Moment of Truth
Seven years she has put her life on hold for the planet. Seven years she has told her heart one day she will allow herself the happiness she knows she could find with this man. Always telling herself there will be plenty of time. That there will always be a tomorrow. Eventhough she knew in her mind that everytime she stepped through that gate by his side she was taking the chance that she would never be able to tell him…. That they wouldn't have tomorrow. Staring at him while he lay unconscious in the infirmiry, she vowed never to take that chance again. She was going to give her heart a chance…. No more waiting for tomorrow. Because if it never came she would never forgive herself from stealing her one chance at happiness from herself.
Silently she left his bed side….headed for her lab. At least it wasn't life threating, it was only a concussion. It could have been a lot worse….. they were lucky that they would be given a second chance. Who was she kidding they had been tempting fate for years. They would run out of chances eventually, everyone did. She wasn't going to waste this one. She had been thinking about this moment for years. And now the time had come. She was going to resign. She could do her job as a civilian. Daniel was a civilian and he was still on a gate team. She could still play with her doohickeys, like Jack liked to call them. Could still go through the gate. But the time had come for her to do them as Doctor Samantha Carter and not Major Samantha Carter.
Sam wondered how General Hammond would react to her letter of resignation. Would he even accept it without wanting to know why. What would Jack think? Would he be angry or releived? She hoped that he would understand she was doing this for him. That his feeling were just as strong as hers were. That he still wanted to find out where they would go. She knew in her heart that she would love him till the day she died and just hoped he felt the same, even if he didn't she would regret never taking the chance the rest of her life if she didn't try. This was her one shot at happiness, at the dream that she never let herself believe she deserved. A life with the man she loved, a home, maybe even a family one day. One could always hope.
Leaving her lab with letter in hand Sam headed toward General Hammond's office. She knocked on the door a little harder than she had intended, but she was nervous. It wasn't everyday one changes the path their life is on. But who was she kidding she wasn't changing it, she was about to completely blow it out of the sky on the chance of a different life, on the chance that he might feel the same. "Enter" Hammond says from behind the door. "Major Carter, what can I do for you?"
"Well sir, we need to talk." Handing him her letter she stands at attention, " I have decided to resign my commision sir. However I would like to stay on at the SGC as a civilian scientist sir. I feel I still have much to contribute, but that I an unable to continue to do so an an Air Force Officer." Whew she managed to get it out. General Hammond was just staring at her, not quite sure if this was a joke or if she was serious. "Major Carter, I thought you were a dedicated officer. I thought your career was important to you. I will not accept this resignation with out a damn good reason." She knew he was gonna ask this but hoped that he wouldn't . What was she to tell him? The truth? A lie? If she told him the truth he might not let her resign but just reassign her. If she lied he still might not take it and make her stay where she was.
Finally Sam decided on the truth. " I am in love with Colonel O'Neill sir. I have been for years. I want to give my self the chance to be happy. I don't want to walk away from the fight against the Goauld General, but what am I killing myself fighting for if I wont even allow myself the chance at being truly happy for the first time in my life? I think I deserve that much, and I want the chance. And I don't want to walk away from the SGC. If you can think of a better option you tell me. But as I see it, this is the only way for us both to stay here and continue with our work, which is very important to both of us, and for us to take the chance on us without risking court martial." "Major, does Colonel O'Neill know you are here doing this?"
"No sir, he would have a fit if he knew what I was doing. That is why I plan on telling him after before he can try and talk me out of it" She knew that Jack was going to be pissed but she couldn't help her heart. General Hammond was just sitting there staring at her. Was this a good sign or a bad? She wan't sure but she just stood there at attention, waiting hoping that it would all work out. "Very well Major, consider yourself on terminal leave. See to it you are out processed and have proper identification as of Monday morning. Now get out of my office doctor, before I change my mind"
" Thank you sir." Turning she was heading out the door"
"Doctor Carter" Damn she had almost made it out the door too. Turning slowly around, " Yes sir?"
"You are here by ordered to tell Colonel O'Neill and your father. I refuse to be the one to tell them. I value my life to much." He said it with a smile but you could see the concern in his eyes. He knew the two most important men in my life were not going to take this with a smile, but all the same it was something they would have to accept. " Yes sir I will tell him as soon as he wakes sir, and as for my Dad, I think I will let Colonel O'Neill get used to it first then I will tell him…. Maybe in a couple of days?"
"Fine major as long at it gets done and done soon"
With that she turned and left his office headed back to the infirmary. If he was awake she would tell him. With the concussion it wasn't like he could do much to her other than yell and he wasn't to likely to do that. He was gonna have one hell of a head ache when he woke so maybe now was the best time to tell him. When all he could do was stare at her with those beautiful chocolate colored eyed of his. Reaching the infirmary door she stopped for a steading breath and walked in. Apprehencive of his reaction, and how this would change their lives Samantha Carter walked up to his bed, ready to change her life forever….. only time will tell if it was going to be for the better.
Chapter 2
He hadn't opened his eyes yet but Jack knew where he was. He could tell by the sound and the smells that he was in the SGC Infirmary. It always had that medicinal smell, but he also knew that she was here. Even from this distance he could smell Carter's shampoo. Nothing over powering, but distinctly her none the less. Jack opened his eyes to see Carter standing there biting her bottom lip. She looked nervous and Sam was never nervous. "Hey, how long you been standing there?" Jack startled her because she was off in another place, looking worried and thinking about something. But hey when was Sam not thinking about something? "Your awake, how are you feeling,sir?"
"Not to bad got a nail in my head though. What's up Carter you look upset?"
"Umm…. Well …. Maybe I should comeback when you are feeling better." She was going to chicken out, she just didn't know how to tell him. What was she supposed to say,.. Sir I just resigned so I can ravage you?.. Just didn't sound right.
"Carter, just tell me what is wrong. That's an order Major."
"Well sir, I guess you should call me Sam, or Dr. Carter, I just resigned. Effective immediately I am a civilian sir."
Jack didn't know if this was some kind of joke or if she was serious but he knew that it wasn't funny. "What the hell do you mean you resigned? Why? This better be a joke and if it is it isn't very funny Major!"
"You mean Doctor Jack." It felt weird calling him Jack but she did it anyway to get her point across.
"Why the hell did you go do a damn fool thing like that for. For crying out loud Carter what were you thinking. Why are you leaving the SGC, the team. I thought this fight was important to you?"
"it is Jack and I am not leaving the SGC, I am staying on as a civilian as for SG1 I forgot to ask when I resigned I guess I will have to check with General Hammond. But I did this for me, it was something I have been thinking about for some time and I just felt the time had come for a change."
"Why Carter, what has to change why would you give up everything you worked so hard for? You gotta give me a damn good reason, or I will tell Hammond not to accept your resignation and you WILL stay active duty."
"It is already done sir. He accepted it and signed it I have till Monday to get my new ID's and all paperwork filed. I thought you would be happy that you would like the fact that I was a civilian. Are you really all that upset that I can still do my job work with the team and not have to answer to the Air Force?"
"What do you mean make me happy, why would I be happy that you are a civilian?" Jack was really picking up a good head of steam now, how could she do this to the team , to her country, to HIM?
But then it kinda hit him……..CIVILIAN. Oh man she was a civilian, and she was calling him Jack. She said to call her Sam. She couldn't have, she wouldn't have…… "You resigned for us?"
Sam wondered how long it would take him to connect the dots. Not that long apparently. "Well for a chance for us anyway. Even if nothing happens or we decide it isn't a good idea, at least now we can really try it out and not just avoid it and act like nothing is there. And if it doesn't work out, I wont be sorry Jack.. I would always have regreted never trying. I would always have wondered what might have been. I don't regret what I have done, my only regret would have been not trying." She had all but told him that she loved him. She could believe what she had just said, but once she started all the years of never being able to say anything of keeping such a close cap on her feelings it just all started overflowing. All she could do now was hope he felt the same way. Hope he didn't laugh in her face or give her the only as a friend speech.
Jack could'nt believe what he just heard! The woman of his dreams, who he has loved for years, just changed her life just to give them a chance to be together? He must have hit his head harder than he thought. "you did this for me, I mean for us. Sam, I could have retired you didn't have to go and throw away your career, mine was worth less. Why?:" He just didn't understand, how could he. Sam was beautiful and brilliant and could have anyone she wanted yet she changed her life for me for Jack O'Neill. HE just didn't understand. " Go slow and use small words Sam I just don't get it. Why would you do something like that just to be with me? You could do so much better."
Sam was stunned he really didn't get it did he? He really didn't understand why she would change everything for him. "Because I love you Jack, why else do you think I would do it. If you don't feel the same way tell me now and I will go get my old job back but if you do, then I don't want it back I want you. I am just to tired to fight it anymore. I don't want to deny it anymore. So be honest Jack and tell me the truth. I need to know if we have a chance, so tell me Jack. What do you want?"
"Well that's easy Sam, I want you. I always have, but are you sure you can just walk away? Are you sure you wont wake up one year down the road and resent me and what you did because of me?"
"The only thing I would resent Jack, the only thing I would regret, is never taking the chance."
"Come here." He still thought this was some dream that he was going to wake up from but if it was a dream he was going to have some good memories from it. As she came up to his side he reached out and took her hand. Jack just held it gently rubbing the back of her hand. Then he pulled her closer to him and just barely brushed her lips with his. Just barely a kiss. When he pulled away he looked into her eyes and saw them welling with tears. "Sam what's the matter?"
"I have thought about this moment for years and now it is here….. I am just happy is all."
"Just wait till Janet lets me out…. Then we will really have some fun.." He couldn't help but grin. He finally had what he has always wanted. He had Sam, he had a future, another chance at being happy.