Disclaimer: I do not own any Warrior cat characters, and I slightly got the idea and title from Evanescence song titles and lyrics. Also, this is NOT for the faint-of-hearted! This is a very deep and thought-provoking story, if I do say so myself!
Whitewing felt overpowered by the dark peace of the Moonpool, the moonlight reflecting off the ebony water. Violent desire for Ashfur made her body tremble; she needed that mottled gray tom in her life.
"I can't stay long."
Whitewing's eyes widened. "Ashfur!"
He disappeared before her eyes, for she only got a glimpse of him.
"Can you feel me, Whitewing? I'm right by you, holding my breath."
Whitewing inhaled deeply, hoping to smell her love's scent - her deceased, long-lost love.
"I only think of you, my sweet light."
Whitewing gasped. "I thought you loved Squirrelflight?"
Ashfur hesitated. "Close your eyes."
Whitewing obeyed. She gasped again. She could see Ashfur as clearly as though her eyes were open.
"That time has passed," Said Ashfur, asnwering her question.
Whitewing took a deep breath. "R-really?"
"Yes, and I'm not afraid of what happens - whatever that may be."
Whitewing shook her head, her billowing white fur hanging in front of her eyes. "But you never payed attention to me when you were alive."
Ashfur pondered on this. "I was a blind monster where I was. But I'm all better now." He took a step closer to her, staring dreamily into her eyes. He looked like he was about to...to...
"WAKE UP, MAMA!"
Whitewing's eyes snapped open. In front of her was a bleary-eyed little white kit.
"Dovekit, why can't you bug Birchfall for a change?"
Dovekit smirked. "He's not my mommy!"
Whitewing shook her head, pitying. She was a terrible mother. She didn't love her kits like a mama should. She was ashamed to even think it, but she didn't want Birchfall to be their father - and she didn't want them. But, she had no other choice.
"Well, go along and play with Ivykit, dear." Dovekit obeyed, dashing along out of the nursery on the other side of camp.
Whitewing closed her eyes, trying to bring that wonderful...vision...back.
No, it was just a dream. She couldn't see Ashfur - at least, not in the way he had looked last night.
Whitewing stood up, stretching. She padded out of the nursery, looking around the clearing, when she overheard Firestar and Leafpool chatting.
"I really can't contact them, daddy." Leafpool had a worried expression on her face.
"But we need to find out who Ashfur's killer is!" Firestar said loudly. Whitewing winced. Those words sounded so wrong - Ashfur's killer. Maybe if she'd offered to go with him when he'd left camp that evening, it wouldn't have happened...after all, she had been thinking about asking him...
"I can't find him, or any StarClan cats, for that matter, Firestar. Not even a slight glimpse of starlit fur."
Something about that sentence made Whitewing feel very funny and uncomfortable.
Leafpool had said "starlit fur", hadn't she?
Ashfur hadn't had starlit fur last night.
Whitewing shook the thought away. It couldn't mean anything. After all, not all StarClan cats had to have stars in their fur, did they?
She was about to head over to the fresh-kill pile, when Leafpool padded over to her. "I need to talk to you about something important, Whitewing."
Whitewing sighed. "What?"
Leafpool led Whitewing into her den.
"Look," The tabby she-cat snapped gingerly, "I know that you have been mourning Ashfur's death. Get over yourself. For StarClan's sake, you weren't his mate!"
Whitewing leaped back in shock. Leafpool was usually gentle! "Don't tell me what to d-do, medicine cat," She hissed.
Leafpool's eyes burned into Whitewing's. "I was a blind monster where I was, but I'm all better now - Whitewing, there's a reason I told Firestar there was no glimpse of starlit fur...Ashfur is a Dark Forest cat! You cannot trust him, believe me."
Whitewing felt her hackles raise at Ashfur's past words. She snarled. "You know nothing!"
Leafpool's eyes softened, and so did her voice. "I know how it feels to lose the one you love and have him stolen by another, but there's no one there, Whitewing. There is no one for us anymore."
Whitewing bared her teeth. "This is so unlike you, Leafpool! Why can't you be a sweet little pathetic weakling again?"
Leafpool unsheathed her claws. "I just don't want another cat's heart to be broken...like mine was."
Whitewing sighed. "Too late."
The moonlight dappled the den floor.
"If I can't be with you...I don't want to exist."
Whitewing almost gagged as she lapped a wretched deathberry up into her mouth.
There was no turning back now.
"I love you and I'm not afraid, Whitewing. But there's no saving you now."
Whitewing's eyes widened. The poison had already taken affect, she knew.
"Don't try to hide. Whitewing!"
Whitewing's breath caught in her throat. What was she doing?
"Never sleep, never die, Whitewing." Now it was absolutely unclear if the voices were Ashfur's or not. But whoever they were, they were evil.
"Whitewing! What in StarClan's name are you doing?"
Too late now, Leafpool.
Never sleep, never die.