With Golden Flecks in Her Hair

Herein lies the thoughts of Kartik, brother of no one and belonging to nothing.

I lie in my tent and find myself to be idle. After a handful of restless attempts at sleep, I lie where I am now. I have acquired a piece of parchment and choose to use it now, to lead my mind to something other than the cruel dreams that play over and over in my nightmares, at least.

What should a man with such a lack of purpose have to write about?

I used to have a purpose. I used to not only be Kartik, but Kartik of the Rakshana, the ancient brotherhood. My path used to be too obvious to me. My only worry had been to keep a watchful eye over a simple school girl, a girl with powers, to show her a world other than this one. Was it such a hard task?, I must wonder. Where on my way did I turn to end up lost in these woods?

Surely fate determined I would turn my back on my brothers. Even then, it was written somewhere that I would betray all I had for that very girl. This is my belief and has been so.

In these few days, I have grown hopeful that a further twist of fate still awaits me. That I still have a task to complete which has some value in it. However I can not imagine what it is. Soon I shall be sailing away from these English cities, a sailor, surprisingly enough. Never have I liked the sea, but it shall fit this new, lone me.

Perhaps I am not entirely alone. She has remained with me for the last years. She still remains with me, both in my current predicament and in my ever-relentless daydreams.

Gemma.

Funny how the name may elicit various reactions from me. I have been annoyed and provoked by her presence at times in the past. I have though her powers as unnatural and possibly evil. Still, something in her stirs that seems so recognizable to me. She is not graceful or particularlly beautiful, but she has caused me to admit desires which I have nothing to compare to. If we do all have a counterpart here, she would undoubtedly be mine. That is, if it had not been for the low caste which I have been born into.

No matter the secret that binds us or the burdens we share, we shall never be partnered. For this, I am glad I shall be leaving soon. What future could I have here? I will not follow her for the rest of my life, I have been removed from the previous life I led, I must accept this. If not for the strange and questionable involvement between McCleethy and Fowlson, I would have ceased being months ago.

I do not regret breaking with the Rakshana, though I tend to dwell on it, I understand there is no changing the past. My choice was made and I will continue to live with it. It is foolish to think of what-if's. Yet I do imagine it was better I took that leap of faith towards Ms. Doyle, she has in fact proven herself a worthy ally.

I do not hold in my former thought that her part in holding the magic was dangerous. From what I have seen from her, she is stronger in heart than I ever truly believed. I have now seen her use her power in different ways and she has shown me her realms.

I can see why she returned there with her friends so often. Between fantasy and reality, it is the most wonderous sight I have ever witnessed. If I was still tied to my brotherhood, it would not have been possible. The realms are forbidden to the Rakshana, but away from them she was able to lead me there. She showed me everything I could ever ask for. Now I accept my fate for whatever it may turn out to be. Everything I have accomplished, everything I have done so far in my lifetime, it was worth it for her.

She will be able to accomplish such things with this magic she holds. She'll be able to help so many people, protect so many things. She is headstrong, but I trust her. She is not outwardly foolish. I am glad I helped her to find her power there, in the realms. By doing all this for her, I have perhaps helped her to do all the good she will do in her future. It is a worthy cause.

I can envision her here with me if I try hard enough. I remember how her eyes shown down upon me in the realms. They fit her I think, their deep green, both in spirit and soul. I hope she will have a future as hopeful as this place she has found again for all of us.

I remember what she looked like as she brought me through the door. I recall the exact look in those jade eyes and the tint of her bright hair.

As prideful as this may be to say, I have seen her in a way that no Englishman ever will, whether it be Muddleton or any other. Though we will never be able to stand with one another in society, I know she will remember me the same way I think of her now.

I wonder if Amar would understand this if he had never given his life to those dark creatures. I wonder if he would understand how I am connected to her, or if he would find me to be a foolish boy, as I saw Ithal; silly in the hopes that he could be accepted by stiff English society. Thankfully my feelings are returned more fully than his were, may he rest in peace.

He turned up missing days ago and we know now that he has passed, as his body has been found. Whether his death was caused by foul play from 's men or by a creature like that of my former brother, Amar, I cannot say.

Something is coming to an end, my dreams tell me this every night, yet I still hope them to be nothing.

Even with our futures leading away from one another, I cannot imagine what the world would be like without her in it. Whether I was near her or not, I would at least know that all was fine, that she still walked the Earth, that I might someday catch another glance of her. But without her? How would the Earth still turn? She is needed here, her gift could not have been given lightly. How is it plausible that her body could cease its functions, her life cease to be? I...

I would continue on in my ramblings, but my mind has grown fuzzy. I shall close my eyes and imagine her, lying out on the grass of her glorious realms with the flecks of rose gold in her hair shining in the sunlight, until the sleep I long for finds me.

"To remember his heart in all things." I hope I shall.

This idea was formed while I was rereading Rebel Angels. I was inspired by a short exchange between Kartik and Gemma. You can probably pick out the very line if you look at page 208. The lines exactly were...

G: "There is a ship like a Viking vessel, with a gorgon's head attached. She took us through a wall of golden water that left sparkles of gold all over our skin."

K: "Like the gold in your hair?"

G: "Much finer."

The other reason of this peice would be the closure. I personally loved the relationship between Kartik and Gemma throughout the series. I, like the rest of the girls who read the books, took it hard when he died. Writing this felt a bit like closure to me, I hope it can be to anyone who reads it too.

I would beg all of you to please review this. I don't care if all you can tell me is "I liked it" or even if you didn't. It helps me so much to hear something from all of you. So please, use the next moment to write me a little note on how you took this. It will be much appreciated. Thank you.