Sakura: Time for another amazing story YAY!

Ed: This story isn't eally about me is it...

Sakura: Of course it is. It'sa gripping story of love... hate

Ed: TMI

Sakura: pffff. Well fine. I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist btw. It is owned by the halidom worthy Arakawa-sensei!

prolouge

ed felt the bile rise through his throat like a broek. Septic tank. It tasted like month old microwavable popcorn In Other words it tasted like shit.

the story

ed sat down in his reclining helicopter. It was getting dark out and he liked wpendi g his time making boomdoggles or whatever the hell those keychain things are called. Recently he had discovered the existence of merwolves but that a tail for another day (SIGNAL BOOST FOR EREN GOES TO MARIA GAKUEN)

with much suddeness to rival dankey kang, ed was swept off his feet by a figure as large as goku. Ed thought it was his waifu roy but it was actually a THIEF. The theif was stealing ed away. Ed was super scared as his uke hormones made him a useless damnsel in distress. He cried uke tears as he was spirited away.

ed blacked out and couldn't see anything. It was like bing stuck inside the box of imagination when you are imagination intolerant.. when he woke up he was locked inside a cage with only a filled bucket and eroge. Ed didn't ko what to do so he decided to leave the blatant homestuck reference and instead started to play the eroge. However soon after starting he realized it was nkt a normal eroge. It was DMMD (#fav).! ed played and totally was turned on by aobaz socks. He paired aoba with wolfie-kun. He had tons of headcanons . His fav was a dmmd crossover with harry potter, wiuyth the pairing being aoba x harry. Aoba of cousre was the uke, but sumtimes harry wanted to be uke so they had uke fights to see who could throw up more testosterone.

harry usually won cause he was a total wimp. obviously in fanfiction when they say dark!harry smart!harry they are actually changing the character. the authors of those fics are just venting about how annyoinhg jarry is when we all know that's just who he is. you xant just gp changing their intelligence of the truly are an idiot.

in his headcanon aoba went to hogwartz and saved indecisive harry from moldywartz.

adter ed was done playing he had notbing to do and was super bored. That's why it was super bad torture cause there was nothing to do. Roy then realized his waifu was missing. He knew he was a stromg independent man who don't need no man I. His life but he would save ed-chan amyways.

e ran out the door but was stopped by a succulent figure. Sakura Nochte Destiny Aurelia Walker stood their in her mary sue glory. She was the 8th homonculus of heresy. She was dropdead gorgeous with rainbow haired the spewed sparkles like a septic tank spewed shit. Roy was so surprised that he died.

sakura-chan looked at the dead body and decided that the rest of this story would be told in 2nd person from her eyes.

you walk out of the buildi g cause you are da gaze at your own gorgeous ness and realize writing in 2nd person is hard. You decide to stop

sakura-chan was slughtly winded from that 2nd person pov. She didn't like that roy had died so she administered by mouth Komoi-kuns eternal life syrum. Roy woke up as a zombie. Roy was aghast "WTF ZOMBIES ARE GROSS. I BET I HAVE LIKE 20 INGROWN NAILS RIGHT NOW!"

sakura-chan helicoptered away and out of this story peace out bitches lolz

roy was steadfastly applying outment to his tails in order to perverse their dainty glory. he rubbed the lube on gently. No wait he was actually rubbing "lotion" if anyone asks. A girl shaped like a triangle came up behind him and sat down to his left. She sighed fercor. Roy was disgusted by her heterosexuality.

roy went to eds cell and found ed sitting their staring into a bucket he was singing

"wrhen will my reflection show... who I am INSIDE"

ed stared at his reflection being reflected in the liquid of the blatantly obvious homestuck reference. Roy grabbed the uke in a erotically sensual engolfment. He had engolfed the uke into his very being. Ed was being assimilated. Roy decided that a successful engolfment warrented a game of golf. He got out his dong and began playing golf with bucket-kun.

Roy and bucket-kun played a friendly game lf golf and then proceeded to leave. But then roy realized, ed was trying to escape!

ed killed roy. Roy was a roy wouldn't d cause he had the eternal life syrum. Ed performed obsequies and interred roy alive. Roy was in bondage and couldn't move. Ed walked away happily. No homo for uke gormones returned tho. It was helicoptered away and landed on the moon. He saw a at least 3 pairs of men having hot gay sex. No homo tho. So he helicoptered to mercury. He saw a man and a desk. No homo tho. He went to the taiyou but it was already occupied by naruto and sasukes ghost have,ing steaming ghost sex. No homo tho.

ed decided he wouldn't enter a jarry potter crossedover with fma cliché. He was gonna be an angsty teen who joimed the triwizard tounament. out of convenience ed decided not to or else this would have to be filed as a xover.

all of large tractor beaming drew him in and he burned to death in the taiyou. Rip ed elric.

When ed reached his Gate he saw that white guy. you know, the one with the annoying voice that goes "i am god i am the universe i am everything i am truth i am you" what an asshat. anyways the dude was so white that ed swore he was wearing loose basketball shorts and nike shoes except that he wasn't. he was just anaked white guy, with only a mouth that was sort of reminiscent of kaneki kens mask from tokyo ghoul i love tokyo ghoul,

anyways,, . there was the whte guy . "lol ded" he said. ed rolled his molten golden optics bc he was an angsty hormonal teenager as those creepy tentacle hands engolfed him in to the gate, caressing his body. The hentai tentacle rape tentacles wrapped themselves around Ed. He let out a moan as saliva dripped from his mouth. His desu blush overwhelmed his face. The tentacles creeped closer to his dong, as their slow approach slithered up his thigh leaving behind a thick liquid. The appendages dutifully enraptured his expand dong, and continued to emit a wafting aroma of sultry, steaming hot, homosexual sex. no homo tho. due to his raging uke hormones the sensation was oddlyu pleasant. th e hands deposited ed into the Hellicopter, the supreme helicopte rof lord death .

ed looked back on the tentaacles and was sad to leave them as he gelicoptered away. The helicopter deposited him in turrblr fanfiction land. It was a mix of tumblr and shitty fanfictions. Ed died from reading too many overused cliches and tropes about an angsty teen who is tortured for no reason. He realized that torture fics tended to legitimize torture and other heinous acts. He had repented. He would never participate as the main character in such a fanfiction ever again.

Little did he realize he didn't have a choice. Millions of raging fujoshis and fudanshis would force him to have hot gay sex with Roy. The only thing they wanted was an angsty teen (that they could project their inner angsty teenager hormones on) who had someone who would do anything for them. Most likely none of them had any lives, because how often does the "cold cynical loner" end up with the "suave popular scene kid"(aka white trash). Whether he wanted it or not, he would be the torture victim of thousands of terribly characterized fanfictions.

the end