So this is my first TVD fanfic, I don't own any of the characters ect.

Please read & review, will probably continue! Thank you x

Chapter 1

It had been a couple of days now, a lot happening in the short time since they'd 'rescued' Lily from the 1903 prison world.
So much had happened that Bonnie hadn't had much of a chance to think much about her decision to trap Kai there – at the time, she'd just wanted rid of him. By any means possible.

And, with it seemingly impossible to kill him – he evaded death annoyingly well, slipping through its grasp every time he came close – she'd decided trapping him forever with no way out was the next best thing.

So, with fear flooding her every time his name was mentioned, followed by anger, she'd took advantage of his new-found emotions after his merge with Luke and tricked him, stabbed him and left him for dead.

Fear can make the best person do the worst things – although Bonnie, blinded by flashbacks and haunted by nightmares of being stabbed, shot, tied up and chased by Kai, barely thought about her actions. In her opinion, they were justified. And she was probably right. He was the worst of the worst and, to her relief and seemingly everybody else's, she'd managed to finally rid their world of him.

Finally, a lull in the hectic pandemonium that their life had become – Bonnie headed up to their dorm room, throwing open the window and flopping down on her bed, letting her head hit the pillow.

She lay like that for a while, her head barren of thoughts, just enjoying the gentle breeze and the soft murmur of the students of Whitmore College, enjoying the sunshine outside.
It was this noise that offered Bonnie the most comfort – after months of being almost entirely alone, only ever her and, at most, two others in the whole world – it was euphoric to hear distant sounds of voices, voices she didn't know, strangers, fellow classmates, teachers, anyone.
It was music to her ears and she couldn't help smiling, caught up in the moment, a feeling of relief washing over her.

As she lay there a little longer, her mind began to wander, once again back to the days she had spent in the 1994 prison world. She couldn't help it, the memories were so fresh in her mind and yet she'd hardly had a chance to think over them, what with being so busy – this was bound to happen.
And so, she let her mind mull over everything that had happened to her.

A sick feeling began to build in her stomach as she remembered the tension of realising that her and Damon were not alone, the horror of realising who Kai was and what he had done, the feeling of powerlessness whenever he siphoned her magic or used her like a pawn in his games, the pain and fear and utter shock she'd felt when he stabbed her. She should have seen that coming – but he was unpredictable, how was she to know? He had just cooked her 'Thanksgiving dinner' and tried to get her to stay with him, after all.

She rolled onto her side, frowning, unable to stop her train of thought now that it was racing, full steam ahead.
She hated him. And, to make matters worse, her best friend who knew what Kai was like, what he was capable of, had brought Kai to her after she specifically said that she never wanted to see him again.

To see that face again… Her stomach had dropped and the sounds of the rave around her were muted, muffled due to the anger ringing in her ears. She'd never felt such hatred as she'd felt seeing that face again. It made her sick to see him all puppy dog eyes, bottom lip out, faking apologies. He hadn't changed. She'd seen him act.

Although, hadn't he usually cracked?
It usually took him a minute or a few seconds of acting nice before he said something slightly unhinged and gave the game away. Bonnie wracked her memories, trying to see if he'd done that at all, a smirk, a twitch of the mouth, anything...

What was she doing?! Was she seriously trying to make herself believe that Kai was anything more than a sociopathic killer with no remorse or feelings for anyone but himself?

She'd never seen him like that, mind. It was like he genuinely meant what he was saying, a hint of confusion and embarrassment, as if even he didn't quite understand why he was there.

Once again, she kicked herself for subconsciously siding with him.

Likewise, though, when she'd met him to inquire about the whereabouts of the 1903 world ascendant.

There was a moment after she'd told him, quite truthfully, that she'd rather die of cholera than spend an afternoon with him, a few seconds where he looked genuinely hurt and taken aback. There was once again that confused look in his eyes, perhaps confused as to why he was feeling hurt and not understanding how to process his new-found emotions?

She was doing it again. Why did she keep making excuses for him in her own mind? This was stupid. He stabbed her, tortured her both physically and emotionally. She hated him.

And this was precisely why she'd stabbed him in the back. Quite literally.

Admittedly, the sight of him looking at her when they had been left alone to 'find the ascendant' in the 1903 world, snow swirling around them, had made her wonder for a moment, when she saw the way his eyes met hers...
That sad, pathetic look, a hint of hope for a reconciliation she was absolutely not going to give him, and Bonnie had met his eyes with a determined, hard glare.

Any flicker of doubt she'd started to have, however, was quickly extinguished when Kai had begun to try another apology and – as Bonnie was chanting her spell and therefore, ignoring him – he'd seen red and lost his temper, grabbing her wrist harshly and breaking her concentration.

If she'd had any remorse building up over what she was planning to do, that action had wiped it from her conscience and made up her mind for her.

The feeling of having power over him was equally satisfying and terrifying. Like poking a wasps nest with a stick.
For that moment, you have the power but it's only a matter of time until they'll chase you and sting you – or in Kai's case, hunt you down and stab you. Probably.

She'd managed to make her way back to Elena and Damon and Lily without any surprise attacks – it was in the last few seconds before they left that she saw him.
Pathetically calling out her name, his eyes sad, expression wounded and clutching the dark red patches where Bonnie had stabbed him.

She felt empowered and triumphant as she pulled them back to the normal world and a wave of relief washed over her like no other as she realised they'd made it – Kai was trapped forever.

Weird things had happened, though – there were brief moments where she'd think that she'd seen him in a crowd and do a double-take, only for it to be someone who barely looked like him at all.

Whenever she heard a laugh that sounded like his, or saw someone who dressed like he did, she'd turn around, eyes following them – sometimes, almost wishing that they wouldn't turn around so that she could pretend that it was…

What was she doing?!

Bonnie hunched herself up onto her elbows, a frown crossing her face. Why the hell had she been thinking and feeling these things?
With all the commotion that had happened, she'd barely had a chance to think about anything, let alone what she was feeling. But now, she was wishing that Kai was back?!

Okay, so she was pretending that he was, that didn't mean that she actually wanted him back... But even so, what would possess her? Surely this wasn't a case of Stockholm syndrome?
She didn't sympathise with him at all, he was a sociopathic murderer and not afraid to admit it. In fact, he very nearly bragged about it.

She ran a hand through her hair. She was in two minds.

Her common sense was telling her she did the right thing, that this guy stabbed her, left her for dead twice and laughed at her pain more times than that.
He killed his own brothers and sisters in cold blood and wasn't afraid to admit to it. He was unhinged and dangerous.

But this other side, this quiet, subconscious murmur that was growing steadily louder...

What if, when Kai had merged with Luke, he really had developed feelings? It would make sense.
The apologies, the slight warmth behind the usually sadistic eyes, the absence of him attacking her when he had had every opportunity, especially when they were left alone in 1903…

He'd even told her that he could do it, no one would even hear her scream.
But he didn't.
He was testing her trust, thinking that maybe, just maybe he'd won her over. The betrayal, too, in his eyes after she'd stabbed him, the look he'd given her… Fear?
As her mind wandered over the memories, she felt her heart drop as she remembered that look.

She'd never admit to it, she couldn't admit to it.

But, then again... You can't help who you feel for. And the more Bonnie tried to subdue it, push the thoughts away, the stronger they latched on to each and every memory.

Even the moment he'd thrust the knife into her, yes, she'd felt fear, shock, anger, hatred…

But also betrayal. No matter how much she hated him and hoped that he'd give her the car keys so that she could get away without him – part of her had actually believed that he wanted to spend time with her, that she was even a little bit important to him, even if it was only for the stupid spell.

She hated herself for admitting it and perhaps if it weren't for the merge with Luke, she never would have…

But, as all the feelings she'd suppressed over the past few months began to cascade over her thoughts, as if they'd been cloaked, she felt a sliver of something that she never thought she would.

Regret.