Kakuzu sighed when he heard Hidan enter the room.
"How many times do I have to tell you: Don't slam the door."
"I didn't slam the door, jackass!"
Kakuzu merely growled and rubbed his aching head. The Akatsuki were having money troubles, and Kakuzu being the banker, all blame was placed on him, along with all responsibility to fix it. Which wasn't going well.
"Hidan, just shut up. I don't feel like dealing with you right now."
"Too fucking bad, I'm here. What are you going to do about it?"
In response, Kakuzu punched his head off, temper at an end.
"PUT MY FUCKING HEAD BACK ON!"
"Not until you say you're going to be quiet. I have a lot of work to do, and your whiny voice isn't helping at all."
"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I'M SACRIFICING YOUR ASS ONCE I'M BACK TOGETHER!"
Kakuzu growled and rose, finally angry. He picked up Hidan's head and used his stitches to close his mouth, effectively shutting him up, with the exception of a few muffled curses. He dropped the head on their bed, and turned back to his desk.
"Quiet. I have work to do."
"Mmff shht garft mmff!"
"That's very interesting. Do tell."
"Mmft oo!"
"Hmm… is that so?"
Hidan shut up, turning his eyes to the side. Kakuzu sighed for what seemed the hundredth time that day.
"Look Hidan, I have a lot of work to do, and you aren't helping. I'm really not in the mood right now."
Hidan answered with silence.
"Yeah, I know, you hate my guts right now. Once my work is done, I'll put you back together. Deal?"
More silence. Curious as to why the Jashinist was silent, Kakuzu turned around. "Hidan?"
He snorted. Of course. Hidan was asleep on the bed. Kakuzu smirked at him.
"Sleep well. We have a big mission tomorrow, and if we succeed, I won't have to work as hard."
Hidan snored.
"And right now I'm talking to a sleeping decapitated head. Yeah, the work is getting to me."
Kakuzu shook his head, turning back to his figures. "Are the numbers supposed to be moving?"
--------------
"Hidan, talk to me."
"…"
"You can't stay quiet forever. Trust me, you've tried before."
"…"
"Goddamnit Hidan! Just answer me!"
"…"
They had been walking for over three hours now, and Hidan still had not said a word to the banker. Kakuzu, on the other side, had for once been trying to get him to talk. Every time he opened his mouth, the Jashinist would twitch, but that would be all. Any other person would have said they had switched rolls, Kakuzu being the annoying one and Hidan the quiet one, but that person wouldn't have lived.
Kakuzu eventually gave up, shaking his head. It didn't really matter. Once this bounty was dead, he would have time to apologize to the masochist. Unfortunately, they didn't know much on the bounty, other than the fact that she had a scar holding her left eye shut and normally traveled around with a hawk on her shoulder. Their client wanted her dead, no questions asked. This was one thing the Akatsuki was good at. He offered to pay them five-hundred thousand dollars for her death, which would be more than enough to get them out of their money problems. With all the taxes raised, pay had been cut, and no member was happy.
The duo walked on for hours, Hidan not talking the entire time. He didn't ask for a rest when they passed a few inns, he didn't demand a snack when they passed a dango shop, and he didn't annoy the banker once the entire trip. This strangely annoyed the banker. He was used to Hidan talking his ear off, making the trip seem a little shorter. However, it seemed to go even longer now, with the Jashinist refusing to open his mouth.
Finally, about three hours after sunset, Kakuzu finally pulled off the path, heading into the woods.
"Hidan, I'm setting up camp. Go get firewood."
Not a word of disagreement from the albino. Instead, he just glared and walked away, merely flipping Kakuzu off. Kakuzu sighed, working on building a lean-to. The skies were dark, and Kakuzu had a feeling it would rain soon. Normally, he wouldn't take the time to do this, but he wanted to apologize to his boyfriend in some way. This was the safest bet without getting his head sliced off right now.
He quickly finished assembling the shelter, waiting for Hidan to return. An hour passed, then two, and still there was no sign from the masochist. He began to get worried, but shook it off. Hidan was probably getting some space from him. As much as it hurt the banker to admit he was the cause of this, his damnable pride wouldn't let him just go and apologize.
The half-moon rose over the tree line, reminding Kakuzu of how late it was getting. He looked off in the direction Hidan had gone, brow furrowed. Sure, Hidan had been mad, but had he been mad enough to stay away this long?
Growling softly in irritation, he stalked off, tracking Hidan. The idiot had left his scythe behind. Knowing him, he had probably been ambushed and was taking forever to kill his attackers. Or he could have been performing another one of his rituals, a half-hour process at best.
As Kakuzu walked by a small break in the trees, a breeze came up and carried a scent to his nose: blood. His head snapped around. In order for his nose to have been able to pick it up, there must have been large quantities of it.
He rushed towards the smell, keeping his guard up. He would probably find Hidan standing in the middle of a battlefield, pulling a pike out of his chest or something. Still, as he told himself that, in the back of his mind scratched a nagging worry, a fear that maybe his Jashinist wasn't okay. That something had gone wrong. He tried shaking it off. Nothing bad could have happened to the immortal. Could it?
He entered the clearing cautiously, keeping a kunai ready. When nothing attacked him, he dropped his guard, eyes quickly scanning the field. Oh yeah, this was Hidan's work. The entire field was a bloody mess, with various carved up bodies lying around. A familiar mark on the ground drew Kakuzu's attention, and he walked toward it, curious. It was Hidan's ceremony symbol, but there was no sign of the Jashinist. Where could he be?
Worry nagging at the inner recesses of Kakuzu's thoughts, he looked around, searching for any sign of familiar silver hair. There was nothing. Where was he?
Starting to panic, Kakuzu wandered around, kicking aside bodies in a vain hope that the immortal might be hidden underneath one of them. There was no sign of him, except for a glitter on the ground.
Kakuzu approached it, curious. He stared in shock, then picked it up. What he held in his hands was the remains of Hidan's Jashin pendant, crushing any hopes that Hidan might be okay. Half the chain was gone, and the rest was covered in blood. Whose blood, Kakuzu had no doubt. He clenched the necklace tight in his hands, looking down. Hidan, where were you?
He stood there for over an hour, trembling and holding the necklace. When he finally moved, the moon was starting to set, and a soft glow settled over the earth. Kakuzu noticed none of this. He slowly turned, mind numb. How could he have lost the only person that had managed to make him feel like he wasn't a monster?
So absorbed in his thoughts as he was, he almost missed the innocent-looking note pinned to a tree by the broken tip of one of Hidan's spikes, the albino's headband tied to the end. Kakuzu walked by it, and a stray breeze turned it so that it reflected the early dawn light into his eyes.
He looked at it, squinting, and stared. He quickly snatched it off the tree, eyes devouring the words.
'Dear Akatsuki member,
Do the world a favor: get a brain. These are MY woods, and like hell will I allow some trespassers to walk freely in them. I might have forgiven you, if your albino friend you have wouldn't have blabbed out your entire plans to kill me. Get a better partner. Now, see, I have your friend as hostage, after discovering his lovely inability to die. And his oh-so-blessed mouth. He hasn't shut up since my underling cut off his head. That was about two hours ago. For a head, he really knows quite a bit of words, doesn't he?
Now, if you want your dear friend released, I suggest you obey the following orders: I want one million dollars in cash, and I want it soon. You wouldn't want to make me wait, would you? It would be a shame to harm your friend's pretty face. When you have the money, bring it to the dead oak and leave it there. Trust me, you'll know which one I'm talking about. Just ask around the village.
Don't make me wait. I will find a way to kill your friend.
Other than that, have a lovely day!
Sanda'
A hawk's feather was attached to the letter, swinging lightly in the breeze. Kakuzu stared at the letter numbly. They had Hidan?
--------------------
"What do you mean, Hidan was captured?"
"What do you think I mean?! They're holding him for ransom!"
"Do you have the note they left?"
"Yes." Kakuzu fished it out of his pocket, handing it to the leader. The orange-haired man read the note quickly, setting it down when he was done. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and leaned back in thought. After a few minutes, he finally sat back up, ready to share his thoughts.
"Kakuzu, we don't have the money to pay his ransom. And we need that bounty. I'm giving you permission to hunt her down. You have two months. If you do not get him, we're leaving him. No arguments. Understood?"
Kakuzu gritted his teeth, but responded, "Yes sir."
"Good, now get going."
Kakuzu walked slowly out of the room, planning. The only way he could think of to get to the bounty was to get the money and ambush her when she got it, but how would he get the money? He was run ragged as it was, and now he was alo-
He cut off that thought. He WOULD find Hidan. There was no doubt about that.
He entered his empty room, eyes automatically traveling to Hidan's scythe where it hung on the wall, necklace tied around the handle. His headband was laying on the desk, a horrible reminder of the missing immortal. He sighed and sat down at the desk, hands holding his head. How could this have gone so wrong? What could have prompted the immortal to attack when he knew he wasn't prepared? Asking himself these questions, Kakuzu knew. It had been his fault that the immortal had left so quickly, and his fault he had been captured.
He slammed his fist on the table, making it rock unsteadily. He would make things right. He grabbed Hidan's scythe and headband, and quickly left the room, searching for a man he knew owed him quite a bit of money.
----------------------------------
"Kakuzu-san, what's with you? You look troubled."
"I want the money you owe me, and I want it now."
The man's false smile fell.
"Kakuzu, you know I don't carry that kind of money on me."
"Then bring me back to your castle. I need that money, and you owe me interest."
"Kakuzu, let's be reasonable. You wouldn't want an accident to befall you, would you?"
Kakuzu glared at the man, who flinched.
"I hope you're not being foolish enough to threaten me. Do you wish to know what happened to the last man who threatened me when I was in a rush? I started with his eyes, pulling them out VERY slowly, maybe scraping his brain a bit, but I wasn't really paying attention. After I finished with his eyes, I moved to his ba-"
"All right, all right! I'll give you your money! Give me a few minutes."
"And don't even think of trying to cheat me, Gaku. I've been keeping track of how much you owe me, and I count my money."
"Yes sir."
Kakuzu waited impatiently while the man fished out the right amount of money, wishing he would hurry it up. This payment would put forward a considerable amount towards the ransom, but he needed to get back to others who owed him. He figured if he hit all of them, he would be almost halfway there. From there, he could get bounties to make up the difference. Of course, they would have to be quick. And in order for them to be worth as much as he would ask, they would be dangerous, too….
He was drawn out of his thoughts by Gaku handing him a metal suitcase.
"Pleasure doing business, Gaku-san."
"Yeah yeah, you fucking miser. I hope you know you've cleaned me out."
"I know you. You have at least this much hidden away somewhere."
The man grinned. "You know me well. Farewell, Kakuzu."
Kakuzu turned without a word, heading for the door. He opened it, heading for his next target. That one owed almost as much as Gaku had.
-------------------------------
Kakuzu eyed the little girl surrounded by guards, planning how to get to her. She alone was worth a small fortune in the bounty offices, not mentioning the amount he could ask for her ransom. And if he didn't ask too much, he would get the money faster. Her father supposedly adored her, and was the leader of a tourist village. This was the last job he had to do, and he only had a week left of his time limit with Pein. He needed this job to be a success.
As he watched her, his eyes began to sink shut, not having slept in two weeks. These last few missions had drained him, and were taking their toll. He snapped his eyes back open, preparing to attack. He needed to attack before he fell asleep.
Reminding himself of Hidan stuck in a cell somewhere, he attacked.
--------------------------------
Holding a large metal suitcase in his hands, he approached the giant tree cautiously. The bounty had been right when she said he would know the one. The tree was about five stories tall, with only a few giant branches spreading from it. The base was hollow, the size of large cave.
Kakuzu set the suitcase down on the ground, keeping an eye open. Being attacked now would really make his life suck. As the metal touched the ground, a large hawk wheeled overhead, diving down as soon as he stepped away from the suitcase. He took out a kunai, prepared for an attack. However, the hawk just folded its wings on the suitcase and stood there, watching him, right eye strangely glowing, as the left one was missing. It opened its beak, and-
"Well, well, it seems you did come through. Your friend will be pleased."
Kakuzu stared at the talking bird, before he finally figured out that the bounty's voice must be being projected through the hawk. That would explain the glowing eye, which would have her seeing through it. He stood up, still keeping his guard up.
"Where is my partner?"
The bird tilted its head, then laughed. "All in due time. Don't worry, he will be returned- eventually."
The bird took off before Kakuzu could get it, holding the suitcase in its talons. Kakuzu watched after it helplessly, and as soon as the chakra signatures around him faded, he smiled. Really, did they think he was stupid?
With a smirk on his face, he took out a tracking device, following the signal planted in the suitcase.
----------------------------------
He walked silently through the old castle, taking care to keep his shadow hidden. Flame torched flickered here and there, and the occasional hole in the roof would let in extra light. He searched for Hidan's cell, keeping a watch for Hidan's chakra-signature as he passed each room.
Voices sounded up ahead, and Kakuzu melted into the shadows. They walked by him, unnoticing, and Kakuzu waited until they were quite a ways ahead before continuing. He passed by a room, and he stopped as he felt a faint signal. He focused on it, realizing it was Hidan's.
He opened the door slowly, wincing as it squeaked. Ready to block a kunai, he walked into the room. There was no one.
Looking around, Kakuzu discovered why. The only thing in here was Hidan's body, head absent. Why keep watch over a body?
Cursing to himself, Kakuzu picked the body up, feeling the weight settle over his shoulders. He was already stuck carrying the scythe, and now he would be further slowed with the body. Grunting quietly, he walked back out the door, shutting it after him. He continued sneaking through the halls, focusing even more chakra on detecting Hidan. The head would contain even less chakra than the body, so he would have to focus.
He paused before turning a corner, listening to the bored voices of two guards. He heard an oh-so-familiar voice curse through the door, and one of the guards boredly turned and told Hidan to shut it. Within seconds after saying that, his head was separated from his body and launched down the hall. The other guard looked at Kakuzu in shock, as he stood in the center of the hallway a mere ten feet from him, holding the body over his shoulder.
"No one tells Hidan to shut it but me", he explained to the other guard before tearing his head off too. He dropped the head, and slowly entered the room that contained the rest of Hidan, ready to fight more guards.
He froze as his eyes met with Hidan's. They stared at each other for a few seconds, then Kakuzu rushed forward, dropping the scythe with a loud clang. He picked the head up and kissed it, eyes screwed shut. Hidan started mumbling, and he pulled away.
"Hidan, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. It's never-"
"Kakuzu, shut the fuck up. You can apologize later. Right now, I wish to have fucking arms again."
Kakuzu took the hint and reattached the head to the long-awaited body, taking care not to make the stitches hurt too much. Once Hidan was put back together again, he stretched, bones popping.
"Jashin damn it, I've had to scratch my nose for two weeks! What the fuck took you so long, Dumbass?"
"I had to pay a ransom."
Hidan whirled around, eyes wide.
"You actually paid something for my ass?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"Hidan, you are worth more to me than any amount of money. I spent the last two months chasing bounties down so I could get you back."
"Aw, isn't that sweet?"
They both whirled to see the bounty watching them, leaning against the door frame. Hidan quickly snatched his scythe from the ground, tensing.
"I wondered what was taking so long. I didn't actually think you would pay the ransom, and when you put the chip in it to follow, I was so happy I nearly cried. Do you have any idea how much you're worth, Kakuzu? I take it you don't, seeing the expression on your face. The 'client' that hired you was nothing more than me in a henge, trying to lure you here.
However, when that idiot wandered too close to my castle, I knew I would have to do something about it. So I captured him and left you a little note, thinking you would come right here rather quickly. I didn't think you'd actually pay the ransom! Oh well, it just means there'll be more money in my pocket when I turn your corpse in."
The hawk turned its head toward them, unfurling its wings slightly, right eye missing. It opened its beak in a menacing sneer the same time the bounty removed herself from the wall, balancing itself.
"Well, shall we begin?"
Hidan growled and edged forward, raising his scythe.
"Hidan, anything I should be aware of before we fight?"
Hidan looked at Kakuzu.
"Don't forget about the fucking bird."
Said bird shrieked, launching itself into the air off her shoulder and flying up through a hole in the roof. The bounty grinned maniacally and took out a large kunai with a hooked tip, crouching.
"I'm waiting."
Impatient as always, Hidan lunged toward the woman, scythe ready to tear her flesh open. She laughed and avoided the attack, slashing at Kakuzu with her weapon. He blocked with his iron-skin technique, then punched toward her with his other arm. She flipped herself away, ducking to avoid another swipe from Hidan.
A whistling sound came from behind him, followed by Hidan yelling, "Duck!"
Kakuzu dropped to the ground, feeling the wings of the hawk barely pass over his head. Looking up as it pulled up from its dive, he could see the glittering edge on the front of its wings, and the razor edges on the metal.
"What the hell?"
"I see you've seen my pet's weapon. I altered the wing structure so I could attach blades to the leading edge. Nice, yes?"
"I have to admit, I'm impressed."
"Thank you!" she said as she ducked away from a swipe of Hidan's scythe. Kakuzu shook his head. This was the strangest battle he had ever fought.
His eyes widened suddenly as he caught sight of the bounty performing a fire-style hand-sign. Oh shit!
He leaped to the side as a large fireball flew by him, blowing a hole through the wall. Hidan landed on top of him, and he coughed before pushing him off so he could rise. He looked around wildly for the bounty, and caught sight of her perched precariously on a tree branch, back level with the hawk perched on it.
"Well, I have to admit, you two are certainly stronger than I had originally thought. Imagine, you're making me use my kekke-genkai."
She settled lower on the branch, making her back more level. The hawk laid on her back, wings spread across her back, making Kakuzu raise an eyebrow at the odd behavior. He turned to Hidan, asking, "Do you have any idea what she's doing?"
Hidan shrugged in response.
The bounty shuddered once, then formed another fire-style hand-sign.
"Fire style: Phoenix fusion!"
The hawk started melting into the bounty, fusing itself with her. Kakuzu and Hidan looked at each other, wondering the same question. The bounty shut her eyes, and when she opened them again, her missing left one was replaced with the hawk's eye. Talons grew out the tips of the fingers, and wings of fire sprouted from the shoulders, snapping outwards once and then folding again, showing the twenty-foot wingspan. The intense heat from the flames caused the surrounding trees to spontaneously combust, the flames licking upwards.
She looked toward them, one eye human and the other hawk.
"Well? How do I look?"
"Like a fucking bitch, which is what you looked like to begin with."
Her odd gaze snapped to look at Hidan, frowning.
"That wasn't very polite."
"At least I know your fucking turkey isn't going to come up from behind and slice my head off like last time."
"I still find it hard to believe you fell for that."
"Shut the fuck up!" Hidan shouted, springing at her. She pushed herself off the branch, wings spreading as she took flight. Every tree she passed burst into flames, surrounding the battlefield with a ring of fire. She hovered above them, taunting their inability to reach her.
Kakuzu sighed, then took off his cloak. Why was it always Hidan's fault he had to use his masks? Oh, right, he was trying to not be mad at the Jashinist. Remember that. With a growl, he released the masks, feeling the odd sensation off them springing from his back. The bounty's eyes widened, and she looked at him.
"What the hell are those?! What are you, some kind of monster?!"
Kakuzu's gaze hardened.
"Never, EVER call me a monster. Ever."
"Why, what'll you do to me Frankenstein?"
He glared up at her, two masks opening their mouths.
"This."
One mask shot out a jettison of water, and the other spewed forth multiple bolts of lightning. She yelped and twisted in the air to avoid the blasts, diving down and catching herself a few feet before she hit the ground. The masks kept up their assault, keeping her occupied. She flew precariously close to a burning tree-
And Hidan sliced her head off with a single swipe. While she had been avoiding Kakuzu's blasts, Hidan had snuck up one of the burning trees, waiting for Kakuzu to drive her towards him. She had apparently forgotten about his immortality, and had thought that putting her back to the burning tree would be safe. Her error had led to her defeat, and the duo watched the slowly-burning corpse.
Finally, Hidan turned to Kakuzu. Kakuzu waited for the cursing that would surely come, and closed his eyes, waiting. Instead of hearing angry shouts, however, he felt a pair of soft arms wrap around his waist. He opened his eyes in shock, and quickly looked down.
"Hidan, what're you-"
"Shut up, before I change my mind. I missed you, you fucking miser."
Kakuzu put his arms around Hidan's small frame, squeezing lightly.
"I missed you too."
They held each other for a while, as smoke filled the area, and Kakuzu pulled away and started walking back towards the castle.
"Oi, Dumbass! Where're you going!"
"Back in. I'm looking for her safe."
Hidan face-palmed.
"Of course."