Peter always knew that there was something different about him. Not in the condescending, self-absorbed way some people say they are different, but in the more genuine and worried way.
And boy, was he worried now.
Because, even though his aunt was always trying to teach him that being different is part of his human nature, his uniqueness as a single and irreplaceable moment in the universe, he still believed, deep down, that divergence from the norm was something to be frowned upon, specifically when it came to him. And he didn't know fucking why.
He saw people being unique and quirky and so unapologetically themselves every day in school, on the street, on the tv. Everywhere, he saw them. And he never, not once, held it against them for trying to live their lives the way they wanted. So why was he so judgmental when it came to him? To Peter Parker?
As he grew up and reached his teenage years, he started accepting the fact that society and the way it functions can have a huge impact on the way people think, and he accepted that he was no exception. But even the realization of the concept of social constructs didn't seem to break down the deep rooted issues that had blossomed all those years in his young, so very young, head.
He was bisexual . He knew he was, for years now, even though he was in denial for most of his childhood. And he knew that the people around him would accept and love him unconditionally, if he chose to expose that particular part of information about himself to them. He understood that that was far more than some other kids hoped for in their wildest dreams. But still, he couldn't bring himself to admit it.
Admit he was diverting from the very basic structure that was built for him, and other men, to follow. He couldn't. There was always this thing, this shadow, this fear, holding him back.
People always told him that he was a smart kid, and from his experiences so far, he has come to the conclusion that, yes, it appears that he is ,indeed, what they call smart. He liked to believe he was smart, at least. That was partially the reason why he couldn't wrap his mind around the concept of his bisexuality. Because he couldn't figure out why. Why was he like this. What caused this diviation from the norm, this defect.
(Because that's what it was, wasn't it? Whatever doesn't fall in line with what most people deem standard?)
Was it a gene? Was it some kind of hormone? Was it the over-sexualization of the human body that is portrayed in the media? Is it his trauma? What the fuck is it?
He can't help but believe that it might have been easier if he was gay. It's definite. It's clear. It's easy to grasp. Gay people are attracted to people of the same sex. It's simple, and logical, and - so very ironically- straight. But he was never one to fit to a mold, was he?
Still, he can't help but believe that by understanding the cause of homosexuality he might be a step closer to understanding himself.
The scientist inside him tells him that it's highly unlikely that there is a gay gene involved, simply because, if there was indeed a gay gene, it would have died out eons ago, since gay people are unable to reproduce among themselves. But then again, many gay people married and had families solely for society's sake.
Still, it wouldn't explain the fact that there is a valid, considerable percentage of people that identify as gay today, not to mention the fact that scientists would have most likely found it by now.
So, the existence of a notable amount of homosexual people dictates that there is a physiological, as well as a mental factor that determines this kind of attraction. So he tried to break it down, and he researches like a maniac, looking for answers. Gay people come from all kinds of homes, all kinds of social-economical backgrounds, all kinds of societies, regardless of how open they are to same sex attraction. So he needs to run some tests, and he needs to-
Oh god, why is he even trying, he isn't going to find anything. Many people have tried before him, and none of them found any actual answers to this question. Even if, by some kind of miracle, he did find the cause of this phenomenon, who's to say that changes anything? He just needed to accept himself.
The problem is, he didn't know how.
So, for years, he tormented himself, trying to embrace that imperfect, defective side of him. He never actually did. But after a while, he felt something else: tired.
So. Fucking. Tired.
And that exhaustion pushed him to finally live the way he wanted. He said screw it, he's tired of the self hatred, he's tired of throwing himself pity parties, he's tired of hiding, he's tired of doing whatever other people expect of him to do. And that's when he decided to come out to everyoone.
First his aunt, that hugged him and told him she loves him, no matter what.
Then Tony, who put his hand on his solder and with the most accepting, yet teasing, smile, he asked him "So with even double the dating pool, you're still single, huh?"
Then Ned, who told him he already new, because no normal boy talks that much about Thor and his "abs of steel".
And then everyone else.
And no one seemed to mind. The only one that ever did, was Peter, and in the end, he loved himself, despite all the things that made him different. Because what makes him different, will always be the thing he values most about himself.