We Let the Bough Break
Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic, so I'll be using my go-to MPREG explanation like I did in When We're Older aka the Reddin gene. The gene is based on the Reddin character from the 1994 movie Junior. You should really watch it if you like mpreg. It's a good movie, I promise (I also don't have any rights to it either!) I also don't really own anything mentioned in this except for the crazy storyline so... I OWN NOTHING.
A/N: I was prompted this on tumblr: Blaine was pregnant during the elevator scene in The Hurt Locker: Part 2. While stuck in the elevator with Kurt, he goes into labor. I took a bit of a creative spin with this one, turning it into somewhat of a S6 rewrite. It's angsty (I wrote it, so gee what a surprise) and it's long (another surprise) but I hope you'll like it. It took me forever to finish, considering that I started writing it BEFORE the actual episode aired and then I decided to tweak it, which in turn made it even longer. There's no Jigsue in this (just something similar), only Blainofsky friendship (with a one-sided hint of romance), and some of the stuff that happened in the beginning of S6 has been changed for this plot. Also, I'm no doctor so forgive any medical inaccuracies that may occur (though I did try to research things!) Title based on the Warbler cover of What Kind of Fool (and also on the nursery song Rock-A-Bye Baby, you know since this involves a baby and everything!)
Warning: Mentions suicidal thoughts, past assault. Spoilers for the canon name of Blaine's mom.
"Kurt's back in town. He wants to see you."
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Nothing could dampen the ache in his heart. The tears that spilled from his eyes were nonstop, pouring out like a leaky faucet, dripping down his face and soaking into the pillow his head rested on. Dani, in all her friendly glory, tried her hardest to get him to budge, to go out and get some fresh air because laying on her sofa all the time wasn't doing a damn thing for him, but he couldn't be bothered. He hated that he was taking up space in his friend's small apartment, but he had nowhere else to go. Elliot was out of town, he had no friends from NYADA, everyone else he knew from Ohio was away, and he couldn't stay with Kurt, not after Kurt had shattered every little bit of his heart. So, Dani's place it was.
He was just thankful that she was back in town and had been there that night to let him in after he'd shown up on her doorstep, soaked from the rain and sobbing over his heartbreak.
Now, though, it'd been weeks since he'd become a semi-permanent fixture in her place and all he had to show for himself was a Blaine-sized indent in her sofa and a letter from NYADA announcing his expulsion from their program.
"Blaine. Sweetie, you have to get a hold of yourself. You can't cry over Kurt all the time. I know you loved him, but it's over. There will be other guys. There's tons of men out there who would love to be your boyfriend. C'mon! Let's go get a bite to eat and go to a club or something."
"I'm not hungry."
"Blaine, please? Eat something... for me? You're getting thin and it's not healthy. I'm worried about you."
He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was worried, but there was something else brimming in them that also told him that she was kinda sick of being his babysitter. God, he'd been such a burden to everyone in his life. That's why Kurt let him go obviously. That's why his friends didn't answer his calls. That's why Cooper hadn't texted him back in weeks. That's why his parents blew up at him after he told them that he'd been expelled from NYADA.
He kept fucking up and no matter what he did, it would never get better. Never.
"I can't, Dani. I'm sorry."
She gave him a look, knowing and sad, and then she stood up, disappearing from the room for a moment to change. When she came back, she was all dressed up to go out. "One of these days, you'll feel better. I promise. I've been through my fair share of break-ups and yeah, they're hard. But your heart will begin to heal and everything will be okay eventually." She brushed a hand over his hair and smiled sympathetically at him. "I'm gonna go get dinner. I'll be back soon."
As soon as the door closed behind her, he knew he couldn't bother her much longer. Dani didn't need his issues, not with how busy she was. So, with a heavy heart, he called his parents and told them of his plan to head home.
Downtrodden and lonely, he went back to Ohio, leaving the big city, his crushed dreams, and the former soulmate who no longer wanted him behind.
::::::::::
"He asked me if I could arrange a meeting between the two of you-"
::::::::::
His mom was the one to bring it up first.
He'd been home for about a month when she pulled him aside after breakfast one morning, her grip tight on his bicep as she looked him up and down, her eyes filling with tears.
"Are you pregnant?"
The question knocked him off his feet, zapped all the air from his lungs as his gaze shot up to find hers. She looked scared as she stared at him and when her eyesight traveled from his face down to the slight pudge of his belly, he finally saw what it was that caught her attention.
Because for as much as his appetite had waned, his stomach still grew. He'd just been too stricken with grief to notice it, too blinded by the pain to see.
"Mom, I-"
"Oh Blaine, oh my baby." Before he had a chance to collapse, she wrapped him up in her arms, one hand petting through his ungelled curls while the other clutched at his back. He'd gotten taller over the years, a bit more broad and harder to cradle, but Pamela had always made sure that no matter how much her boys grew over the years, she would always make room in her arms for them to rest if they needed her guidance and love. Cuddling Blaine against her, she held her own tears back, allowing herself to absorb some of her baby's heartbreak as he wept over the shock of it all.
Days later, when they were sitting in the doctor's office and he begged her to come along with him to the exam room, she protectively took his hand and walked in with him. She held his hand for as long as she could until she was shooed from the room, but the second she was allowed to come back, Blaine waved his fingers at her and she was back at his side, finally allowing her tears to fall when the attending doctor wheeled an ultrasound machine in and showed them that, yes, Blaine was indeed having a baby...
The baby of the fiance who let him go.
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"I didn't tell him about the baby. I... couldn't because it's not my place. But, Blaine, he deserves to know."
::::::::::
Blinking back the tightness in his eyes, Blaine tossed his phone to the side and curled himself up into a ball, arms wrapping around his waist as he wept. For days he'd been trying to contact Kurt, calling and calling, hoping and praying that his ex would answer his call so he could tell him the news. He knew it was foolish, expecting Kurt to just answer him like nothing had ever happened between them, but it was all he could wish for. He couldn't imagine doing this all alone.
"Oh sweetheart, did he not answer again?"
"He's probably moved on. Why else wouldn't he pick up the phone?"
"Maybe he's trying to keep his distance like he did when you two broke up the first time. Remember how you told me that he ignored you for a while and then finally got in contact with you? You know how Kurt is. Maybe this is his way of trying to move on. Give him some time."
"Why are you taking his side?"
"I'm not. I just- honey, he'll answer you eventually... and if not, I'll fly to New York myself and bring him back."
"I don't want him to come back. I just want him to know."
"You could always tell Burt and Carole, they'd-"
"No! No, I can't just tell them and expect them to tell Kurt. I'll tell him on my own." Sitting up, he rubbed the tears off his cheeks and pawed around his bedding for his discarded phone, picking it up to glare at the blank screen - no returned calls. Just as expected. "Can you leave please? I'm gonna try again."
"Okay, but don't get so angry if he doesn't answer. He's just being stupid and the last thing we need is for you to get upset and all worked up when you're pregnant." Kissing the top of Blaine's head, she offered him a reassuring smile and then left the room, leaving Blaine alone to fight off the anger and bitterness he felt that Kurt wouldn't answer his freaking phone.
::::::::::
"Blaine, did you hear me? I said-"
"That Kurt wants to meet up with me and that I should tell him about the baby. Yeah, I heard you."
Rachel edged back a bit, her expression going confused as she took in the sight of her friend all stoic. Blaine's fingers were busy picking at the label on his bottle of apple juice and he looked like he was two seconds away from bolting from his chair. For as many times as they'd gotten together for lunch over the last few weeks, still seeing him so quiet and reserved (heartbroken, her mind added) had Rachel perplexed. However, nothing bothered her more than what happened about a week after she'd moved back to Ohio. She bumped into him at a mall in Columbus, happy to see a familiar face, but then she noticed the horrified smile he'd pasted on upon seeing her; that's when she took in the sight of his rounded stomach. Back then, he'd panicked, somehow going months without running into anyone but Sam during his time back in Ohio. But once she assured him that she wouldn't spill the beans to anyone in their circle of friends until after he told Kurt, then he opened back up to her and together they slipped back into their friendship like they hadn't been apart for several months.
"You don't want to see him?"
Rolling his eyes, Blaine glanced up at her, biting his lip for a moment before he spoke. "I tried to call him for weeks after I found out I was pregnant and he didn't answer me once. He didn't call to see if I was okay after I failed out of NYADA and now all of a sudden he wants to see me? How do you think that makes me feel, Rach? We went for months without talking and - BOOM - now he wants to talk."
"I think he wants to discuss the break-up."
"Oh really? Well I heard plenty the night he ended our engagement." Placing his hand on his pronounced tummy, he rubbed a circle over a spot where the baby was frantically kicking. Rachel's eyes focused on the movement and he knew that she was dying to feel. Unfortunately, he really wasn't comfortable with anyone touching him just yet. He talked about the issue of physical contact and how he'd been distancing himself from it with his therapist, but no one else knew until he asked them to stay away. That's how Rachel learned and that's how it was just gonna have to be... until he was ready. Whenever that was.
"It'll just be one meet-up," Rachel started, pausing when Blaine grumbled under his breath.
"One meet-up that will turn into many more because then Kurt will know about the baby and he'll want to be a part of everything-"
"But he should be, it's his child too-"
"Don't you think I know that already? I tried to call him and he didn't answer me. I wanted to tell him months ago and he didn't care to call me back. God, Rachel, if you really want me to talk to him, then fine. I'll go see him. I'll tell him about the pregnancy, we'll talk, hold hands, and sing songs, and all will be right with the world. As long as you're happy, right?" He knew he was being nasty and that Rachel didn't mean any harm, but all he could think about were those weeks living with Dani and how Kurt didn't once bother to see if he was alright. Even after he'd moved all his stuff out of the loft and left his key on the kitchen table, there was no bit of contact from his ex. He asked Dani to promise not to tell Kurt he was staying with her and she stuck by him, but mostly he did that because he wanted to see if Kurt would come looking for him, perhaps call him up one day and admit that their break-up was a mistake.
That day never came... until now. Maybe.
"I just-" He continued, pushing himself away from the table to get ready to leave. Rachel stayed put in her seat, lips pursed in slight annoyance at his benevolence, but he could care less. "Tell him to pick a place and a time and I'll meet him there. Don't tell him about the baby." Grabbing up his juice, he gave Rachel a final look and then stormed off, offering a curt see you later over his shoulder before he left the Lima Bean and stomped to his car.
He didn't let a single tear fall until he got home.
::::::::::
"Anderson, is that you?"
Blaine froze, his hand locked around a four-box multipack of mac 'n cheese dinners as he struggled to regain the composure within him to turn around and face the voice who just spoke. Years had gone by since the last time he'd seen the person, but he still remembered their voice and it sent a chill down his spine to know he'd been found.
"Blaine? Hey, you okay?"
Turning, he locked eyes with the fellow speaking and then watched the other guy's gaze go from his face down to his stomach where everyone's eyes usually went nowadays.
"Oh wow," the man breathed, a smile lighting up his face at the sight of Blaine's belly. "Congratulations! Engaged and having a baby? That's pretty awesome. Where's Kurt?" He tilted his head to see if he could spot the man he was looking for, but when he noticed Blaine's frown, it hit him. "Oh... I didn't-"
"We broke up before I found out about the baby. It's fine. I'm over it. I'm just trying to move on." The words came out of his mouth like a rehearsed speech - which was probably because they were. "It's nice to see you, Dave. How've you been?"
If Karofsky was stunned by the break-up confirmation, he didn't show it. "I've been pretty good actually. Going to school around here, trying to get a degree in business actually. I've, uh, been dating and everything. You know, the usual." He smiled and ducked his head before he glanced back up at Blaine, "How are you? I mean, after all this."
"Taking it day by day, I guess." Rubbing his stomach, he took a look in his cart and then turned back to grab the macaroni he'd neglected. "I'm not in school at the moment and I'm living at home with my parents. I can't really sort out anything until after the baby comes, so until then I'm keeping things simple - live at home, save my money. Stuff like that. I thought about trying to get my own place, but my therapist said that it's probably for the best that I'm in the company of people I trust, especially in my condition."
"Oh. Well, I live my parents too. It's cheaper, that's for sure." Both men chuckled and then Dave coughed, looking back down at his feet again. "I am sorry to hear about you and Kurt though. I thought you guys were in it for the long run."
To which Blaine bitterly muttered, "You weren't the only one." He let the moment of anger pass and then he shook his head, glancing back up at Dave again. "I've gotta get going. I have an appointment in an hour, so I should probably finish up. It was nice seeing you again."
"Yeah, you too." Dave fidgeted for a moment, gnawing on his lower lip for a second before he locked eyes with Blaine again. "Hey, do you want to exchange numbers? Nothing weird or anything, I just- I thought maybe you could use someone to talk to? You tried to help me back then and I probably should've taken you up on that offer because it would've saved me a whole world of pain."
"Dave-"
"I mean, if you didn't mind, you could take my number and give me a call if you just need to vent or get out or something. Hell, I can even babysit if you want me to. I'm great with kids."
If Blaine had been anything like he'd been before the break-up, he would've chuckled at Karofsky's words, but he could barely offer a smile. "I'm not even sure if I'm gonna keep it, to be honest. But, umm, sure we can exchange numbers. Here." He handed over his phone, ignoring the sympathetic look in Dave's eyes as the notion that he might give up his child still hung heavily in the air. Once they'd punched in their numbers into each other's phones, Blaine took his back, whispering a soft goodbye to Kurt's former bully as he pushed his cart down the aisle and towards the registers.
As he walked, he wondered if keeping in contact with someone like David Karofsky was even a good idea. However, a few nights later after he woke up shivering and crying following a horrible nightmare involving Kurt and their child, Dave was the first person who came to his mind and, as promised, the other man picked up his call and easily calmed him down.
It was all Blaine could ask for and he was forever grateful for the new friend he found in Dave.
::::::::::
"What do you think I should do?"
"I dunno, Blaine. What do you think you should do?" Dave took a sip of his soda and then went back to eating his spaghetti, watching his friend think while he twirled the pasta on the tip of his fork. "Honestly this is all about you. It doesn't matter what I, Rachel, your parents, or anyone else thinks. What matters is whether or not you are ready to see Kurt. None of us were a part of your relationship, that was all you guys. We weren't there when it started; we weren't there when it ended. Only you can decide what you want or need to do."
"I...Rachel said I should at least tell him about the baby. I was going to, you know that. I tried to contact him and he didn't call me back."
"Well, if you go tonight, maybe he'll explain why he didn't respond."
Dave's thoughtful response really got Blaine thinking, had him wondering about it for the rest of their meal, and as they walked back to their cars, he found himself nodding in agreement over what he was going to do. "I think I will go meet up with him."
"Awesome. I think it'll be good for you. Maybe you can get some closure." Dave opened the door for him and waited until Blaine was all buckled in before he leaned in and gave the other man a hug, "Be careful driving home and call me when you get back so I can make sure you got home safe."
"Can do."
"Also make sure you actually eat those leftovers. Don't leave them on the counter like you did last time. I understand you've got pregnancy brain, but you shouldn't waste good food, especially when you need to eat. You heard what the doctor said: you need to gain weight." When Blaine rolled his eyes, Dave playfully punched him in the arm. "You know what he said."
"I know. It's just that you sound like my parents. They're constantly getting on me about that too. I can't help it. I just don't feel like eating."
"Well the baby needs nourishment and you dropped some pounds, so you need to catch up with your weight class for this pregnancy. That's all I'm saying. Now go on, go home and get some rest, then go see Kurt and if you need anything, call me. I kept my schedule free just in case."
"How chivalrous of you."
"If you need me to come along, I can do that too. Now remember what I said-"
"I will."
"See you later, Blaine. Be careful."
"I will. Bye Dave." He waited until his friend was in his truck and buckled up before he backed his mom's car out of the parking lot and took off down the road. Dave's words jumbled up in his head with the ones Rachel preached at him only days before, leaving him conflicted and somewhat hurting over the idea that he was about to meet up with the man who'd broken him down so terribly. His stomach gurgled with nausea, the feeling bubbling up in his throat as he imagined seeing Kurt again after so long. The last time they'd seen each other, Blaine was bursting with excitement over the news he had about the venue for their wedding... and then it all came crashing down. The last time he'd seen Kurt, he wasn't several months pregnant, just a few months along at the time and barely showing. It wasn't hard to see what was wrong with him now.
Once again, the sick feeling in his belly increased, leaving him breathless and trembling enough that he finally pulled over on the side of the road, tossing open his door and rushing over to the grassy knoll to vomit. Everything he'd eaten for lunch spilled over the green grass as tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks. It felt like he couldn't breathe, like everything within him was frozen in fear of the unknown. Because what would happen once Kurt found out? Would he want to get back together? Would he fight Blaine for custody? Would he be pissed to know that Blaine was thinking about giving it up? Blaine had no idea of the outcome and he wasn't sure if he could handle it.
Especially if this was the way his body reacted just to the idea of reconnecting with Kurt Hummel.
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"Well it looks like you're due at the beginning of December, I'd say near the tenth, but a week or so before or after could also be possible since it's your first baby. I'd shoot for the tenth though." The doctor said with a smile, shutting off the ultrasound machine before he turned to Blaine and Pamela. "Now I'd like to see you every two weeks considering the issue regarding your lack of weight gain plus your blood pressure's a little iffy, but if we're able to get that handled, everything should be fine. The baby looks healthy and that's what matters, right?" After both Andersons nodded, the obstetrician shook their hands and left the room, allowing the mother-son duo to have a moments to themselves.
"I guess I was wrong about a Christmas baby," Pamela teased, giving Blaine a helping hand by offering herself as a pulley when the boy needed some assistance in sitting up.
"The tenth's close enough. You were a lot closer than I was. I was thinking closer to January."
"You must've forgotten when you conceived. Unless you and Kurt weren't paying attent-"
At his mother's words, a shiver of pain ran down Blaine's spine and he was sure by the expression on her face that his mom realized her poor choice of words whenever he frowned. Placing a hand over his bare stomach, he looked down at his shoes and bit back the knot in his throat, fighting back the urge to start crying again. He hadn't broken down in weeks, not since he found out he was pregnant, but the tears felt like they were about to come back with a vengeance and he really didn't think he could handle that right now.
"Sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to bring him up-"
"It's okay. He is the baby's other father. Why shouldn't we talk about him?"
"I just don't want to upset you, that's all. I know he's still a sore subject and with how fragile your condition is, I don't want to take any chances. At least not until we get your weight up." Pressing a gentle kiss to Blaine's forehead, Pam tugged his t-shirt down over his swollen belly and then helped him slide off the exam table, slipping her hand into his own to walk down the hall towards the exit. As they walked, she kept a steady grip on his fingers, holding them tight within her own, doing her best to let her son know that she would be by his side no matter what.
Because she couldn't ignore the horribly stagnant silence in the room earlier when the doctor asked Blaine what his plans were in regards to the baby. She knew her son was battling depression and she knew he was scared to death of having the child of someone who'd hurt him so badly... and if she knew any better (and she did), she was sure her son was on the fence about whether or not he'd even keep this baby.
Deep down, she wanted it, wanted to have a gorgeous grandchild to spoil and love, but if it was at the cost of her son's happiness (and sanity), she didn't know what to think. She just wanted Blaine to be okay, first and foremost, and if the way he held himself right now said anything, she was sure they were far, far away from being anywhere near that.
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Scandals hadn't changed in the year or so he'd last set foot there.
In another universe, one where he wasn't several months pregnant, he was sure the bar would've been the first place he went in order to get his mind off of things. If Kurt had stomped on his heart in another world and everything that happened to him in regards to school and such happened there too, Scandals would've become his safe haven. Hell, he might have even met a guy there and slipped into a rebound relationship as soon as he could. However, that wasn't his life... this was.
Patting his belly, he rolled his eyes at the bouncer's curious glance (because of course the dude was going to wonder why a pregnant guy was trying to get into a bar - if Blaine had been the bouncer, he would've wondered too) and then he stepped into the fray of people, sliding his way as best he could through the crowds until he spotted a lean, handsome form sitting at the bar. In the months since their break-up, Kurt hadn't changed a bit. He was still unfairly gorgeous, body long and slender, and hair still swept up in a perfect swoop. He was busy staring at whatever he was drinking, completely missing the watchful eyes on him; Blaine was thankful that he was able to get a look at his ex without interruption...
Because after this, he was sure he'd never see him again.
Steeling himself for ultimate rejection, Blaine squared his shoulders and wandered over to Kurt, clearing his throat loud enough that his ex spun around on his stool. The two locked eyes, Kurt's face lighting up at the sight of him, and then his gaze fell, doing the once-and-then-twice over, his mouth falling open in shock at the sight of the rounded belly that strained against Blaine's cardigan.
"B-Blaine?"
"It's been a while..."
"Oh my god."
"Do you mind if I sit? I'm kinda tired."
Wordlessly, Kurt nodded, waving an arm out to the empty stool beside him. Blaine slowly slid onto the seat and then turned his body to stare at his former fiance, unsurprised to see Kurt's wide eyes still focused on his belly. The music boomed around them, the air warm and thick with the scent of sweat and sex, and even though it reminded Blaine of fun times in the past (both here and in New York), all he really wanted to do was stand up, leave, and go back home.
It was a bad idea to meet up here of all places... and based on the terrified look in Kurt's eyes, it was a bad idea to even meet up at all.
"You're pregnant."
"Yeah. Kinda hard not to notice, huh?"
Kurt's lower lip disappeared between his teeth, worriedly being chewed on as he looked into Blaine's eyes and then at his belly like he was trying to make sense of everything. One of his hands twitched at his side, the fingers wiggling for a few seconds like he was trying to fight off the urge to feel. "How far along are you?"
"A little over seven months."
"Seven months?"
"Yeah."
Easily, Blaine could see Kurt doing the math in his head, the numbers and dates flying around in his mind as he put two and two together. Within seconds, his eyes were back to being saucer wide, mouth falling open once more. "Oh my god." The memories of their relationship had to be bulldozing him, reminding him of many nights filled with panting breaths and whimsical moans, Blaine writhing around on their bed as Kurt thrust into him from above, their fingers linked together as they stared at one another through the dim streetlight that seeped in through the loft's frosted windows. Sometime that March they'd conceived this child and Blaine knew that Kurt was counting in his head, numbering off the days that he remembered of them being together. "Blaine-"
Kurt kept repeating his name quietly under his breath, his voice no louder than a murmur that could barely be heard over the music. If it weren't for their close seating arrangement, Blaine never would've heard the words at all, but since Kurt was right beside him, he could pick up on each articulate hiss Kurt made. He couldn't respond though, not knowing what to do or say. So he waited for Kurt to say something else, all while sipping on the water that the bartender quickly brought him once Blaine had been able to flag him down. Several long minutes went by, filled with uncomfortable silence. Kurt kept staring at Blaine's belly like, at any minute, Blaine would reach under his top and pull out a pillow or a ball, screaming, "GOTCHA!" But when it didn't happen, Kurt grew quiet in thought and the silence worried Blaine like none other.
The last time there was silence like this, Kurt was brewing like a too-hot teapot, angrily whistling out once he'd boiled over. Last time, Kurt broke his heart. Blaine was sure he was about to do it again.
"You're seven months pregnant. Is it... is it mine?"
And there it was, like a crack in the ice, splitting deeper and deeper as more and more weight was put on it until it finally separated. Blaine's heart felt like it had torn completely in half, the pathetic bits of tape and glue that he'd used to haphazardly put it back together again having come undone, leaving him bleeding and destroyed once more. The breath he held puffed out of his lungs in a sob and he slapped his hand over his mouth, shaking his head before he leapt up from the stool and rushed into the crowd of raving bodies. Behind him, Kurt's voice boomed through the sea of people, but he couldn't stop, feeling that ever-present burn of sickness race up his throat, threatening to spill out if he didn't hurry. Still holding his hand over his mouth, he pushed the bar's entrance open with his free arm and then ducked by a shrub, gasping out tears and bile as he knelt on the pavement and got sick all over the mulch. He was trembling, sobbing as he threw up, but no matter how caught up in his pain he was, he could still feel Kurt's presence behind him, could hear Kurt's labored breathing just a few feet away.
"Blaine?"
"Go away!"
"God, I- I didn't mean it like that. I know you wouldn't cheat on me again, it just- it just slipped out."
Another gag of vomit kept Blaine from responding, his body lurching forward into the brush as he grew sicker and sicker. One hand cupped his belly while the other steadied him on the ground, tiny bits of gravel biting into the soft, thin skin of his palm. He couldn't stop crying, his head throbbing with each hitch of his breath. If his mother were there, she'd be freaking out on him for becoming hysterical but he couldn't help it. It was like someone took a wrecking ball to the poorly constructed dam of his soul and let all the churning water flood over him, drowning him in nothing but pain and darkness. Kurt's words during their break-up kept slamming into him, hammering his fragile state until he began to crumble; the rest of Kurt's words - from their first separation to now - backed over him like a semi, crushing the fragmented bits of his heart into nothing but dust. Another sob tore from his throat and he pushed back, falling to his bottom as the illness waned and left him feeling like nothing but a shell that couldn't function, one that couldn't possibly be alive.
Kurt was hovering a few feet away, softly crying as he watched Blaine suffer, but he didn't move any closer, instead standing off as to not get in the way.
To Blaine, he was disgusted by this whole situation. (It wasn't that way though, not really.)
"Can you just go?" Blaine whimpered, his voice scratchy, croaking from the burn that was the wreckage in his throat. He tried to tuck himself up in a ball, to make himself as small as possible, but there wasn't any way, not with that blasted belly in the way. It made him sob even more.
"I didn't mean it like that, I swear." Kurt cried, shaking his head to and fro as he finally started to make his way closer. He knelt on the ground beside his ex-fiance, knees digging into the concrete as he crawled into Blaine's personal space to lay a gentle hand on his former lover's shoulder. "Please understand that I... I didn't mean to hurt you like that. I was just-"
"Seven months, Kurt. Seven months. I wasn't with anyone else but you seven months ago! Almost eight!" His voice grew garbled, causing him to turn and spit in the grass so that he could speak more clearly. His vision was still blurred from the tears and his head was killing him, but damnit to hell if he wasn't going to let Kurt know exactly how badly he was hurting... in that moment and ever since Kurt ended their engagement. "Why would you think otherwise?"
"I don't know. I just-"
"Have never trusted me. I get it." The protests flying from Kurt's mouth fell on deaf ears, especially when all Blaine could hear was a rushing burst of static, the fuzzy sounds splashing against his ear drums like frothy ocean waves. He shrugged the offending hand from his shoulder and dizzily pushed himself off the ground, swatting Kurt's hands away as his ex tried to help him up. "Don't touch me! I don't need your help! I don't need you!"
Kurt stepped back like he'd been struck and deep down, Blaine hoped his words did strike him. He hoped with every bit of his soul that Kurt was hurting like he had been (still was), because it wasn't fair that he was dealing with all of this alone. It wasn't fair that Kurt was able to call all of the shots in their relationship, from the way they lived to the way they ended. It wasn't fair that Kurt got to come back and ruin Blaine's life again with his presence. It wasn't fair that he left Blaine like this and then didn't answer his calls when Blaine truly needed him. It was just like Kurt Hummel to hurt him. He'd done it before and Blaine was foolish to think it wouldn't happen again.
You're being stupid, his mind chastised, berating him for putting all the blame on Kurt when he knew he had his own issues within their relationship. He'd done his fair share of picking fights, of being childish and not being a good boyfriend, but hell if he hadn't been blindsided by the end of their engagement! The pregnancy was another surprise, leaving him speechless and heartbroken by the end of the day, much like that fateful life-changing night had been a few months ago.
And look where they were now? Fuck, it wasn't fair.
"C-Can you just go?" Crossing his arms over his chest, Blaine spit again, disgusted with the bitter, acidic taste in his mouth. He really wanted to go home, climb into the bathtub to soak away his heartbreak, and cry. Maybe he'd drive to Dave's or something and see if his friend wouldn't mind allowing him crash on his sofa for the night. Dave was crazy obsessed with ice cream, so maybe he wouldn't mind listening to Blaine cry out his anguish over a few bowls of whatever dessert they had on hand. He needed to vent... just not here and especially not to Kurt.
"I wanted to talk to you," Kurt answered, his voice growing stronger as he quit shedding tears. He watched Blaine with worried eyes, with the kind of gaze that used to make Blaine feel special because he knew that Kurt truly cared about his well-being back then. Now it just felt condescending, like he was staring at Blaine like that because he knew what a mess his ex had become. "I came here because I want to talk to you about what happened."
"You mean how you decided I wasn't worth it anymore? How you broke off our engagement without even telling me how you felt or even caring how I felt?"
"Blaine, that's not what-"
"Honestly Kurt, I don't care what you came back to do. This was such a bad idea. I have to go." Nothing in the world could have stopped him from leaving: not Kurt reaching for him, not the sound of his name bleeding through the air... nothing. He shoved past his ex and made a beeline towards his car, climbing into the vehicle and locking the doors within seconds. In his rearview mirror, he could see Kurt staring after him, arms hanging limply at his sides like all the fight within him had bled out. He looked wrecked and Blaine was sure he looked the same, but he couldn't bring himself to check. So, without another glance back, he drove off, leaving Kurt alone in the Scandals parking lot, chest hitching with broken sobs as he wondered where it all went wrong.
::::::::::
Dalton Academy was his safe haven, had been since the morning he set foot in the building with his parents flanked on either side of him, body moving sluggishly from the casts adorning his still-healing broken bones. He'd been scared to death that day, worried sick at the thought of being seen in such a state, especially with his mother fussing over him like a newborn babe. But when he rounded the corner and took in the ornate walls, the crystal chandeliers, and sparkling decor, something about the place screamed 'safe' at him.
A handful of years later and still the Academy was his safety net.
Walking through the building now, hands shoved in his pants pockets, made him feel older and a little sadder at the thought that no longer was he important to this place. Back when he'd been in high school, he was a big deal on campus, even after he defected to McKinley. The student body and the faculty loved to see him in the halls, offering him high fives and excited waves as the Blaine Anderson walked through their school.
Now he was just a nobody, a washed-up unimportant nobody.
"Blaine Anderson? Is that you?"
Stunned that someone remembered his name, Blaine turned, his hands sheepishly tugging at the blazer he'd worn to hide his growing belly. Immediately, he was met with the flashback of his first meeting with the Headmaster of the Academy; the way he sat slouched down in his chair, head throbbing while his parents talked about the hate crime that landed him in the hospital and, ultimately, in the Dalton Headmaster's office. The man was kind, well-spoken and concerned for Blaine's health and safety and by the end of the meeting, Blaine was officially a student of Dalton Academy, ready to start classes as soon as his physicians deemed him able to be back in school.
That same Headmaster was staring at him now, beaming as wide as could be as he took in one of his most talented alumni (even if Blaine hadn't graduated from the Academy.) "What a wonderful surprise. It's been so long, Mr. Anderson. So nice to see you!" The men locked hands in a firm shake and Blaine ducked his head bashfully, blushing slightly as Headmaster Bickerstaff went on and on about his achievements at the school, including the heart-stopping proposal that left Dalton Academy in good graces with many organizations that supported gay marriage.
Oh, if they only knew the outcome of that much admired proposal...
It wasn't until Bickerstaff mentioned the Warblers that Blaine came back to the conversation, eyes widening when he heard the words 'Ebola' and 'coach.' From there Bickerstaff explained that, in order to bring the Warblers back to their former glory, the school brought on a vocal coach and advisor to help them get back on track. That very same advisor came down with flu like symptoms that worried everyone enough to rush him out of the Academy and now they were struggling to find someone to help.
The fact that Blaine just so happened to be wandering through the building was like a God send and before he knew it, he was shaking Headmaster Bickerstaff's hand, agreeing to become the new advisor to the Warblers.
::::::::::
"Okay, no no no. Nothing about that was on point. If you guys want to win at Sectionals, you need to put more oomph into your performance! Vocal Adrenaline will slay you if you guys go out there performing like that. Believe me, they slaughtered us during my very first Sectionals in the Warblers and the last thing we need to happen is for that to repeat itself."
Around him, heads nodded solemnly, the group of blazered boys slipping back into position for another go round with their setlist. Blaine stayed seated on the sofa, fingers linked and resting on his knees as he watched the boys dance and bebop to the music he'd chosen for Sectionals. All in all, they were really, really good and he was really proud of them, but for some odd reason, they were off their game that day.
The same could be said for Blaine himself, but he didn't want to think about it.
Hell, ever since he'd fled home that night after seeing Kurt at Scandals, he felt off in general. For days, he argued with himself about getting out of bed. Then he bawled his eyes out at his therapist because he had no idea how to handle himself and he was scared to death that he'd do something stupid - that something meaning going back to Kurt. Then Rachel called him to berate him about how he acted, which ended up with them fighting over stupid stuff that really had nothing to do with Kurt at all... and now he was stuck at Dalton with a blinding headache and a throbbing, achy heart.
"That was much better," he praised once the Warblers finished singing; the guys' tense shoulders sagged in relief and then they moved to gather their things since the time for their meeting to end had long since passed. A few of them bid Blaine goodbye as they left and then he was all by himself in the common room, body exhausted from the last few weeks of work. It didn't help that the pregnancy was pretty tiring itself, but there wasn't much he could do about that. Sighing, he rubbed his hand over his belly and stood up, heading off for a quick bathroom break before he went home for the day.
When he came back and made his way out to his car, he found himself face to face with a beautiful young woman wearing an Academy blazer... and that's how he met Jane Hayward.
::::::::::
Somehow it felt like everything (and everyone) in the world was against him.
Mr. Schue decided to host a dinner for the coaches of the various choirs that were going to go against each other at Sectionals - which meant him, Rachel, Sam (for some odd reason), and Kurt (who just so decided to become co-director with Rach) were on hand for a family get together. The entire evening was filled with awkwardness, especially from Kurt, who seemed to not be able to take his eyes off of Blaine for the whole meal. Will even brought out Daniel for them to meet and Blaine took a minute or two to hold him, ignoring the way his own unborn child flip-flopped around in his belly as his daddy cooed at another child. Daniel was adorable, bright-eyed and innocent, and holding him sent shockwaves through Blaine that he wasn't sure he could handle at that moment. Because as he looked at the little babe, all he could imagine was what his own baby might look like... would it favor Kurt's looks? Elven and sharp angled. Or would it look more like Blaine? Classic and soft.
He couldn't bear to entertain those thoughts for long because he still wasn't sure what he wanted to do about his own child. He'd spent enough nights crying over the idea of keeping it and now he wasn't even sure if he could just give it up like that, not if he was becoming warm to the idea of being a father. So, before he could get lost in his thoughts any longer, he passed Daniel back to his father and allowed the rest of the crew to babble at the baby, occasionally answering questions about his own pregnancy until he finally had to feign a yawn and head home.
Days later, Jane Hayward, who'd been gunning to be a Warbler and had asked him for help to become one, ran off to be a part of the New Directions after the Warblers voted against her being in the group. All the work Blaine had put into trying to integrate her into the choir came crashing down in an instant. He'd put his job on the line and ran himself ragged trying to help her and all she did was bail on him without a single word. Later on, she came to Dalton and thanked him for his help, but explained that she just couldn't stay where she wasn't wanted.
It didn't matter though, because Blaine was still disgusted with everyone at McKinley for undermining him like that.
He fought long and hard for Jane, trusted Rachel (and, foolishly, Kurt) to not betray him like that, and yet it happened. It was just another fucking poison-laced cherry on top of the hazardous waste sundae that was his life. And the more he thought about it, the more he was sure he wouldn't be able to deal with anyone else's shenanigans.
::::::::::
"So what do you say about going to McKinley's homecoming bonfire with me? It'll be fun."
"Pretty sure there's nothing fun about McKinley High, David. You'd be better off going by yourself. I think I'm gonna stay in this evening."
A groan on the other line made Blaine roll his eyes; fondly, though, because as exasperated as he was with everyone else in his life, Dave, for some odd reason, made him feel better about everything. As strange as it was (considering their tumultuous past and the tense way they first met), they'd become really good friends over the last few months. Blaine kind of wondered if Dave maybe liked him a little more than he let on, especially since the guy became rather flirty whenever they were around each other. But he knew that his friend wouldn't dare try to make a move, not when Blaine was carrying his ex-fiance's child.
Chuckling, he stretched out on the sofa and rested his hand over the highest peak of his stomach, his heart thumping harder when the baby reacted to the touch with a swift set of kicks. "Anyway, Kurt will be there and I just don't feel like facing him right now."
"I am sorry that the whole Scandals thing didn't work out for you-"
"I wasn't expecting it to anyway. It doesn't matter though. We're broken up and that's that. I may be having his baby and everything, but I can't go back to him, not after what happened between us. He used to say that we were better off as friends, mostly when we were broken up that first time, you know? But I would brush it off because I thought we were soulmates. I was really dumb though. There's no such thing as soulmates."
A sharp breath made him frown and he almost questioned it until Dave spoke up. "Maybe Kurt just wasn't meant to be your soulmate. Maybe there's someone else out there for you."
"Nah. I think I'm destined to be alone. Like a lonely cat lady or something. Except not a lady."
Dave laughed. "I don't think I could imagine you living with a ton of cats. Maybe a bunch of dogs. Like puppies or something. Little golden retrievers." Blaine hummed in response to Dave's ramblings, ignoring the fact that his mind slipped elsewhere, to days of laying in Kurt's backyard talking about their future with their children and a retriever puppy that Blaine wanted to name Goldie (as an homage to her breed and Goldie Hawn.) Nope, he surely wasn't thinking about that. "-so you really don't want to go to Homecoming?"
"I didn't want to go to the bonfires when I went to McKinley."
"But you're the alumni, not me. It would be weird if I went by myself." His tone got Blaine thinking again about whether or not Dave had a crush on him. The constant offers to hang out, the flirty teasing, and the compliments were all signs of a potential crush, but this took the cake. Rolling his eyes yet again, Blaine let his hand fall from his stomach so he could reach for a bag of potato chips he left sitting on the coffee table. He popped a few into his mouth and crunched the snack in his teeth, listening to Dave talk more and more about the bonfire and how everyone was going to be there.
That really got him thinking about it. He did miss his old friends (Kurt's old friends, he thought for just a second, the bitter sneer of his subconscious fading away to nothing as he imagined hugging Mercedes and seeing Tina after so long.) It didn't take long for him to come up with an answer and even though his heart was begging him not to go, he agreed, accepting Dave's proposal to be picked up at six-ish for a night that he was sure wasn't going to be as fun as his newest friend made it out to be.
He was correct on that front, that's for sure.
::::::::::
"Blaine! Hey Blainey Days!"
The air was smoky from the fireworks, the pep rally dying down as current McKinley students cheered and danced around while the alumni rushed about, greeting one another and talking about their lives. Blaine was sitting in the bed of Dave's truck with him, leaning back against the window while they quietly watched the light show boom above them. Across the way, the alumni (and current) members of the New Directions were bopping around, singing and laughing with one another.
As he watched them, he'd never felt more alone. Because even though he transferred to McKinley his junior year and became one of them, he'd never felt like it, not after he'd won Nationals with them or after he shoved off the Warblers' pleas for him to come back to them after his first break-up with Kurt. No matter what he did, he was always going to be seen as Blaine Warbler, the enemy, and now that he was coaching the Warblers, he was still very much an outsider and always would be... alumni of McKinley or not.
(Sometimes he wondered what life would've been like he if told Kurt to leave him alone about transferring. Like, if he decided to stay at Dalton for his final years of schooling instead of leaving behind his home to go to a school that never really accepted him. He would think about it for hours, always coming to the conclusion that his life would have never been the same, good or bad, and that the past was just that: the past. So he'd leave it alone, only to have those same thoughts plague him whenever he felt truly lonely and really didn't have anyone else to turn to. Like now.)
"Blaine Warbler!"
The group of McKinley alumni waved at him, a few of them breaking away to come say hello. Some of them greeted Dave while others watched him wearily, but then Dave spotted some of his old football friends and he left Blaine with a pat on the back. From there, it was just Blaine and his old friends, each of them eyeing him like he was the last piece of pizza left in the box, scared to be the first one to reach out. Mercedes was the first to speak, holding out her hands as she gently helped him climb out of the truck. "I thought they were just kidding with me when they said you were pregnant, but I guess I was wrong! Congrats, baby!" She pressed a kiss to his cheek and then he was enveloped in a bunch of hugs. Brittany squeezed him first, muttering nonsense into his ear about babies and star signs, then Tina swept in and berated him for not calling her after the break-up. Sam hovered off to the side since he'd seen Blaine a few days before that, but the rest of the group made sure to greet him.
It wasn't until Quinn pulled away that Blaine noticed Kurt staring at him, his hands stuffed in his coat pockets while he hovered a few feet away, Rachel at his side. The group was quick to notice the tension between the exes, so they all started making stupid excuses, darting this way and that until they'd all disappeared (even Rachel, who protested loudly about leaving Kurt alone until Puck was able to drag her off to the other side of the parking lot.) Once they were gone, Kurt stepped forward a bit, head still downcast as he looked at his feet.
"You look nice," he offered as a way of greeting, finally glancing up to catch Blaine's eye. Even in the orange light of the bonfire, Kurt looked ethereal, more handsome than ever. Obviously their break-up had been good for him; in the last few weeks of their relationship, Kurt's expression had turned sour. Now he looked happier (or at least that's what Blaine tried to tell himself - he wasn't dumb, he knew Kurt was putting on a show. He knew Kurt's happy faces and his sad ones, his excited smiles and his fake ones. This one was fake. Oh so fake.)
"Thank you. You too." The baby twitched inside of him, doing what felt like a somersault at the sound of Kurt's voice. Placing his hand over the area, Blaine watched Kurt's gaze follow the movement and he wondered what his ex was thinking about. "It's weird being here."
"You mean because of this?" Because of us?
"No. Because I'm at Dalton now. It just feels weird. Like I don't belong."
"You'll always belong here. You're a Titan, remember? You graduated from here."
"Sometimes I feel like I would've been better off graduating from Dalton..."
His words made Kurt's eyes widen and just like that, the careful mask Kurt had been wearing melted away to show off how he really felt. In Blaine's eyes, Kurt looked just as exhausted as he felt. His ex's shoulders slumped, his lips pulling downward as he let his eyes fall onto Blaine's rounded tummy. Like that night in Scandals, he was intently focusing on the biggest change in their lives (not counting their break-up.) The belly just represented everything that had went haywire for them. They weren't expecting this. Blaine wasn't expecting a break-up either, but life was quick to hand them tons and tons of lemons with absolutely no possible way to make some god damn lemonade.
"I don't think any of us would've preferred it if you graduated from Dalton, Blaine. You're one of us." He flinched at Blaine's scoff. "It's true."
"Yeah, okay sure." Reaching back into Dave's truck, Blaine pulled his coat back on, zipping it up to protect his stomach from the cool, biting autumn air. Late September always brought about cold evenings in Ohio, but tonight it was cooler than usual - Blaine was sure it had something to do with the icy feeling that had overtaken his heart. "I've gotta go."
"Right now?"
"I have an early day tomorrow. Warblers practice and stuff like that. You know, you're a teacher now."
"I... yeah, I know. I just- I was hoping I could talk with you."
"I think we did enough talking at Scandals, don't you?"
Kurt whined. He actually whined, "No. Blaine, please. Can't we just discuss this? I don't want to keep fighting with you. I wanted to talk that night and I never got the chance-"
"You know why."
"And I'm sorry for that. God knows how sorry I am. I didn't mean it like that and I never will. It was just a moment of panic and I'm incredibly sorry for it. I really am. I just- I need to talk to you. There's so much I need to say!"
If Blaine had a dime for as many times as he rolled his eyes that week alone, he was sure he'd be a millionaire. Crossing his arms over his chest, he glared at Kurt, his entire being bursting with the urge to just scream. "I had a lot to say too, especially on that night we broke up. Remember that? Remember how you just suddenly decided that our love wasn't worth fighting for anymore? Remember how you up and ended our engagement because you weren't happy? Remember how you didn't even care to listen to me? Remember how I offered to try and make it work? Remember how I would've bent over backwards for you just to make you happy but you didn't want it? ...no? Well, I do!"
"Blaine, please-"
"I loved you, Kurt. I loved you so much but obviously I loved you way more than you ever loved me." Across from him, Kurt was teary-eyed again, his head shaking back and forth. "I can't do this with you. I just can't. You wouldn't even let me try when I wanted to fight for us. You didn't want to fight for me at all! I can't just stand here and listen to you when you wouldn't give me the same courtesy and god, if you're only doing this because of the baby, well guess what? Babies aren't something you can just give up on and cast aside whenever you aren't feeling it! They aren't like your fiance or your boyfriend or whoever! You can't just give up on a child-" He choked, feeling a pang in his heart as he remembered how much he'd been entertaining giving up his baby for adoption. Oh god.
"Blaine-"
"I can't let you come in here and hurt me again. I couldn't take it, especially not now. Please quit bothering me." He stepped back, turning on his heel to go look for Dave somewhere in the parking lot. Behind him, he heard people rushing to Kurt's side (probably Rachel and the other girls, he was sure) but he didn't turn back. Instead, he rushed through the crowds of people until he spotted Dave talking to some girls near the bleachers. As soon as Dave saw him, the man bid his friends goodbye and was quick to wrap Blaine up in a hug, leading him back to the truck where the coast was clear, the New Directions gone from their post. "I don't know what I was thinking coming here," Blaine whimpered, wrapping his arms around himself as Dave drove him back home.
Beside him, his friend shook his head, guilt eating at him for putting Blaine in such a painful position, and somewhere back in the McKinley parking lot, a certain Sue Sylvester stood off to the side watching one of her favorite students weep whilst his stupid classmates struggled to calm him down.
"My poor, sweet Porcelain," she mused, turning on her heel to head back into the school. As much as she hated everyone, there'd always been a soft spot in her heart for one Kurt Hummel and after she watched him and his tiny pocket gay argue out there at the bonfire, she knew she at least had to help push them back together, no matter what the cost.
::::::::::
"The Warblers sound wonderful, Mr. Anderson. You're doing a great job! Keep up the good work!"
A teacher whose name Blaine just couldn't remember gave him a pat on the back as she left the tea room, leaving him all by his lonesome in the grandiose lounge while everyone headed back to class. The main perks of being the advisor to the glee club (and the glee club only) was that he had a ton of free time to hang out on campus while the rest of his peers were busy in their classrooms. The tea room was one of his favorite places to be in the building (other than his office) and that was mainly because of how many good memories he had there. The lounge was one of the main places he and his friends used to goof off. They'd thrown several impromptu Warbler performances in that very room, ones that would make the new Warblers run screaming with their tails between their legs in fear that they could never be that good. It was also a place where Blaine would go to reflect. He'd wander out of his dorm sometimes and go down for a cup of tea, sliding into one of the fancy wooden chairs to spend hours staring up at the ceiling, his mind floating off to another world as he imagined becoming an adult and getting out of Ohio.
Those dreams were futile, but they were still great memories nonetheless.
The only thing that really bothered him about the tea room and much of Dalton Academy, if he wanted to be honest, were how many places there reminded him of Kurt. The first time they kissed was in that very room. They had coffee and got to know each other there; they mourned over Pavarotti there and, like the stairwell and the practice room, this room was a huge part of the massive marriage proposal that he pulled off over a year and a half before.
Whispering, he cupped his hand over his tummy, feeling the baby fidget beneath his touch while he quietly talked to himself as he sat alone at his table. "Over there's where I first kissed your dad. I was so scared that day. He confessed that he liked me weeks before that and I was sure he was over his crush by the time I finally caught up, but I went for it and we started dating that same day. Hands down, it was the best day of my life... other than the day he agreed to marry me, but it didn't last. You know that already." A soft jolt to his palm made him sigh and he stood up, packing up the rest of his lunch to go spend the rest of the afternoon in his office until it was time for Warbler practice.
Until then, he was sure he'd be busy lost in his thoughts about all the wonderful things that happened to him behind the protective walls of this school. Most of his thinking would be about Kurt (as it always was) but he should've known better. Dalton Academy had more history (in regards to him and Kurt) written on its walls more than any place in the whole state of Ohio. He'd been foolish to think that it was going to be easy getting over his ex by taking a job at Dalton of all places.
This was the place where they met. It's the place where they became friends, fell in love, and later get engaged at. Now it was just a place of memories... and it broke Blaine's heart.
::::::::::
Tina Cohen-Chang
Congrats to Brittany S. Pierce and Santana Lopez on their engagement! It was beautiful and I'm glad to have been a (minor) part of it!
"I didn't know Lopez and Pierce got engaged."
The fork Blaine had been stabbing into some lettuce froze in his hand, a shock of electricity racing up his spine as he glanced up and caught Dave's gaze. "What?"
"Brittany and Santana are engaged. Just saw it on Facebook. Look." He held out his phone, showing off a status that Mike Chang had shared from Tina's wall. Blaine took the phone from his friend's hand and frowned, noticing all the likes and comments on the update. Members of the New Directions past and present were posting their congratulations to the newly engaged couple, but none of them had bothered to text him or anything about the exciting event. He found out about it from Dave who found out on Facebook; he wasn't even considered to be a friend enough to be told by Tina or Sam or any of the other people who'd been there and seen it. Shaking his head to brush off the bad thoughts that began to roam through his mind, he handed Dave back the device and went back to picking at his dinner, barely bothering to hide the fact that he wasn't eating much at all.
"You should really eat more than that, Blaine. You heard your mom as we were leaving-"
"Yeah, I know. I was there, David. I heard her. I don't need you parenting me too!"
"Okay, okay. Sorry. I just- I worry about you, alright? You're my friend and you're pregnant and I don't like seeing you upset and hurting. Plus I want you to be healthy. You and the baby."
"We're fine. I just want to have an uninterrupted dinner with the only friend I have left here in northern Ohio and-" He trailed off, nose scrunching in discomfort as a strange feeling ran along the crest of his belly. It lasted for only a second, but it was enough to make him freeze in shock as well as cause his eyesight to blur.
"Blaine?"
"I-I'm fine. I think I might've just had a Braxton Hicks contraction."
"Are you sure? Are you supposed to have them this early?"
"I'm eight months pregnant, so yeah. I started having them earlier. That one may have been the worst though." Pushing his plate away, he reached out and took a sip of water, gently rubbing his lower stomach as he ignored Dave's concerned looks. "I'm fine, I promise. That's just my body's way of preparing me for the inevitable. It's supposed to happen."
"I just worry about you, that's all. The last few weeks haven't been to generous to you."
"Oh, sure they have." Blaine responded bitterly, biting back the harsh chuckle he wanted to let out. "The world's been very generous in making sure that I remember how much my life sucks." Dave said something to counteract Blaine's venomous complaints, but the other boy ignored it, moving to gather their waitress' attention. Once she came over, he asked for a few boxes and the check, putting away his food and paying for their meals while David finished up his food.
"I could've gotten that, Blaine."
"You bought dinner the last three times we went out. It was my turn and it has been for a while. Don't worry about it."
"Well thanks. It means a lot."
"It's just dinner."
A look passed through Dave's eyes and Blaine glanced away, knowing exactly what that stare meant. He'd been right all along: Dave did like him. It was kind of endearing to know, especially considering how disgusting he felt being all bloated and exhausted like this. Sometimes he wondered what things would've been like between them had he not been pregnant. Would Dave have been that guy that he tried to date after such a fail of an engagement? Would Dave even want to try anything with him even after he had the baby? (He hoped not. He really didn't think he'd be able to date anyone after the baby's birth, especially not with the history between them and how it pertained to the baby's other father.)
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking." Giving Dave one final gander, he pushed himself out of the booth and took his box of leftovers in hand, waiting until his friend was up and maneuvering them both through the tiny restaurant. Dave had a hand on the small of his back, steadily helping him stay upright as they walked (which was pretty much a god send considering how horrible Blaine's balance had become over the last few weeks alone; his stomach growth made him feel off-kilter due to the weight in his gut alone.) The touch felt protective and Blaine sort of reveled in the feeling, which was something he hadn't had since the day Kurt left him. For months, he fought off touch, didn't want to have any sort of hands on him, but as time went on and the lonelier he felt, he allowed a few people back into his space. Mostly just his mom and Dave (which was fairly sad, if he really thought about it.) He missed being close to someone like this though; he missed feeling cared about and loved.
Oh god, is that what this is? Did Dave have feelings for him other than the silly little crush he seemed to be harboring? At that thought, a bit of nausea swirled in Blaine's stomach and it only increased as Dave helped him into the truck and drove him back home. They were much closer together in the cab, only a few feet keeping them apart as Dave kept his eyes on the road and Blaine had his eyes on Dave. His stomach was rolling, not only because of the baby's movements, and once Dave pulled the vehicle into the driveway and parked, the sick feeling in his belly increased over what might happen next.
"David-"
"Blaine, I have something to say. I... I don't know what this is between us. I like being your friend and I hope you like being mine. I know we've had our issues in the past and I know you've forgiven me for what I did back then... and I know you're still hurting over what happened with Kurt, but I just wanted to let you know that I do care about you. I will always be here if you need anything whether it be a ride or a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand. You're an amazing guy, Blaine, and I hate to see you hurting."
No words would form on Blaine's tongue. He kept on peering through the darkness at his friend, taking in the nervous way Dave held himself and the way he babbled on and on about stuff. Instead of feeling pleasant or happy that Dave was finally confessing what he'd known for weeks, Blaine felt tremendous fear over what was to come. He too cared about Dave, but only as a friend. The idea of moving into a relationship when he couldn't even picture what tomorrow was gonna be like scared the dickens out of him. There were so many things in this world that Blaine was unsure of. Being loved and being/feeling worthy of said love was one of them. After what happened with Kurt, Blaine was sure that there was something wrong with him. There had to be since Kurt found it so easy to let him go like that.
Have you noticed how exhausting it's been since you've moved back in?
That's what he was: exhausting. He couldn't bring Dave down to his level the way he did with Kurt. Dave was just now getting his life back on track after such a rough period following the suicide attempt and he was still working on his personal growth as an out gay man. He didn't need Blaine dragging him down and god only knew how much damage Blaine would bring along with him if they ever started anything. Blaine Anderson was like a hurricane, devastating, the damage long-lasting. He wasn't worth it and he never would be.
Dave lowered his head as he kept speaking, "This is probably a bad idea, I know, but I just wanted you to know that I like you, Blaine. You're amazing and- and I definitely don't want to make you feel uncomfortable-" Too late. "But getting to know you over the past few months has been great. We've come such a long way since the first time we met and I'm just happy to have you as a friend."
The 'and even more so if you don't care' never came. The words Blaine was scared to hear didn't come spilling out of Dave's mouth like he expected and when a few minutes went by of nothing but pure silence, a baited breath puffed from Blaine's lips, his shoulders finally sagging in relief. He felt bad for feeling like that because this version of David Karofsky, the one he'd grown to know and really enjoy, was a good guy, caring and loyal, funny and kind. He just... he just couldn't take a chance on it though. There was no way he could throw himself into a relationship with all this other baggage still in his life.
And as if the baby knew of his dilemma, it kicked him hard in the side, making him grumble in annoyance.
Dave continued, realizing that Blaine wasn't about to respond. "I dunno if I stunned you or what. I'm kind of obvious sometimes when it comes to my feelings and you probably already knew how I felt about you, but I just wanted you to know that I'm not gonna try anything. I'd rather be friends with you and just friends alone than to have nothing at all. I know you're still working through this Kurt thing and that the pregnancy's been rough on you and everything, but I do hope that if you need anything, you'll call on me. I know you're upset over your other friends from McKinley, but I won't do that to you. I'll be there when and if you need me, you know? You don't deserve this kind of sadness."
"You don't deserve to have to deal with someone like me," Blaine whispered in response, catching Dave's eyes in the darkness. There was a sheen there that wasn't there before and it sort of took his breath away. "I'm not worth it."
"When I was depressed and in the deepest lows of my life, I felt the same way you did. I felt like a burden, like I shouldn't bother anyone with my problems because I didn't deserve their help nor did they deserve having to handle my drama. I bottled things up and it backfired horribly as you know. I just don't want that to happen with you. You've got a baby on the way and there are several people who would bend over backward to help you, myself included, and I know that while Kurt being back isn't something you particularly care about right now, I have a feeling that he came back for something... and I'm sure it's you."
"David-"
"I'm not trying to get your hopes up or make you feel bad or anything. I just- I saw the way he was looking at you at the bonfire. He misses you and he looked more regretful then than I've ever seen him look. Kurt Hummel may be an enigma and he may be the hardest person in the world to crack, but he does wear his heart on his sleeve sometimes. At the pep rally, he was wearing it for everyone to see... I just don't know if you saw it or not."
Dave's words started to chip at the carefully constructed walls Blaine had built around himself, the ones he threw up the night he stumbled blindly out into a torrential rain that pelted the city that was supposed to be their home. Those walls had been protecting him for so long, getting longer and wider and more sturdy as the months went by. Blaine had them up to keep the feelings out as well as to keep his feelings in. Dave, however, knew exactly what to say and it got him thinking about Kurt and the way his ex practically crumbled that night in the parking lot. Was it really true? Could Kurt have come home to win Blaine back?
"Just think about it, okay? But don't get so caught up in it that you hurt yourself. We need you healthy so that you and the baby will be alright." Leaning forward, Dave pulled Blaine into his arms for a hug and then he kissed his cheek, which was something new and unexpected for Blaine. "You take care, okay? Go in there and rest and eat and all that fun stuff that you should be doing. Relax and enjoy your pregnancy. You only have a month and a half to go, right?"
"That sounds final. Are you ditching me for good?" Blaine asked, sniffling as the tears finally started to catch up with him. He squeezed Dave back, their embrace not yet over, and Dave chuckled against his neck.
"No, I just have a bunch of homework to do so I don't know when the next time I'll see you will be. I just wanted you to remember to take care of yourself. You can call me though, if you need me."
"I know. I've been needing you a lot lately."
"And that's not a problem." Releasing him, Dave sat back in the driver seat and watched Blaine unbuckle his seatbelt, exiting the cab as carefully as possible before he turned and offered his friend a shy goodbye. Soon, he was waddling up the walkway, waving goodnight at Dave before he disappeared into the safety of his home and then his mother was waving at Dave through the window, smiling when Dave waved back. Once his truck was out of the lot and driving down the street, Blaine put away his leftovers, climbed the stairs to his bedroom, and went straight to bed, pulling the blankets over his form as he sobbed over the mess that his life had become and the fact that, yes, Kurt might just have come back for him and him alone.
::::::::::
Nothing in the world can prepare you for the shocking pain of heartbreak. There's literally no way to warn someone of the Earth shattering, world ending agony that comes along with having your heart torn out and thrown on the cold, unforgiving ground. Nothing on the planet could've helped Blaine the second Kurt said that he didn't want to marry him anymore. As soon as those words left Kurt's mouth, Blaine felt like he was in one of those disaster movies where everything horrible starts happening all at once. Zombies could've been filling the streets and eating people, aliens could've been blowing up buildings, a crater could've opened up and swallowed them whole, but Blaine wouldn't have felt a thing.
The only thing he could focus on in that moment was the despair he felt as his soul ripped into shreds. Every single memory, every single beat of his heart that thump-thump-thumped for Kurt, that lived for Kurt, suddenly died within him. The air wheezed from his lungs, the blood iced over in his veins, and his body turned solid; it felt like death was upon him, like the undertaker had grasped his once loving heart within its bony, cold grip, squeezed, and killed him within seconds.
Blaine Anderson was dead. Unfeeling, unforgiving, unknowing. He had to be dead, he certainly felt like it.
At that moment, he kind of wished he was.
Walking back to the loft in the rain left him chilled and aching. He forgot his umbrella at the restaurant, not having a care in the world to turn around and retrieve it after Kurt so easily ruined his life. He didn't bother to catch a cab, too numb to raise his arms to wave one down, so... he walked. The rain beat down on him, hiding his tears as he dragged himself through the streets, just wishing that something bad would happen to him so that Kurt would regret his decision.
Who even thinks like that?! He thought to himself, quickly silencing his worried brain with more prayers for a quick end. What if a bus loses control, runs up on the sidewalk, and kills me? What if I accidentally slip and fall in front of a taxi? What someone comes up to mug me and shoots me between the eyes? What. If.
Every wretched thought beat through his mind in a cadence, matching the pounding rhythm of the ache in his head and the sound his feet made on the wet pavement. It took him forever to make it back to the loft, but soon he was dragging himself indoors, dripping water all over the floor as he stood in the middle of the apartment, unsure of what to do next.
There was no way he could stay there, not with Kurt, not with the man who'd destroyed them so easily. He had to get out, had to pack up his things and go, but he didn't know how. He didn't have a place to be and he surely couldn't afford a hotel, so what could he do? Still trying to think of a solution, he pulled his weighted body into the bedroom and pulled his Dalton polo team duffel bag out from under the bed, mindlessly packing away his clothing and toiletries into it while he debated over what to do. It took him less than an hour to pack up what he could, but the rest of his things (oh god, there was so little; everything else was Kurt's - it was his home, never theirs) he left tossed in boxes, content to come back and get them later lest his now-ex fiance happen to come home and find him there still.
What do I do? Shivering, he pulled the duffel bag over his shoulder and walked his squishy-soled feet out the door, locking it behind him before he made his way out of the building and aimlessly down the street. He still hoped for a mugger or a rogue, uncontrollable vehicle but it never came. Nothing harmed him the entire time he walked through the city and it wasn't until he passed the Starlight Diner that he remembered Dani living nearby. He didn't know her as well as Elliot, but he'd been around the two of them enough to know that they'd let him stay, even if it were for one single night.
So, without picking up his speed because he just didn't care, Blaine continued on, silently letting tears fall as he made his way towards Dani's apartment. The rain picked up, thunder and lightning booming in the thick clouds above and as Blaine got closer to the block Dani lived on, he found himself praying for a miracle in the form of a lightning strike that would just end it all.
Because he didn't know how he was going to survive this. Because heartbreak this severe felt like death; it was unyielding, torturous... final.
And more importantly... lonely.
::::::::::
"So this is the school you transferred to? You left Dalton for this?"
Blaine rolled his eyes, ignoring his students' questions as they followed him down the halls of McKinley like a flock of ducklings following their mother. They were all scowling and cringing at the sights and smells of the building and Blaine couldn't help but be slightly annoyed at their reaction. It wasn't like public school was necessarily a bad thing; some people weren't born into money or had trust funds to rely on like the boys in his group did. Some kids had to go to schools like this. Public school was the only way unless they had parents who were capable of home schooling them. If not, they were stuck heading to a facility like McKinley... and even now, the school was a lot better than what it was when Blaine first transferred there. Sue Sylvester made some seriously amazing changes if he really thought about it, even if she did cut the funding for the arts.
Behind him, the boys kept muttering unsavory comments about McKinley, but Blaine let the words float through one ear and out the other. He kept his head high and led them through the building as best he could, hoping that it hadn't changed too much since he graduated. All he had to do was get them to the auditorium and that was that. Once they were seated in the audience, they'd be good until their performance... whenever that was.
"Isn't that Jane?" Someone piped up, pointing straight ahead to a tiny group of students hovering outside of the choir room. Blaine stopped his group, waiting until the New Directions noticed them, but it wasn't until a red-faced Kurt and a scowling Rachel stormed out of another classroom down the hall that anyone noticed the Warblers were waiting.
"Oh! There you are!" Another voice called out and Blaine turned, smiling in relief when he noticed Mr. Schue come around the corner with his own group. Vocal Adrenaline looked as robotic as always, stone-faced and pompous in their menacing huddle a few feet away. Some of the Warblers were oogling the girls in their tight outfits and Blaine was sure that a few (somewhat obvious) gazes were on some of the male VA members as well. "So good to see you again, Blaine. You look great."
"Thanks. I don't feel great."
"Ahh, I remember those days. Emma was the same way, but it'll get better. You're about nine months now, right?"
"Yeah. Not much longer to go. Just a few more weeks until my due date." He placed both hands on his waist to emphasize his burgeoning belly, but quickly let them fall to his sides when he noticed Will's gaze maneuver from him to a few unwelcome guests behind them.
"Hey guys. Ready for the Invitational?"
"You mean the Invitational we just learned about?" Rachel hissed, her anger overpowering her tiny form. She began to rant to Mr. Schue, practically vibrating with rage, but Blaine could barely focus on her, instead distracted by the sight of Kurt standing just inches away from him. Both men were quiet, eyeing one another helplessly as they hoped no one else would notice. (The Warblers, New Directions, and their fellow coaches totally did though.) Kurt's attention was mostly on Blaine's stomach, his fingers once again twitching at his side in an action that Blaine realized was him fighting the urge to reach out and touch. Kurt wasn't a touchy-feely person by any means, but they'd always joked that he would have a terrible time keeping his hands to himself if Blaine were to ever get pregnant considering how much he loved the soft flesh of Blaine's tummy already. Now his belly was full and growing with their child and Blaine knew that Kurt was struggling with his feelings over the whole situation.
"Are you guys ready to perform?" Kurt asked, breaking the ice between them. Blaine stared at him for a moment, their eyes burning holes into each other as they stood there observing.
"Yeah. We've been working hard."
"Well that's more than what I could say for us. We still only have four members."
Before Blaine had a chance to comment on that, Sue's bullhorn-enhanced screaming interrupted the four choir directors, causing every single head in the hallway to turn towards her screeching. The woman was standing at the end of the hall, her signature red tracksuit blinding in the dark stretch of shadows. A few of the hall lights had been burnt out or shut off, making her look even more menacing than usual, and with the echoes of her bullhorn, the whole situation screamed eerie. When nobody moved, she began barking orders for everyone to head to the auditorium, so Mr. Schue waved his arm to signify that he wanted Rachel and Kurt to lead them and then everyone followed the New Directions to their competition stage. The New Directions took their seats in the middle, the Warblers were on the right, and Vocal Adrenaline took the left, all of them sitting quietly while Sue took her place at the front of the room.
"Alright listen, you untalented sacks of bat guano. I've invited you here to make fun of you because obviously you thought you were the best of the best in all the land and yet you're nothing but a stain on the underwear of life. I mean, none of you won Nationals last year, so obviously you suck. Other show choirs are better than you and will always be better than you, so you might as well get the embarrassment of failed competition over and done with while we're here so that everyone knows what to expect - which is nothing - when they compete against you!"
Rachel tried to interrupt, but she was shot down quickly.
"First up is Butt-Chin Schuester's ragtag bunch of misfits - oh no wait, that's the Beatles over there." She scowled at the puny number of New Directions members, "As I was saying, Butt-Chin Schuester's group of walking, talking Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots: Vocal Adrenaline!"
The group was quick to hop out of their seats and disappear behind the stage, ready to warm up before their performance. According to Sue, they had an hour to get ready and then it was show time. So, while the group stretched and worked on their vocals, the coaches decided to have a quick meeting to prepare each other for what was about to commence. Blaine left his group with the promise to return and for them to be nice to the New Directions and then he was off, ducking behind the stage and into a sea of nostalgia.
Being backstage brought back a bunch of memories, nights of performing with Kurt, practicing for solo tryouts or important school functions. A particular corner signified the very first time they had public sex, where they hid in the darkness after school and made out messily, coming undone as Blaine pressed Kurt up against the wall, their pants down around their ankles. Just seeing that corner made him shudder still.
"Okay so, I want to wish you all good luck on your performances-"
Will was sincere in his well wishes, but there was something about the look on Rachel's face that made Blaine wonder what she was thinking. Kurt seemed disinterested, like there was something else he'd rather be doing, but Blaine didn't bother to dwell on it, especially since he was extremely focused on what Rachel was saying to him and Mr. Schuester. "Okay, I know this isn't kosher for a show choir competition, but Mr. Schue, remember when you took us to see Vocal Adrenaline for the first time? Remember how scared we were and how terrified we felt about even stepping into the limelight after that performance?"
"Of course I do. We were all scared."
Rachel continued, "I've been thinking about that non-stop since Sue sprung the news about the Invitational on us. Kurt and I honestly had no idea until this morning and we've been scrambling ever since to get members and think of a set list." She looked down at her feet, swallowing thickly before she looked back up at her rival coaches. "I don't want to do this, but it's a life or death situation. Our kids are so scared about this. They don't know what's coming and I'd like to make this more comfortable for them. If you guys come out guns blazing with your performances, they'll be so discouraged that it won't even matter what we do. New Directions will be finished before we even start. We can't let that happen. They're such a good group of kids."
"No way."
Blaine's soft protest fell on deaf ears, Rachel ignoring him to move into the second part of her suggestion. "If you guys could just take it easy on us, maybe throw the competition? We would be forever grateful. I promise you-"
"No. No no no no no no no. No."
"What?"
The other three coaches were staring at him like he'd just grown another head. Rachel was purely shocked, one hand on her chest and her mouth hanging open. One of Mr. Schue's eyebrows was raised in surprise... and Kurt? Well Kurt was watching Blaine with an amused expression, the corners of his mouth curling up into a sinister smirk while he waited to hear more from the suddenly expressive, sassy boy before him.
"I said no. There's no way I'm gonna have my boys sabotage their performance just to make the New Directions realize that they matter." Across from him, Kurt visibly shuddered, but neither Rachel or Will noticed; Blaine did though. He always did. "The Warblers are being rebuilt just like your group is. They're more disgraced in the show choir world than the New Directions has ever been and that's partially my fault. Sam and I were the ones to expose them and we're the ones that got them disbanded. If it weren't for me, they'd still be performing-"
"If it weren't for Hunter Clarington, they'd still be performing," Mr. Schue corrected, but Blaine brushed him off, turning back to Rachel.
"When I was in the Warblers, our reputation was perfect. Everyone respected and adored us. Now the Warblers are a joke. The Headmaster brought them back because they had been one of Dalton's key selling points. Without the Warblers, tons of potential students flocked elsewhere and the school took a hit in its key demographic. So they decided to bring back their top group. Nobody does as well as the Warblers in regards to being recognized; not the sports teams, not the debate teams. Those other guys might win more awards, but the Warblers are the ones people remember. The Warblers are timeless. I was recruited to bring them back to their former glory and there's no way in hell I'm gonna let them flop just to make a former show choir national champion feel better."
Nobody said a word, their silence allowing Blaine to continue on.
"I'm honestly shocked that you'd ask me to do this, Rachel. I mean, yeah, I get it because compared to your choir, our numbers are huge. But you must really be doubting your kids' talent if you're afraid that a bunch of performers in one group will outshine the talents of the four obviously gifted kids you have. We all have great performers; I don't need to watch any of the groups perform to see that because I know all of us and I know our caliber of picking out talent." He shook his head in disgust, now feeling more annoyed than ever about Rachel's request. "Honestly, I cannot and will not make my kids perform like garbage just to boost your guys' team morale. If we're going to win this, we're going to do it fairly. I can't believe you have the audacity to even ask me to throw this, Rachel. You've got a wonderful singer in there who left my group to come to yours; I know her power and I know her skills and you're scared to use them before you've even tried. It's a shame." Shaking his head, he put his hands on his hips and turned to Will, "Mr. Schue, I really hope you don't agree to throw the competition for them. I understand that the New Directions are like another kid to you and that you have loyalty to them as well as their coaches, but you also have loyalty and responsibility to Vocal Adrenaline too. Don't let them down just because everyone else is scared of the competition. The New Directions will get over their fears. They've done it before and they'll do it again. They always do."
With those as his parting words, he spun around and left, storming back towards the front of the auditorium to take a seat with his group. The new group of kids in his old choir were watching him worriedly, like something bad had happened and it was going to affect them as well. The Warblers were also curious, some of them leaning forward to ask him what was wrong, but he waved them off, not saying much except for, "I'm fine. Just get ready to watch Vocal Adrenaline."
All eyes were on Kurt and Rachel when they came back to their seats and when Blaine glanced up to see just how pissed Rachel was, he caught Kurt's eye and almost choked on his breath when he noticed just how pleased Kurt seemed with him. Especially when his ex offered him a bright, amused smile.
Strange. His mind would be on Kurt for the rest of the time they waited in the auditorium, right up until Sue came marching back onstage and introduced Vocal Adrenaline. Then all hell broke loose...
Because VA was good. Too damn good.
::::::::::
"I just don't know if I'm comfortable with you heading to Lima for the night. Why couldn't they do this in the daytime on, like, Saturday or something?"
"Because the school's booked with activities on the weekends, mom. It'll be fine. I'll be gone one night and then I'll be home. It's just one night of performing, staying the night in a hotel, and then we'll be back on the bus to come home. The Warblers are so excited for this - it's their first competition. Plus, I'm their coach so I can't just not go. It'd be like I'm abandoning them."
His mom sighed, reaching across the table to take his hand. "I would rather someone go with you then instead of you heading to Lima all by yourself-"
"I'm not going by myself. It'll be: me, the Warblers, and our bus driver."
"Your bus driver is a sixty year old man who you said planned on spending his free time at Breadstix while you all perform. The Warblers are teenage boys and you're not much older than them. What if something happens?"
"We'll be fine, mama. We're just going to sing, show up the other choirs, and then we'll be back in Westerville on Friday night."
"I still can't believe the school gave you guys permission to miss Friday's classes."
"Well, we are the Warblers. Rock stars, remember? Also Thursday night's the only night McKinley had open for the Invitational." He took a sip of his milk and grabbed up another cookie, dunking it into the drink while he watched his mother leave the table to go pull another batch of sweets from the oven. They'd been baking all morning, preparing stuff for the upcoming Dalton Academy bake sale (one that raised money for local animal shelters - the Warblers were going to perform there too, that Saturday right after they got home from the Invitational.) Unfortunately for Pam, Blaine decided to come snacking as soon as she pulled the first batch of cookies out, so she had to make a few more to make up for her pregnant son's sweet tooth. She didn't really mind though. Any time Blaine ate something nowadays was an achievement considering how much he picked at food anymore.
"You want another cookie? I just made peanut butter ones. I was gonna put some chocolate kisses on them, but I know how much you dislike them together, so you are more than welcome to have some plain cookies."
"No thanks. These are just fine. Thanks mom."
Out of the corner of her eye, Pamela watched him lovingly stroke his belly, knowing all well how much he'd been struggling to not become bonded with the baby. They were edging closer to the finish line, the months turning into just weeks and she knew he was scared to death of the end. She was too, but they had time. He was still worried about fatherhood, scared to even entertain the idea of it, and even though it was killing her inside to know that her son was still debating adoption (though he'd never looked into an agency or anything yet), Pam knew she'd support him no matter what.
It still hurt to see his fingers hesitate though, hovering over his stomach after he pulled them away like he'd been shocked once he realized what he was doing.
Mostly, she wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to feel loved and important and pleased with his life. The baby was such a blessing to her (and she was sure to her husband as well, though he didn't say much.) However, Blaine was still so very fearful of the unknown and parenthood was just that - unknown. She was sure he'd fight off his fatherly urges until the day he gave birth, but there wasn't much she could do about that... just be by his side and support him, really. That was all she could do.
Though she wished she help so much more. So, so, so much more.
:::::::::
"Blaine? Wait! Can I ask you something?"
The Warblers all stopped, spinning around when their director froze in his place before them. They weren't dumb; they all knew exactly who was calling. You didn't join the Warblers and not know about the saga that was Warbler Blaine and Warbler Kurt: the two lovebirds who'd met at Dalton, left Dalton, and later returned for an epic proposal that left much of the greater Ohio area talking. Show choir blogs around the country posted their story, talked about how Blaine had successfully gotten some of the most powerful choirs in Ohio to help him propose to the love of his life. Then it all came crashing down.
Once again, the show choir blogs told the story about the end of the couple who'd inspired so many. There wasn't much detail about their break-up; nobody even knew until Blaine was spotted in Ohio. Then he started coaching the Warblers and the switch-boards lit up. From there, the blogs talked about him, his pregnancy, and the fact that Kurt was back in town. Rumors ran rampant about their end, but the Warblers didn't believe anything they read, knowing all well how fragile their advisor was. So, they ignored the rest of the blogs, threatened those who wouldn't quit to leave their director alone.
Then the stories died down. For now at least.
At that moment though, they were all quiet, patiently watching their director turn to acknowledge Kurt as the other man ran down the hall towards them. Some of the Warblers held their breath, knowing all well how important this moment could be. Others rolled their eyes at Kurt, having already made an alliance in Blaine's behalf. They all knew the story of how Kurt came to Dalton, shook up the Warblers, and ended up enticing Blaine to McKinley, thus causing one of the greatest downfalls in show choir history. Now that very same guy was standing before them, possibly thinking about wooing their choir director back to the enemy's side. God, they could not let that happen.
"Mr. Anderson, we should really get back to the hotel," one of the councilmen interrupted, but Blaine raised a palm, silencing him immediately.
"What do you want, Kurt?"
"I need to ask you something. Do you mind?" He jerked his head to the side towards an empty classroom and Blaine scowled.
"We need to get to our hotel. I don't have time for a chat. The guys need to eat and get their rest before tomorrow. You heard what Sue said." Yeah, they all heard Sue. Heard the way she suddenly changed the schedule from everyone performing that night to just Vocal Adrenaline performing. The event suddenly became a three-day thing with the Warblers performing Friday morning and the New Directions performing Saturday morning. Supposedly she called both Vocal Adrenaline's school principal and the Headmaster of Dalton and told them of the changes, getting them both to agree to let their choirs stay longer. From there, Blaine and Will had to rush off to book their hotels for longer and all of their kids had to call their families, leaving everyone flustered and annoyed with the situation.
Now all Blaine wanted to do was get to his hotel and sleep for the rest of eternity... or a few hours, whichever was easier.
"It won't take long, I promise."
"Then say it right here."
"Blaine," Kurt looked like he was seconds away from getting angry, but then Blaine placed a hand on his back, tilting back to stretch his aching spine and like that, Kurt was calming down, now looking worriedly at his ex. "I just... I told my dad and Carole about the baby-"
"You what?"
"It slipped out. I didn't mean to tell them, but Rachel came over and we were talking and my dad overheard her mention the baby. I tried to lie to him, but it didn't come out right and... now they know. They want to see you. They miss you-"
"Really? They want to see me? Ha! Please. They only want to see me because of the baby. That's how it goes anymore."
"That's not true."
"Yes, of course, obviously you know what's true and what's not in my life. Silly me. I can't believe I forgot that you have that all-special power of knowing what's good and what's not good for me. How could I possibly forget that? You remembered it, right?" The words were icy, sharp and Kurt flinched because of them.
"Blaine, don't."
"Don't what? Speak the truth? Because you know that's what you did. The entire time we were together you bossed me around like no other and now you can't handle me finally calling you out on it!" Behind them, the Warblers all sucked in deep breaths, the noise echoing in the quiet hallway. Some of them were snickering at Kurt's misfortune because Blaine was being brutal, but a lot of them kept quiet out of respect. Also, it was just too good to be able to watch this. It was a long time in the making it seemed and they were excited to bear witness to it.
"Blaine, please-"
"You know what, Kurt? I'm in town for the weekend but I'm busy; I have lots to do. You should know, you're gonna be busy with it too. I don't have time to come over and visit. I don't have time for this, I don't have time for you. I just want to get this over and done with and I want to go home and spend the last few weeks of my pregnancy drama free, which means not having to deal with your drama, okay? No, I do not want to see your parents right now. I love them to death, I do, but I cannot handle this right now. I'm tired, hungry, annoyed, and just worn the heck out. I would like to get back to our hotel so I can rest, but unfortunately I'm being held up by some guy who suddenly thinks that he can just swoop in and makes things right again when there's literally no way in hell that he can, not after the way he broke my heart. So, if you'll excuse me, my guys and I are going to go get on our bus and we'll see you in the morning. Goodbye, Kurt."
With that, Blaine took a step backward, angry eyes still on his ex, and then he turned around, beckoning his students to come with him as he stomped out to their waiting bus. Kurt stayed stunned in his spot, not even moving when Rachel came up to check and see if he was alright. Neither one of them left that area, instead watching Blaine get all the Warblers on the bus before he turned back and glared at the school, finally climbing on the charter to take his seat before they drove off and down to the hotel they'd booked for the weekend. As the smoke of the exhaust stained in the air, Kurt finally let go of Rachel and walked out to his car, breathing in deep, calming breaths to keep whatever mental breakdown he was about to have stay away.
It didn't really work. He broke down behind the wheel anyway.
::::::::::
After the confrontation with Kurt and the drama of having to make sure every single one of his students were fed and housed in the right rooms upon their arrival at the hotel, Blaine was completely zonked.
The second he stepped into his room, he slumped onto the bed and curled up in a ball, arms wrapping around one of the extra pillows to snuggle against his belly as he yawned and fought off the fog of sleep. There was so much more to do before he finally hit the hay. He had to sort out the mini rehearsal the Warblers were going to have the following morning at breakfast, he had to make sure he had an outfit picked out for tomorrow, plus he needed to shower/use the restroom/dress for bed because he couldn't possibly sleep in the constricting clothing he was wearing now.
So, even though he felt like death on two legs, he rolled off the mattress and went through the motions, stripping down to climb into the shower, his skin stinging as he stepped beneath the hot spray and quickly jumped out again to give the water a second to cool. The baby squirmed around, its small body bumping organs in its haste, and, like always, Blaine had to hiss out a breath at the feeling of his insides getting bruised. That was one thing he wouldn't miss about being pregnant: having his body parts used as a punching bag. For such a small creature, the child growing within him could surely pack a punch.
"Calm down in there, bun." He whispered to his stomach, palm gently resting over his belly button where most of the movement occurred. The nickname always made him smile as it was something that came to him not long after he found out he was pregnant. For months, he fought off the urge to feel any sort of attachment to the child he carried, but as the last few weeks trickled by (and as the baby grew and moved around more within him), he found he couldn't fight the loving feelings he felt towards the unborn little one. He still acted passive about it towards everyone else around him, scared to admit how he really felt about becoming a dad, but when he had moments alone with just himself, his thoughts, and his baby, he allowed the walls to come down. Much like this moment.
Bun was just a silly name, something that stuck with him when Sam made a joke to him about having a 'bun in the oven.' The phrase was something rather popular about pregnancy and had been for years, but at that moment in time, Blaine fell in love with the term and now his baby was known as Bun. Nobody else knew - just him - and it was a secret that he enjoyed having all to himself.
"If you could get all your energy out within the next hour, that'd be great. I'd like to be able to sleep tonight." He murmured. Patting his stomach, he stepped beneath the shower spray again, content with the water temperature, and there he stayed for the next twenty minutes, mindlessly doing what he had to do while he thought about Kurt's words that evening and how hopeful the other man seemed about getting Blaine to come over for dinner.
In another world, Blaine was sure he would've caved to his ex's pleading, probably would've dove head first right back into Kurt's arms like he sometimes thought about. Because he did miss him. He missed Kurt every single day. Unfortunately though, he couldn't shake the memory of Kurt ending their engagement. He couldn't get rid of the painful ache that ran through his whole body as he remembered the weeks afterward when all he wanted to do was waste away. Nothing could compare to that pain and he was sure he'd never be able to survive another heartbreak if he went back to Kurt and the same instance happened all over again.
So, he pushed away any dream he had about getting back together with Kurt and he also pushed Kurt away as well. It was easier. The angrier Kurt got with him, the more he'd realize they weren't going to work out. Then he'd head back to New York where he belonged and that would be that. Blaine would stay in Ohio to raise the baby and all would be right with the world... or not. He was truly fooling himself if he thought things were going to be that easy.
Still humoring himself with thoughts of a simpler future, Blaine turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his hips before he shuffled into the bedroom and dried off, dressing quickly. Down the hall, he could hear the laughter of a few of the boys who'd left their rooms to get some snacks, and he told himself that he'd need to do some scolding, turning to head out into the hall to tell the rowdy teens to keep it down lest they get kicked out of the building for disturbing the peace.
He was inches away from opening the door when a sharp, stabbing pain hit him in his lower abdomen, dangerously close to his pelvis. He gasped, body instantly hunching forward to lean against the door, and he stayed like that, vision popping like fireworks as the pain intensified and then ebbed away to almost nothing. Like the Braxton Hicks contractions he had over dinner with Dave not long ago, these pains were rather awful. Unlike those previous contractions, these were fear inducing... because they were worse.
Whining, his fingers clutched at the thin fabric of his nightshirt, pulling on the cotton that stretched over his stomach as he squeezed his eyes shut and panted out a few stuttered breaths, trying to calm himself down. The pain was over now, faded away to nothing, but he was left with jittery, shaking legs; the knowledge that if he moved, he'd probably fall over filling his entire thought process. Ignoring the cackling boys down the hall, he dragged his weakened body towards the bed, pulling himself up and onto the mattress only to collapse against the pillows once more. He didn't care if the boys were too loud. He didn't care if they were going to get into trouble. All he really cared about at that moment was whether or not what he felt was the real thing...
Because if it was, he was so screwed. The baby wasn't due for another month. It wasn't done growing yet. It still had so much more developing to do and the idea that it might be coming early had him completely terrified. Panicked, he reached out to grab his phone to call his mother, to perhaps persuade her to come get him and take him to the hospital. However, he then thought about the things he read in the what to expect books he had hidden in a box under his bed: contractions were normal, especially Braxton Hicks. The only time he needed to worry was if he was having the pains so-and-so many minutes apart. As of that moment, he'd had only one ache... and yeah, it was awful, but it was just one. The others tended to occur within many hours of each other only to taper off and came back a few days later. This one was probably just like them.
Just like the others, you worrywort. It's just like them. Repeating that mantra in his head, Blaine clicked off the bedside lamp, allowing the room to slip into darkness. The sounds of the kids down the hall weakened, the boys finally heading back to their rooms, and once it got quieter, he found it easier to fall asleep, body curled around his pillows while he pushed away the thought of seeing Kurt again the following day. His world didn't have to revolve around Kurt anymore. Not really. So he needed to not worry about his ex.
Right now, the baby was the most important thing in his life and considering the fact that his body was obviously getting ready to have it, he knew he couldn't bear to be bothered with Kurt's drama when something much more time (and life) consuming was right around the corner.
He just didn't realize how soon that around the corner would be.
::::::::::
"What was it like... when you had Cooper?"
Blaine watched his mother pause, her fingers stopping their typing as she thoughtfully looked up to the sky, trying to remember the almost thirty-year old memory of the day she gave birth to her oldest son. Pamela frowned for a moment, expression growing cold for a second until she came back and gave her youngest a hesitant smile. "It was a strange day. A very, very strange day."
"Well it is Cooper we're talking about here. Strange can't even describe-"
"Blaine Devon!" Pam playfully scolded, swatting her son's arm with one of her Mary Kay pamphlets. She chuckled at her pregnant son's amused look before she looked back at her computer, finishing up the order she'd been trying to send in before her youngest interrupted her. Once that was done, she shut her laptop and then turned to stare at Blaine, taking in the way her baby boy was all tucked up beside her. Even several months pregnant, he looked so small to her. He'd always been tiny, but with that round, heaving belly on him, his stature seemed even more stunted... and adorable. Always adorable. "Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering what it might be like when I... have this baby."
Humming at his statement, Pam reached out and took his hand, stroking her fingers along his wrist as she watched the way his stomach moved beneath his snug sweatshirt. Her grandchild was an active little one, always moving around enough for any outsider to see. Occasionally, Blaine would pull a funny face at the movement and it took Pam back to her days of being pregnant with her boys. Cooper was a rough pregnancy, sickness day in and day out. Blaine was easy; she spent most of her time on her toes thanks to Cooper's ridiculous little boy antics, but she wasn't as tired or ill as she was during her first pregnancy. Blaine seemed to be having the kind of pregnancy that she had with Cooper. Which was why she felt 100% positive he was asking her about Coop's birth just in case things were similar.
"Well, your dad was at work whenever I went into labor. Back then, he was working at Emilio's - as you already know - and I couldn't work because of how sick I was. The day before Cooper was born, I felt sick all day. My stomach dropped because Cooper was ready to come out and I didn't even notice because I'd spent most of the day in bed. I had contractions all day long, but they weren't too bad. I was just so sick though. I think I slept in the bathroom by the toilet most of the day. Then your dad came home, found me curled up on the floor, and insisted on going to the hospital. So we gathered up our stuff, hopped in the station wagon, and off we went to the emergency room.
"Six hours later, your brother was born. I'm not going to lie to you: it was probably the most painful day of my life. But that was my fault. I foolishly opted to go natural. Considering my low pain tolerance, I should have never went that route but I did and then I spent a few days in and out of focus because I'd been so scarred by the birth. Your dad was scared I wouldn't bond with Cooper, but I did. I just needed some time."
"Childbirth sounds awful."
"Well it's no cake walk." Petting her hand through Blaine's hair, Pam cooed at him, kissing the top of his scalp. She was thankful that he was having a needy day, wanting to be coddled and soothed. Usually he was tense and distant. Not today. "You'll be fine though. Just listen to your body."
"What if my body doesn't know what it wants?"
"Oh believe me," Pam mused, smirking as she remembered labor with both of her children. "Your body will know. It will definitely know. Trust me."
::::::::::
Blaine spat, shakily pushing himself to his feet before he dragged his exhausted body towards the sink to brush his teeth and wash up. The morning was already getting off to a bad start; he'd woken up nauseous, spent the first hour throwing up, and then he had another one of those blinding Hicks pains. The Warblers stopped by several times during his illness, all of them swinging by to see if he was okay and to see if he was going to make it to the complimentary continental breakfast the hotel was serving that morning, but he could barely move, so he just waved them away whenever they came by, promising to see them when it came time to get on the bus.
By the time that hour rolled around, he wasn't sure if going to McKinley was such a good idea. It wasn't until he stepped off the elevator and guided his aching body into the lobby that he knew he needed to go - not for anything else but for his boys. The Warblers were all dressed up and ready to head out, bouncing on their feet in nervousness and excitement over their first big competition-esque performance. As soon as they saw him, they rushed over, a dozen plus voices chattering away in his ears about what was going to happen. Every single tsk of their diction made the headache blooming behind his eyes throb, but he shook it off and smiled as best he could at the group, offering them tips and advice for their performance. Then, once the bus was ready to go, everyone piled onboard and Blaine had them practicing warm-ups and doing run-thrus with their setlist on the drive over since he was unable to do it during breakfast.
Because of the lack of traffic, it only took them fifteen minutes to get to McKinley, but by the time they arrived, it felt like the whole ride over had been hours long. Blaine couldn't wait to get into the school, have the boys sing, and then leave. He thought about telling Sue off about the event being three days long because he felt so shitty, but then he spotted his group talking to the four New Directions kids about the Invitational and he decided to stay. It was better to get the whole thing over with and done and then move on. He didn't need anymore drama in his life, not with the baby coming soon, so he decided to let whatever needed to happen actually happen, no questions asked.
"Warblers, you're up in twenty!" Someone shouted from the back of the auditorium and the Warblers soared into game mode. The group went back to warming up, the strange babbling noises they used to prepare their vocal chords filling the air as they got ready, and Blaine took a seat on a stool nearby, shutting his eyes against the harsh spotlights one of the AV kids kept testing nearby. His head felt like it was getting pummeled by a sledgehammer, his stomach felt sour, and overall, nothing felt right. He looked over at his practicing group, taking in their joy of the moment, and he told himself that they'd be okay if he just so happened to sneak off for a few minutes. All he wanted to do was clear his thoughts and maybe use the toilet, so with one last glance at his kids, he snuck away from backstage and zombie-shuffled his way to the faculty restrooms on the main floor. There were closer restrooms by the auditorium, but he didn't want to get stuck in a room full of grungy teenagers, plus he was faculty now and their bathrooms were bigger, so that's where he went.
It wasn't until he was halfway down the stairwell that someone called out his name, making him stop on the steps. "Hey! Gay Blaine! Gay Blaine! You don't look so good. You should use the elevator on the way back!" Becky Jackson shouted at him, making her way upstairs with a sickeningly sweet grin on her face as she bypassed him. He smiled at her as best he could (though he was sure it came out as a painful twitch or a grimace) and then he kept on, finally reaching the promised land of the McKinley High faculty restrooms. Upon his arrival, he shut and locked the door, practically fainting against the toilet seat as the same weak, sick feeling ran through his entire body. Nothing felt right on him; his stomach hurt, his limbs felt like jello, and he was incredibly tired. It wasn't normal. This wasn't normal, especially not for someone expecting a baby.
Still worried, he stayed in the bathroom for several more minutes, waiting to see if anything would happen. Anything meaning having to puke or perhaps actually use the restroom. Unfortunately though, nothing occurred, just that same old swirling feeling in his limbs that left him weak-kneed and exhausted. The Warblers need me, he told himself as he splashed some cold water on his face and straightened up his sweaty hair and wrinkled clothes. I can't let them down. He remembered his very first performance with the Warblers and it was one of the most terrifying moments of his life. He was sure his guys were just as scared as he was that day, so he knew he couldn't just bail on them now. All he had to do was make it through their songs and he could go. The New Directions could handle themselves just fine; they didn't need the Warblers around to watch them sing. Yeah, Kurt and Rachel would probably be pissed off with him for leaving, but he didn't owe them anything.
No matter what, he was going to leave after the Warblers were done and they were coming with him. Sue could get angry all she wanted, but nothing about her mattered anyway. He had his baby's health to think of as well as his own. Everyone else could just disappear.
"Oh hey!" A voice said, surprised after Blaine ran into them as he was coming out of the bathroom. Kurt stood before him, a concerned look on his face as he took in Blaine's pale demeanor and tired eyes. "You okay? You don't look so good."
"Surprisingly, you aren't the first person to tell me that." Blaine joked back, shutting the door behind him. He smoothed his shirt down over his belly and began walking towards the elevator at the end of the hall, remembering Becky's words about using it instead of the stairs. Truthfully, it was a god send to be able to not have to climb those pesky steps, especially with how gross he felt. They could've gotten the elevator while Artie was there though; the poor boy always had issues going to and from classes.
"I didn't know we had a new elevator," Kurt mused, coming up on Blaine's side. It wasn't until they were a few feet away from each other that Blaine noticed the manila folders in his ex's hands. Bits and pieces of sheet music stuck up from the tops of them and there were pens and highlighters sticking out of Kurt's closed fist. Someone obviously still hadn't thought of a setlist yet.
"How did you not know about this elevator? You work here."
"Forgive me for not bothering to roam around this hellhole for fun. I'm only here for the New Directions and-" He didn't say anything else, trailing off into an awkward silence that seemed to answer Blaine's silent questions. I'm here for you mostly was the bit of the conversation that wasn't said, but neither boy commented on it, instead choosing to wait for the elevator to show up so they could head upstairs. "I hope you don't mind me using this with you. I really don't feel like trying to navigate the stairs with all this stuff in my hands."
"It's fine. This elevator should be big enough for the both of us-" Or so he hoped, praying that the doors weren't just for show and that they'd open up to a large interior instead of a tiny, pathetic excuse for a lift. Kurt nodded in agreement, seemingly pleased with Blaine's answer and together they waited, Kurt bouncing on the tips of his toes while Blaine stood straight-backed beside him, his heart racing in his chest.
"Are you sure you're alright? You look a little pale."
"Just nervous for the Warblers. It's a big performance for them."
"Ahh, I see. Their first one since their downfall, right?"
"Kind of. They did sort of help out with... uh-" He swallowed heavily, the next words to come out of his mouth feeling like sludge on his tongue. "With our engagement. But they weren't actually the Warblers then, competition wise. They just got together for fun." He rubbed his stomach, feeling his throat tightening up at the thought of the proposal he'd orchestrated for Kurt. God, how wrong he'd been to think they'd last forever.
Kurt seemed to be affected by the memory as well. "It was a beauiful proposal," he whispered, looking down at his folder filled arms. His voice was tinged with regret and with a longing that made Blaine's heart crack a little more in his chest. "It was nice that they helped out."
"Yeah."
Across from them, the elevator dinged and then the doors opened, revealing a strangely darkened room that looked a little too eerie for a simple elevator. The lights were dimmer than one would expect in a brand new device, but Blaine really didn't care, stepping in with Kurt hot on his tail. It was either this or climb the stairs and he was sure that his legs wouldn't make it much farther than the length of the hall to the auditorium, so the creepy elevator would have to do. Humming, he walked closer to the back of the lift, only stopping when his right foot collided with something hard. Before he could comment on the strange feeling against his foot, Kurt was pressing the button to close the doors, the amount of natural daylight seeping in from the hall now growing smaller as the doors slid shut. Soon, they were closed inside, the room seeming smaller and darker than ever... and then the power went out completely.
Whatever Kurt had in his arms fell to the ground in a rush, papers flying all over the place as he squeaked and jumped back, bumping into Blaine and the weird box he'd kicked when they first walked in. "What in the world-"
"Something's not right about this."
"You're telling me!" Kurt spun around, hands flying out to reach the wall. He poked and prodded at the sides until he finally found the keypad again, his fingers slamming into the buttons to try to get them to light up. "Why isn't this working?!"
"Do you have your phone? Turn the flashlight on so we can check."
"Okay, okay." Kurt fumbled around in the back of his pants, hand clasping the phone he usually stuffed in the back pocket. He pulled the device out and flicked on the flashlight, cursing to himself when he noticed how low the battery power was. "Crap. I only have 4% left."
"What a surprise. You never remember to charge your phone before you go to bed. How many times have I told you that it's important to keep your phone charged in case of an emergency?"
"Oh my god, I know. Okay? Where's your phone if you're so-"
"I left my phone backstage with the guys. I planned on just going to the bathroom, not getting stuck in an elevator with my ex. Forgive me if there's a baby sitting on my bladder right now!"
At the mention of the child growing within him, Kurt deflated, all of the hyperactive anger that was quick to take him over now flooding out as he turned to glance at his ex with sorrow in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I just- I didn't mean to blow up at you."
Blaine rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "Whatever. It's fine. Just... check the emergency call button or something before your phone dies." He ignored the sad look Kurt gave him, deciding to focus on the glow of Kurt's phone as his ex went back to stabbing the buttons before them. (He couldn't ignore the small twinge of shock in his system when he noticed that the background on Kurt's phone was a picture of them though.) "Anything?"
"Nothing. I think we're stuck. Maybe we can try the doors?"
"Yeah. Yeah, let's do that." Together, they each took a side, digging the tips of their fingers into the small crease that ran down the length of the connecting doors. Kurt pulled on his side whilst Blaine did the same on his, but nothing moved. The doors didn't even budge, remaining in their locked position, and all the boys had to show for their efforts were sore fingers and a chipped fingernail on Kurt's behalf. "We're definitely stuck," Blaine grumbled, moving away from the doors to wander towards the back wall where the mysterious thing he'd kicked earlier sat. "Come over here and shine your phone on this. I kicked it by accident and I think it might be a box."
"Oh my god, what if it's a toolbox and they were still working on this stupid thing and that's why it's not working? What if we got into an unfinished elevator and we're stuck in here?!"
"Well we're really not going to know what it is if you don't freaking shine your phone on it, now will we?"
"Oh... uh, yeah." Blushing (though Blaine definitely couldn't see it), Kurt turned his phone onto the box by Blaine's foot, his eyes widening as he took in the strange red coloring of it. "Is that... a cooler?"
"A cooler? Seriously?" With Kurt's phone still shining down on the box, both boys knelt to the floor, Blaine reaching out to open the cooler while Kurt hovered beside him. As the lid raised, both guys gasped, their eyes widening at the sight of a bunch of food sitting inside. There were baggies of chopped fruit, a few containers of yogurt, some sandwiches wrapped in cellophane, two containers of salad, and a few drinks. Other snacks of different varieties were also in the cooler, but what really caught their attention was the note taped to the lid of a container that held a few slices of strawberry cheesecake. It was heart shaped and had red scratchy writing on it.
Enjoy the picnic, boys!
"Enjoy the picnic?" Kurt's brows furrowed, the phone in his hand quivering as his entire body trembled in fear and annoyance. Because, unlike Blaine, he knew what this was. Just a few days before, he had an argument with one Sue Sylvester about his relationship with Blaine and all she told him to do was to stand back and watch because she would take care of it. This had to be her doing... and when it came to Sue Sylvester's plans, they were always evil and just plain bad. This couldn't be safe or good or anything along those lines. "Sue!"
"Sue? You mean Coach Sylvester did this?"
"She's behind this, I'm sure of it!" Tossing his phone to the ground, Kurt stormed over to the doors, smacking his hands against the steel while he shouted her name over and over. Blaine stood behind him, worriedly watching his ex smash his fists into the metal as he screamed. For a moment, he'd forgotten about how ill he'd felt before he bumped into Kurt, but as he stood there in the enclosed space and felt the heat of the room surround him, he felt sicker than before.
"Kurt-"
"Hello Klaine," a creepy, disjointed voice interrupted, a light crackling to life on the wall. There was a small built-in tv screen on their right and it clicked on, buzzing with static as Sue Sylvester's face popped up on the fuzzy picture. "You're probably wondering why you're here today-"
"Sue, we don't have time for this! Let us out!"
"Unfortunately for you, I'm not around to see whatever it is that you're doing. Currently I'm busy having my life's blood pour from my ears as Blaine's little bird group performs whatever craptacular number they have planned. My precious minion Becky has triggered this video for me, as I asked, and now you two are going to have the night of your lives until you both admit that you're madly in love and must spend the rest of your pathetic meaningless existences together." Video Sue coughed, shaking her head before she looked back into the camera. "You're not fooling us, Klaine. Everyone in the world can see the love you two have for one another. Sickening? Yes. Vomit inducing? Of course. But it's beautiful and you two must get back together and have a wonderfully rainbow-inspired wedding before Anderson squeezes out that spawn that you, my dear sweet Porcelain, implanted in his womb."
She kept on rambling, saying offensive this-and-thats while Kurt glared at the camera, his arms crossed over his chest as he shook his head in disgust. Behind him, Blaine couldn't believe his ears; there was no way in the world that the Sue Sylvester gave a shit about their relationship. She'd never expressed anything to him about her feelings, but obviously, based on Kurt's reaction, he'd heard some things and maybe played them off as a joke. This wasn't a joke though. Not at all.
"Behind you, you can see I've supplied you with the essentials: food, water, shelter, and a bathroom. There are pillows in the corner for you to rest on. I'm not that heartless. Just don't get any semen on my stuff. I will most likely be burning all of this once you two are back together for good, but I don't want Becky to have to touch any disgusting bodily fluid that you may leak during your reconciliation." Onscreen, she chuckled, low and evil, and Kurt cursed at her. "That is all, Klaine. I'll be back to check on you later. Good luck." The video fizzled away, leaving the screen black and then the emergency lights clicked on above them, illuminating the room with the light they'd been waiting for.
"She's insane. I always knew she was, but this- this takes the cake. Jesus Christ." Kurt was talking to himself, pacing the room as he took in all the things Sue left in the room for them. Like she said, there were pillows and a few blankets. A bathroom was built-in to the left wall and there were two coolers on various sides of the lift. One had the picnic lunch and the other had extra food... like she was planning on leaving them in there for the rest of the weekend or something. Oh god no. "We have to figure out a way out of here."
The headache that had been bothering Blaine for the last few days got a little worse as he thought about being stuck in a room with Kurt for a weekend. It wasn't that being trapped with his ex was such a bad thing. It was just- it was hard. As much as Blaine wanted to deny his feelings for Kurt, there was so much love still left in his heart for his former fiance. The pain that Kurt inflicted on him wasn't something Blaine could just brush aside after a day or two trapped in a tiny space; there was too much sour history between them - from their first break-up until now. Plus, adding the baby to the equation? Well... things got even more complicated. Not too mention that Blaine really, really didn't want to be forced back into a relationship with someone who'd hurt him so badly. Looking at Kurt now only sent him back to that night in New York, seeing the fury and annoyance on his fiance's face before Kurt smashed it all to bits. How was he to trust in Kurt again knowing that no matter how much they tried, it wouldn't ever be enough to please him?
Sure, they'd broken up before and it had been caused by Blaine's stupidity, but they discussed that, talked about it and moved on. This last break-up was sudden; it was abrupt and unexpected. Blaine was blindsided by it, much like Kurt had been about the cheating, yes, but there wasn't much of an explanation behind it other than the fact that Kurt wasn't happy. Blaine wasn't happy sometimes either, but he tried to work on it. Kurt gave up. He'd done it before, he did it then, and if they got back together now, he'd do it again... and Blaine wasn't about to let him back in or let himself fall in love again, only to later lose Kurt to boredom or whatever it was that made him leave the other times. He didn't deserve it and neither did the baby.
"Hey... Blaine?"
Snapping his eyes away from the locked doors, Blaine looked up at Kurt, pursing his lips as he took in the sight of Kurt staring worriedly at him. The look in Kurt's blue eyes screamed panicked, but it wasn't until Blaine really thought about it that he realized that Kurt wasn't panicked about their situation... he was panicked over Blaine.
Blaine and the fact that he had his hands balled into fists, was sweating profusely, and looked as white as a sheet.
"Are you alright? You don't look so good."
"-'m fine." Another lie. He'd been lying to people for so long. I'm okay. It's fine. I'll be alright. I don't know if I even want this baby. It doesn't matter that Kurt's in town, I don't love him anymore. The baby squirmed around a bit and the bile in his throat rose, making him gasp, body spinning towards the bathroom as he scrambled to open the door and fall to his knees. Before he knew it, he was throwing up yet again, practically sobbing everything out as he clutched the toilet seat in anguish. Kurt was behind him within seconds, body uncomfortably close as he placed a hand on Blaine's lower back and murmured to him, words that were too soft for Blaine to make out over the sounds of his body tearing in half.
"You're not okay! God, Blaine-"
Blaine wanted to respond, wanted to tell Kurt to get off of him and leave him be, but the prior thumping of his head increased to levels that Blaine wasn't even sure were possible. His whole body felt like it was moving along with the pain in his head; the feeling passed from the crown of his skull to the very tips of his toes, the booming much like a bass drum. He gurgled out something, unsure of what it was himself, but whatever the noise was that he made, it scared Kurt to death because he was all of a sudden screeching, which wasn't something Blaine was sure he ever heard. He'd been on the other end of regular old shouts and yells, had heard Kurt make the best noises during sex, but nothing had ever sounded this pained.
Nor did it feel that painful... because whatever it was, it was agony and it sent his vision fading into nothing, his body going lax in Kurt's arms while his ex's voice screamed shrilly through the air.
::::::::::
Please be okay. I can't lose you. Not now.
God, Blaine, please wake up.
SOMEBODY HELP US! SOMEONE! ANYONE PLEASE?!
I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry. I was so stupid and I hurt you. You didn't deserve it. It wasn't your fault. I was being dumb. Blaine, please. Please wake up. If you can hear me, please squeeze my hand. Please?
SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE HE'S SICK! PLEASE?!
You have to be okay. Both of you. I can't lose either of you. I love you both so much.
Please wake up so I can tell you this in person. Please?
Please.
::::::::::
The first thing Blaine realized when he blinked his eyes open was that he could hear singing. From his vantage point on the floor, the voices were distorted and muffled, but then he noticed that they sounded incredibly familiar. Shaking his head (and regretting it just seconds later considering how nauseous he got from the get go), he glanced up and found himself staring at the tv screen from earlier. The Warblers were on, dancing and singing their little hearts out without him.
"But-"
"Oh my god, you're awake. Oh my god." Long, cool fingers ran through his hair, trailing down his ears to cup the back of his neck. Kurt knelt before him, face red and wet as he stared down at him, tears dripping off his chin and the tip of his nose to fall on Blaine's shirt. "You passed out. I thought you were dead!"
"-'m so tired."
"You're so pale. Something's wrong." The hands touching his face fell and then Blaine felt them on his stomach, the touch foreign and absolutely terrifying. Kurt was shaking his head, more tears sliding from his waterlogged eyes as he kept his gaze on the swollen belly he was touching. "It doesn't feel right."
"It hasn't felt right all morning," Blaine whispered, his voice barely there thanks to the events of earlier. He closed his eyes when Kurt's horrified gaze found his and he waited for his ex to berate him for being so stupid. It never came.
"Are you in labor?"
"I don't know. I... think so. It feels different. It hurts more."
Kurt's hands fell from his belly and soon he was scooting to lay down on the stretched out blanket Blaine was curled up on. Like many moments in the past, they were laying side-by-side, staring at each other like there wasn't anything else going on in the world. The only difference between then and now though was the fact that they weren't together and that something very, very serious was happening. Plus they were both scared out of their minds. Absolutely, positively terrified.
"It's too early-"
"Don't you think I know that!" Blaine cried, squeezing his eyes shut as he pulled his legs closer to his body and tried to curl up in the fetal position. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and wept, not even bothering to fight off the feeling of Kurt's arms pulling him into an embrace. Another one of those pains from earlier assaulted him, leaving him breathless, and he whined into Kurt's shoulder, crying out as it got worse. It was way too early for this. The baby wasn't big enough to be born yet, at least not safely. It wasn't done growing. Fuck, Blaine couldn't even carry a baby right. "It's too early," he repeated, allowing one of his hands to fall from his stomach to grasp at Kurt's shirt.
The room was unpleasantly warm. Even laying on the floor did nothing to soothe their heated skin. After he passed out, Kurt must've removed some of his layers because now he was left in his white undershirt and his pants (which were unbuttoned and hanging loosely on his hips.) Kurt was undressed a bit too, with just his black tank top and jeans on. Together they made quite the pair, sweaty and pale, but it definitely wasn't only because of their predicament.
Blaine was having their baby. That would send anyone into the panic sweats.
"I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so, so sorry." Kurt kissed his sweaty forehead, humming against his fevered skin as they laid together, Blaine grimacing between them as the ache in his lower half intensified. Fingers trailed along his spine, settling into the area right above his behind, scratching in that soothing way that Kurt did whenever Blaine needed to be calmed. It wasn't much and Kurt was sure it wasn't helping at all (especially when he took in how tense and tight the muscles down there felt as Blaine rode out the rest of the contraction) but he did it to calm himself too. He couldn't panic right now, not when Blaine needed him to be strong. Someone had to keep a clear, focused mind during this whole ordeal and it had to be Kurt.
(Even though his heart was screaming at him about what was happening. Because Blaine was going into labor early and there was a huge chance Kurt could lose both the love of his life and their child.)
"I was... I was supposed to see my doctor next week about my blood pressure. It was low in the beginning and I wasn't gaining weight. Then it started getting higher after-" He paused, swallowing the knot in his throat as he shut his eyes. He could feel Kurt tense against him and he knew that Kurt already figured out what he was about to say, "-after you came back. They were worried I'd develop preeclampsia. What if that's what this is?" He could number off the symptoms/warning signs in his head: headaches, vision problems, nausea and vomiting, abdominal pain, shortness of breath...
He had them all and he was scared.
"I don't know what that is," Kurt admitted, bumping his forehead against Blaine's as he held him closer. The Warblers singing had long died off, whatever highlight reel Sue had been showing them now over as the black screen came back and they were left in the silence. Because it was so quiet and because they were so close together, Blaine could hear the loud pounding of Kurt's heart as it raced against his chest. He was sure a lot of that ruckus was his own heartbeat bouncing off his ear drums and mixing in with Kurt's, but he couldn't reflect on it for very long, the pain from earlier coming back tenfold. Whimpering, he turned his head and let it rest in the juncture of Kurt's neck, whining out his discomfort as Kurt did his best to coach him through it, the other man's voice thick and broken as he tried not to crumble and shut down. "This cannot be happening."
"We need out of here. I can't have the baby here!"
"I know, sweetheart. I know. I'm gonna get help. I promise. I just..." I don't know how. Waiting until the contraction faded away, Kurt gave Blaine another forehead kiss and then pulled away, hating the fact that he had to leave Blaine alone for any period of time while he fought for someone to notice them. Hours had gone by since they'd been locked away in the elevator; Blaine fainted and Kurt spent the majority of that time freaking the hell out, holding Blaine's limp body against him as he panicked and screamed for help. No one came. Neither Becky nor Sue bothered to check on them to see if they were even alive and Kurt hated them for it. He'd never hated anyone so passionately as he did Sue Sylvester right at that moment and even though he did truly like Becky, he was beginning to feel some disdain for her as well. He knew she wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't Sue's lackey, but he needed someone else to blame.
Though his mind so lovingly pointed out that this never would've happened had they been in New York, engaged (possibly married), and living in their own place together. They would've been able to enjoy the pregnancy as a couple, like they should have, but instead he made a stupid mistake and ended it all, leaving Blaine on his own to deal with the consequences of their sex life. He'd so foolishly ignored Blaine's calls in the beginning, telling himself that Blaine was only calling to get him back and that they needed to be apart. He ignored every one of those calls, reminding himself that he was moving on and by not answering Blaine, eventually his ex would do the same.
But now he knew why Blaine kept calling. Now he knew why Blaine rang his phone off the hook. Because he needed him... and once again, Kurt let him down.
Now what could he do? They were trapped in an elevator, Blaine was going into premature labor with some sort of issue whose name gave Kurt the willies, and there was no help around for miles. This stupid fucking soundproof elevator Sue locked them in was brilliant, he'd give her that, but she had such horrible timing.
And he swore that if anything happened to Blaine or their baby, he'd murder the woman himself.
"Kurt?"
"Yeah honey?"
"I need some water. It's so hot."
Nodding, Kurt threw open the first cooler and pulled the water bottle closest to the ice pack out for Blaine to drink, falling to his knees to help hoist his love up and against him, pressing the bottle against Blaine's parched lips while he watched him drink. "Don't gulp too much. You'll make yourself sick."
"Already sick," Blaine croaked, weakly pushing away from Kurt to fall back against the makeshift bedding beneath him. Even in the dim lighting, Kurt could see how pale he'd become over the last hour or so and it made him nauseous to think about the reasoning behind it. There was nothing scarier in the world than seeing the love of your life go completely lifeless, body scrambling to the ground in a heap of jumbled limbs and sick.The second Blaine collapsed, Kurt was sure his heart flew straight from his body and onto the floor. He'd made some sort of ungodly shriek too, which surprised him when no one came (and further supported his notion that Sue had them in some sort of bank vault like room.) All he could do was catch Blaine and hold him, sobbing while he waited for his ex to wake up. Now he felt even more helpless because Blaine needed medical attention and he couldn't get it for him.
"Close your eyes and rest. I'm gonna try to get help again."
"Okay."
Pushing himself up once more, Kurt ran to the keypad and began punching his fingers into the keys, praying that Sue would realize he was freaking out and would answer his call. Several minutes went by of useless button smashing, so he turned to the doors again, slamming his fists and his body against it, occasionally turning to see how Blaine was faring.
The fact that his ex was glassy eyed and whimpering made him feel worse. He needed to get help for Blaine.
"SOMEONE PLEASE! WE NEED HELP! PLEASE?! ANYONE?! PLEASE!"
::::::::::
If he pretended enough, this felt a lot like being back in New York, a lot like those nights where he'd build silly forts out of blankets and sheets and would lay under them with Kurt, curled up with his head on Kurt's chest, listening to his heartbeat while they enjoyed the silence of an apartment all to themselves.
Except during those nights, he wasn't in tremendous pain and didn't feel like his life was seeping out of his pores.
Never in his entire life could he remember feeling so frail. Not even after getting the pulp beat out of him at the Sadie Hawkins dance did he ever feel so gone. He was in horrendous pain then, that's for sure, but this was different. There was something distinctly remarkable about bringing a child into the world compared to having the living daylights beaten out of you. You really couldn't control either one, but when it came down to one particular situation, you weren't struggling to survive for just yourself, there was another person to take into account. Laying on the concrete as a young teenager with his blood leaking from his wounds and his bones all cracked and sticking this way and that, he accepted the fact that he wasn't going to make it and that was that.
This pain was different in terms that he couldn't just fade away and let something else take over. He had to keep on for his child, no matter how horrid he felt.
Kurt was a steady, constant presence beside him, fingers carding through his sweat soaked hair for a bit before he wiped a cool, damp cloth across his steaming skin. Like those nights in New York City, it felt good to have Kurt near him. He never thought it would, not after their bitter end, but in this moment alone, with how much he needed support, it was wonderful having Kurt by his side.
Even though he felt like he was dying.
"Shh," Kurt mewled, shakily trailing the pad of his thumb over Blaine's blood red lips when the younger man made a tortured noise at the back of his throat. He'd been making noises like that for hours now, everything getting more and more difficult as the time ticked away. The blankets they laid on were drenched with sweat, soaked and becoming harder to rest on as the increasing warmth in the room made it harder to breathe. Kurt felt helpless, like a pathetic fool as he watched Blaine writhe around in pain. There was no way for him to help. Placing his hands on various points of Blaine's body ended up with him jumping back in horror, especially when Blaine screamed like the feeling of being touched was like being stabbed. The labor was getting worse, Blaine was disoriented, and Kurt felt sick.
It wasn't going well.
There was no sign of Sue anywhere. She didn't pop up on camera, she didn't screech over the intercom. There was no contact with her whatsoever. Kurt's phone had died long ago, only minutes after they'd done some investigating the elevator, so he had no way of texting or calling anyone for help. There wasn't an emergency phone in the fake lift for him to call anyone there either, so he was stuck trying to keep Blaine calm and safe throughout the labor.
He was unsure of what to do if (or when, most importantly) it came time to deliver.
"Kurt-"
"I know, honey. I know. I'm sorry."
No amount of training or reading could've prepared Kurt for this whole childbirth ordeal, especially when Blaine still had so many weeks to go in his pregnancy. He'd never seen Blaine in this much pain before, had never been more terrified in his life to lose Blaine like he felt now as he watched his ex cringe and cry in suffering. Most of his tears were fear related, especially over the state of their child; Kurt felt the same way, worried sick over the health of the unborn babe he'd only learned about weeks ago. They were supposed to have more time. The baby was supposed to grow more, to develop properly and be born in December, not October.
What if it didn't make it? Then what? What if Blaine didn't survive this?
Then what?
Nothing, that's what.
::::::::::
"What time do you think it is?" Blaine asked, his voice slurring so slowly that it sent a petrified chill down Kurt's spine. There was no such thing as time in that elevator, not when every bit of their ordeal bled into everything else. If Kurt had to make an educated guess, he would assume it was nearing midnight, possibly later, but he wasn't sure. Hell, it could've been the following day and he still wouldn't know.
He didn't care to know. All he really wanted was to be out of there.
"Do you need anything?"
"An ambulance."
"Don't do that. Don't joke. Please. I can't-"
"I didn't know if I wanted to keep it," Blaine interrupted, the words spilling from his mouth like a wave of confused letters, messy. It took Kurt a few minutes to clarify what Blaine originally said, but when he finally figured out the mushed sentence, his heart dropped.
"Oh Blaine-"
"Didn't want to abort it. Not fair to the baby. Didn't think I could raise something I made with you." He swallowed, blinking his exhausted eyes open and closed slowly. Kurt kissed the top of his too hot forehead and blinked away the tears in his own gaze. "You didn't love me yet we made this baby with love and I was scared of looking at it and remembering how much I loved you and how you didn't love me back-"
"I've always loved you... and I always will. I was so dumb, Blaine."
"-'m so tired."
"I know, baby. I know."
"...and I'm scared."
"I am too."
"I don't want to lose it. I'd rather die than lose this baby."
"Blaine-"
The laboring man gasped, curling in on himself as another harsh contraction tore through his body. He reached one hand out and clutched at Kurt's while the other pressed hard against his stomach, all of his energy bleeding out as his strength waned. Kurt held him close, hating the fact that even as Blaine squeezed his hand, the grasp was as weak as ever, proving that the length of time without proper medical care was truly taking its toll on him. If they didn't get out of this elevator soon, Kurt was sure one or both of his loves wouldn't make it and he just couldn't let that happen.
So, as soon as Blaine's contraction ended, he helped Blaine lay back on the blankets and then he went back to screaming up a storm again, ignoring the sharp pain in his vocal cords as he pulled and stretched them to their fullest with his shouts. For a good twenty minutes, he shrieked, growing louder after a quick glimpse at Blaine showed that his ex was on the edge of passing out from the inadequate state of his body.
"SUE! SUE, IF YOU HEAR ME, ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME!"
Behind him, the tv crackled to life again, a sharp tinny noise filling the air as the old screen clicked on. There on camera was Sue, dressed in what looked like a pajama version of her infamous red tracksuit. She glared at him, shaking her head to and fro and then she stopped, frowning when she took a good look at Kurt's flustered face. "Porcelain, what are you-"
"You need to let us out of here! Blaine's in labor!"
"You really don't believe I'd fall for that, now do you?"
"He's in pain, you bitch! The baby's coming now and he could be dying and their blood will be on your hands if you don't let us out! I promise you I will personally murder you myself if anything and I mean anything happens to either of them!" He thrashed his arm backwards, hand shaking as he pointed towards the heap of Blaine on the floor. "He's been in labor since you locked us in here and he needs medical attention now! LET US OUT!" Before he had a chance to say anything more, the doors suddenly opened, a rush of cool air filling the room as the dark, empty hallway of the main floor of McKinley came into sight.
Like a sight for sore eyes, freedom was ahead of them in the form of a smelly high school hallway, but Kurt didn't reflect on that much as he quickly spun around and went to gather Blaine up, fighting back tears as his ex fell limply against his body. Onscreen, Sue watched the two of them worriedly, the expression on her face was something Kurt had never seen before, but he didn't bother to care about it, more worried about getting Blaine the help he needed. Without a parting glance to the room that they'd been locked in for hours, Kurt ran down the hall, Blaine resting in his arms and flopped against his chest as they made their way towards the front of the building where Kurt could (hopefully) get some help for them.
It all came down to racing to his car after he rounded the corner and found the main doors already opened and waiting for him, like Sue herself made sure they were propped open for their escape. As carefully as he could, Kurt rushed them to the SUV he'd been driving lately and leaned Blaine against the backdoor, pulling his keys from his back pocket to unlock the vehicle. From there, he loaded Blaine into the passenger seat, buckled him in, and got into his own seat, speeding from the parking lot to the hospital where he knew they needed to be hours ago.
He could only hope he wasn't too late.
::::::::::
Preeclampsia, they said.
In a rush of words and phrases that Kurt didn't understand, he caught the term he heard Blaine use just hours before. There wasn't much else for him to do but stand there after they swept Blaine from his arms and placed him on a stretcher, wheeling him away from Kurt and the rest of the world as everything else fell to shit. There was a phantom weight in his arms that pestered him even now as he sat in the waiting room by himself, his clothes stiff with dried perspiration and smelling like they hadn't been washed in days. Blaine's scent still lingered on his skin too, that soft fragrance of raspberries and the musk that his skin had was permeated into Kurt's flesh, haunting him like a ghost in the night.
He wondered if this would be the last time he'd ever smell that scent.
"Kurt!"
His dad and Carole were running towards him, relief and worry in their eyes as they got closer and closer to him. Not once could he remember contacting them about his whereabouts; his phone still lay dead in his car and Blaine's phone was god knows where, plus he never called them, so it was odd for them to be there. However, he then spotted Carole thanking some nurse off to the side and that's when he remembered seeing her from earlier, when he stumbled into the main entrance of the ER with Blaine in his arms. She must've called Carole.
"God, we were so worried," Burt gasped, throwing his arms around his son while Carole held back patiently, her own relieved gaze on her stepson. He couldn't imagine the panic they felt when he didn't come home that night or when he didn't call them to let them know where he was. After Finn's untimely death more than a year ago, they were always on the edge when it came to their kids - he knew Blaine, Rachel, and their other friends were a part of that too and always would be. Of course they'd be scared shitless whenever he didn't arrive home that evening. It was close to five in the morning; he left the house at seven AM the previous day. His phone died just a few hours after that so there was no way for him to tell anybody what happened and after he and Blaine finally got out of that fucking elevator, his mind wasn't on anything else but getting Blaine help.
God, Blaine...
"Susan said you came in with someone. That they were pregnant. Was it-"
Kurt crumbled, all of the shit weighing down on his shoulders rolling off of him as he sobbed, falling deeper into his dad's arms as the older man held him tighter. Carole nodded silently, pulling her cellphone out to call someone, and it wasn't until Kurt heard her say Pamela that he remembered Blaine's family throughout all this. They had to be just as worried, if not more, about their son. Blaine had been living with them for months now; they knew more about the pregnancy and Blaine's mental state than he'd ever known. They must've been terrified. He quieted as he listened to Carole try to soothe Pam over the phone, but he knew it wasn't going to help anything. The Andersons were over two hours away and Blaine was behind some doors that Kurt wasn't allowed to go behind... because he wasn't family.
All your fault, his mind hissed and he shuddered, stepping out of his father's embrace to stare helplessly at the doors they'd whisked Blaine into earlier. Carole caught his gaze and frowned, finishing up her conversation on her phone with a see you soon before she wandered over to the nurse she saw earlier. He knew she was trying to use her power of persuasion to find out what was happening with Blaine, but there was only so much she could do without laws being broken and people getting into huge trouble. She'd stick her neck out on the line though, especially for him, the only son she had left, and for that, he was forever grateful.
While she was busy, he and Burt took seats in the waiting room, Burt steadily holding his hand as he tried to ask Kurt what happened and why they hadn't heard from him. The words wouldn't come out. Kurt couldn't even think of how to explain the situation to his dad. Because who would believe that he and Blaine were stuck in an elevator for close to a whole day? Sure, they would probably believe him if he mentioned Sue Sylvester was behind the whole ordeal, but it just seemed so surreal. Because how does something like that happen?
How?
"We need to go to the maternity/paternity ward," Carole said as she came up to her husband and stepson. "I don't know what all's going on, but he was moved up there, so we can wait in the waiting room on that floor. The Andersons are on their way and I texted Rachel to let her know we heard from you. I imagine your friends will be showing up soon as well. Rachel said she'd tell them you were found."
All Kurt could manage was an okay and then he was being led by his dad's steady hand to the area that would take them to Blaine. Together, the family walked through the hospital, coming up on a large elevator that would shuttle them upstairs. Just the sight of it made Kurt want to scream. His memories were plagued with slamming his fists into the hard metal doors, his screams echoing in that tiny room while Blaine blinked feebly at him, barely managing to stay conscious. What if he actually got stuck in an actual elevator while trying to get to Blaine? He couldn't take that chance.
"Are there stairs? I'd rather take stairs."
"There are stairs, but this is much quicker, sweetheart. Wouldn't you rather-"
"No!" He stunned himself with how loud he yelled and deep down, he hoped no one would come kick him out for being noisy, but he wasn't able to hop in that lift and get stuck. Standing tall, he gave Carole a pleading look, begging her to show him where to go so he could just walk and when she realized he wasn't going to back down, she took his hand and led him to the stairwell, telling Burt to go ahead and take the elevator. Hand in hand, she walked with Kurt to the stairwell and up each individual step, her grip firm within his own. "Thank you," he whispered to her after they'd finally climbed the last step.
She answered with a kiss to his cheek and an understanding, "It'll be okay." He hoped she was right.
::::::::::
The lights were too bright. The noises were too loud.
Everything on him hurt so badly to the point that he was sure his body was going to be completely tense from the pain. However, instead of that, he felt delicate, weakened from the amount of stress his form was under and as he was shuttled from one bed to another, he began to realize just how frail his condition was. The voices around him were muffled, distant like someone was yelling at him from the top of a very deep hole while he sat at the bottom. That or like he was far, far into a cave and someone was screaming at him from the entrance. They were so far away and he fought to let them know he heard... but he didn't know what he was responding to.
The brightness became ridiculous within seconds. Someone was prying his eyes open and shining something into them and he wanted to fight them off, but couldn't be bothered. His limp arms stayed at his sides and his face barely moved whenever he wanted to scrunch it in distaste over the light being blasted into his vision.
It was like nothing on him wanted to work properly. Was this what death felt like? Like darkness taking over your entire being and leaving you helpless? His thoughts would stay on that for the longest, far after his vision went completely white and all he could feel was a blinding, sharp sticking pain in his arm.
Then he felt and saw absolutely nothing.
::::::::::
Never had the waiting room been filled with so many people for just one baby.
Members of the New Directions past and present were seated in the room along with a few Warblers, Dave Karofsky, and both sets of future grandparents. Kurt was curled up in a chair by himself, too far lost in his mind to even care about the people around him who'd come to support him and Blaine. All he cared about was whether or not Blaine and the baby were okay. The second he saw the Andersons come into the waiting room, he fled, feeling more at fault for this situation than anything. Until he showed back up in Lima, Blaine was doing better. Yeah, he was having problems sorting out his feelings about keeping the baby, but he wasn't stressed out. Then Kurt popped up and all of a sudden, it was a smorgasbord of problems for everyone, especially Blaine.
He would never forgive himself if anything happened to either of them. Never.
"Family of Blaine Anderson?"
Pam and her husband hopped up immediately, rushing over to the doctor standing in the doorway to the ward. All eyes fell to Kurt whenever the practitioner showed up, but he didn't move, knowing all well when he wasn't wanted. He wasn't family, he made sure of that himself.
"Kurt? Kurt, honey, come here." A kind voice asked and he looked up, shocked to see Pamela waving him over. "Come here, hun. He said family. Hurry."
Shaky legged, Kurt wobbled over to the Andersons and the doctor, the tension melting away from his tight limbs whenever Pam took his hand within her own. As soon as Kurt was at their side, the doctor began to explain the situation to them: Blaine did indeed have preeclampsia and if he hadn't been rushed to the ER when he was, it could have been a lot worse. Unfortunately, based on how bad his situation was upon arrival, the staff rushed him to surgery where a c-section was performed to deliver the baby. The situation was dire up until the baby's birth because Blaine's blood pressure was so sky high. At any time, he could have slipped into seizures which could have caused him to slip into a coma or even die. So, the caesarean was incredibly needed and it was performed as soon as they had the chance. Now Blaine was resting in the infirmary and they were monitoring his situation since preeclampsia doesn't just go away on its on as soon as the baby's delivered.
As for the baby, it was in the NICU. Oh, and it was a girl.
"A girl?"
"Yes. Congratulations, it's a little girl. She's a tiny little thing, but her vitals and APGAR scores were pretty good for her size." The OBGYN kept talking to the Andersons, telling them about the baby's lungs and how she'd be in the NICU for a while since she was having some trouble breathing, which was what her main issue was. She was itty bitty, a little over four pounds, but while everyone around them was rejoicing over the news, all Kurt could think about was the fact that he was a father. A father.
Pam asked if she could go back and see Blaine and she was allowed, seeing that she was his mother and all. Kurt wasn't allowed to go back, the family rule in play, but he wandered back to his dad and fell into his arms, allowing Burt to hold him close while he breathed out a huge sigh of relief over the fact that his child and the love of his life were okay. They might not have been out of the woods yet, but so far, things were better than he expected.
::::::::::
"You did such a good job, darling. My brave little Blainey. So strong."
Blaine twisted his expression, grimacing against the strange feeling of hands on his face. The last thing he remembered was Kurt crying, trying his best to remain calm while he walked them into the ER. From there, the rest of his memory was blurred. There were bits of white, some teal. He could remember smelling blood and disinfectant. He remembered a sharp pain in the crook of his elbow and some strange pressure in his abdomen, but that was about it. Nothing more could be said for whatever else happened to him.
Then it all came at him at once: the elevator, being in labor, being scared to death about the baby... the baby!
"Mama?"
"Hmm, sweetie?"
"The baby? Is it-"
"She's fine, darling. She's doing well."
"She?"
"Mhmm. You had a gorgeous little girl. Honey, she's beautiful. She's got a little bit of dark hair and she sorta reminds me of your father; she looks like she inherited those beautiful almond shaped eyes you and your dad have. Even though yours aren't as prominent as his... or hers." Pam chuckled a bit at the thought, but then she grinned and kissed her son's forehead. "You did so well, baby. We're so proud of you."
"You and dad?"
"Uh huh... and the Hummels. Especially Kurt. He's been waiting for you to wake up so he can tell you in person. He can't come back here because he's not considered family in the eyes of the hospital, but when they move you into another room, he can visit. He's dying to see you. He's been really worried."
"Really?"
"Yeah." She gave him a look, one that he knew all too well. It was her way of telling him that she knew what she was talking about and for him to not question it. "He told us about what happened at the school. It sounded so farfetched, but Burt, Carole, your father, and I talked about it and we're about 99.9% sure that it occurred, especially knowing how that bitch of a coach functions. After what she did with our credit, I wouldn't put it past her to lock you and Kurt in an elevator. Don't you worry. We're going after that idiot woman though. So is Kurt's family-"
"Is Kurt okay?"
"Kurt? Yeah, he's fine. He's really worried about you and the baby mostly. I don't think the poor boy's slept all day."
"All day?"
"You've been out since yesterday morning, sweetheart. It's Sunday."
"Sunday?"
"Yeah. I know you're probably worried about the Warblers, but they're okay. Your friend Trent came in to help with their performance yesterday and they all stopped by to see how you were doing. They're worried about you too. So are your friends. I swear, you had two whole schools worth of people in here to make sure you were alright. You have a lot of friends, honey."
He didn't bother to correct her as he thought about how lonely he felt over the last few weeks in regards to his friends and feeling wanted. All he truly cared about right now was his baby. "So, the baby's fine?"
His mother hummed, brushing her fingers through his loose curls. "She's fine, Blaine. Once you're better and ready to see her, we can take you to the NICU to get a look at her. She's gorgeous; you're going to adore her." When Blaine said he already did, Pamela smiled a little brighter. "Now why don't you get some more rest? Your voice is so hoarse. We don't need you straining yourself." She cupped his cheek in her hand and kissed his hair. "Rest, baby. I'm right here."
So he did.
::::::::::
The next time he woke up, he was in a completely different room. This one was a bit bigger and, like the last one, was private. Except this time he wasn't waking up to the sight of his mom by his bed, but Kurt. His ex was fast asleep against the mattress, body squished up in an uncomfortable chair while his head rested on the bed beside Blaine's thigh. Even in his sleep, Kurt was incredibly stunning, his brown hair falling haphazardly over his forehead while his long eyelashes lay softly over his cheeks. Blaine reached his arm out, careful of the IV laced through it, and placed his hand on Kurt's head, scratching his fingers against the other man's scalp while he watched Kurt sleep through his own heavy-lidded eyes.
For several minutes, he stayed like that, happily watching Kurt nap, pretending like they weren't broken up and hanging out in a hospital room because Blaine just had a traumatic birth and their daughter was somewhere else in the building hooked up to a bunch of wires to help her grow. Pretending allowed him to push away the guilt he felt at not being a good dad - because if he was a good dad, he would've been able to carry his baby to term.
Yeah, pretending was great.
Below him, Kurt began to stir, his upturned nose scrunching as he squeezed his eyes shut tighter and then cracked them open to look up at whoever was busy messing up his hair. As he took in the sight of Blaine gazing down at him, his eyes bugged out and Kurt leapt back, the chair skidding across the floor as he jumped up and stared down at Blaine in surprise. "You're awake!"
"Yeah. G'morning to you too."
"Oh my god. Oh my god, you're awake!" Kurt stumbled forward, arms darting out to wrap around the expanse of Blaine's broad shoulders to tug him into his embrace. He held onto his ex tightly, relishing in the feeling of Blaine in his arms, and then he turned to press a warm, heavy kiss against Blaine's temple. "I'm so glad you're okay. You scared the hell out of me. Don't ever do that again."
"I'll try not to go into premature labor next time," he joked, but it fell flat, especially when both boys took in the implication. Next time.
"Blaine-"
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He wished his voice was a little stronger. It sounded like there was a frog stuck in his throat and it totally put a damper on the situation.
"It... It's not that." Kurt started, trailing his fingers along the length of Blaine's arm and over the threading of IV tubing that ran along his elbow. "I just- I was so scared that I lost you. By the time we got here, you were completely out of it and I didn't know what to do. No one would tell me anything because we weren't family and god, I- I feel terrible about that. Because we would've been a family if I hadn't of broken us up. It was my fault all of this happened anyway-"
"Your fault? What-"
Upon sensing Blaine's confusion, Kurt launched into an explanation regarding Sue, her plans, and how his arrival back in Ohio was the catalyst for all their troubles. He explained how Sue confronted him about getting back together with Blaine and how she promised him she'd work some strange juju magic to bring his love back to him. Never had he imagined that she'd go that far but she did and that's what happened.
"It wasn't your fault," Blaine whispered, rolling onto his side as best he could. "Sue's nuts. She tries to do things her way and lord knows her way is usually wrong."
"But you went into-"
"I think I was going into labor no matter what. I didn't feel well and I should've told someone, but I wanted to get through Invitationals first. I didn't want to let my guys down, but that happened anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter."
"You didn't let them down. They're worried to death about you. Those guys love you. They don't really care for me, but I understand that. As for you though, they were scared about what happened. Everyone was." Kurt let his hand fall to the bed, smiling when Blaine took it into his own and pulled it to his chest. "The New Directions were a little grateful they didn't have to perform though. Rachel got Kitty and this new guy named Spencer to join, but they were still debating over song choices when they got the word that we'd been found. Then Sue canceled the Invitational and the rest is history."
"Yeah, history as in: we became parents."
"Parents-" The word felt strange on his tongue, but Kurt smiled anyway, squeezing Blaine's hand within his own. "Do you want to go see her soon? She's adorable."
"You've seen her?"
"Yeah. Your mom took me back earlier. She took dad and Carole back too. Everyone's in love with her." He glanced at the door, hoping to catch a nurse as they walked by. "The doctor said you could go see her once you felt ready. You're still a little swollen from the fluid retention and everything, but your blood pressure's going down, which is great. That's what had everybody worried the most."
"Well if I can go see her, I'd love to. Can you go get someone?"
"Of course." Leaning down to kiss Blaine's cheek, Kurt gave him a quick peck and then rushed off, disappearing from the room to gather someone who could show them how to get Blaine in and out of bed and out to the NICU. As soon as he was gone and Blaine was all by himself, the bedridden man shut his eyes and exhaled deeply, the tingly feelings of worry and guilt riding up on him as he thought about seeing his poor incubated daughter.
Those thoughts would continue to bother him until the second he was in the NICU, eyes peering up at a plastic crib that had wires and monitors coming out all ends of it. "She's in there?"
"Yeah. Do you need me to help you get a better look?"
"I'd like to stand please," Blaine asked, allowing Kurt to slide an arm around his waist before they maneuvered themselves up to a standing position. Blaine leaned all of his weight against his ex, his legs still feeling like jello as he wobbled and shook against Kurt's form.
"It's okay. I've got you."
Together, they peered into the small crib that housed their daughter, admiring the tiny babe as she slept. She was gorgeous just like everyone said, her dark hair thin and wispy, looking so much like it would grow in thick whenever she grew up a little bit. Her nose reminded him of Kurt's, especially baby Kurt who Blaine had seen tons of pictures of. She had a pretty bow-shaped mouth, almond shaped eyes, and pinkish skin. All in all, she was absolutely perfect.
"Wow. She's so small."
"I keep thinking about how she came out of you and it's mindboggling to me," Kurt mused, nuzzling his cheek against Blaine's hair as he chuckled in thought. Blaine giggled too, tilting his head to let it rest against Kurt's face while he proudly gazed down at his child.
"I wish I could have carried her to term. I feel so bad about her being born early."
"Lots of babies are born early. Sometimes it's inevitable. What matters now is that she's healthy and doing well. The staff says she's doing great and that's all we can ask for, don't you think?"
"Well yeah, but-"
"But nothing. Honey, you did all that you could do. You kept her safe and you protected her until the second she came out. You loved her and that's what she needed most. She may be small, but she's a fighter. She's got a strong daddy to look up to and admire-"
"What about her papa?"
Kurt blinked at him, expression surprised and very much hopeful. "What about him?"
"She has a hard-headed man for a papa, but he's very courageous. Very strong and brave too." He exhaled, the hand that clutched onto Kurt's shirt tightening as he continued, "Her papa's done some stupid stuff but so has her daddy. They've both been stupid and they both have a lot of stuff to work on, but she deserves to have them both in her life. Together, too. Eventually, I mean, because I'm not ready for anything more yet. I'm sorry, but I would like to work on us as separate individuals first. We can raise her together, be co-parents or whatever people call that nowadays, and if anything happens, then it happens. But I can't, I cannot risk her happiness over anything."
"No, no, I understand." Kurt agreed, nodding. He had tears in his eyes, like he was incredibly happy to hear what Blaine was saying. Hell, he was probably happy that he was able to have this moment at all, especially with how dramatic their initial reunion had been. "She comes first. Though I do have to say that I will do anything in my power to let you know how sorry I am for what I did. I will do anything to make it up to you. I love you, Blaine. You're the love of my life and now the father of my daughter and I need you to know how sorry I am for what I did. You're everything to me and I'm sorry I took too long to let you know that and that I messed up something good over my own insecurities."
Cuddled next to him, still weak from the ordeal he'd been through yet feeling so blessed by the fact that their daughter was doing well, Blaine let his head rest on Kurt's shoulder, humming as he stared down at his sleeping child, infatuated by a human being he'd only known for several short months (in utero) and in person, only ten minutes. Together, he and Kurt created something so amazing and even though they were apart at that moment, they were going to bring her up together. It was hard being apart from him over the last few months, but Blaine knew that despite their separation and despite the fact that his heart had been broken so severely, things with Kurt would never be over. A long time ago, he'd broken Kurt too and Kurt forgave him. Now it was his turn.
But like Kurt back then, he needed time to heal, time to mend and get stronger. Even now, feeling as fragile as he did, he knew he was already growing tougher. Dealing with Kurt and the baggage that their relationship left behind all while he was pregnant proved to him that he could probably handle anything. He was growing, had grown, and there was still so much to do. The Blaine Anderson that walked out of the restaurant that summer night in the pouring rain, the one that had been crushed by Kurt's blows and let his life spiral out of control, had matured. This Blaine was stronger and he'd make it with or without Kurt.
Though he really hoped with was the final result.
"I love you," he whispered, smiling to himself when Kurt tensed up, stunned for just a second before he repeated the words in return, his expression softening when he noticed Blaine's face light up at the sight of their daughter beginning to open her pretty dark blue eyes.
"I love you too. Both of you, more than anything."
A/N: I would forever appreciate it if you left a review! Thanks! Also remember I always accept prompts on here or on my tumblr (under the same username as I use on here.) I might not get back to you over whether or not I received your prompt, but please know that I do save every prompt on a list and if one of them speaks to me, I try to write it as soon as I can! So always send prompts! You may never know if it's gonna be one that screams WRITE ME to me after I read it!