A/N: I APOLOGISE PROFUSELY FOR THIS SIN. Sometimes I just get HELLA bored and am just like hey lets fuck up everything with my weird shit. Trust me, this isn't even the first. *coughcough* Iceland X Fridge and PORKLAND pig X Fetus Liet *cough*
Um... Without further adieu, prepare to read at your own discretion, and then come to hang me later.
NEIN
This is Doucheland.
He is German. His name is Lewdbig Bellendshmidt, and his bae is called Feelichanoo Vargass. Bae is always ready for Lewd's big wurst, but sometimes Lewd just wishes he could have Itary's limp spaghetteh. He only wishes. But Feelichanoo only wants his memes to not be dreams. His memes, provided illegally by Eevan Braginskee and Yow Wanger, are very dank, and sometimes his frajello, Lovemeno Vargass, gets salty and tries to steal them. This makes Feelichanoo very angery, and so he goes and brutally wrecks Lovemeno's very emo emu boy-toy, sPAIN. sPAIN has a very big assu, though, bigger than Kim Kardashian's, meaning he is hard to wreck. Therefore, Feelichanoo calls upon the almighty fuckboys, Frog and Dead. They have a threesome, with Feelichanoo filming, and then Lovemeno walks in, and gets a boner bigger than Grandpa Room when he succs GERMania's cocc™.
When Lewdbig finds out what his bæ has been doing, Lewd spanks him and forces him to sit through episodes of My Little Pony with Dead, forced to endure as Dead jacks off vigorously. Even worse, when Lewd is very agnery, he calls upon Fetus Liet and PORKland Pig to come and have some kinku David Cameron X Pig secks, WITHOUT Pumpkin Protection. This scares little bae, who only wishes for Lewdbig's wurst, and so he runs away to Japon Pig's house and watches Boku no Pico to calm himself down.
Asstria, Dead's sex pig, is sent to find Itary, and drag him back for his daily succ, much to his frustration as he only wants to jack off to Mozart and Piano Rule 34 online. And so, cranky on his man-period, he drags Feelichanoo home and then locks him in the room where he keeps HRE's body, rotting and vigorously fucked out, and then leaves to go and drink his crippling depression away.
However, poor little Feelichanoo is boerd of his corpse toy, and only wishes he could have something as fun as a fridge or a stick of butter to play with whilst daddy was away, when will his husband return from war? Being the little kink he is, he had already tried many one-man sexual escapades to satisfy himself whilst alone, and now he only grew angsty, wondering how hot something like being cut open from the chin to the abdomen would be, having his innards removed, or something like being trapped in a mansion and chased by a demon, all the while under the pressure of broken, overlapping time loops.
How creative he got when bored and desperate.
And so, he grabbed a pumpkin spiced latte and an umbilical cord and pleasures himself in ways too gruesome to describe.
The end.