A/N: As stated in the summary this fic contains the Nel/Clair ship and is also centred on those two characters. If you don't like it, don't read it– simple as that. Also, the first half of the opening scene of chapter one is based on the dialogue from the (so-called) Nel/Fayt ending so it obviously contains spoilers for said ending. The dialogue for that portion of the story was taken word for word from the game's script though, of course, the narration is my own invention, as is the dialogue from the point Tynave and Farleen take off. There's also reference to the Adray ending so there are possible spoilers for that too. I thought I should mention, if anyone doesn't have time to play through all the endings but is curious about them, there's a transcription of the SO3 script available on gamefaqsdotcom and there's a link to it on my profile.

Constructive criticism is always welcome. Flames on the other hand will be promptly extinguished and their smouldering remains, ignored.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Star Ocean or the characters therein.

Prelude

We've known each other since we were children, back before the war, before we knew anything of fighting and blood and death. We did our chores, studied our lessons, and played at war with wooden swords. I was always the faithful soldier and she, my stalwart commander. Some things have never changed.

As we grew older we trained in earnest and our swords were now of steel. I became a soldier like my father who was a great commander of the Aquarian forces. I took after my father, Nevelle Zelpher... more... than Clair took after hers. She understands the art of war and hers is a more subtle skill than the brute battle-strength of Adray Lasbard. She understands the way a change of wind or the slant of a hill will affect the outcome of a battle, the best strategy to make up for a weak left flank or to take advantage of the enemy's. I was always satisfied to fight and trust her to know best when and where.

I remember, even in our teens, the secret thrill of her body against mine when we trained in hand to hand combat, gripping her against me whenever we practised holds and locks, or, when our positions were reversed, the whisper of her breath against my neck. We were nineteen the first time we made love. It was uncertain, and awkward, and beautiful.

Chapter One

You were never far from the sound of flowing water here on the grounds of Castle Aquaria. And though it was oftentimes quite soothing, today Fayt only found it tiresome as the rush of water tended to cover other sounds and make it more difficult to find someone when you were looking for them. Case in point, his current quarry. He spotted them long before he could hear them, even though they were training; the sounds of the water covered even their battle cries.

Fayt set out towards Nel, Tynave, and Farleen at a jog, relieved to have finally found them. He'd been told they were training on the grounds, but it had taken him nearly an hour to track them down. "Oh! There you are. Hey!" he called out once he was close enough to be heard over the nearby waterfall.

Nel turned from her two officers, whom she'd been sparring with and glanced in Fayt's direction. "Oh, hey there, Fayt."

"Just a 'hey there'? Hey there yourself! I've been looking for you since yesterday." He'd been trying not to take it personally, but he felt almost as if Nel had been trying to avoid him, though, for the life of him he couldn't figure out why she might be doing so. He couldn't help but worry that it had something to do with his last visit just shortly after their battle with Luther. She'd seemed particularly frosty when he'd left. But he'd hardly seen her, hardly talked to her that time as he'd only had a few days on Elicoor, most of which had been spent avoiding Adray after he'd tried to set him up as Clair's husband.

"My apologies," said Nel. "What can I do for you?" Definitely frosty.

"'What can I do for you?' Is that all you have to say?"

"Well what else is here?"

Fayt sighed. "Never mind." He'd expected her to ask how he was, how the others were, or, at the very least, what he was doing on Elicoor. She'd never been one to mince words, but this was ridiculous. "So, I see you three are training very hard," he said without missing a beat. Maybe if he just pretended nothing was wrong things would get back to normal. After all, he had news...

"That's right," replied Tynave, "we've been sparring with Lady Nel. But even two against one, she doesn't even break a sweat."

"I see. Be careful you don't get hurt," he teased, a grin appearing on his face. "Cuz this lady can't control herself sometimes."

Nel turned to glare at him, her expression stony. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said. You let little things get on your nerves." And he was going to find out what little thing had gotten under her skin even if it killed him. And it just might, he thought as he saw the look on her face.

Farleen was nodding. "Yes, she keeps her emotions bottled up, but you have to watch out when they finally break out."

"And she gets so jealous," added Fayt. He must have hit a nerve because she was scowling now, her lips thinned to a line, but Tynave seemed oblivious and barrelled on.

"Like that time she saw you and Lady Clair talking together. She was in a bad mood for days!"

"What–"

"I can't believe you said that, Tynave," Farleen said, cutting across Fayt. Fayt was certain he'd hit on something as he watched Tynave colour, looking from Fayt to Nel whose expression closely resembled the one she wore when they were about to go into battle.

"Oh no... now we're in for it." Tynave turned to Farleen, looking rather panicked. "What should we do, Farleen?"

"Tynave, is your head full of rocks?" squeaked Farleen. "Best not push our luck. I told you to keep your mouth shut because we don't want to get caught up in this."

Caught up in what? Fayt wondered, mind reeling, but they kept gabbling as he watched in utter confusion.

"I'm sorry, Farleen! But I didn't realize what a nasty mess we were in until you told me."

"Shh! You don't have to yell." And indeed their raised voices were carrying over the rumbling of the falls and attracting curious looks from the soldiers and inhabitants of the castle who were crossing the grounds.

Fayt turned to get a quick glance of Nel, who remained standing with her arms crossed over her chest, looking singularly displeased with her two subordinates, and hastily looked back over towards Tynave an Farleen. This was not going quite the way he'd hoped... "Well hey w– wait a second! What are you talking about? I was talking about work..."

"Of course you were. Don't mind them. I don't know what they're going on about," said Nel evenly with a shake of her head.

Fayt turned just in time to see Tynave and Farleen dashing away. "Excuse us!" called Tynave over her shoulder.

"Enjoy yourselves!" added Farleen.

Nel was still scowling but then sighed and shook her head as she watched the retreating figures of her two subordinates. When she began walking across the grounds in the opposite direction Fayt hesitated only a moment before falling into step behind her. Once more, the roar of tumbling water filled his ears, but it did nothing to soothe his jumbled thoughts. Nel, walking a pace ahead of him, her expression grim, held herself rod-straight and Fayt reviewed in his mind what Tynave and Farleen had said. Jealous? Had Tynave said Nel was jealous of– Oh no...

Fayt stopped in his tracks, feeling like a hare in a hunter's sights as Nel turned and glanced at him, one eyebrow raised. It had been bad enough when Adray had asked him if he was seeing Nel; he'd never thought he'd done anything to give people the impression he was but... Tynave had said that Nel had been jealous when she'd seen him speaking with Clair, which must've been the last time he'd visited. That would explain her particularly cross behaviour, but that meant...

"Fayt?"

"Nel," he began slowly, "I don't know how to say this but I don't– I mean I consider you a friend, a comrade, but–"

She raised a hand. "Stop." He did, mid-sentence. Nel sighed and shook her head, "I'm going to have to have a word with those two later." She sighed, looking in the direction in which Tynave and Farleen had disappeared and then turned an appraising eye on him. "We should talk."

Puzzled, Fayt followed after her. He realized, when Nel stopped next to a roaring waterfall, that she wanted to be certain that they were not overheard. Nel scanned the area and only after that did she reach beneath the blue scarf at her throat to pull a chain out of her shirt. Dangling from the chain was a simple gold ring.

"Nel..." he breathed. "Are you... married?"

She rolled the ring between her thumb and index finger, a hint of a smile appearing on her lips. "Not yet."

"But who? Not Albel?"

She shot him a withering look. "Sorry," said Fayt with a shrug, abashed.

"Fayt, I'm telling you this in the strictest confidence."

"I know. I'm just surprised. I mean who..."

"Clair."

His jaw just about hit the ground at that and it was several moments before he recovered enough to speak. "Clair?"

"Is it unheard of on your world for two women to marry?" Her tone was casual, but he could feel the intense scrutiny of her gaze.

"No," stammered Fayt. "It's not unheard of. I just didn't know you were– I mean I could tell you and Clair cared about each other, but I never assumed... Do Tynave and Farleen know?"

Nel shook her head. "About the ring? No. About me and Clair? Yes, I think so. I imagine many of our people in Arias suspect. We've always tried to be discreet since we work together, but..." She shrugged.

"I see," said Fayt quietly. As he thought on it the pieces began to fall into place: Clair's worry for Nel, the way people in Aquaria always spoke of them together, the warmth– so rare in Nel– with which they greeted one another, even the way Nel's friend Rosaria has teased her about her being in love, said that everyone was talking about it... He'd always just accepted that they were close friends, but in retrospect it all made sense in a different light as well. "So," he began after a pause, still trying to digest this new information, "why haven't you made it official yet?"

Nel sighed. "The war in part. We each have duties that have kept us apart and, as a general rule, officers of the Aquarian forces serving together aren't supposed to marry. And..."

"And?"

"And Adray has his heart set on grandchildren," Nel added with a wry smile.

"So back there," said Fayt, gesturing vaguely to where Nel and her subordinates had been training, "what Tynave said... You've been in a foul mood with me because the last time I was here you saw me talking with Clair and thought I was trying to steal her? Is that it?"

Shaking her head Nel heaved a sighed. "No, it's not that. Not exactly." She crossed her arms, closing her eyes for a moment before looking back to Fayt. "It would be so easy for you. No worries about being both officers and you'd have Adray's approval in a moment– in fact you already have it," she added wryly.

Fayt winced. "You heard about that, huh?"

"Yes. Clair was livid. And then he tried to offer her to some of the runologists under her command." Nel heaved a sigh.

"Hasn't she told him she's– well..."

"She tried– years ago. He said she'd grow out of it once she spent some time around some 'real men'." Nel shook her head. "Sometimes Adray only hears what he wants to hear."

"But, Nel... What were you really doing at Kirlsa that time when were being attacked by the Vendeeni?"

"I told you," said Nel quietly, not meeting his eyes, "I had a lot to think about."

Fayt shook his head. "I don't get it. How could you come with us after that knowing that you might never be able to come back here again when all that time Clair was waiting for you? You're not afraid to go through with it, are you?" He knew as soon as those last words flew off his tongue that he'd gone too far. Nel's posture, which had finally mellowed once she'd explained to him what had been troubling her, suddenly became rigid and he could not help but remember her as she'd first appeared to him and Cliff when she'd threatened to end their lives if they refused to cooperate.

"I assume you didn't come here to discuss my love life," she said flatly, her arms crossed over her chest, as she glowered at Fayt.

"No. I guess not." So much for things getting back to normal. "I have some news." Nel said nothing and simply waited for Fayt to go on. "We finally got things sorted out. I'll be staying here until things blow over out there." He gestured skyward. "Maria will probably come here too."

"And what about Sohpia? Is she well?"

Fayt nodded. "She's fine. She's back with her family. Since her power can't be used as a weapon the way ours can she should be safe. Cliff will keep an eye on things and if he finds out otherwise he'll get her out of there."

"Are you sure it's wise for you to stay on Elicoor? After all, many people know about your time here."

"True, but Mirage is busy making sure everyone thinks we're on Klaus. I think as long as we keep a low profile here we'll be okay. At least this way we're not culturally contaminating another planet."

"I see. Will you be staying in Aquios?"

"Actually, I was hoping to travel a bit. I've got a lot to think about and my college was destroyed so..." He shrugged. "I've still got a few things to settle off-world, but I wanted to give you a heads up."

"I guess I'll be seeing you then," said Nel and without waiting for him to reply she turned on her heel and headed towards the castle. Fayt sighed as he watched her go. That could've gone better. Much much better...

ooo

They called the wide balcony that opened up behind the Queen's throne room the White Dew Garden. Standing by the vine-covered balustrade you could see the entirety of the castle grounds, the trees and obelisks that lined the cobbled pathway below, the approach to the main gate, and then further into the city of Aquios. Because of where the garden was situated, however, only a very few, trusted by the Queen, had access to it. Nel was one of these few.

She came here sometimes when she wanted to think and this afternoon she found herself staring a long while at the vista spread before her. However, with all her years of training and the time she'd spent working behind enemy lines, Nel was not one to be caught off guard even when she was deep in thought and so, when the door behind her opened, she registered it, but did not turn; she knew the sound of that step so well...

"Nel?"

"Hello, Clair," Nel greeted her, still looking out over the lush castle grounds. It was beautiful here, such a change from Arias with its denuded streets, strewn with rubble, the marks of the war with Airyglyph. It would be a long while before they rebuilt, and even then some things would never be repaired.

Clair came to stand beside her and for several moments she, too, looked out over the grounds. Nel did not need to turn to look at her to sense Clair's worry when she did speak. "What's troubling you?"

"Nothing," replied Nel, giving a shake of her head and turning to face Clair.

"Nel."

A smile tugged at Nel's lips; she recognised that tone of Clair's, the one which made it very clear she was not going to accept Nel's brave soldier routine. Nel did not speak as she turned to face Clair, but instead reached towards her, her fingers brushing against the soft skin of Clair's neck as she reached beneath Clair's grey scarf and grasped the chain hidden there. It was warm to the touch. Carefully, she pulled the chain out of the scarf until she could see the gold ring that hung from it, gleaming in the afternoon sunlight. All the while Clair remained still, watching Nel with an intense stare, her eyes narrowed slightly, her lips pursed and Nel knew she was worrying her. But then she was always worrying Clair...

"I didn't leave because of this." She clasped the ring in her fist as she spoke, finding that she couldn't meet Clair's eyes.

"I know," whispered Clair, placing her hand over Nel's fist. At Clair's touch, Nel relaxed her spasmodic grip on the ring. "I know, love." It was only as Clair brushed her fingers over Nel's cheek that Nel raised her eyes. "What brought this up?"

"Fayt came by today when I was training with Tynave and Farleen." She heaved a sigh. "Those two... Tynave needs a helping of good sense."

"What did they do?" asked Clair, eyebrows raised.

"They managed to give Fayt the impression that I fancied him."

"Oh dear!" Clair looked to be trying to stifle a laugh at this information and sounded exceedingly amused as she spoke. "So you told him you were already taken?"

"I showed him the ring."

Clair nodded. "And?"

Crossing her arms, Nel let her eyes wander over the pale stone of the balcony and the vibrantly green vines that twined over the balustrade. "He asked how I could have left to come with him, knowing you were waiting for me to return."

"Nel, look at me." She did, and as Clair's dark eyes focussed on her, Nel felt transparent, as if the girl she had grown up with, trained alongside, and fallen for could see straight through her defences, the mask she wore to face the rest of the world. But then Clair always had been able to do that. "I understand why."

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

Clair smiled. "You helped save the universe. I think that was a worthwhile cause."

With a smile of her own, Nel gave Clair's hand a squeeze before turning her mind back to her duties. "Did you want to see me about something?"

"We've had word from another of our agents in Peterny. There's been a marked increase in activity among the merchants we've had under surveillance. Something is definitely going on."

It was ironic really. The war was over and now their problems were with a group of wealthy merchants of all things. The thought of it made her blood boil. After all the Aquarian forces had done, all they had sacrificed to protect this country and now these ungrateful wretches who'd never fought, never shed their blood or seen their friends die on the points of enemy swords or torn apart by dragons, who'd never had to suffer anything but high wartime taxes– these– these peddlers were trying to overthrow the kingdom itself if the reports were to be believed.

"My agent still hasn't returned from Peterny," said Nel. "She's four days overdue."

"You could send someone else after her. I'm sure Tynave and Farleen could manage it."

Nel shook her head. "They work best as a team, and this is a job for one person."

"You're thinking of going yourself, aren't you? What about the Queen's orders that you should take some time off and trust in your subordinates ?"

Being a member of the Crimson Blade and leader of the Secret Legion, Nel had learned to trust her instincts and it had grated on her nerves that she'd been forced to remain here waiting when she felt certain something ominous– and much more so than their initial reports had suggested– was going on in the kingdom's commercial centre. "I'm going to ask the Queen's permission. I have a feeling..."

"You think it's serious?"

"I do."

Clair nodded. "I'll order the Chain Legion to keep on full alert. If something happens in Peterny you'll have their support." Since Clair was commander of the Shield Legion, the Chain Legion, which was charged with the defence of Peterny, reported directly to her. Nel would be glad to have them at her disposal, though she hoped it wouldn't come to that. Peterny was the commercial capital of the continent and any disruption there could have serious economic fallout throughout Aquaria as well as for their allies. No, if this went well it would be a quiet affair that the common folk never even got wind of.

"I'm going to speak to the Queen shortly."

"All right. I'll see you tonight then." And with that Clair headed back into the castle, leaving Nel alone in the White Dew Garden.

She needed to speak to the Queen, but she allowed herself a few more moments to enjoy the tranquillity of the garden in the hopes of calming her thoughts. She was leaving. Again. And again Clair was willing to let her go. Once she knew it was important to Nel, Clair did not protest, though Nel knew how much her recklessness caused Clair to worry. Only once, when Nel had planned to go to the Kirlsa Training Facility alone to rescue Tynave and Farleen in a mission which had been tantamount to suicide, had Clair ever tried to talk her out it. Still, she refused to believe what Fayt had suggested. She was not trying to run away! She would never do that to Clair.

And yet, though Clair had affirmed she'd understood her decision, Nel could not help but let her mind wander back to that night...

ooo

The war was over. After all this time... The war that had she trained for, fought in, the war that had claimed the lives of countless comrades and friends and even her own father, was over. Late at night, in the darkness of her room, Nel's thoughts chased each other in endless circles. The only light was that of a moonbeam slanting through the window and onto the floor at the foot of the bed where she sat up, hugging her knees, the blankets loosely draped over her. She'd lost track of how long she's been sitting awake, unable to quiet her mind enough to sleep. She supposed she could have gotten up, perhaps gone for a walk on the grounds or trained awhile in order to wear herself out, but, glancing to her left, she found did not want to leave. Clair, her skin pale against her dark hair which, let loose from its usual plaits, lay strewn across her pillow... Her slow, steady breathing was the most soothing sound Nel could imagine right now.

She longed to lay back down and pull Clair tightly against her until she could feel her heartbeat, but she did not want to wake her, and the thoughts that troubled her tonight made even her lover, lying next to her, seem far away. The war was over...

An hour or so had passed when she heard a voice, heavy with sleep, call her name. "Nel?"

"I'm all right," she replied gently. "Go back to sleep, Clair."

But, instead, she heard the rustle of sheets and a moment later she felt arms winding around her and the lightest touch of a kiss against her neck. Breathing deeply, Nel tried to relax in Clair's embrace as she ran one hand up Clair's arm to the runological patterns inscribed there, tracing them in the dark. She knew them by heart, knew every inch of her by heart.

"You've been restless," said Clair against her ear. "Are you ready to tell me what's on your mind?"

"The war's over," blurted Nel.

"Which is why I'm in your room in Aquios instead of alone back in Arias."

"Doesn't it bother you?"

"Being in your room? No, I rather like that," Clair purred, lips brushing over Nel's neck, sending a shiver down her spine. A smile twitched Nel's lips; even now, in the midst of her brooding, Clair had that effect on her. But her thoughts returned again to the issue that troubled her and she tried once more to explain.

"I'm glad the war's over of course. But... the war has been my whole life for so long now... I don't know what else to be other than a soldier, what else I have to offer Aquaria if it no longer needs to be defended."

"It's not like we won't have work to do, Nel. The war with Airyglyph may be over but there's still Greeton to worry about and there's still so much to do before the kingdom is rebuilt."

"I know but... I'm commander of the Secret Legion, Clair. Airyglyph has been my responsibility all this time. And Fayt... It makes me uneasy leaving things the way we did. He's still in so much danger."

"He's in good hands."

"I know," sighed Nel, "but I owe him a debt. I wish I could've repaid it."

Clair rested her head against Nel's shoulder and they remained silent for a long while. Nel had begun to think Clair had drifted off to sleep when she felt the heat of Clair's breath against her skin as she whispered, "You're going, aren't you?"

"I need to sort things out. I can't do that here." Nel wondered if she imagined it or, as Clair sighed against her, if she really felt Clair's resignation coursing through her own body. Commander of the Shield Legion, responsible for holding Arias through numerous brutal attacks by Airyglyph's army, member of the Crimson Blade, select group of those most trusted by the Queen of Aquaria, Clair's will was like steel– except when it comes to me, Nel thought. For her, Clair would bend, and while Nel loved her for it, she also felt weighed down by guilt for taking advantage of it.

"Where will you go?"

"Kirlsa to start with," replied Nel. "After that I'll see."

With nimble fingers, Clair brushed a strand of red hair away from Nel's eyes and then let her hand trace down Nel's cheek. "I'll be here when you get back. Try not to keep me waiting too long, all right?" she added and Nel could sense the smile on her lips. "Now come to bed." And with that Nel allowed Clair to pull her down onto the bed next to her.