A/N: This is a purely crack fic one shot that came across my mind. The characters here are extremely OOC, especially Faramir and Eowyn. I hope you enjoy it though
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Tolkien.
By the end of the fourth week of Faramir's visit to Edoras, Eomer is seriously ready to kill that blasted Steward.
When his sister had asked for his approval to wed the man, he had given it willingly. Although he did not know Faramir personally he had heard lots of good things about him and after a few days in his company, he found Faramir to be a pretty decent guy, if a bit too quiet and scholarly for his taste. Though what had mostly affected his decision was the difference Faramir made to his sister. Never before had he seen Eowyn so radiant and blissfully happy and that was reason enough for him to give his approval.
Two months after their official bethrothal, Faramir had arrived in Edoras to visit and needless to say Eowyn was ecstatic.
At first Eomer found the couple's behavior highly amusing. They seem to spend most, if not all, of their time together holding hands, smiling while talking softly and staring into each other's eyes as if the world does not exist.
Eomer had never seen his sister behaved like she did around Faramir. She was all smiles and giggles whenever Faramir said something to her. Eowyn had never, ever, giggled before and at first the sound surprised Eomer so much that it freaked him out. But he has gotten used to it by now. She giggles all the time now, even at the stupidest things that man said. It was as if everything that came out of his mouth is the funniest thing ever and had to be rewarded with a giggle. They even have stupid nicknames for each other; they often call each other Wynnie and Miri.
He did not see them often though, thank the Valar, only at the dining table at mealtime. Most of the time he would find them in the garden, with Faramir reciting some poetry in some Elven language for her. Eomer is pretty sure Eowyn understood none of it, but of course she endured the whole thing and giggled every now and then.
By the end of the first week, Eomer was beginning to worry at their behavior and was seriously considering alerting Aragorn that his Steward may not be completely sane. But Elfhelm, being the more experienced one had assured him that it was completely normal for people who and in love, especially when they are newly in love, to behave this way.
By the end of the second week, Eomer was ready to gag. He could only take so much of this sickly romantic crap and his kingdom was beginning to suffer. Eomer was never raised to be a king and he had relied heavily upon Eowyn to help him rebuild his country, but now his sister was incapacitated because she was too busy making googly eyes at her betrothed and listening to stupid Elvish poetry about some rock, or plant, or whatever it was that crosses the Steward's sight.
But just when he thought things could not get any worse…
It happened during breakfast one morning. Faramir and Eowyn were sitting across him, holding hands, and feeding each other morsels of food as usual, smiling and staring into each other's eyes after every bite.
"Did you like the cinnamon buns, Miri? I ordered them made especially for you."
"Of course I do. But then anything will taste good in your company"
Eowyn giggled
Eomer rolled his eyes. Please tell me he's not going to start reciting a poem about those cinnamon buns Eomer prayed silently
"You have some crumbs at the corner of your mouth, Wynnie..here, let me clean that for you" Faramir said as he dabbed the corner of her lips with his napkin.
More giggles from Eowyn
Eomer coughed loudly, but of course he was completely ignored.
"Here, have another one."
"But it's the last one, you should have it."
"No, you."
"No, you."
"You."
Giggle giggle
Eomer was seriously ready to flip the table by then and be done with breakfast, but then his sister had asked the question that had doomed him
"Miri…. You've been here for almost three weeks, and while you seem to enjoy the meals we have served, you have never told me what is your favorite food."
"Anything will taste heavenly as long as you are here to share it with me."
Giggle giggle
"But if you insist, I will tell you. I have always had a thing for brussel sprouts. I could eat it endlessly. I have been wondering why you never serve them here though, since I see that Rohan does grow lots of it"
Eomer froze. The one vegetable in the world he could not tolerate and it has to be the Steward's favorite. He was beginning to believe that Faramir is sent by the devil himself to make his life miserable. Eomer silently prayed that his sister will let it go, but of course it was not meant to be.
"Well, it was because my brother is not fond of it. But I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I cook some for you during the rest of your stay. You won't mind, will you, dear brother?" Eowyn said and turned to look at him.
It amazed Eomer how her look could change from you-are-the-most-adorable-and-wonderful-thing-I've-ever-set-my-eyes-upon to if-you-don't-say-yes-you-will-regret-it-for-the-rest-of-your-existence by the turn of her head. He could do nothing but resign to his fate and said "Of course not, dear sister."
The next days were pure hell. Eowyn did not just order some brussel sprouts to be served for her beloved, every single meal was filled with brussel sprouts in every sort of dish imaginable. Not only that, she even tried to cook some of them herself, which means not only that he had to endure eating brussel sprouts, but some really badly cooked ones as well. Unsurprisingly that dratted Steward finished every single dish with a winning smile and even complimented some of the dish Eowyn made.
"Did you like it? I cook them myself and I was worried it may not be good as I have never cooked before."
"They are excellent my love. How could you ever thing that you cannot cook?"
"Really?" giggle giggle "Oh, but you're just saying that to make me feel good."
"I would never lie to you"
"That is what every man said when they are trying to woo you" Eowyn said pouting
and so the cheesy line and giggles continued while Eomer was stabbing at his meal like there's no tomorrow and gritting his teeth
"No, but seriously, your cooking is pretty good. I have tasted much worse during my time as a ranger."
At that Eomer started to wonder how it is that the Ithilien Rangers are still functioning if their meals were worse that the blob of unidentifiable mess that was in front of him.
Eomer had tried to stop his torture after the third day. He figured that nothing but the Steward's request will stop his sister from cooking, so he tried sabotaging his meal. That day he had dumped an entire shaker's worth of pepper in Faramir's bowl of stew and he had ended up with a really bad coughing fit at the dinner table. A black eye and badly ringing ears later, Eomer decided it was not a good idea and he resigned himself to his fate.
At the end of the fourth week however, Eomer could not take it anymore. He decided he should say something or at least die trying to reason with the couple. Smothering the Steward in his sleep may not be a good idea. Even if his sister had spared his life, he would not be in good terms with Aragorn who was quite fond of his Steward. He found them in the garden as usual, but surprisingly instead of the usual sickening romantic scene, Eowyn was silently weeping while Faramir was kneeling in front of her trying his best to console her.
Turned out he had been summoned back to Minas Tirith for some urgent matter and he had to leave the next morning. Trying his best to hide his grin and refraining from doing a happy dance, Eomer expressed his regret that Faramir's visit had to be cut short and then left the couple to themselves.
The next morning Eomer stood beside his sister as they watched the Gondoreans leave. Long after the Steward's banner had disappeared from sight, his sister was still standing outside Meduseld.
"Sister, will you not come inside? It is getting dark soon." he finally said
Eowyn sighed and turned around to face him then and as he saw his sister dejected face, memories flashes in his mind. Of Eowyn's pale and hopeless face during Grima's grip on Theoden, of her still body on the Pelennor, of her sorrowful face before he left for the Black Gates.
As he moved forward to took his sister in his arms, he swore to himself that he would endure an eternity full of sickeningly romantic crap between his sister and the Steward, and he would eat a diet solely of brussel sprouts for the rest of his life, if only he could see her radiant smile again and hear her giggle.