Author's Note:
All characters, names, places, etc. are property of J.R.R. Tolkien.
Stylistically, I am much indebted to William Faulkner.
I would like those unfamiliar with Faulkner to understand that all misspellings, grammatical errors, etc. are used here to convey the confusion and chaos of the character's thoughts, and are deliberate.
the ascent
A great ring of fire. No, a Ring of fire. No, not even, but The Ring of fire – No, Fire even, because this fire does not go out does not cool down. It burns burns and rages, and eternal incessant everlasting there is no beginning nor end in sight, it is a veil, a fiery veil (in the shape of a Ring, but its shape is inconsequential) that blocks the world distorts the world makes it seem stretched warped perverted from its true self it is not seeing through rose coloured glasses but those of a deepest red that colour the landscape with blood the spilled blood of a thousand Men hobbits elves orcs even I suppose. All around there is glimmering blood the very water is blood can I drink it? But I am dying or am already dead only a trickle please it is bitter but it should be I taste in it what the land has suffered blood has been shed here. Not my blood but I see the blood It gives me that power but ask yourself do not be jealous ask yourself do you really want that power to know the suffering of others then comes empathy then I am grieved their grief is mine so much grief I feel it all my sorrow is theirs. No it is theirs which is mine but I have too much sorrow already take it away from me! I'm sorry I know I must it is just so bitter I die always thirsty I am always but then all is fire I am fire it consumes devours desiccates the scorched land the red land all around the fire swirling indiscriminately (clockwise or counter clockwise both I suppose I do not know for clocks time has stopped all is night so what is the meaning of time in eternity without change time ceases to exist it) but no I must all there is is blood only the boiling blood of the free folk will resist the vaporisation of the infernal heat no not heat this is cold fire, as gold as a solid circlet of purest gold so I will yes you are right the flask, forced between my parched lips, I do not resist because I know you are here to help me to care for me even if I cannot tell you you know that is why our love is still alive living in this cold heat. But what can I say because you know already this is Mordor is it not
What say do you mean say you what are you saying onward that word onward utterly devoid of meaning here it implies time there is none it implies direction we are lost no not lost like that we are in Mordor but physicality presence it fades all falling into the inferno that is It I dare not speak Its name you know what I'm talking about NO IT IS MINE and though I must carry It yes I do hate It I want It gone but do you understand I must be the one to get rid of It dispose of It else I will not be healed and I yes I do I need the healing yes begging begs, precious, yes begs to let me do it I want to escape freedom away from this existence that is not an existence because sense meaning is lost in eternity one does not exist nor can one cease to exist I am at your mercy but know that if you take it I you know no not death worse worse far worse only then is there no escape eternity becomes forever do not leave me to that!
It is yours Bilbo left it to you
What do I do with it
Keep it no not sae why should I keep it even as it burns me why does it burn precious why does it burn us no me I still exist maybe eternal but I exist separate from it else we can never separate a bitter parting when the time comes
Destroy it?
Yes into the fires of mount doom Mount Doom. In Mordor. They are only words no words can capture the red the fire all around. You don't see it do you. Believe me you don't want to.
Rivendell, get to Rivendell
And Gandalf you are gone now what do I have left only myself and It. No, you are right, I have you too, but sometimes I feel like I don't I am only alone I don't see your face or hear your name I have forgotten it but names those are only the superficial just like the names Mordor or Mount Doom they are only placeholders for the real (as much as anything can be real in eternity timeless eternity
Green what is it I forgot red is all I know now trees, more words just placeholders for dreams that which does not really exist only memory o deceitful, trickster you, memory
But time doesn't pass here
Yes you told me the moon is wrong
I want to stay here forever
I want to stay with you forever
Gandalf, he just died
But here we can forget it look into the mirror Frodo what do you see I see fire the future that which is yet to come it has now I see it the eye why are mine clouded but His are so sharp how do I know because I see through His sometimes
No we are not one we are not I see through It through Him He is It It Him that is) things yes they are real only those are real I think no more about it drop it forget memory is damage bliss in not knowing in believing that eternity fire fire fire is all ever there was make it so much nicer past no exist only today no day but this one no day period day cease to exist night to only eternity never be anything else never will will not real not a concept no future nor was was only a word only a placeholder is now is is different is is now is is real is is I.
Darkness was there ever such a thing? But it is now is I suppose not was but is yes is is. Orcs. A name orcs what does it mean I do not know they are poking prodding I is there now I is here no progression no chronolo- that is not a real word. Hands. Naked exposed the fire is gone a moment why is that I don't have It NOOO OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OO OOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO OOOOOO OOOOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOOO OOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO OOOO OOOOOO OOOOOOOO OOOOO OOOOOOOOO!!!!
Why am I so upset the fire is gone
Now it is back you is there
That tunnel I is in it goes on forever I come to the end they is there. The monster. Whatever it is, I do not know. I do not care. The light of the stars they is blotted out now by fire by clouds of darkness His darkness Its Fire so His Fire too but he owns all this is Mordor.
Nice cave dark but a sweet darkness not the other one before later? I don't know what is later in eternity? I is there with him he who betrays me when we is in tunnel is with him and you always you never a moment when you is not there but in the other darkness the NOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO!! darkness when it is gone then happy I is happy not possible I never is happy now I am not so there is no other time rest memories is only happening now simul alon I go with but they interr piling on top cascad like the waterfall out of that blissf that cool cave not the tunnel no nev the tunnel is dark no fire now there is
Maybe it is a progre maybe I am getting clos fire getting bigger yes it stretches on thoughts coming faster now. is there chan is time that real is it, is? Now less odrer more choas the Fire still etenrally raging on at first almost unnotiecable but it is there awlays perverting always distroting making life cofnused gabrled nonsesnical it rages on is is raegs always comnig closer eevr closer mordor this is mordor modror what is taht but olny a name nohting more i hear you but your sepech sonuds distoretd somheow cant say how keep spekaing it is yuor vocie i litsen to not the wrods thesmelves beacuse wodrs are all leis only lies.
carry it no you cannot carry it never can you carry it i dont care if im not moving yes now i hear you plainly its not weakness no its different call it what word you like they are all the same resignation hopelessness forfeit submission conquered oppression quitting giving in. i am giving in. it is eternity i cannot fight it i cannot escape from no you got it all wrong! destroy it you cannot It is me me is it i is it it is i i it it it my mine precious it is precious to me my own it created my world you see no you it gave life to me brought me to this eternity eternity another word i understand it you do not you cant you
put me down what are you
It
no you dont need to
i mean it put
me it
difference gone
set me gently
the top top of what there is no direction no time nothing eternity cannot change always fire always this red earth of mordor the cold hard land freezing flames encompassing your cold hands carrying me warmer it gets warmer no he here is is he is he he here is he is here is he no no stop no It It he him here it he is no here it
clarity. i fight. i run. fire confusion now all only memory in the eternity again distinction discrimination separation all gone bilbo is here so is gandalf all together i take it i take the ring to mordor, though i do not know the way
you come with me
you carrys me
i is here now always been the rest is only memory
the eternity is changing impossible but it is will it only fade to memory no i will not let it nothing outside no greater reality only this i cannot lose it you scream scream you you silence eternal silence it is cold fire rages all round i am cold preserve the eternity all i think save it save myself i do not know to do or not to do must conserve must do my own my precious you do not understand i do i must do do i i i no i do i you i you him here now memory eternity eternity never now i i you do do i
and i do