So I decided to write a new story :P (not sure if it's a good idea or not) It's not a very 'upbeat' or 'happy' story and it may or may not make sense to you but if you don't like depressing things or drama in general, then don't read. If you do read it, please review, you lovely person :3 Enjoy~

-Natsu POV-

I sat in my room, staring at the damage I had done to my arm. Blood was dripping slowly down the deep cuts that were temporarily burning away the wave of emotions built up inside me. I could hear Happy trying to get me to open the door, but I felt distant, unreal. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall behind me.

I tried to ignore Happy's cries to let him in, but they kept getting louder and louder.

"Natsu! Let me in, Natsu! I know you're doing it again. Please, stop this…"

Silence.

I sighed in relief.

Finally, he gave up…

I was wrong. Happy started pounding on the door harder.

"Natsu, if you don't let me in I'll call Lucy!" my friend added.

I slowly got up from the ground and made my way to the door, putting on a long sleeve hoodie.

I opened the door, revealing my sunken face.

"There's no need to call Lucy and you know it, Happy." I replied finally.

The little blue cat flew in and sat down at my bed with a worried expression.

"Can't we talk about this? Why won't you let me help you, Natsu?"

I averted my eyes and pushed my fists into the pockets of my ripped jeans.

I couldn't let anyone in my walls, not even Happy.

He was already too close to me, I didn't want anyone closer than that. I needed my walls to protect me… and him.

Nobody was allowed in there. In me.

"We just can't." I gave him a big, fake smile. "Don't worry yourself too much, Happy. I heal quickly enough."

My little buddy frowned and I thought for a second he would try to push further but he simply sighed and flew out, mumbling something about seeing me later or needing fresh air; I'm not sure.

I was just glad to be alone. Or maybe I was more depressed.

I didn't know what to feel anymore.

I've been alone for so long that the constant pain I feel has turned into numbness.

This is my way out…

I walked into the bathroom and ran hot water down my bloody arm, letting the burning pain sink in.

I hated the numbness. I replaced it with pain, it was that simple.

I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror.

I had dark bags under my eyes from countless sleepless days, my salmon pink hair was tousled and unkempt, and my skin looked paler than usual. I was a mess, and I hadn't been out in three days.

I hadn't gone to the guild or outside. The only person I had talked to was Happy and I was trying to ignore even him.

I decided I should go out for a walk and try to clear my head.

Not that it would help to clear anything.

This was just a cycle I went through every month or week, depending on the events of the days.

I just didn't deal with things and suppressed all my problems inside me, acting crazy and outgoing on the outside while I was screaming and crying on the inside. Sometimes the walls that I had built to keep everything in cracked and I just crashed.

I slowly walked out of my house and slammed the front door.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and started walking my way into town.

The moon shone brilliantly in the night sky, and a cool breeze danced through the tree leaves around me.

I realized that I hadn't eaten in two days until my stomach growled, so I decided to go get some food at the guild. Mira always had something for me, plus I didn't have any money to buy food.

It was only seven o'clock.

I pushed open the doors to the guild and silently walked in.

I heard everyone shout my name and welcome me in.

Lucy ran up to me with a big smile.

"Natsu, where have you been?!"

I ignored the blonde and continued to walk towards the bar.

Everyone's smiles and cheer was replaced by a puzzled and, or worried look.

Lucy ran up behind me and continued to speak, "Hey is everything okay?"

I sat down at the bar and turned around to look at her with a blank face.

"Everything's fine, Luce." I said in a monotonous tone and turned back around.

Mira had already put some food in front of me.

I started eating, ignoring my friend behind.

Everyone in the guild continued their previous conversations while glancing at me with worried looks.

I couldn't blame them.

This is the first time ever that I came to the guild while going through one of my breakdowns.

I would be worried too if I saw my energetic dragon slayer friend looking like a bag of shit and not talking.

I finished my food and thanked Mira before I walked out the guild doors.

I glanced over to my usual table.

Erza was eating her strawberry cake and chatting with Lucy, Gray was sitting with Juvia and-

I stopped there. I felt the piercing pain come back in my chest.

Gray and Juvia…

They were sitting and talking, Juvia laughing at something Gray said.

Gray looked over at me and gave me a small smile.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I quickly looked away and rushed out of the doors, tears threatening to fall.

I walked quickly away from the guild, just seeing Gray with Juvia made me want scream and punch through every wall ever made.

Only Lucy, Mirajane and Happy knew I liked Gray. They kept on urging me to tell him but what was the point, everyone knew him and Juvia were a thing.

Plus, whenever I tell someone my feelings or end up in a relationship I get hurt or I hurt them. I was tired of ending up with the shit end of the stick.

I was just tired and scared, though I would never admit to that, of everything.

I heard someone running behind me and a strong hand grasped my mutilated arm.

I flinched in surprise and pain and turned around to see him.

"What's going on with you, flame-brain? You look like crap." Gray said.

I tried to pull away from him but his grip only tightened around the cut skin, making me flinch again.

I felt some of the newly forming scabs come off and blood stained small parts of my hoodie.

Damn it…

Gray noticed the red substance seeping through and pulled me closer, pushing my sleeve up to reveal long gashes, healing and fresh, across the skin of my arm.

His eyes widened with horror and I pulled back my arm, averting my eyes.

"N-Natsu… What the hell happened…?" he continued with searching eyes.

I glared at him.

Like you care, Fullbuster.

I turned around and continued walking away.

Gray followed.

"Fuck off ice princess." I growled at him.

He put a hand on my shoulder, the cool 'I don't give a shit' Gray disappearing for the moment.

"Natsu, I'm worried. Let me help you, please." he answered me.

Flame erupted around my fists and I looked up at him with hardened eyes.

"I don't want your pity" I spit out and pulled away from him, running away, tears falling from my eyes.

I want your love, but you obviously have someone to give it to already. Just leave me alone, Gray so I don't have to deal with my emotions towards you.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I want him to love me but I keep pushing him away.

No!

I can't let him in. I can't let anyone in my hell. They can't see my demons.

They need to be safe.

I'm not safe.

Gray… I love you…