Disclaimer: Not mine never was. You could sue me but all you'd get would be… hang on… fumbles in pocket 3p and a strawberry hubba bubba. And some fluff.
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Can I tell you a secret? Promise you wont tell?
It sounds silly, I know, too frivolous for someone like me. 'All books and cleverness,' that's what someone once said, you know, always spending time in the library, not a daring bone in my body.
It might not seem much to you, able to live your life as you please, do things that no one sees, really breathe, but for me, stuck in this place where nothing gets passed anyone, a little bit of freedom means a lot.
I dared. I dared to wear orange socks, and ribbons in my hair, and to be different. I dared to laugh in times like these, and I dared to dream.
But most of all, I dared to fall in love. And that's my secret. I am in love with the most wonderful person in the whole entirety of Hogwarts, and sure, he may not have any table manners to speak of, and he's crude, and insensitive, and I'm completely crazy for even thinking it. What would everyone say? But he's funny, and shy, and kind, and I've fallen completely head over heels for him.
Ron Weasley.
It's ludicrous, I know. It would split up friendships, there'd always be someone left out. And in any case, NEWTS are only in four months, and I've only just gotten round to writing out my revision timetable! Not like me at all, I'm afraid I have to admit I'm slacking.
I just haven't got time for boys, stupid, smelly creatures who don't work, and are loud, and dirty, and whose main interests are balls and broom handles.
I can't believe I just said that. See? I'm not myself. It's the influence of those blasted boys. Don't need them.
At least, that's what I told myself. Tried to tell myself.
They've put the Gryffindors and Slytherins together in almost all the classes this year. I think they were aiming for a spot of house unity and making new friends and all the rest, but there've been more 7th years in the hospital wing than any other year. I never thought I'd be glad of a disruption in class, but there's always a fight or two, and I find myself watching him more and more, when nobody's watching, and nobody'll talk.
Because in all seriousness, I'm scared. I'm scared of the war, and what'll happen next year when we're all thrust out into the real world, despite the fact that people are dying, and I'm scared I'll never see him again after this year, and that I'll never tell him how I feel.
My life isn't as easy as everyone thinks, you know. My parents are both in the same profession, and to be honest it doesn't pay very well – just don't tell anyone that please, I don't want the pity, or the ridicule from certain nameless Slytherins.
My father was very strict when I was growing up, and I think that's partly what's to blame for how I am today.
He always wanted me to be like him, and of course he was thrilled when I got into Hogwarts, but I haven't had the heart to tell him that I don't want to follow in his footsteps.
Then there's my mother… She's always been slightly neurotic. She says she's found me a perfect future husband, and I hope to God that she's joking. She probably means the lad at the end of our road, the one who lives in the big house. His father just happens to own his own company.
And we're back to boys again, which inevitably means Ron.
Draco Malfoy just barged past me, the ignorant sod, with a sneer on his face like he thinks he's better than the rest of us. He can hate me all he wants, but I can't hate him, I have to put on a show like I'm indifferent. It just wouldn't do for me to be unladylike in public. Got a goody goody reputation to uphold.
Ah, but if he's on his way to the great hall, then it must be dinner time, so I guess I'd better be going as well.
You know, when I was younger, I always imagined myself settling down and having cute children and being a housewife and having a husband with a cushy job. Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind that now. I even contemplated going and living like a muggle.
But I couldn't do that now. Not after all I've seen, it's too safe. Too boring. And I'm done with boring.
I can be bold. Daring.
So what if people will talk? I am fed up of being scared, and I'm involved in this war, more so than most, and I'll be damned if someone is going to tell me how to live. And if I'm going to die, I'm going to do it loud and proud.
I'm in love, and I WANT Ron Weasley.
I know he likes me too, I've seen it in his eyes, as we've been arguing over what goes next into the potion, or the wand movements in Transfiguration. McGonagall sometimes puts us together, I think in the hopes that I'll actually teach him something. But I think maybe she's smarter than we give her credit for.
But I'm digressing again, and now I really am going to be late for dinner.
Maybe I'll ask him to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend. Be bold, be daring. Remember that.
I'm fed up of being the one who gets pushed to the background, the 'smart' girl. People will remember my name. Because I dare.
I never told you my name did I? You've probably guessed by now.
I'm Pansy. Pansy Parkinson.
And life's not as easy as it seems.
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What did you think? First fic that I've actually put up here… Be nice?
Kinda thinking about doing a sequel or something. Dunno. What do you think?
Oooooh, it's my birthday tomorrow and everything. Reviews as presents?