Author's Notes
This is a special fic for everybody's buddy Gunlord500! I'll explain more about what's going on at the end of the fic.
While this technically takes place after Gunlord's RenaultxLyn fic called Certainty, there's no need for you to read that fic to understand what's going on here, although I guess you'll have more context as to why things are the way they are. Please read it at some point!
If you want to read that fic first (or refresh yourself before reading this one) go for it!
A Second Chance
It's been five years since the day he left her... no, not her... Lyn, forever.
Renault knows he will never forget that day. How can he? It's the day that he's discovered he loves her... and that she loved him back, despite all of the sins he's committed in his life.
But he also knows he can never make the girl happy, no matter what her feelings are.
So what's bringing him to Sacae to find her?
He's not entirely sure himself. Throughout his pilgrimage around the continent, whether he wanted to or not, he's met up with some of his comrades from his few days participating in the war. (although, did he spend enough time with them to really call them comrades? He's still unsure.) A few examples stick out in his mind; a couple of times while praying at one of the Elimine churches, he's met with another fellow Bishop, Father Lucius, and their conversations strengthened Renault greatly. And at one point, what is meant to be a quick stop in Pherae for supplies ends up taking an entire day due to an irrevocable invitation from Lord Eliwood to stop by for dinner and a night's rest.
The visit with Eliwood is the most influential encounter of them all. In fact, the words that the Lord uttered about Lyndis are still engraved into his mind, even though Renault never planned to even mention the girl in the first place...
A month ago at Castle Pherae...
"Lyn is a dear friend of mine," Eliwood comments honestly, "and even though I have a wife, she still comes to visit a few times a year. I must say that she's... changed over the years. She never married, you know."
For some unknown reason, the revealing of that fact lifts Renault's heart up, just a little bit. He mentally chastises himself for this.
"She would never talk about why, but she never even LOOKED for a suitor, and in fact, she was never the same after the war," Eliwood admits. "Whenever I saw her, it felt like she lost something important to her; something she wishes to find again but most likely never will. I wonder what she could be missing?"
And now, for some reason he cannot truly comprehend, he is searching the plains of Sacae to find the woman he vowed never to see again. Did he feel sorry for her? Could he perhaps be going to help her find this unknown possession that she lost?
Renault finally figures it out one night as he sits in front of the campfire, and frankly, the answer terrifies him:
He still loves her.
Even after all these years without her presence, he can never truly forget Lyndis. No matter how hard he tries to put her out of his mind, once in a while something he experiences will trigger a memory of her to surface. Occasionally, he'll travel near an ocean and start thinking about her eyes; their turquoise colour matched that of the water, and he felt that the way her eyes looked could reflect the properties of the ocean as well. For example, when displaying her fierce trademarked determination, they're filled with power and strength, much like the ocean during a storm. But there's always calm after a storm has concluded, and when Lyndis is happy and content, her eyes can be compared with the tranquility of the peaceful and refreshing properties of the still waters.
How can he deny that he loves her? Simply, he can't.
Therefore, he eventually reasons that he can't continue his journey to find her.
It will only end in heartache.
The original plan of the priest is to pack up his things in the morning and then go back elsewhere; he doesn't know where yet, but he knows it'll be anywhere other than here in Sacae. However, fate; if you believe in it; works in an interesting way to prevent this from occurring...
"Please! I need you to wake up!"
Renault is hastily shaken back and forth by someone, and as he wakes up, he's understandably annoyed at first, but one look at the middle-aged Sacaen woman shaking him quickly tips him off to the fact that something is seriously wrong. The absolute desperation written on her face is the biggest indicator. "Peace," he starts, putting on a genuine smile and hoping to get some answers from the woman. "What is it you need me for?"
"My niece, she's terribly ill," the woman explains, but she's trying (with great difficulty) to raise the large man from the ground so that he can get going. "She's been on the decline for a while now, but she's just started having a horrible coughing fit this morning, and I fear that she'll die if she isn't treated quickly, and by someone with great healing magic. Those staves sticking out of your pack; I know they're quite powerful. I've only seen them in books, but they are clearly the same as the ones I read about."
"Oh my," he gasps, immediately torn on how to proceed. He knows he should just leave Sacae as quickly as he can, but if he ignores someone in need, what point is there in him even living? After only a few seconds of contemplation, the answer is obvious. "Take me to her. While I'm unsure whether I can save her or not, I will do anything I can to help."
The woman expresses her gratitude as she leads the priest to where her niece is located, and eventually they reach a small area inhabited by what seems to be only a few families, for only four or five gers are set up. Around one of the fires, a few people are circled around a woman fully covered by a brown cloak, who in turn is holding a small girl in her arms. Due to the hood completely obstructing her face, it's impossible to tell who the woman is, not that he would know her anyway.
"Just over here!" Renault's guide exclaims, and she sits him down in front of the little girl and the woman cradling her. "She's stopped coughing! Is she..."
"She's about to meet... the Holy Wind and Earth..." the cloaked woman grimaces, and Renault can't help but notice some sort of familiarity to her voice. He's unable to pin-point where, though, since the cloak's hood is obstructing her voice somewhat. "It's a horrible shame, but there's only one man I know who can heal her at this point... and I know he'll never come back here to Sacae..."
"This man possesses powerful staves!" the little girl's aunt counters, surprisingly confident in Renault's abilities. "He can heal her, I know he can." She turns towards him. "You can heal her, can't you?"
Renault has no idea if he can accomplish such a task. The majority of the power contained within a healing staff can only be utilized by someone with great faith in any sort of belief, which is why good people as well as evil people can use them so effectively. The same concept is true concerning Light magic. Over the last few years, Renault has lost much of his faith due to the attitudes of the majority of people around him, along with the weariness from his pilgrimage that's not even enlightening him in any way or sort. If he can't save this girl, he will have no one to blame but himself.
"I can... try..." the bishop whispers. "That's all I can do... and hope that she will be healed..."
The cloaked woman's head lifts up considerably as she discerns Renault's voice, but he doesn't notice as he takes out his most powerful staff and holds the orbed end next to the ill girl's face. He chants a sacred prayer to St. Elimine and casts the magic, but it doesn't seem to do anything. He tries again, this time chanting a bit louder and for a longer period of time, but again, it's ineffective.
Sighing, Renault knows that he's failed; he can't save this little girl.
"I'm so sorry..." he apologizes, closing his eyes in great disappointment. "I am but a fraud... I'm unable to save her..."
At first, nobody responds to the priest's grim confession.
Until...
"...you're wrong..."
Renault opens his eyes, once again noticing some sort of familiarity to the voice that's speaking. Who could it be?
"You're not a fraud. You've saved my friends. You helped save the world. At one point you even... saved me..."
The voice is shaking and cracking as she speaks, and when Lyn removes the hood off of her head, her face reveals that she is crying, and has been for some time now.
"Renault..." she pleads, "if I could ask only one more thing to you before never seeing you again... it would be... to save this girl..."
"Lyn..."
Renault just barely mouths the words, but simply uttering them recalls every memory of her that exists in his brain; their first meeting, the end of the war, when he left her in Sacae, and everything in between. He knows he shouldn't even be thinking of these things, but he cannot help himself. He's been doing everything in his power to forget, but it simply hasn't happened.
Regardless of the inner battle of morality that Renault is fighting within himself, he knows that for now, his only goal is to save the young girl in front of him.
"I... I think I can do it now."
Renault begins his chant for a third time, focusing on every word and what it means, and when he finishes, he inaudibly adds a few words at the end of his prayer:
"For Lyn..."
The village is in high spirits. With the salvation of one of their youngest and most cherished members, the residents call for a big feast for Renault, and although he initially refuses multiple times, they simply will not take no for an answer. As they eat together on a large community table, Renault explains about his pilgrimage; about his trek for inner tranquility.
However, Lyn is not there with them.
She decided to not join in the festivities, and instead went off to her own ger, claiming that she "wasn't hungry" and keeping to herself. This doesn't quite sit right with Renault, and although he's enjoying the change of pace more than he expected, he knows he should be speaking with Lyn. After all, he needs to explain why he had been no good for her back then. Of course, he also has to ignore his own feelings which have resurfaced after so many years, but she doesn't need to know that they were there in the first place.
Eventually, when he's done eating, he asks where Lyn's ger is located and is eventually directed there. He's about to announce his presence, but then stops himself. Why is he doing this again?
"Closure," Renault mumbles to himself, and he loosely shakes the tent while calling a short greeting. He's granted access, and so he lets himself into the ger.
It looks exactly the same as the last time he was in Lyn's place of dwelling. It contains the same Sacaen drapes, the same small cot serving as her bed, (where Lyn herself is sitting at the moment) the same simple cabinets, chests, and drawers. However, the intangible sense of loneliness that permeated the ger years ago has intensified since his last visit, despite now living with other people.
"I see that nothing's changed since I was last here," Renault starts, attempting to make conversation, but Lyn isn't replying, instead choosing to ignore the man by continuing to read her book about bead decorating. It's an awkward feeling to be ignored, but perhaps he deserves it. After all, he hasn't seen her in five years without so much as an explanation.
In fact, many minutes pass without a word being uttered from either party. Renault is wondering why he was even let inside in the first place.
"...you didn't even say goodbye."
Lyn's first comment to him since this morning is a strong one, and one Renault didn't even think about when he left to continue to his pilgrimage five years ago. "I... thought it was best that my departure be unannounced..."
"That means nothing," Lyn counters, and she puts her book away before getting off of her cot and standing directly in front of the large man speaking to her. Standing face to face with her now, Renault realizes that even if her surroundings haven't changed, Lyn herself has changed. Though she is still quite similar to before, a grim and unsuitable sense of maturity is discernible in her demeanour, and her eyes have lost a bit of their oceanic luster. As well, Lyn's matured physically; when she was 20, she was still to an extent a young adult, but now, after five years, the natural curves of her body have become more defined and prominent, and she can rightfully be called a 'woman' now based on her appearance. While some would discern this to be disadvantageous, Renault only views her as more beautiful than his memories have led him to believe. Perception is never the same as reality, except this time the reality is the more appealing of the two.
Regardless, now is not the time to be thinking about such things.
"That means... nothing..." Lyn repeats, but her angry facade is rapidly fading away into a state of distress instead. In fact, as the girl slowly deteriorates in front of him, Renault can't help but feel a sort of guilt, but for what exactly he's unsure. And before long, it appears that Lyn could completely lose her composure at any moment. However, Renault knows otherwise; he knows Lyn is strong, and her pride will not allow her to break down unless it's for a very good reason.
"Well, I knew I couldn't be..."
"Couldn't be what?" Lyn questions, regaining her confidence and looking at Renault with determination. "Disturbed? Distracted? Some other reason perhaps? No, the main problem isn't any of those things."
Renault perks up at this comment. What could she be implying?
"That's right, I just figured out the reason why we're even having this conversation today," she reasons, and the answer escapes from her lips: "You're selfish."
Renault lets that statement sink in.
Selfish?
Him, selfish?
What has he dedicated his life to for the last significant portion of his life? A pilgrimage to better himself so that he can help people. And what's always his first priority whenever he meets up with someone? To help them out in any way he can. Isn't that supposed to be selflessness he's showing? Not selfishness.
How, then, can he be selfish?
"But... I don't understand..."
"I'll explain it to you," Lyn offers. "After we defeated Nergal and the dragon, what's the first thing you do? Leave. Even though you had friends to celebrate with who truly enjoyed your company and presence, you left without a trace. You didn't think to consider what those people might have thought of you leaving so suddenly."
Renault doesn't have an answer for this.
"After I invite you to my home for a rest from your journey, after I pour out my soul to you about my grandfather dying... you leave again unannounced. Even though you had the company of someone who cared deeply for you nearby, you again left without a trace. Did you at one point ever thought of maybe considering my feelings? No. Not even once. Do you know what the first thing I thought of when I woke up by myself was?"
Renault has no idea, but he knows he's not going to like it.
"Renault hates me."
These words cut through Renault deeply. "No, I could never..."
"Renault really hates me."
"That's... not... true..."
"YOU HATED ME!"
Renault cannot even say anything to such a harsh statement. He knows what Lyn said is entirely false, but if she's been harbouring the feelings that he of all people has hated her for the last five years... then it is too much for him for him to bear.
For the first time in many, many years, Renault crouches onto the ground and breaks down into tears.
Tears that have never fallen, nor that he expected to fall.
Because it was him all along who ruined the last five years of her life.
"Lyn..." Renault sobs, "I could never hate you..."
"Then why? Why did you go?" Lyn shouts, and tears begin falling down her cheeks as well. The memories of the morning after their final night together suddenly explode into her mind, even though she vowed to never remember them again. "You left me... alone..." she mumbles, attempting to wipe some the tears away from her face. "All I wanted was your company for one evening... and you couldn't even..."
"I didn't deserve you..."
Lyn stops speaking immediately at Renault's confession. What is he talking about?
"I didn't deserve your kindness, I didn't deserve your praise. You deserved someone far better to be by your side," Renault admits, and he slowly brings himself off of the ground to meet Lyndis' eyes with his own. "I needed to disappear so you could pursue your happiness... and so I sacrificed my own by leaving you forever..."
He then gently grabs Lyn's hand and closes his own hands over it. "But something has brought me back here to you. I almost backed out for fear of how you might react, but now I'm pouring out my feelings... and asking for your forgiveness."
Lyn ponders over the Bishop's startling words. He left her... because he thought she deserved someone better? "Who are you..." she sniffles, "to judge whether I believe you're good enough for me or not?"
Renault's eyes light up just a little bit. Can it be possible? Was he wrong about her feelings this whole time? She truly doesn't care about his sins of the past?
Even if all of this is true, how can he ever hope to receive her forgiveness?
"I apologize for my outburst," Lyn continues, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "I was just... I was just angry at you, but also at myself for maybe not speaking up five years ago about my feelings. I don't care about your sins of the past. I care about the man you are now."
She pauses for a brief moment. "So, will you now stay with me?"
Renault can hardly believe his ears. Lyndis; the woman he wrongly denied having affection for; is offering him a second chance... a second chance to realize some form of happiness that's been eluding him for the last five years. Despite all of the excuses he made in the past, despite everything horrible he has ever done, despite his own insecurities...
...he's not going to make the same mistake twice.
He vows to himself that he will never leave Lyndis again. His sincere nodding confirms this for her, and a large smile brightens her features at his confirmation.
"Come on, let me show you around then," Lyn suggests, and wiping the last of the tears from her eyes, she leads Renault outside of her ger and takes him to the entrance of the village. "You probably didn't get to officially meet everyone during that afternoon feast, so I'd love to introduce you to all of my new family. And I'd also like to personally give you the grand tour of my village, especially if you're going to be staying here now. Is that alright?"
Renault smiles happily, noticing now that Lyn's eyes are more blue and tranquil than ever before, surpassing even the beauty of the ocean in his memories.
"I would like nothing more."
THE END
Author's Notes
This is the secret fic I've been working on the last two months; a goodbye fic for Gunlord500! Cormag Ravenstaff informed me a few months ago that Gunlord was leaving the FE fandom, and he made the wonderful suggestion to write fics for him to send him off, and I agreed with the idea wholeheartedly. Just finished it today too after Cormag informed me Gunlord was finished his final fic, Wayward Son. I'm glad I was able to submit it in time! Now I can start working on my next chapter of An Unlikely Pair.
Before writing this fic, I was pondering what I could possibly write for Gunlord specifically that he would enjoy or that would pay tribute to him in my own way, and I eventually thought: why not give the COOKIECHEESEMAN treatment to his most unique crack pairing? Certainty, starring RenaultxLyn, was a very well done story by Gunlord, but it broke one of my most cardinal writing rules, so I decided to write a sequel to the story to resolve this. I know this story pales in comparison to his, but I figured this was my greatest tribute I could give him, so I sincerely hope I did it justice.
Gunlord, we must all give a sincere thank you for everything you've done over the years. Cormag couldn't have said it better when he thoroughly explained how we'll miss your consistent reviews. But I know a few times you have helped me personally as well; giving me encouragement, helping put things back in perspective at one point in A Glimmer of Hope, how to handle that one user who attacked my work years ago; those are the main things I can remember, but I know you've done much, much more.
So thank you very much for everything you've done for us all as readers. I've called you everybody's buddy for a long time now, and for good reason; because it's true. You've encouraged many new writers, including myself and Cormag, and many more new writers will miss out on the privilege of you helping them. Please just come back to say hi once in a while! And for you other readers out there reading this, be sure to read Gunlord500's fics that he's submitted over the years!
Goodbye Gunlord. We'll truly miss you.