To Urrr is a Walker
Summary: This is what Walkers think in their heads. According to research and stuff alzhiemer's patients think clearly even though they say wierd stuff so why not zombies? Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own any aspect at all of The Walking Dead. Just randomness in my head. Enjoy
The wind came blowing particularly hard that fine morning. Malcolm and I had just finished a particularly delectable ex-lawyer when a man in a Sheriff's outfit came trotting by on a horse...mmm horse... Anyway I think his name is Rick, he was talking on a walkie talkie but he seemed to be talking to someone who wasn't really listening because he kept saying "If you can hear me don't go down route 44 because there are walkers everywhere." That was when the shit really hit the fan!
I was about to tell him that I would like to try on his hat but as always all that came out was "URRRRR" stupid Walker illness!
"Stay back! Heel boy!" he said to his horse who obliged. I wish humans obeyed us like horses obeyed them. At least they are able to talk to horses.
He got his gun out and pointed it at my head. I was getting hungry again because I could hear Malcolm eating the cute librarian who told him that death is ugly. Who's laughing now bitch! Our current symptom is that we like to eat...human flesh. Oh animals are good but they are like tofu. They fill your stomach but not much else.
Anyway, the guy clicked his gun but walked around me. I felt insulted! I wasn't a threat? "Listen buddy urrrrr I was a boxer in real life urrrr and I can kick your sorry ass urrrr!" ugh if it weren't for this illenss I would get my gloves and another pair I carry with me (you never know when a chance of a fight will come) and fight this trailor trash here and now!
I sighed "urrr" and the guy tipped his hat and trotted off. God that pissed me off! I went over to Malcolm and joined him. "I hope you didn't see that." I urred at him.
"See what?" Malcolm urred with a piece of entrail hanging off his mouth. "Ralph, did you do something stupid again?"
"Hmph. I asked to borrow a live sheriff's hat and he walked right past me! A liver {pronounced like alive} ignored me! I should've just eaten him." I urrred as I played with a pretty red hair strand. It smelled like mint. I miss shampoo...
"Now now. Aren't you the one who said we should save them for when we are starving? Plenty of dumb livers come walking around thinking they can survive this. Remember, people are turned everyday so we are losing food everyday. We can't last here anymore. Lets hide from livers when they come and follow them. They will lead us to cornucopias." Malcolm urred, putting his hand on my arm.
"Okay. Let's go. Out of this town and find some walker chicks." I urred to Malcolm.
"Now you are talking. I promised your wife I'd take care of you didn't I? Our next wives will be walkers and beautiful! Lines of blood glistening off their shoulders." Malcolm tickled my naked shoulder. "Thinning hair the color of blood." Malcolm looked at the librarian and kicked her...well, sort of. "And the most beautiful voices this side of the outbreak."
We helped eachother up and I lead us in the direction of the Sheriff's horse.
The End
I may write more depending on, well, you. Criticizm is appreciated. Thank you.