AN: I was inspired to write this after I saw the episodes 39, and 44-47. Everyone keeps saying that Akutsu is horrible and all, but I don't think that's true. I was also inspired by his incredibly young mom, trying to raise him by herself, but he constantly pushes her away. This is just a one-shot about that.
Disclaimer: I don't own Akutsu, Yuuki, or any other thing Prince of Tennis related.
Akutsu hated it. He hated it whenever his mother cried, because eventually, it'd be the reason he would come home.
Through his life he had never been able to stick to something, he would always become quickly bored with it, and his personal back round didn't help his attitude towards life.
When Akutsu was young, about four years old, he would ask his mother the same thing.
"Okaa-san, when is Otou-san coming home?" His mother would stiffen, then her shoulders would shake and her whole body would quiver. She would immediately stop what she was doing, bend down to her sons' height and scoop him into her arms.
"I'm sorry Jin, I'm sorry," she would always say, crying into the young boys' hair. "I love you Jin, I love you, I love you." She would say it over and over again, as if trying to convince him of a fact he instinctively knew.
Win Akutsu grew older, he found out what his mother was trying to say. What she meant every time she had held him as a child and cried.
'I love you. Even if your father doesn't, I'll always love you. I'm sorry he left, but I'll always love you Jin.' That's what she meant. Akutsu knew it better then anything.
As Akutsu realized this fact he grew angry, and decided he would never be like his father. He would be better. He would succeed at everything he set out to do, for surely his father was a failure. Surely a man who left his girlfriend and two year old son could have never succeeded in anything!
Even so, although he succeeded in all the things he tried, he would become bored and resort to violent ways. He liked that. He liked beating them all at something they were supposed to be good in. He liked the feel of being superior to them when it should have been the opposite.
Because of this, though, he got into trouble often. Getting into brawls and numerous fights because, usually, he had perceived the person to have been looking down upon him. Commanding him. Telling him what to do.
No one could tell him what to do. He was Akutsu Jin. He did what he wanted; he was in control of his life. Akutsu knew his look one life was probably harsh, cruel and dark. He didn't give a damn. If people were stupid enough to think life was chipper and they could just command him with a word, then hell to them. It's not like they'd make it in life anyway.
Akutsu didn't listen to his mother much, he had almost forgotten the reason he had become this way in the first place. Wasn't the first reason because his father had abandoned the mother that loved him and kept him since she was 19?
Every time he got in trouble, every time he was withheld by some higher authority, his mother would come to his defense. She would vehemently argue that her son was a good boy, that he had nothing wrong. Even though she always knew he did.
Whenever they arrived home or sat by the river she would always ask "Why?" Never a scolding. Never a "Jin, I'm so disappointed in you!" Not one "Jin no baka!" Just a why, and always a pleading "Please try not to."
This always infuriated him. He would feel like he was being commanded. To this day when she asked him, it would turn into almost a one-sided fight. He would yell at her to stop commanding him and leave him alone.
In the end he would walk out slamming the door behind him, and leaving her in a sobbing heap on the floor.
Later in the park with a good smoke, he would curse himself. He would constantly battle with himself. One side of him would say he was justified to have said all those things. Puffing rings of smoke into the air, he would be satisfied with his poor reasoning until the mental image of his mother in a hysterical heap on the floor flashed through his inner eye.
Was he really any different from his father that he hated and didn't know? Every time he got angry and stormed out, slamming the small apartment door behind him, was she afraid that he would leave for good?
'But I never abandon her!' He would say to himself. 'I never abandoned her like that bastard of a father did!'
In the end, Akutsu would come to the horrible realization that was the truth. He was worse then his father. His father had left indefinitely. Gone forever, certain to never return.
Every time he slammed the door, every time he left their home, every time he ran away she relived the pain and fear of losing him. Over and over, again and again, she would bear the fear and worry that she would be alone. That the son she loves will leave her. Just like his father did.
Akutsu knew his mother. He knew Akutsu Yuuki better then anybody else, and he knew what probably went through her mind when he left.
Is it my fault? Did I say something wrong? Did I not encourage him enough? Did I not make it clear how much I love him?
Akutsu knew she would blame herself, when it was entirely his fault. He had tried not to be like his dad so much, that he had ended up being an exact replica.
He remembered in his last year of grade school, he had found an old picture of his mother as a teenager with a young man her age beside her. The man had his hair, his eyes, almost his every feature. Did it pain his mother to see him the way he was everyday, as if looking at a miniature version of the man who abandoned her?
He didn't want to look like this. He wanted nothing to do with that man!
The next day he had stolen some hair dye, thankfully did not get caught, and used his mothers' hair gel and scissors.
Yuuki had been shocked and appalled when her son stepped out of the bathroom with silver hair that now suddenly defied gravity.
He had even gotten colored contacts, which he was forced to get rid of when he developed an eye infection.
Kawamura had looked worried the next day as they walked to grade school together. "I hope Yuuki-chan didn't freak out. You shouldn't worry her so much." He scolded. Akutsu glared at him, his fists twitching. "Urasei! Don't command me!" Kawamura backed off, knowing how his friend could get.
Kawamura was Akutsu's closest thing to a real friend, and only because of one meeting. Really, because of something he had said.
"Don't command me!"
"I'm not commanding you, I'm just worried about you."
"I'm worried about you, Jin."
His mothers' words had echoed in his ears, and he started a slight friendship with the other boy. Kawamura reminded him of his mother, and he had decided Kawamura would be an exception to his frequent acts of cruelty or anger. As long as he didn't really piss him off.
In the end, after Akutsu had pondered these many things, he would leave the park in the middle of the night and head home. Opening the door, he would be as quiet as possible, just in case his mother was asleep.
She wasn't though. She never was.
She would always wait up for him, always having some kind of leftover heated up for him and a cup of tea on the table. Huddled on the couch, her eyes red and puffy she would look up at the sound of his footsteps and her face would brighten.
Practically leaping off the couch she would hurry to him and hug him, quickly asking if he was alright. Did he need anything? Was he hungry? Was he tired? She would still be in the clothes she wore when he left, her hair disheveled and unkempt.
She would then collapse and weep into his shoulder, telling him how scared she was that he had gotten hurt.
"Gomen," she would tell him, her voice hoarse from sobbing earlier. "Gomen Jin, I love you Jin." Akutsu would sigh and use his strong arms to haul his mother up into his arms and lead her to the bathroom. He would always pick out one of her favorite kitty pj's, and order her to wash up.
She would almost be frantic, insisting that she stay with him. He would then tell her that she needed a bath now, or she would stink later.
She would let out a watery laugh and consent, closing the door behind her. Akutsu would collect his dinner and tea then sit in front of the bathroom door. As he ate, his mother would constantly call his name out tiredly and he would answer her to ease her fears.
The calls were also a way to make sure she hadn't fallen asleep and drowned in the bathtub.
After she was dry and dressed he would help he to bed, and sit by the bed until she fell asleep. Sometimes she would pat the space beside her for him to lie on. Lying beside her on the small bed, she would cuddle him to her and stroke his head as if he were still a child.
Just like when he was little she would hold him tight, even though he was far bigger the her now, in these moments of content weakness he would feel small and tiny, grasping his mothers' hand for comfort.
Both would fall asleep eventually. Akutsu knew that his mother would try her hardest to stay awake longer then him, making sure he was still there. That she wasn't dreaming herself and that he had never returned home and that she was alone.
Waking up at six in the morning, Akutsu would sometimes wake before his mother. Usually when he did, it meant she had stayed up more, and was in such a deep sleep that the penetrating shriek of the alarm clock could not reach her. Wriggling out of her arms and placing the covers over her, he would get up and head to the shower.
After a shower and a change into a clean school uniform, he would heat up some rice and miso soup, and quickly grill some fish. Setting the table for his mother. He would then call her boss, informing him in a rather threatening voice that promised death if contradicted that his mother was sick and that she wouldn't be in today.
Leaving a note by her bed, informing her that she didn't need to be at the office that day and that she shouldn't panic about his breakfast. (She was convinced he was too skinny.) He would just pick up some melon bread on his way to school by LEGAL means. Really, he promised.
Looking down at his mother Akutsu bent down and kissed her head lightly.
"Gomen Okaa-san. I'll be back."
The young man could've sworn that his mother smiled, but quickly dismissed it as he left the apartment, and closed the door behind him.
AN: I hope this was good. I hope Akutsu wasn't too OOC. I tried my hardest. This has been dying to come out all day, so I finally consented and wrote it. Hope you enjoyed it!
Urasei Shut up
Okaa-san Mom
Otou-san Dad
Chan A term of endearment that goes after one's name (Feminine)