Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not Rurouni Kenshin and none of the fairy tales that I'm spoofing.

Author's Note: This is a parody and a spoof of the different arcs of Rurouni Kenshin and practically every fairy tale and fairy tale element that has ever been created that I've found. There is the possibility for major OOCness but I've tried to keep the basics of the characters intact.

I've kept all of the canon pairings plus I've paired a few of the side characters together. I've also ignored some of the different character deaths that happened in the show so some characters that were dead are alive again, at least for this story.

Please do not take this as a serious story, it's meant to be weird. Read and review if you like but Flames will be ignored. Thank You!

Chapter 1: A Simple Quest, if you don't get Lost

Once upon a time in a land far distant from here there was a happy, prosperous kingdom lead by a good king named Okubo. But the country's neighbor was a bad land led by an evil king named Shishio. He wanted to take the small country over and twist it to his evil plans. Now the good king Okubo turned to his country's last hope in stopping King Shishio's evil plan...

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"But I'm just a wandering performer that I am." Surprised violet eyes met the dark brown ones of the man who sat in front of the performer.

"That's exactly why I'm asking you to do this Himura-san. Shishio won't expect you to be any threat. And with your history you'd be perfect. Please do this for this country."

The performer, Himura Kenshin, frowned, "I don't know. I gave that life up long ago and I don't think I'll be very helpful."

"Please Himura-san, I begging you. If you don't do something this country will be taken over. You're our last and only hope."

"Well…if you put it that way King Okubo I guess so." Kenshin replied, still uneasy.

"Thank you Himura-san, you'll be rewarded generously should you succeed."

"And if you fail you'll be dead Kenshin." Both men turned to face the younger man leaning against the wall.

"Really Sano, I don't think I'll fail." Kenshin replied, looking at his friend and sometimes partner Sagara Sanosuke before turning his attention back to Okubo, "I'll leave this afternoon but before I go can you give me directions to Shishio's palace?"

Okubo nodded and an aide of his stepped forward with several packages, "Here are some directions and supplies for your journey."

"Our journey," Sano corrected as he came to stand by his friend.

"Oro?" Kenshin questioned, his eyes growing wider.

"Hey, I'm not going to let you get killed alone…besides it sounds like it could be a fun fight."

"'Fun' is hardly the word I'd use to describe this situation!" The aide bristled but Okubo held up his hand, "Very well but just remember the fate of this country rests on your shoulders. Farwell and may you succeed in your quest." Okubo bowed and left, followed by his aide.

"Do you think they'll succeed Okubo-sama?" the aide asked.

"We can only hope. However they both seem like brave and intelligent men so I'm sure they'll be fine."

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"Kenshin! Are you sure we're going in the right direction?" Sano yelled at his friend as he pushed another tree branch away.

Kenshin was standing in a small clearing ahead of Sano, holding a map with one hand and scratching his head with the other, "Funny, this map says that a road should be right here but all I see is a stream."

"I have news for you Kenshin; your map is upside down." Sano grabbed the map and turned it in the right direction before studying it. "The road you're looking for is behind us and it's also the road we got off of a few hours ago. We should probably keep going straight, there's some kind of squiggly line not too far ahead."

"Some squiggly line?" It was Kenshin's turn to look unimpressed.

Sano was going to respond but stopped and turned his head to one side, listening, "Hey Kenshin, did you just hear something?"

Kenshin was going to shake his head when the sound came again, distant but distinct. The sound of voices arguing and one voice seemed quite young. "We should go see what's wrong." Kenshin suggested, figuring the hilt of the sakabatou that hung at his waist.

Sano nodded his agreement and both men headed in the general direction of the voices. Suddenly they stumbled into another clearing occupied by a tall wolfish man and a young boy who both turned to look at them.

Kenshin smiled brightly, "Excuse me gentleman is something wrong here?"

The tall man was going to answer when the boy piped up, "No! Everything's just fine and I don't need your help!"

Sano had been eyeing the katana at the older man's waist and decided to break in, "Look I don't know what's going on here but a little kid with a stick isn't any match against a katana so why don't you just tell us what's going on?"

The boy's eyes practically bugged out of his head as he grabbed the stick that was strapped onto his back and waved it at Sanosuke, "I'm not a little kid and this isn't a stick, it's a shinia. I'm Myojin Yahiko, student of the Kamiya Kasshin style of swordsmanship."

"I was right; you are involved with that girl." The other three turned to face the tall man who was now contently smoking a cigarette.

"Excuse me san, we know what Yahiko's name is but you haven't introduced yourself." Kenshin said, continuing to smile.

"Saitou Hajime." Saitou blew a stream of smoke in the general direction of Kenshin.

"'Big bad wolf' is more like it." Yahiko grumbled under his breath and Kenshin looked towards him, "You said you were an apprentice in swordsmanship but I don't recognize the style. Could you please tell me who your master is?"

"Kamiya Kaoru. Assistant master actually, having taken over the teaching of the style after her father's…untimely death several years ago." Saitou spoke suddenly, continuing to smoke his cigarette. "I might also add that she and her family were involved in a local disturbance in which a man claiming to be the Hitokiri Battousai had used her style to murder people in a near by village."

"How awful!" Kenshin exclaimed but Saitou wasn't done speaking yet, "I have since then captured the perpetrator of the crimes and I merely need to capture his accomplices now. So if you'll leave me to my work?" he suggested as he finished his cigarette.

"Wait, you're telling me that this kid's an accomplice?" Sano glared at Saitou, his already causal dislike of the man increasing.

"Possibly, and I'm also trying to establish why he is alone in this forest, this late in the day." Saitou responded.

Kenshin blinked suddenly, "That is true, what are you doing out here alone?" he asked, looking towards Yahiko.

Yahiko put his shinia away, "My sensei got sick after staying out all night so I had to get her some medicine. I told her not to go digging through those garbage cans but did she listen? No, don't listen to the kid, what does he know?" Yahiko grumbled, ignoring the strange looks that Kenshin and Sano gave him.

"Digging through garbage cans?" Sano mouthed and Kenshin nodded back, "They must be very poor, that they must."

Yahiko stopped rambling and looked around, "Wait, where'd the wolf go?" he demanded.

Kenshin and Sano also looked around, but Saitou was gone, the only proof of his existence being the cigarettes butt that lay on the ground. "He just…disappeared." Sano whispered.

Yahiko sighed, "Aw well, I got to get going."

He started to walk away but Kenshin grabbed his arm, "We'll go with you, just to make sure you get home safely. It's the least we can do and it's not out of our way, right Sano?"

Sano had been looking at the map but his head snapped up at the sound of his name, "Uh…right."

Yahiko shrugged, "Suit yourself but it's nothing great, just a run down dojo. Also don't eat Kaoru's cooking, it's been known to stop a termite infestation."

Sano and Kenshin exchanged looks again, "We'll keep that in mind that we will." Kenshin said with a smile, "Please lead on."

Yahiko started walking, "I should warn you, Kaoru got a little spell laid on her and it makes her act kinda weird sometimes."

Sano shrugged, "It can't be that bad."

Yahiko grunted but stayed silent for the rest of the walk. After a good fifteen minutes he stopped in front a worn down gate and opened it, "Welcome to the Kamiya Kasshin dojo."

Translations:

San: A title equaling "Mister," "Ma'am", or "Miss"

Oro: an exclamation of surprise often used by Kenshin

Sama: A title equaling "Lord" or "Sire"