A/N: This was written randomly for the heck of it for my friend DD. So...don't be too harsh. It's my first story up here. Please review! I wanna know what I'm doing right/wrong.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Next to Normal or Barney the Dinosaur. If i did, I think I'd pass out with excitement (except for the Barney part).
*The sun shines brightly over the little house on the little street!*
Diana: GOOD MORNING WORLD!
*It immediately starts raining and storming*
Diana: Shit….
Natalie: Self pity…self pity….self pity…
Diana: Natalie! It's four in the morning!
Natalie: Whoop dee f**king doo…
Diana: You work too hard!
Natalie: No I don't….
Diana: OK bye! HI GABE!
Gabe: Teenage angst….teenage angst….teenage angst…
Diana: Ok bye to you too! HI DAN!
Dan: Hi.
Diana: *bursts out laughing*
Dan: Why are you laughing?
Diana: Because there's so many innuendos!
Dan: I said 'hi.'
Diana: BWAHAHAHAHA!
Natalie: I hate my life….
Gabe: I think I'm gonna mess up my family's life today….
Dan: I'm gonna move right along!
Diana: FAKE OPTIMISM!
Henry: I-!
Natalie: HENRY! You're not onstage yet!
Henry: Oh! Sorry!
Diana: LET'S MAKE SANDWICHES!
*Sandwiches fly all over the floor*
Diana: Tee hee!
Natalie: I'm not gonna ask….Mom! Wanna come to my piano recital?
Diana: ARE YOU KIDDING?! Hell no! I'm to busy moping around in self pity!
Natalie:*sarcastically* Thanks mom. You really make my staggering teenage depression rise.
Diana: No problem!
Dan: OH MY SHIT! YOU NEED A DOCTOR!
Diana: Why?
Dan: I dunno…it's in the script….
*Look at the script while Tom Kitt and Brian Yorkey shrug*
Diana: Ok!
*At school*
Natalie: *Plays piano and sings about how she hates her life*
Henry: *Is magically drawn in*
Natalie: *Plays piano more*
Henry: *falls on face*
Natalie: Um…are you stalking me?
Henry: Yes. I MEAN NO!
Natalie: And you are…?
Henry: I'M HENRY!
Natalie: I'm-
Henry: Natalie Goodman. We've gone to school together since like fifth grade. I sit behind you in like five classes. The other day a pencil got lost in the jungle of your frizzy hair and I didn't tell you so…If you see a pencil, can I have it back?
Natalie:….Yeah. Creepy…
Henry: OH MY GOD! WE SHOULD TOTALLY START HANGING OUT!
Natalie: Why?
Henry: ……..'Cause……….
Natalie: Um….OK then…?
*At doctor's office*
Diana: Wide…open…spaces….wide…open…spaces….
Dr. Fine: Hi Diana! I'm-!
Diana: KARATE CHOP!
*Karate Chops Dr. Fine*
Dr. Fine: Ok, OW!
Diana: Oh. I'm sorry. I thought you were that guy who lives in my house….
Dr. Fine: You mean your husband?
Diana: Oh yeah!
Dr. Fine: Ok! TAKE THESE PILLS!
Voices: LISTING RANDOM PILLS IS FUN! SOUND OF MUSIC REFERENCE!
Diana: You're jealous 'cause the voices only talk to me.
Dr. Fine: Um…ok….?
Voices: MAY CAUSE THE FOLLOWING SIDE EFFECTS, ONE OR MORE: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! SOME THING ABOUT HEADACHES AND SOMETHING ELSE THAT CAN BE HARMFUL! REALLY FAST TALKING IS FUN WHEN IT'S NOT CONFUSING!
Diana: I WANNA SING TOO!
Voice: OH AND ONE LAST THING!
Diana: Yes?
Voices: Barney the Dinosaur is evil!
Diana: Ok!
*A few weeks later…*
Dan: Hi!
Diana: *mumbles*
Dan: You ok?
Diana: *mumbles*
Dan: Um….should I be concerned?
Diana: *shakes head and mumbles*
Dan: Oh. OK!
Natalie: Ok, now we just have to sneak past them and we'll be-!
Dan: OH MY GOD! IT'S NATALIE!
Natalie: Crap.
Dan: AND HOLY SHIT! IT'S A GUY!
Henry: Um….
Dan: Ok! Time to interrogate!
Natalie: Daaaaad…..
*they run upstairs*
Natalie: Wasn't this scene supposed to be before "It's Gonna Be Good?"
Henry: I AM DEEPLY AND PASSIONATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU!
Natalie:………………………..
Henry: Shit….I did it again, didn't I?
Natalie: Yeah.
Henry: Ok!
*They kiss*
Dan: *With firehouse* MWUHAHAHAHAHA!
*Sprays large quantities of water at Henry*
Natalie: DAD!
Dan: Sorry! Just trying to keep this PG-rated!
Natalie: *angry grumbling*
*at dinner*
Dan: So have you ever been arrested?
Henry: Um….
Diana: YES! IT'S ALIVE!
Dan: What's alive?
Diana: MY CAKE!
Dan: Cake.
Diana: Yeah. Gabe's birthday cake.
Henry: WHO'S GABE?! SOMEONE I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?!
Natalie: He's my dead brother, you dumb ass.
Henry: Oh. Ok, continue!
Natalie: I'M HAVING A MOMENT OF RUSHING TEENAGE GIRL HORMONES!
*Runs upstairs*
Henry: I'M COMING TOO!
Dan: NO MISUSING THE HORMONES!
Diana: hahahahahhahahahahaha….it's a cake……
Dan: He's not here.
Diana: You don't know!
Dan: I am the one who….did a lot of stuff, but for time's sake, is not stating them all.
Gabe: I'm dead! WHY DON'T YOU NOTICE ME?!
Diana: GABE!
Dan: Now I'm sad…
*Later that night….*
Natalie: Grrr…..HENRY! I NEED ANOTHER RED BULL!
Henry; Ok!
Natalie: Henry…..This is an apple.
Henry: Oops! Heh heh…Sorry…
Natalie: What's an apple gonna do?
Henry: PRODUCE POT!
Natalie: Really?
Henry: Yep!
Natalie: LET ME AT IT!
*smokes apple*
Natalie: I'M INVISIBLE!
Henry: No…you're just high….
Natalie: MY DEAD BROTHER IS A SUPER BOY!
Henry: Um…
Diana: Hi Natalie!
Natalie: WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!?!?!?!
Diana: Um….I never said I hated you…
Natalie: RANTING AND RAVING!
Gabe: MAKING FUN OF TEENAGE SISTER!
*The next day…*
Gabe: I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE! I AM SO ALIVE! Etcetera…
Diana: Hey! Gabe's alive!
*spinning in circles*
*Enter Dr. Madden, the better, cooler doctor*
Dr. Madden: Oh, God, how do they find me?
Diana: OH MY GOD! YOU'RE A DOCTOR!
Dr. Madden: Why?
Diana: Hi! I'm overly depressed!
Dr. Madden: Me too…Well, today we're gonna try hypnosis.
Diana: Ok!
Dr. Madden: *Snaps fingers*
Diana: *in a trance* I am now about to reveal to you all my deep dark secrets….
*At piano recital*
Natalie: HENRY!
Henry: What?
Natalie: I'M NERVOUS!
Henry: Ok!
Natalie: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
*Breaks Henry's arm*
Henry: Ow…..
Natalie: Ok, I'm on….
Henry: Don't make a fool of yourself!
Natalie:………..
*at the doctor's*
Diana: And I never fed a llama again.
Dr. Madden: We're getting off subject.
Diana: When I was five, I got hit by a semi.
Dr. Madden: WHAT? Were you ok?
Diana: Nah, I'm just messin' with you!
Dr. Madden:…………….
Diana: Hmm…..What else is deep and dark and secretive?
Dr. Madden: OK! Diana, we've had enough….Now, how are things at home?
Diana: Ok…So my son's a little shit, my husband's boring, *starting to sing* and my daughter, though a genius, is a freak.
Dr. Madden: Um, Diana-?
Diana: *full out belting!* Still I help them love each other, father, mother, sister, brother, cheek to cheek!
Dr. Madden: Diana, we already did the opening…
Diana: Oh. We did?
Dr. Madden: *face palm*
*Piano recital*
Natalie: *inhales* *exhales* Ok. Hi. I'm….*freezes up*
Henry: YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING YET!
Natalie: SHUT UP!
Henry: Sorry….
Yale Guy: Um…? Go on…
Natalie: Ok….*starts to play song, messes up* SHITTTTTTT!
Yale Guy: *confused look*
Natalie: *plays again, messes up* EVEN MORE SHITTTT!
Henry: *fake cheeriness*
Natalie: *death stare*
Henry: I got nothing….
Natalie: YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM WITH CLASSICAL IS? THERE'S NO ROOM FOR IMPROVISATION! GRRRRRRRRRR! RAGING HORMONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*In a Godzilla like manner, she knocks down the auditorium, leaving it in flames*
Henry: Wow…..
*at appointment*
Dr. Madden: Well, it seems like you've got a lot of problems. A LOT of problems…
Diana: IT'S A ZEBRA!
Dr. Madden: Exactly….Well, I'll see you next week then…
*at home*
Diana: CLEANING IS FUN!
Gabe: Hi.
Diana: OH MY GOD! LET'S DANCE!
Gabe: Why?
Diana: I don't know…
Gabe: Hey! There's a world where…um…where…?
Diana: BARNEY THE DINOSAUR DOESN'T EXIST?!
Gabe: Sure! Let's go with that!
*in hospital*
Diana: *under restraints* Ugh…what happened?
Dan: Di, you tried to kill Barney.
Diana: DID IT WORK?!
Dan: No.
Diana: Shit…
Dr. Madden: Well, Barney seems to be ok, although the little children at the mall are still all traumatized…
Diana: DAMN YOU, BARNEY!
Dr. Madden: Well, we've decided that the only thing that's gonna work is ECT.
Diana: What?
Dr. Madden: ECT? DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?!
Diana: You already did. Twice.
Dr. Madden: IT'S FRIGGEN' SHOCK THERAPY!
Diana: Hey, didn't I see this movie?
Dr. Madden: What?
Diana: Where the doctor looked like you?
Dr. Madden: Would you quit saying the song lyrics?
Diana: Now I remember! They used shocking and everything!
Dr. Madden: What movie?
Diana: Young Frankenstein.
Dr. Madden: *steams emits from head*
*At home*
Natalie: I hate my life…….
Dan: Hi Natalie!
Natalie: Hello all-too-cheery father of mine…..
Dan: What's your problem?
Natalie: I'm going through a teenage depression stage which has also been triggered by my stressful situations at home and by the fact that I've been secretly using drugs and alcohol behind your back.
Henry: *popping head out of the door* In other words, she's EMO!
Natalie: GO AWAY!
Henry: Yes, ma'am….
Dan: YOU MOM'S GETTING ECT!
Natalie: What the f**k does that mean?
Dan: You know, your use of profanity is really getting on my-
Natalie: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
Dan: It's shock therapy….Ok? Happy now?
Natalie: I can never be happy….
Dan: Why?
Henry: BECAUSE SHE'S EMO!
Natalie: HENRY!
Henry: *screams like a frightened little girl*
*Later that night….*
Diana: Why am I here? Shouldn't I be under constant surveillance at the asylum?
Dan: Well, they figured out that you were potentially insane so they cleared you of the charges of trying to kill Barney.
Diana: Ok! Hey look! It's a light in the dark!
Dan: That was a bad pun.
Diana: I know…
ACT II
*At hospital*
Dr. Madden: Ok, you ready Diana?
Diana: For what?
Dr. Madden: The treatment.
Diana: Who are you?
Dr. Madden: YOUR DOCTOR!
Diana: Is this the Booth Theater?
Dr. Madden:......No more intermissions for you….
*at random club*
Natalie: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'M ROBO-TRIPPING!
*hospital*
Dr. Madden: Ok, now, recite Patrick Henry's famous speech and by the time you reach "Give me liberty, or give me death!' you'll be asleep.
Diana: But I don't know-*falls asleep*
Dr. Madden: Works every time…OK BOYS! LET'S DO THIS!*evil smile*
*Club*
Natalie: hahahahahahahahahahaha….Robo-tripping is fun….
Henry: Um….I think you're developing a problem.
Natalie: YOU DON'T HAVE AN OPINION IN MY LIFE!
Henry: Ok….
Natalie: *falls over* I'M OK!
Henry: I feel very oppressed in this relationship….
Natalie: I SAID BE QUIET!
*During the ECT*
Diana: HALLUCINATING IS FUN!
Dr. Madden: MWUAHAHAHAHAA! I AM NOW A SEXY ROCK STAR!
Diana: YAY! *gets shocked* OW!
*Club*
Natalie: I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING! COOL!
Henry: Um…I think this is getting serious. Nat? Natalie?
Natalie:*starts to hallucinate* Mom? What are you doing here?
Diana: You're in my hallucination!
Natalie: I'M ROBO-TRIPPING! IT'S SO MUCH FUN!
Diana: Um…I don't understand your slang.
Natalie: I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS! WHOOOOOOOOOO!
Diana: Is that a bad thing?
Natalie: I DON'T KNOW!
Diana: What the hell are you on?
Natalie: I don't know…A lot of stuff that I don't remember, oh, the little white things, and Robotussin! LOVE THE 'TUSSIN!
Diana: Ok, enough quoting the Second Stage version for you….
Natalie: Hey! I think I just passed out!
Diana: AWW! You made me miss Dr. Madden being a sexy rock star…
*in hospital*
Dr. Madden: Diana? Hello? You there?
Diana: HOLY F**KING SHIT!
Dr. Madden: Well, you're back to normal…
Diana; Why does my head hurt?
Dr. Madden: Well, we just inserted all lot of electrical energy into your brain!
Diana: Ok….
Dan: Hi people!
Diana: Hello Dan.
Dan: OK! Let's go!
*At home*
Natalie: *to self* Ok, gotta try to act happy….
Diana: Where the hell am I?
Natalie: Screw that…
Dan: You're home, Di. You don't remember?
Diana: Nope.
Dan: Do you remember our old house?
Diana: Nuh-uh.
Dan: Do you remember when Natalie was born?
Diana: Nada.
Natalie: Oh, that makes me feel so much better…
Dan: Um…Well, that's all the specific examples that the song gives us, so we're pretty much on our own.
Natalie: Great….
Dan: But I'm sure she'll be back to normal in no time!
Natalie: NORMAL MY ASS!
*at school*
Natalie: Grrr…
Henry: Hey!
Natalie: Oh, God, this isn't the "Hey" song, is it?
Henry: Yep!
Natalie: What do you want?
Henry: Um….You look like a mess….
Natalie: YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT?!
Henry: No! I just wanted to know…Will you come to this dance with me?
Natalie: No.
Henry: Please?
Natalie: NO!
Henry: Ok…
*At doctor's office*
Dr. Madden: So she lost 16 years of her memory?
Dan: Yeah.
Dr. Madden: That's gotta suck.
Diana: Where am I?
Dan: See what I mean?
Dr. Madden: So, Diana, does everything seem less cloudy now?
Diana: Well, in a way…and you're not a sexy rock star anymore…
Dr. Madden: Um….
Dan: What the hell?
Dr. Madden: I have no idea what that's supposed to mean…
Dan: But what do we do?
Dr. Madden: I don't know…Show her pictures and junk…
Dan: Ok!
*At home*
Dan: See? PICTURES!
Diana: STILL CONFUSED!
Natalie: EMBARRASSMENT!
Diana: I REMEMBER!
Dan: YOU DO?
Diana: YESSS!
Dan: YAY!
Natalie: ………….
Diana: YAY ME!
Gabe: *from above* Grrr…..Now I'm angry because…
a.) I've been underused in the retelling of the show and
b.) I've been removed from my mother's memory therefore, destroying my being….
*In room*
Natalie: *doing drugs*
Henry: Hey!
Natalie: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?!
Henry: Long story….So the dance is tomorrow! Wanna go?
Natalie: What makes you think that I'll say yes this time?
Henry: Optimism?
Natalie: No.
Henry: Shit…What I am supposed to do with my suit?
Natalie: Don't even go there…
Henry: How about if you show up, we'll go and if you don't there will be DIRE CONSEQUENCES!
Natalie: Ok….
*at doctor's office*
Diana: I'M STILL CONFUSED!
Dr. Madden: Are you talking? Are you remembering anything? Or is this just a waste of my time?
Diana: Sure, but I'm still confused!
Dr. Madden: Did you talk about your son?
Diana: I had a son?
Dan: OH MY GOD I HEARD THE WORD SON!
Diana: We had a son?
Dan: Maybe…..
Diana: *finds music box* Hey! Holy shit…I remember he died…
Dan: No!
Diana: Yes! How could I ever forget?
Dan: ANGRY FIT! *THROWS DOWN MUSIC BOX!*
Natalie: Holy crap, dad, what's with you?
Henry: That was slightly amusing. Can you do it again?
Dan: How the hell did he get in here?
Natalie: Don't ask…
Diana: Why do you stay?
Natalie: Yeah. You too!
Dan: 'Cause I made a promise!
Henry: Um…'Cause I think you're sexy…
Natalie: *slaps him*
Henry: AND I APPARENTLY MADE A PROMISE!
Gabe: I'M ALIVE! HAHAHAHAHA! You can't control me! Hmm…I'm gonna go sabotage Dr. Madden now!
*at doctor's office*
Diana: OH MY GOD, I HAD AN EPIPHANY!
Dr. Madden: What's that?
Diana: THE BREAK IS IN MY SOUL!
Dr. Madden: Um…we need to be more clear than that.
Diana: How do you get more clear than that, you dumb ass?
Dr. Madden: I don't know…
Diana: I'm gonna leave treatment.
Dr. Madden: WHAT?! WHY?
Diana: Because I feel like it…
*in the parking lot*
Natalie: Mom….I'm sitting here freezing my ass of in a nice dress…What the f**k are you doing?
Diana: I'm leaving my treatment!
Natalie: Great….
Diana: You remind me of me.
Natalie: How?
Diana: I don't know?
Natalie: HEARTFELT BONDING MOMENT!
Diana: I DON'T HATE YOU!
Natalie: I gotta go before Henry punishes me with dire consequences…
Diana: What?
Natalie: Nothing…
*at the dance*
Henry: Hey.
Natalie: Hey.
Henry: It's really hard to make these last scenes funny.
Natalie: Yeah, they're all depressing….
Henry: Do you like my puffy suit?
Natalie: DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?
Henry: No.
Natalie: Ok!
*at home*
Diana: I'M LEAVING!
Dan:* a complete wreck*
*later………..*
Dan :*alone, crying huddled in the corner in the dark*
Gabe: Hello there.
Dan: WHY DIDN'T YOU GO WITH HER?!
Gabe: God, there's no need to flip out…
Dan: Gabe…Gabriel….
Gabe: Hi dad…OH MY GOD! THIS IS TOO EMOTIONAL TO BE FUNNY!
Dan: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!
Gabe: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Dan: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
*Natalie enters*
Natalie: Um…am I missing something?
Dan: Oh, nothing…Your mother just left me and your dead brother and I just shared an emotional reunion.
Natalie: Ok….I think we need-
Dan: Some light?
Natalie: I was gonna say a councilor, but light works too.
*stage explodes with light*
Audience: AHHHHHH! OUR EYES!
Diana: I'm somewhere! AND I'M GETTING BETTER! I think….
Henry: Hi there!
Natalie: Hello!
Henry: You're….cheery…Who died?
Natalie: No one died.
Henry: Then it's the end of the world.
Natalie: No, just the end of the show.
Dan: *Sigh* All this stage commotion makes me confused.
Dr. Madden: Well, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?
Dan: I dunno…
Gabe: *Sigh* I'm nowhere…HEY! IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON! I LOVE BEING DEAD!
Natalie: Well, the show's over….
Dan: Yeah, I guess it is…
Henry: Now what?
Diana: We should probably do a curtain call.
Gabe: That would be helpful.
Dr. Madden: Ok, who starts?
All: Me! No! Me! ME!
*All bow at once*
Diana: So who's ready to do this again in twelve hours?
Audience: *Groans*
The End!