A spoof of my own HarryDraco stories. Ooops, I mean DracoHarry….
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We Have To Do WHAT Now?
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Harry tossed a sheaf of papers towards the sleeping blonde and was rewarded with a muffled obscenity when they smacked Draco squarely on the head. The Slytherin immediately threw back the covers indignantly and rubbed his temple, glaring at the dark-haired wizard.
"What the hell was that for?"
"Get up," Harry commanded cheerily. "That 'Jennifer Snape' wants us to do another HarryDraco one-shot."
"What…AGAIN?" Draco groaned and dropped his head once more on the pillow, face down. "God have mercy…."
"Oh don't be such a grump. She seems to like making us a couple."
"Tell her to get stuffed!" the blonde moaned into the pillow.
"Oh come on!" Harry coaxed. "Don't pretend you don't like seeing your name in lights," he teased. "And it's only a short one this time."
"Hummppfh. Makes a change. I'm still recovering from that bloody angst-ridden You Promised. She still hasn't decided where it's going and that story is driving me up the wall. I much prefer shorter, fluffier ones."
Harry stifled a snort. "Can I quote you on that?" he smirked. "Draco likes short, fluffy ones."
The irate man threw a pillow at his head.
"Oh come on, it's just a small one shot, it won't take long…."
"Hummpfh."
"Go on…."
"Oh for God's sake…are you going to let me have any peace until I do?"
"No."
"Oh, alright!" he grumbled loudly. He pressed his lips firmly together. "But only if it's DracoHarry this time!"
"But it's always HarryDraco!" the dark-haired wizard protested.
"So why can't it be DracoHarry for a change?"
"Oh alright," Harry conceded, rolling his eyes and settling down on the edge of the bed.
Draco grinned and reached for the script. "You're such a pushover."
Harry gave him a pointed look and read the top line of the paper in front of him. He cleared his throat. "Your eyes are so blue!"
He looked closer at Draco. "Ooops, I mean grey." He flushed a little. He reached for a pencil and corrected the script so that it now read 'grey'.
Draco smirked at Harry's response and read his own line. "Your hair is so green!"
He looked closer at the script. "Who the hell wrote this?"
"I think that's supposed to say eyes, not hair," Harry said helpfully.
Draco raised his eyebrows. "Do you think?" he said sarcastically. He flicked through the rest of the pages. "Good grief, you'd think she'd at least proof read this stuff first…. According to this, I'm working as an Auror with The Order but halfway through she says that I've been a teacher at Hogwarts for five years. And then I seem to get in a hot air balloon for no apparent reason…."
"And straight after that I'm supposed to grab the back of your neck and kiss you," Harry added.
"What, just like that?" Draco asked incredulously. "Isn't there any build up or anything?"
Harry flicked over the page, scratching his neck absently. "Um, no, doesn't seem to be…."
Draco exhaled heavily. "Oh, let's just get on with it…lets try the second scene. That appears to be the least ridiculous of the lot." He turned his gaze back to the paper and continued to read. "Harry, I – I can't go on like this."
Harry followed on with his line. "Harry turned towards Draco and lightly traced a gentle finger down the side of his face. Draco leaned into the touch." He flushed and shifted a little sheepishly. "Oh dear, I wasn't supposed to read that bit out loud."
Draco rolled his eyes. "The bits in bold are commands, not script - "
But his sentence was cut off by a loud snort by the other wizard, who was reading the next page. "She's got another thing coming if she thinks I'm going to – he peered at his sheet – caress the side of your neck and whisper lovingly into your ear?"
"And why wouldn't you want to do that?" Draco retorted, folding his arms.
Harry raised an eyebrow at him. "I have never been loving towards you and I am not about to start now."
"Oh is that right?" He smirked in an exasperating manner. "And what about in The Nose On Your Face? And It's Funny? Oh yes, and I Need To Hear It, and Son, and…." He lazily ticked them all off on his fingers.
"Oh, shut up," Harry grumbled, his ears reddening. "And what about you in Don't Push Me?" he said defensively. "You had enough loving to fill a Quidditch Pitch."
"Talking of Quidditch," Draco grumbled indignantly, "how come you got to be the Quidditch star in Playing Away From Home? Everyone knows I'm much better on a broom than you are!"
"Oh stop sulking."
Jennifer Snape stuck her nose around the door. "Come on, guys, this isn't getting us anywhere."
"Neither is your script!" Draco retorted.
"Well if that's the way you feel," she huffed defensively, "I'll find someone else to do my stories."
"Oh, woe is me," Draco snapped sarcastically.
Harry placed a gentle hand on the Slytherin's arm and shot him a calming look. He then turned and smiled at Jennifer. "Look, he doesn't mean it. Just give us a few minutes…."
Draco's stern expression vanished at Harry's intervention, and he visibly softened at the other wizard's touch.
Jennifer watched this exchange with interest and her eyes glittered, a scheming thought entered her mind….
"Oh no that's alright, you've got a point…." she said offhandedly, looking at her nails. "I could just separate the two of you if you prefer. You're probably right, all this HarryDraco business has been done to death. Yes, let me see…I think you'll go well with Luna, Draco…." She tapped her chin in thought, eyeing the blonde closely. "And maybe I'll put Harry with - "
"NO!" Draco suddenly shouted. He immediately reddened and shoved his head beneath his pillow.
Harry chuckled and rubbed the Slytherin's back comfortingly as the mortified wizard refused to look at them.
Jennifer Snape's eyes widened. "I KNEW IT! I knew you two were an item! So tell me, tell me! When? How?"
Draco muttered something incomprehensible and blushed furiously.
Harry grinned at him and, seeing that the Slytherin was far too embarrassed to speak, turned to Jennifer. "Well I suppose it started off during that first one-shot It's Funny - "
"Ooooh, as far back as that?" she interrupted excitedly, bouncing up and down.
" - but it wasn't until I Need To Hear It that things started getting serious." Harry reddened. "And actually, just two weeks ago - "
Draco made a non-committal noise in his throat and buried his head deeper in the covers.
" - Draco recreated that scene in Pillow Fight, you know – the one with - "
"Oh yes, I know…." Jennifer breathed.
Harry blushed. Only this time he was the one with the ring." He smiled shyly. "And when he got down on one knee I just melted…." The words stuck in his throat a little and he fingered the silver band around his left finger, his eyes glistening as he turned to gaze at the blonde who was still lying face down in the bedcovers.
Jennifer's eyes suddenly flew to the ring and her jaw dropped.
"OH MY GOD!" She clapped a hand over her mouth. "You mean – you two…!"
"Yep, that's right," Harry smiled shyly. "We were going to tell you earlier, but - "
Draco suddenly found his voice. "So don't even think about writing Harry with anyone else, do you hear?" he demanded, the pillow partially muffling his words.
Jennifer suppressed a smile and shook her head vigorously. "Oh no, no – of course not…." She looked fondly at the couple. "I'm so happy for you," she smiled genuinely. "Well I'll leave you both to it," she beamed, opening the door.
"Wait - " Harry suddenly said, eyeing her suspiciously as a thought came to his mind. "You're not going to write this up in one of your stories are you?"
Jennifer raised her eyebrows innocently and brought a hand to her chest. "Who, me?"
She turned away. "I wouldn't dream of it…."
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