A/N: It's December 14 today, readers - exactly twelve days away from Christmas, and this year we're celebrating the Death Eater way! Every day until December 25 I'll be posting a new "Voldy carol," starting with the song I published last year: The 12 Days of Voldemas. The other eleven songs are totally new, and hopefully very funny, so be sure to check back often! Thanks!
On the 1st day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
A Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 2nd day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Two elder wands
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 3rd day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Three pairs of hot pants,
Two elder wands,
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 4th day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Four wads of gum,
Three pairs of hot pants,
Two elder wands,
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 5th day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Five engagement riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings…
Four wads of gum,
Three pairs of hot pants,
Two elder wands,
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 6th day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Six Carrie CDs,
Five engagement riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings (No thank you, Bella!),
Four wads of gum (How thoughtful, Rodolphus),
Three pairs of hot pants (Wow, Bella, just…wow.),
Two elder wands (Because just one won't do!),
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 7th day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Seven Dark Lord pimp canes,
Six Carrie CDs (Really, she is just so awesome!),
Five engagement riiiiiiiiiings (I'm not really looking to settle down…),
Four wads of gum (Already chewed…great...),
Three pairs of hot pants (These had better be really stretchy!),
Two elder wands (Harry Potter is mine!!! That sounded wrong…),
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 8th day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Eight tortured Muggles,
Seven Dark Lord pimp canes (They're evil and pimp!),
Six Carrie CDs (And I don't even know his last name…),
Five engagement riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings (Don't give me that look, Rodolphus!),
Four wads of gum (Oooh, Orbit! My fave!),
Three pairs of hot pants (No, I will not try them on!),
Two elder wands (What about the elder swear?),
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 9th day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Nine ugly toupees,
Eight tortured Muggles (Because un-tortured they're just lame),
Seven Dark Lord pimp canes (People will think I'm rich like Lucius!),
Six Carrie CDs (Don't cheat on her!)
Five engagement riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings (From Carrie? No, of course not…),
Four wads of gum (Holy crap, there's a tooth in that one!),
Three pairs of hot pants (Sooooooo wrong!),
Two elder wands (One for each of my oh-so-evil hands),
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 10th day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Ten hair growth potions,
Nine ugly toupees (It beats being bald),
Eight tortured Muggles (Not so smart now, are you, Dr. Phil?)
Seven Dark Lord pimp canes (They see me rollin'…they hatin…)
Six Carrie CDs (Did I mention she's awesome?),
Five engagement riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings (Hey, this is the same one you gave Rodolphus!),
Four wads of gum (Will this really freshen my breath?),
Three pairs of hot pants (Bella, you have a sick mind!),
Two elder wands (I bet even Chuck Norris doesn't have these!),
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
On the 11th day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Eleven stick-on noses (Oh...I feel so beautiful!),
Ten hair growth potions (Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the toupees?),
Nine ugly toupees (Please let the potion work…),
Eight tortured Muggles (Crucio! Ah, the holiday cheer!),
Seven Dark Lord pimp canes (I shall be known as V-Daddy Soulja Lord!),
Six Carrie CDs (I can't wait to do some Carrie-oke! Ha! I made a Carrie joke!),
Five engagement riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings… (awkwaaaaaaaard…),
Four wads of gum (Dentists recommend this?),
Three pairs of hot pants (Seriously, what is wrong with you?),
Two elder wands (I can duel with one, and the other can be my backscratcher!),
And a Wormtail in a pear tree!
Last verse, people! Help me out here!
On the 12th day of Christmas my servants gave to me…
Twelve Ralph Fiennes posters (I don't know why, but I just love that guy!),
Eleven stick-on noses (Oh crap…it's stuck!),
Ten hair growth potions (Snape, you officially ROCK!),
Nine ugly toupees (Is it that noticeable?),
Eight tortured Muggles (Ha! I told them they'd won a free iPod!),
Seven Dark Lord pimp canes (You guys can be Da Horcruxes in Da Hood!),
Six Carrie CDs (The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog…that's hilarious!),
Five engagement riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings… (You can take those back now…),
Four wads of gum (Great, now I'll never chew gum again!),
Three pairs of hot pants (Yeah…take those back, too),
Two elder wands (Bring it on, Elmo!),
And a Wormtail in a pear treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Whew! My throat hurts.… Well, song's over now. Come along, Wormtail.…Wormtail, get out of that tree!