Title: The End

Author: JeeSun

Pairing: Addison/Derek

Summary: "But most of all, when I look at you, I see your betrayal. It's like you took our fifteen years together and stomped on them or as if you're laughing at our love for being stupid enough to think that we could actually be one of those couples that keep together for life."

Rating: PG

A/N: Some things that I've written are a bit similar to some of the scenes with Derek and Addison that we've actually seen on the show but although they are sad I think they're beautiful so I borrowed small parts of them.

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She's not sure why she forced herself to go to work today but maybe it was an attempt to make everything feel normal again, to erase yesterday. She'd do anything to take away yesterday. But after being at work for no more than an hour she realizes she has to go home. She can't risk other's lives just because hers is crashing down.

As she's walking home her pager beeps. She doesn't even have to look at it to know who's paging her but she still has some hope left, although it's very little so she looks at it. When she sees the number, though, she gets just as disappointed as the last fifteen times that her beeper went off and it wasn't from Derek but from Mark. She ignores the page, once again. She's almost ready to throw away her pager but she can't bring herself to do it. Maybe Derek will page her and maybe he'll give her a chance to explain.

As she reaches the stoop to the Brownstone, she takes a deep breath. Once again, she's reminded of yesterday and her actions. She still can't believe how she could do it. Not only was she having sex with someone who isn't her husband. On top of it she had it in their bed and as if that wasn't enough, it was with her husband's best friend. She closes her eyes and shakes her head. She understands why Derek hasn't called her yet and she's starting to realize that he probably won't.

A few tears are rolling down her cheeks as she forces herself to walk up the steps. When she opens the door, she hears sounds. The sounds aren't familiar but yet they are. Immediately, she knows it's Derek. Her heart skips a beat and she hurries up the stairs. On the way towards their bedroom, where the sounds are coming from, she's thanking God for making Derek the good person he is. But when she reaches the door she stops in her tracks. Derek is emptying the closets and the drawers on all of his clothes and throws them in two big suitcases. She's stunned to see him packing down his clothes and their fifteen years together as lovers and best friends in the same suitcases they used when they went to Paris for their first year anniversary.

He hasn't seen her yet and she doesn't know what to do. She's starting to get the same feeling of panic and fear as yesterday when Derek threw her out before leaving himself. Her breathing turns more uneven and she's starting to shake. That's when he sees her. He stops with what he's doing and just looks at her. In his hands he's holding his sweater from college that he once gave Addison.

"Derek?" She says it quietly and she's forcing herself with every fibre of her body to keep calm.

When he doesn't say anything she takes a tentative step towards him. He doesn't show any reaction so she takes one more. And then another. She's not stopping until she reaches the bed so they are standing on opposites sides of it. She tries not to but can't help glancing down at the bed. She feels nauseous and as if she's about to throw up.

"Derek?" She says again after a while. She nods at the suitcases. "What are you doing?"

He still doesn't say anything. He looks away, on the sweater he's holding in his hands. He's holding it so tightly that his hands are almost shaking and they are turning white. Addison knows why he's doing it. He's trying to take the emotional pain away by hurting himself physically. He's done it for as long as she can remember. It would always end up with her comforting him, though, convincing him to let all of his anger and sadness out. Now she can't be that person to him anymore.

"I don't know what to say," she whispers. When she still doesn't get a response she feels the panic coming back but it isn't the same feeling as yesterday. Slowly, she's starting to realize that this is the end and that she's the one to blame. "You're leaving me."

"Yes, I am." It's not that he finally speaks that's surprising her the most nor what he's saying. It's the tone of his voice. All the anger and the yelling from yesterday is gone. He sounds sad and tired, just like she's feeling.

She nods slowly. "I know that you hate me and that I'm the last person you want to see right now but Derek… Please?"

She knows she sounds pathetic but right now she doesn't care. She has to put all of it out there. He has to know that he's the one who she loves, always has and always will, and that she's willing to do whatever he asks her for to work out their marriage.

She keeps quiet until she's sure that she's got his full attention. "Derek, I love you. I really do, no matter what you think." She's quiet for a second realizing how stupid she is about to sound. How can you ever forgive and forget adultery and then move on like life is normal? "What I did is unforgivable but I love you, Derek."

He's biting his bottom lip so hard that she knows he'll start bleeding any second now. This time the physical pain doesn't help. His eyes are tearing up and instinctively, Addison walks around the bed and up to him. There are only a few inches between them now and he turns to look at her. Carefully, she reaches out her hand and puts it on his lower arm.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, feeling her own eyes tearing up. "I am so, so sorry."

He nods. "Okay," he says almost inaudible.

She takes the last step towards him so that their bodies are touching each others. She puts his arms around his neck. When she feels his arms around her waist she starts to cry. She knows he's crying too. His grip around her gets harder and tighter and if it didn't feel so good to be this close to him he'd be hurting her. Lightly, she kisses him on the cheek then moves closer to his mouth. Her lips are gently brushing his when suddenly he's slowly pushing her away, almost as if he doesn't want too.

"I can't, Addison," he says. "I just… I can't." He shrugs and takes a step back. "I look at you and I still feel nauseous." He's quiet for a second. "But most of all, when I look at you, I see your betrayal. It's like you took our fifteen years together and stomped on them or as if you're laughing at our love for being stupid enough to think that we could actually be one of those couples that keep together for life."

"No… It's not like that. And you know that's not true." She covers her face with her hands and shakes her head, not wanting to hear what more he has to say.

He doesn't say anything. Instead he throws the sweater on the bed, closes the suitcases and picks them up from the bed. As he walks past her, she closes her eyes and inhales his scent for the last time. When he's reaching the door she turns to look after him.

"So, this is it huh? This is the end?" She asks.

He puts down the suitcases and looks at her. He nods slowly. "Yeah, I guess it is."

She sinks down on the bed with her back facing the door. She doesn't want to see him leave. She can't see him leave what has been their home for the last ten years. Tears are starting to roll down her cheeks as she hears him pick up the bags once again and leave.

- Fin -