A/N: After watching Law and Order: SVU for three days straight, and then watching a Castle rerun, my mind mashed up this idea while I was trying to sleep yesterday. I know I'm not done with Nothing Left To Lose yet, but I promise I'll get back on it. This takes place post 3x24. Beckett, Lanie, Ryan, Esposito, and Castle (for some unexplained reason) are evaluated by SVU's own Doctor George Huang to determine if they are stable enough to return to work. There will be ten updates total: five interviews, and five reports from the doctor himself. Sorry, these will probably be short! R&R and stay awesome! Yours 'till the wheels fall off!
Doctor George Huang stood and extended a hand to Detective Javier Esposito. Javier eyed it, and then reclined against the wall of the interrogation room. The doctor, unruffled, sat down and asked the detective to please do the same. He refused. Huang glanced down at the open file before him, then back at Esposito.
"How would you describe your relationship with Roy Montgomery?" he asked, folding his hands and waiting for an answer, one that he suspected would never come.
"Don't-" Javier started, voice raised. He took a step back and then took a deep breath, eyes closed. He tried again.
"Don't talk about him." George scratched a line on his notepad and then studied the man across from him.
"Do you feel that this is a waste of your time? That you don't need to be here?" Esposito pushed off from the wall and paced slowly around the room.
"Yeah," he admitted, crossing his arms, "It's not like I'm gonna go psycho and shoot somebody." Huang turned in his seat and faced him.
"That's not what we're worried about. If you could please-" And just like that, he went from being semi-calm to near insane.
"Look, I don't want to be here! I don't need to be here! We should be out on the street, finding the bastard that shot Beckett! We're doing shit here talking about my feelings! How I feel isn't gonna fix this! Nothing will!" Javier threw a chair against the wall. Huang wrote some more, and then put his pen down.
"Your rage is misguided-"
"My rage is justified!"
"Who are you really angry at?" Esposito sat, deflated. George waited patiently.
"Whoever shot Kate."
"And?" he prodded gently. The detective was less than forthcoming with verbal information, but his facial expressions and gestures were speaking volumes.
"Myself." That was what he was looking for. He made note and then looked back up at him.
"Why is that?" Javier had been drumming his fingers on the table, and now he sped up, until he slammed his hands down on the table. Then he stopped. Breathed. Paused again.
"Because I could have stopped it," he whispered. The doctor didn't write this time, just watched him.
"Do you really believe that, detective?" For a moment, Esposito looked as if he wanted to leap across the table. Huang braced himself. Javier got back up, but didn't reply. Nearly five minutes went by before he spoke again. It was inaudible.
"Could you repeat yourself, please?"
"No!" His short bursts of rage told him all that he needed to know. Almost.
"But you still feel like there was something that you could have done to prevent the events of the last few days. If only you had figured something out faster, if only you had seen it coming, if only you had suggested something. If only." When the detective turned around again, his eyes were wet with tears that he had not yet shed.
"Why do you know that?" He ignored the question.
"There was nothing you could have done, Detective. Your guilt is useless."