The 24-Hour Diner across the street from my apartment was a decent job for a "just dropped out of university" reject. It was convenient, paid enough for me to live in my box shaped apartment, and left me with just enough to function on a weekly basis. The only nitpick was that it was boring as fuck, but all of my co-workers agreed that it was because of the slow intake of business lately. I was usually the first face most people saw when they walked into the restaurant; A dweeb with an afro of curly hair and a dorky smile to match. When I heard the bell rattle against the door this early in the morning, I knew exactly who it was.
"Hey, Pete! Do you want your usual?" I asked, as I pulled out a tiny notepad.
Peter Parker always frequents here, mainly because he lives in the same apartment complex as I do, only a few doors down. We became very quick friends as soon as he moved in when I saw him drop a box on his way into his apartment about a year ago, and he was easy to confide in. He had a pretty average build, and a very handsome smile to match.
"Yeah, thanks Jos!" He grinned and sat down on the stool nearest to me as I wrote his order down and handed it to a cook in the kitchen. I poured his coffee and slid it to him with a few creamers.
"How's the job treating ya?" He asked, as he waited for his coffee to cool.
"Pretty much the same," I shrugged. "Same shit, different day."
"I know the feeling," Peter sighed.
"Ah c'mon, I doubt those paper-cuts are giving you that hard of a time." I joked, before putting his bagel down in front of him. Peter gave a chuckle, and handed me the money to put into the cash register.
"If only you knew." He shook his head. He quickly downed his coffee after hearing his phone beep, and put the bagel into a napkin.
"I have to dash. I'll see you around!" Peter nodded his head, before hastily taking off. I shook my head at his behavior, before placing the empty plate into the dishwasher.
#
The night-shift was always the most boring shift.
I always wondered why no one took the 11pm to 5am shift, as it's the quietest time of night. Sure, the shift was even more boring than the morning shift, but I needed this extra shift to give me a tiny boost in funds (And to pay my Netflix bill, because how the hell would I be able to watch Fuller House? That's a damn necessity).
The clock finally hit 2am and I sighed.
Only three more hours in this bitch.
I started to space out once my co-workers went on break about a half hour ago. I began to focus on the silverware. Soon after, I focused hard enough for my vision to begin to tunnel.
I lifted one fork with my eyes, and the spoon followed. I started rotating them before I knew it.
This is still boring as fuck.
I started lifting plates and balancing them on top of the forks.
Various gunshots next to the diner broke my focus and caused the forks, spoons and plates to drop as a result. I couldn't help but cringe at the shattered plates across the room. I heard a shout from far away that made me jump.
"Fuck off!" The voice was getting louder, as footsteps seemed to increase.
"Shit." I whispered to myself, and grabbed my broom as a form of self defense.
Well, mainly to sweep up the broken dishes too, but y'know.
It wasn't unusual for crime and weird things to happen in this city.
When I was around 14, there were reports of a masked man, Spider-Man, "saving" the city with his mutant-spider powers. Even before that, superheroes and mutants were things that I remember being talked about for as long as I can remember before being sent off for adoption at nine years old.
The "Superhero-propaganda" is bullshit probably built by the government anyways, there's no way some spandex covered men are saving the world.
I jumped at the door suddenly opening. I turned around to see a man clad in what looked like a red and black leather suit. He looked around hastily, before spotting me and quickly tumbling behind the counter where I stood. "You might wanna duck, sweet-cheeks!" He shouted as he pulled me down.
I let out a scream, and he quickly covered my mouth.
I shouted various profanities and bit his hand in response. "I'm trying to make sure you don't die, you Gremlin!" He shouted. Before I could interject, a group of people busted in, flipping over tables and making a mess. I could hear my co-workers making a commotion and exiting out the back door. I made eye contact with Paula, who spotted where I was, and quickly ran out.
"Damn you, Paula!" I thought, realizing that I'm left alone with a masked man and what seemed like a very angry group of men.
"Let's settle this shit once and for all, Deadpool!" A deep voice called out. The man (who I presumed is Deadpool) uncovered my mouth and put his hands up in surrender.
"Before you shoot!" He stood up.
Silence followed.
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a...Shiiit." He begins.
"I forgot my lines. Man, it doesn't sound as intimidating as Liam Neeson-"
One man with a gun suddenly shot him in the arm. I flinched at the sound, and looked at Deadpool's arm, which seemed to start to heal as fast as it was shot.
"Mother of shit!"
What was he?
Deadpool let out a girly scream and ducked under the table once more after a few other gunshots. "FUCK NUGGETS!" He shouted as he looked at the bullet in his shoulder. He flexed, and the bullet came out quickly. I stared at him, wide eyed, until he shouted out again.
"FINE! I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO DO THIS THE NO-ONE-COMES-OUT-ALIVE WAY!" He shouted as he flipped out from under the table with a shotgun.
What the fuck is even going on at this point?
#
(Meanwhile)
Peter was dying of boredom.
Once Tony resigned for the night from Stark Industries, Peter was left to most of the crappy paper work.
'Avenger, my ass.' Peter sighed in his mind.
Peter began to glance up at the local news with an uninterested look on his face. He didn't seem to process what was going on until he glanced a second time. The news reported gunshots near a local diner, and as the local security cameras zoomed in, a red and black suit could be seen dashing off in the distance, his fingers censored because he seemed to be flipping something (or someone) off.
As soon as he saw it, he knew it was Josi's diner, and he knew that her shift was tonight at this time. He put his hands on his head and walked around in a circle.
"Shit." Peter loudly whispered.
"Language." Steve Rogers, a colleague, glanced over as he sat nearby while being preoccupied by what seemed like a Hot Pocket. Peter wanted to ask what flavor it was, but he scolded himself for being such a fucking dweeb.
"Sorry. I-It's Deadpool." Peter shook his head.
"What is he up to now?" Steve stood, noticing his friend's panicked stance. For the past two months, he'd been chasing down Deadpool only to come out empty-handed.
"Apparently he's causing chaos at a local diner and destroying public property, but I have a friend who could possibly be in danger right now." Peter urged, and Steve crossed his arms, before going over to the elevators.
"I guess we'll have to pay him a visit. I'm sure your friend will be fine." Steve explained, as they both went inside.
Afterwards, there was just silence. Peter twiddled his thumbs and tried not to make immediate eye contact. There was a faint sound of elevator music, and Peter couldn't help but to glance at Steve, who seemed to maintain a stoic stance.
"So," Peter began.
"That Hot Pocket." He muttered.
"What?" Steve asked, hearing what he said, but not understanding the context.
"What... What flavor was it?-" Peter asked, his voice filled with regret.
"Oh, it was Ham and Cheese." Steve awkwardly answered, furrowing his brows.
"...Nnnice."
Peter wanted to stab himself right then and there.
#
(Meanwhile, at the diner)
I peeped out from behind the counter for the first time since this ordeal happened, and watched as Deadpool was shot multiple times again. I couldn't stomach to see so many bodies on the ground, and I quickly doubled over, waiting for it all to be over.
After a while of shooting and various profanities, silence rang all around the room.
"Fuck yes!" Deadpool shouted in victory. I took that as the coast being clear, and peeked out.
The entire diner was a wreck. Bullet holes dotted the area, and blood decorated the walls and floors, where people were toppled over each other. "Oh my God..." I stared in utter horror.
"I- You- what just- I don't!" I stuttered, as I walked into the former war zone. The door opened once more and I looked over to see more masked individuals, making me duck, before realizing who they were. I recognized them as Spider-Man and Captain America.
I crossed my arms while I stared up at the two "superheros."
'They're bluffing. They can't be anything special.' I thought.
"Oh my jesus-tits! It's Spidey and Cap! Can I put this on my tumblr? I wanna put this on my tumblr!" Deadpool asked as he took out his phone, taking a selfie with them.
"Okay...hashtag spideycap, hashtag spideypool, hashtag infinitywarneverhappened-"
"Deadpool!" Spider-Man snapped, causing him to jump. He moved towards Deadpool, and though I couldn't see his face, I could tell how done his expression was.
"You've been causing more chaos than usual, and it's becoming disruptive as of late." Spider-Man interjected. There was something about him that seemed familiar, and I couldn't place why.
I noticed a faint beeping sound in the distance, and a body moving. My eyes darted over to see a figure jumping out of the window. I began to sweat, and everything felt as though it was moving in slow motion.
"Guys..." I started. Eyes shifting between the three, who didn't seem to be listening.
" 'Ey, It ain't my fault that the assassination count is at an all-time high lately! The only thing I'm supposed to do is get rid of those fuckers and keep my right arm busy at the end of the day, Spidey-Boy!" Deadpool pointed out.
"But you're endangering the lives of the innocent as you eliminate the bad." Captain America argued. "This young lady could've died!" He pointed to me.
The beeping got to the point where it became audible to everyone, and their eyes widened. "Shit... Everyone didn't die." Deadpool muttered.
"TAKE COVER!" Spider-Man screamed, and I could see the fire erupt from the area and spread outwards. Before I could react, I was grabbed by somebody and shielded from the flame before I could see who it was.
And in that moment, I realized...
I was definitely fired.
Hello friendos! If you've been here since Day 1, I've been writing this story since 2016, a small while after the first Deadpool movie came out! I've been a fan of Deadpool for a long while (I think since 2012?) and I've always wanted to write something that paid homage to the Merc With the Mouth.
So, the timelines may be a bit confusing. You may be thinking, author, what the fuck is going on? Did you trip acid while making this, are you okay?
Maybe, and no.
So, I decided to explain a few things in a long authors note so you guys aren't too terribly lost. (You can skip forward if you really don't give two flying teats.)
The story that I had in mind changes a bit (all) of the traditional timeline! I'm not following the Marvel Cinematic Universes timeline strongly, but I am taking some aspects from it. I kind of explain the timeline as Deadpool's timeline, which is in itself pretty fucked up but still better than what Days of Future Past tried to do.
Josi (Joseline Clark) is an original character. This story is going to be based strongly around her. I have no plans of her being overly-romantically involved with any of the main male characters and there will be no pairing at the end of this story (i lied) because this is mainly about friendship. She's around 5'4, African-American with an average build, has an Afro, 20 years old, a drop-out from an Art School, and now currently works at a Diner in NYC.
Deadpool's (Wade Wilson) character is taken straight from Ryan Reynold's interpretation, though there are certain cartoonish aspects that I've kept from his comics, past incarnations of Deadpool in the x-men universe and video games, such as his pancake endeavors, his love for the word chimichanga, his ability to add mosaics for nudity, and his ability to dodge bullets (albeit badly) He is 39 years old, and about 6'1.
Spider-Man's (Peter Parker) interpretation is a bit of a mix of mainly Tom Holland (especially his stubbornness and naivety) with a mix of Toby Maguire's awkwardness/softness. He's described as on the thinner side, with a warm smile and he's undeniably a huge dweeb. He already knows Josi quite closely, and his age is 22, around 5'9". He currently has a cover up "job" with Stark Industries, as well as working for a newspaper agency as a second job.
Wolverine (Logan) is based around Hugh Jackman's interpretation of the character, as well as his interpretation in the comic books, and his dynamic with Wade. His humor can be dry at times, and witty. His past remains a mystery, and he deals with past trauma. He is explained as stern, with a quick temper. around 6' 2". He still keeps close ties with the X-Men and Professor X.
There are other characters, such as: (but not limited to)
Iron dude
[bald eagle caw's in the distance]
Larry The Cable dude
Oh lawd Thanos comin
Professor Patrick Mcavoy
Death. No seriously. ACTUAL Death
Negasonic Teenage wow this name is long
Colossal dude w/ the booty
Luck be a lady tonight
A Time Rewinding Wizard
Peter