One Wedding and a Hangover- Part 1
Author's Note: FYI this is a Justice League parody of the Hangover movie, aka the first one. So to avoid confusion Dinah/Black Canary is Phil (Bradley Cooper), Helena/Huntress is Stu (Ed Helms) and naturally Power Girl is Alan (Zach G.) I can't pronounce the actor's last name and Batman is Doug (Justin Bartha) Please no flaming or any offensive comments, this is a try at making a parody of a renowned cult film. So, enjoy!
"I cant believe we're here at Bruce and Vicki's wedding!" Dinah squealed joyously as the three lovely ladies were at the Gotham City Cathedral where the wedding of Bruce Wayne and Vicki Vale was indeed taking place. Miss Vale herself entered in a gorgeous wedding gown, her post-pregnant womb showing through the gown as photographers snapped photos.
"Ugh, it is so freaking hot in here! Cant we have the wedding over at my parents' house?" Karen whined, itching the back of her tank top with her left hand. Helena rolled her eyes and spoke, "Just relax and go to sleep Karen. I'll tell you when it's time to catch the bouquet." "Great!" Karen cheerfully replied, nestling her head down on the pew and began to snore.
"Nice one, Helena. What else are you going to perform? Pulling a rabbit out of your boobs?" an obnoxious photographer jeered. Dinah immediately jabbed him in the jaw, knocking him flat on his chest.
"Thanks. I really hate those pervert photo shooters." Helena grumbled, wiping off the spit the photographer made on her dress. "eh, no problem." Dinah commented, taking out a bag of tic tacs.
The next morning, however….
"Ohhhh… that's it… no more pastrami sandwiches…" Vicki sleepily mumbled, slowly getting up as she saw the place that was once her apartment in shambles. Beer and vodka bottles lay strewn across the floor. Empty boxes of cigarettes and peanuts were on the carpet and bearskin rug. "Helena? Dinah? Karen? Bruce?" Vicki called out, looking around for her husband and her compatriots. Vicki made her way to the kitchen where she found Dinah sound asleep on the table, sucking her thumb. Her blonde hair was left nice and dainty, her face was strewn with loose eyeliner makeup and spray paint. And what she was wearing was a long velvet lined garter with a skintight belt.
"Dinah? Dinah, wake up!" Vicki called, shaking the snoozing canary. Dinah slowly opened her eyes in mid-snore, yawned loudly and, while licking her chops, looked over at the mirror near her and screamed. "What the?! My FACE! My BEAUTIFUL GIRLY FACE!" Dinah wailed hysterically, clinging onto Vicki's legs.
"Dinah! Get a hold of yourself, we just have to stay calm and find Helena, Karen and Bruce." Vicki slowly explained soothingly as Dinah slowly clutched her hair. "I cant be seen looking like this! Mommy will ground me for months!" Dinah whined as Vicki rubbed her forehead before a bedraggled, half-asleep Karen entered, carrying a loudly snoring Helena in her arms.
"Hey there you two are! What in the world happened?" Vicki asked, seeing Karen's proud maid of honor dress in tatters and replaced with a large rubber life preserver. "Funny thing, I was about to ask you the same question. And by the way, who's the jackass that placed a fake squirrel carcass by my butt?" Karen asked as Vicki and Dinah stared at her wide-eyed
"Oh god… Bruce will never forgive me… He'll just dump me…" Vicki sobbed, sitting by the windowsill, sobbing. "aw, it's ok sweetie. We'll find him." Dinah replied caringly as she comforted the weeping bride before hearing a loud scream. Karen rushed back into the room holding a note in her left hand.
"What is it? Is it something bad?" Helena asked worriedly, Karen nodded, her teeth chattering. Vicki examined the note and nearly fainted when she saw Bruce's photo on the back. "oh god, it cant be… no, no, please no…" Vicki whimpered hysterically
"What is it?" Dinah asked. Vicki gulped and tried desperately to speak but all that came out was… "My hummer is being towed away by the Mafia car company"
"What?" Helena replied, confused. "Vicki, maybe you should change and get some rest. It's obviously been a really stressful morning." Dinah added as she escorted Vicki to her bedroom before Karen gasped. "the Mafia is holding Bruce hostage!" Karen yelped.
"That's crazy! Who the hell would want to do something ridiculous like that?" Helena snorted. "c'mon girls, think! What do you all remember from last night, at the wedding reception?" Vicki asked, all three winding back the time clock in their heads to the night before…
"you-you are the-uber best… sexiest schweetest girl I-I ever k-k-knew." Dinah slurred drunkenly as Helena stared back at her, her right eye twitching from all the alcohol. "yeh and-and you are the biggest… most handsome… girl thingy I ever knew too. I just… I want to have as much boobies with you." Helena ranted, hiccupping between laughing.
"Vicki, maybe you should just lay off the alcohol, right?" Bruce asked nervously, as his new wife was humping a rather impressed teenage groomsman. "Oh hush it Brucie, you just don't know the girl in the girl in me! See, I just-I just told you… something or question or whatever.. so there!" Vicki stammered drunkenly, before belching loudly that shook the whole hotel.
"… whoa, was I really that drunk?" Helena gasped, shocked of remembering the insane facts as she finished retelling the events of the reception. "so we were at the reception, Bruce left because his car was out of gas and…" Dinah started, putting two and two together before all girls gasped "the Regal Hotel!" all exclaimed in unison.
The four females drove down to the Regal Hotel and rushed in where they met Officer Abigail Lowery of the Gotham PD. "oh, if it isn't my three favorite co-partners and the newlywed. What can I help you with this morning?" Abigail asked cheerfully.
"we… we have a huge problem." Helena responded, handing Abigail the ransom note. The pretty officer looked over it and gasped in shock. "well my goodness! How did this happen all of a sudden?" Abigail asked worriedly.
"would you believe me if I told you the four of us are having a bad hangover?" Karen asked, hoping Lowery wouldn't arrest the girls for drunk and disorderly charges. "Yeah, I can go with that. So, guess the reception was a little too crazy, eh?" Abigail noted, as she wiped off the spray paint and eyeliner markings from Dinah's face. "well, the last thing we remember was…" Karen started, seeing a waiter carry a tray of pork steak sirloin. "The buffet dinner!" Helena gasped. "you hungry all of a sudden Helena? The café isn't open till noon." Abigail piped up. "no, no, what she means is, well you see…" Karen explained.
"This isn't gonna be one of those flashbacks, is it?" Abigail guessed in a faint Texas accent. "yes." Helena simply answered. Abigail pulled up a chair from the lobby and sat down. "Ok ladies, I'm all ears." Abigail responded.
The night before… again…
"And you know what I like about sirloin? Cause it rhymes with purloin? That should be a new steak flavor: roasted steak purloin." Helena babbled as Dinah laid her head on the café table, snoring as she tried to sleep off the alcohol in vain.
"look at them kids these days… hey you hooligan! That's someone else's car! Why don't you go get a Model T ford or some other lousy hunk of junk!" Vicki ranted like a crotchety, rambling old man as Karen shook her head while a bearded drinker rambled.
"yeah yeah… them new kids today… back then we didn't have any of those TV doohickeys or any of that newfangled gadgets those whippersnappers use now and then, yep we had corn, corn, meat and corn." The old geezer murmured
"Vicki! Thank god you're here! I've been out looking all over for you! Where in the name of God have you girls been?" Bruce asked worriedly, embracing Vicki before she barfed all on his polo shirt.
"oh god…. I got the old indigestion again… damn those new pills…" Vicki muttered, as Bruce wiped off the slime in disgust before Two-Face and his mob entered the café. "Evening Wayne. We thought we'd drop by and give you a ride." Two-Face sneered, holding a Thompson machine gun to his head.
"Oh shit! Two-Face is here, Dinah; do something!" Helena hissed, trying to awaken Dinah. But she was sound asleep, snoring away like a beautiful angel. "Ok fine, just snooze all you want." Helena flatly remarked, a childlike smile forming on Dinah's face as she slept.
"So… you sure you're not… you're not… Humphrey Bogart?" Vicki slurred, trying to shake Two-Face's hand but instead kneed him in the groin. "AAGH!" Two-Face screamed, clutching his balls in pain before grabbing his gun and firing but Helena took Vicki out of harm's way. "You little bitch! How dare you!" Two-Face snarled, shooting again as Helena and Vicki dove behind the table where Dinah was sleeping. "ah, if it isn't the canary bitch. C'mon birdie… sing for me." Two-Face taunted, as Dinah snored before she breathed hazy alcohol air on Two-Face. "God damn, that stinks!" a thug coughed, his meaty arm knocking Two-Face and his goons down to the ground.
"C'mon, let's take the lover boy and get out of here! See you on skid row, you drunks!" Two-Face jeered, his henchmen laughing cruelly as they dragged a dazed and stunned Bruce away.
"… well I have seen a lot of crazy fights, but I'd never expect Two-Face to beat you girls!" Abigail commented, astounded by the story. "well, if Dinah had gotten her head off the pasta sauce, we would've won." Helena remarked, Dinah sticking out her tongue.
"well maybe if you didn't wake me up from my nap, we would've got Bruce back!" Dinah retorted
"Focus, ladies, focus!" Abigail ordered, snapping Dinah out of her daze. "Now, if we're going to find Bruce and bring down Two-Face, we got to work together. So no catfights, no hissy fits and absolutely positively no mooning. Is that clear?" Abigail ordered, Karen, Helena, Vicki and Dinah nodding.
"Good. Now let's go!" Abigail ordered as the girls got into the police sedan and sped off in pursuit.
To be continued…