He found her at their usual spot, as he always did and sidled up next to her, not surprised at all by the beer clutched in her hands which rested on the countertop of the bar. It seemed she'd been in this spot since the day of the funeral. Every waking moment for the past few months not spent with her son or off on cases with the team, Jennifer Jareau sat in silent despair until Aaron Hotchner came to collect her.
"Again, Jay?" Aaron sighed.
He'd found her like this the past three nights, staring blankly down at the stained wooden countertop. It took a lot to scare Aaron Hotchner, the stoic leader of the Behavioral Analysis Unit and to admit it to anyone. But this, this scared him to no end to know that a decision he had made, supposedly for the betterment of everyone was inflicting so much pain.
It was scenes like the one before him that made him question whether his decision really was for the best or if it was bringing more pain than was necessary. He found himself toying with this notion often, but there were too many people involved to bad down on the agreed upon plan.
Emily Prentiss was to have died on March 7th, 2011. She would spend the next two months recovering from the injury sustained to her torso before pursuing the man who brought her life to a startling halt. Ian Doyle would be terminated, one way or another. If Emily emerged victorious, she would eventually assimilate to her old life as best as possible. If not, only he and JJ would be affected and would school their micro expressions in front of their colleagues, saving tears for private moments.
"Come on, Jay." Aaron grasped her forearm and helped her to stand on shaking feet. "Let's get you home, yeah?"
The ride to JJ's place was uneventful and quiet. The only indication that the broken woman in the passenger's seat was still awake was the occasional sniffle.
Once there, Aaron began to go about their routine of getting JJ unbuckled and into the house. JJ leaned against him lifelessly as he led her to her bedroom and began to remove her shoes. The action seemed to have been engrained in his memory over the past two months and instead of paying mind to the task at hand, he stared into her face.
Something about tonight was different. He couldn't place what but he was certain he was about to find out. From the look in her bloodshot eyes, it was glaringly obvious that there was something she needed to get off her chest.
Tears coupled with a longing desperation told Aaron that JJ was willing to talk. Slowly, he rose and sat next to her on the bed, waiting patiently for her to begin.
He wasn't sure how long they sat in silence before JJ spoke.
"I can't imagine what this is doing to her. The distance, I mean. I can hardly stand it." She pauses to clear her throat.
"Henry asks about her. Every day: 'Where's my Emmy, mommy? Is she coming home today' and I just don't know what to say because what if she doesn't come home to us, Aaron? What if she isn't so lucky this time and Doyle ends her life for real? Who will be there to sing Henry to sleep after his story? Who will cheer him on at his soccer games louder than any of the other moms there? Who will take him on super-secret Henry and Emmy outings if she d- if she's gone forever? I don't know if I can tell him that his other mom isn't coming back ever. He'd hate me. He'd never forgive me. I can't even mention her without tearing up. And-and... I need her so badly Aaron. I can't keep this happy façade up forever. She's my everything. My everything. And I'm falling apart without her. I just… I can't. I just can't."
At this point, Aaron new he had to intervene. Her raged sobs were turning into gasps for air and he knew she was beginning to panic. And so, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and said "I know how hardly this is Jayge, trust me I do." And he did. He and Hayley, his ex-wife, had been in similar places years before this.
"But you can't think like that. Emily wouldn't want you to think this way. What you're doing is the best you can at the moment. You're heartbroken and afraid and that is absolutely okay. It will get better, I promise you that JJ. And knowing Emily, she's fighting to get back to you and your son. She loves you both more than anything JJ and she won't go down without a fight. You have to have faith in her. You have to believe that she will return. And soon enough, she'll be back here to sing Henry to sleep and cheer him on and take him out and live the life you two built together. But you have to have faith in her. Have faith that Emily will come home to you."
He felt her nod into the crook of his neck and her sniffles could be heard throughout the quiet house. She had since stopped sobbing; he assumed having tired herself out and begins to drift off. Aaron took note of this and moved to place her down gently under the duvet.
"Goodnight JJ. Sleep well. And remember, Emily loves you too much to leave you. She'll be back one day soon", he said as he neared the door. He just hoped he was right.
"Aaron". He just barely heard the quiet whisper emitted from her lips.
"Yes, Jay?"
"Thank you."