A/N: Ok, I have been working on something a little bit longer but it just seems to be taking me nowhere fast, so I have decided to take a break from that. Also, I haven't seen all of Season 4 yet, or even a lot of it really...(though I have a reasonable idea of what happens) but it does annoy me that in Season 3 they made such a big deal about Eric & Pam's bond and now he doesn't seem to care at all about her. I know he has amnesia but surely the bond runs deeper than that? Well, I thought it should anyway and so that's what this is based on. It's an AU for 'what if Pam was injured when Eric was amnesiac?' plus it has a bit of a look at how he feels about her in general even though he has no idea who she is.
Anyhoo - sorry for the long note, hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Disappear
…
So I stand and look around
Distracted by the sounds
Of everyone and everything I see
And I search through every face
Without a single trace, of the person
The person that I need
Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay
-"Disappear," Hoobastank
…
At first it had been frightening. He'd found himself alone with no idea of where he was or even who he was.
Then he'd felt a presence, almost as though someone else was there with him, even though he was certain that he was alone.
The presence was comforting and achingly familiar, though he could not remember why it should be so.
Sookie had shown up then and because in some funny way he had felt like he knew her, that he could trust her, he had assumed it was her presence that he had felt.
It had been a complete shock to discover that the comforting presence belonged instead to the belligerent female vampire that had shown up at Sookie's door.
He'd found it disconcerting how much he could sense from this vampire – Pam as Sookie later identified her – and he'd been shocked to sense that he'd hurt her more than physically when he'd pushed her aside as she threatened Sookie.
She'd somehow closed herself off from him in that moment and he'd been unable to sense her feelings, to feel how genuinely concerned she was for him.
It had been a relief to no longer feel so much from a total stranger, but it he had been unable to avoid feeling a sense of loss from her blocking their bond.
His encounter with Pam had been a few nights ago and he'd tentatively sought her out through their bond a few times since then, only to find himself firmly rebuffed each time.
A fact that wounded him more than he cared to admit.
He felt safe with Sookie but it hadn't been lost on him that Pam's appearance had blocked out everything else; that although his first instinct had been to attack, his second had been to rush to her for the comfort and safety she somehow represented to him.
Even though she was looking at him like he had suddenly grown another head and he had no idea who she was.
In light of his fruitless attempts to reach her, he was surprised one night to suddenly feel her again: a raw pain ripped through him and was gone within the next instant.
"What's the matter?" Sookie asked, concerned as his head snapped up.
"Pam is in pain," he told her, distracted as he tried to control his sudden instinctual need to rush to her side.
"You should go to her," Sookie told him quietly.
Eric regarded her for a long moment, "I don't think she wants to see me."
"She's your child, Eric, you might be the only thing that can save her," Sookie replied.
Something inside of him cried out in anguish at the thought of losing Pam, followed by a rush of emotions that he didn't quite understand but were all directed towards her.
In the next instant he was gone.
He was surprised by how quickly he was able to locate her, but if he'd been shocked by how strong his reaction had been to the thought of losing her, he was completely unprepared for the intensity of his reaction to seeing her crumpled on the ground, wounded and bleeding.
She opened her eyes with difficulty as he dropped to his knees beside her.
"You're hurt," he said, as he took in her appearance.
"No shit, Sherlock," she rasped with as much sarcasm she could muster.
Eric wondered how he would have reacted to her statement in the past; right now it only served to make him feel even more helpless as he tried to think of what to do next. His near panic over her condition did very little to help him.
For her part Pam was concerned by how much fear and confusion she was feeling from him. Whenever she had been injured he had rarely allowed his concern for her to show and it was usually expressed by his relief in having found her. The Eric hovering over her now looked close to a mental breakdown as he struggled to keep his concern and fear for her at bay.
Whilst a part of her admitted that she liked seeing him this concerned for her, a larger part was annoyed by the display as it only served to remind her that this Eric wasn't her Eric.
"Eric, either do something constructive or leave me alone," Pam admonished him.
"I can't just leave you like this," he protested, watching her feeble attempts to sit up.
"Well, if you have another other suggestions I'd be delighted to hear them," she grumbled, wincing as she made another attempt to sit up.
"I'll take you to Sookie's," he decided and Pam rolled her eyes.
"I'm not a lost puppy, Eric," she retorted, "I don't think Sookie would appreciate you bringing me back."
"She will just have to live with it," he replied smoothly, sounding almost like the 'old' Eric, as he lifted her up off the ground. "Besides, it's my house," he added as they sped off into the night.
Sookie was not completely surprised to see Eric return with Pam in his arms, but she was surprised by his level of concern over the injured woman. She felt the beginnings of grudging respect for the man Eric used to be as she realised that these feelings must have always been there, he just never chose to express them.
What truly surprised Sookie, however, was how she was almost jealous of Pam and the way she now held Eric's undivided attention. Every move Pam made was watched with anxious eyes as he sought for ways to make her feel more comfortable.
It was clear that Sookie was now the furthest thing from his mind as he gently cradled Pam in his arms to take her into his 'cubby hole' before the dawn broke. He left the room without so much as a backwards glance.
Sookie admonished herself for being stupid and reminded herself that she had never cared for Eric's good opinion.
But she still couldn't shake the regret she felt as she reflected that, even with his amnesia, Eric hadn't looked at her the same way that he looked at Pam.
It appeared that, despite Bill and Jessica's evidence to the contrary, the bond between a Maker and Child really was stronger than all others.