumaki Naruto. Yamanaka Ino."
The middle instructor turned to the third one, face unreadable.
"Itachi-san, why did you change the roster?"
If I was correct, the person that should have gone instead of me was the only other kid with a U last name. Uchiha Sasuke. Why was I replacing him?
"It was necessary." His reply was simple, and to the point. The other instructor looked pissed.
"Now now, Neji," said the silver-haired man. "I think that order will work just fine. It will prevent any disputes."
A look passed between the two - a knowing look that I could not read.
"Kakashi-san." Itachi's voice was perfectly smooth. "Perhaps we should separate."
Itachi led us away from the others - almost farther than necessary. I was glad of one thing - I had two people I already knew. The blonde boy was quickly growing on me. At least until he started asking questions.
"So Itachi-sensei, where are we going? What are we doing here? Are we gonna eat breakfast? You have a toilet around here?"
This was going to be awkward. A single boy amidst a trio of girls. And a very stoic instructor. I was surprised how well he handled the situation.
"After your initiation, a break will be given for recreation." He'd answered it in a single sentence. Nice.
Before Naruto could continue his barrage of questions Itachi spoke.
"Your purpose here is simple. You are going to become warriors. And in four years' time, you will have the training necessary to participate in battle." He fell silent, watching us.
"Will we ever see our parents again?" Ino asked, raising her hand.
Itachi's eyes seemed to lighten for a moment. But there was no softness in his gaze. He did not look directly at her, but all of us.
"I don't know." It was an honest enough answer.
Ino started to whimper. Tenten was quick to put an arm around her.
My head buzzed. Somehow, by forcing us all together with common backgrounds, I picked up on the theory. He wanted us to work together, train together, understand one another, and form a bond that my father had once spoke to me of. He had used the word 'comrade', which I did not understand at the time. I knew what it meant then. We were all we had, and through that we would have no choice but to form a tight, unbreakable bond if we wished to survive.
"D-did you get to see yours?" I asked, timidly.
Itachi's gaze had gone from somewhat unreadable to completely unreadable, stern, and blank. Something seemed to flicker in him. But I had no idea what it was.
"No."
I could hear the words beneath the words. 'Don't ask me about it again.' I gulped.
But the mood changed immediately.
"After your break, we will report to the training area. Look carefuly around you, for we are the only human beings you will encounter for the next four years."
He released us, and eventually we were joined by the others in a small room similar to the one we had eaten in. The food was no better - soggy rice and steamed vegetables. Naruto grimaced at his lack of seconds.
We all began mingling for the first time since our arrival. I was quiet, preferring to listen rather than talk. I felt my face heat up whenever someone asked me a question. My father was right. I was much too timid to be a warrior.
The boy named Sasuke turned to me. He had been sitting beside me, and when he spoke I felt myself shrivel up inside. He was terrifying! The other girls stared at me.
"You." He said. "Watch out for that man. I should've been the one to be on his team. Don't trust him." His eyes bored into mine. I was stuck there, staring into them, trembling, face turning redder and redder. I hated being stuck in these situations. He then looked past me to Naruto, Ino, and Tenten. "And that goes for you. That man's a murderer."
We all gulped. Except for Gaara, who had taken to shoving his food around aimlessly.
"What'd he do?" asked Naruto, unimpressed.
Sasuke glared at him. "He's the man responsible for killing our entire family!" I could feel rage boiling up in him, and I excused myself to the bathroom. And just as my luck would have it, I ran right into my sensei.
"Tell me," he mused. "What is the heir to the Hyuuga clan doing here?"
I felt my eyes sting.
"..I.. I don't know," I said quietly, fighting the welling tears.
"I have heard the Hyuugas have been losing their footing in the political race, but I never thought Hiashi-san would do anything this drastic.." He hadn't been looking at me, but now he was. "Whatever the case, I expect great things from the heir to the Hyuuga clan." He turned, passing by me without so much as a backward glance.
I almost couldn't go to the bathroom.
------------------
Our goodbyes were short, but the exchanges between several of us were surprisingly hostile. Naruto swore up and down that he'd beat up Sasuke when he got back, Ino and Sakura had become rivals, and Gaara just looked angry at everyone.
Thankfully, the ride to our training area was much more comfortable. It was a horse-drawn cart, and the four of us rode in the back, with our feet hanging off the sides and plenty of room to relax. Itachi did not look like the kind of guy to drive a cart, and it took me some time to grow used to it. I couldn't help but imagine a weed hanging out of his mouth and a pair of overalls sagging over him. Yeah, that really fit him - the supposed mass murderer of the Uchiha clan.
I thought of Neji. He had to be the same Neji I knew. I hoped I'd see him again. Was this where he had been hiding all these years? I knew he had been unnaturally talented, but he had always begrudgingly taken the time to help me with something I couldn't understand. I missed him, in spite of myself.
"I wonder what's gonna happen now," Ino said, mostly to herself.
Tenten sighed heavily.
"I don't care what's gonna happen," Naruto sneered. "I'm gonna become the greatest warrior the world has ever seen! Then everyone's gonna respect me!"
Ino, in a fit of irritation, reached out and shoved him off the cart. He landed in an explosion of dust. I started giggling to myself. Tenten joined me, and Itachi, who peered around, did not stop for Naruto, forcing him to chase after us. Thankfully, the cart wasn't going all that fast.
My heart, though heavy, began to lift a little. I learned the word sold when I was eight years old. I had been sold - I was property, to be used as my owners saw fit. And yet, it was not as horrible as I had imagined. I anticipated the chance to become stronger, yet I feared what the results might be. And above all, I began to harbor a swelling bitterness for the family that had sent me here. Perhaps if I too got stronger, they'd see me fight, and I could look them in the face and show them what I had become.
That is, if I made it past the first year.