"Gee, what a great reward this is." Cell muttered to both himself and his partner in crime, Frieza, in pure sarcasm.
Frieza shrugged distractedly, before mumbling his own opinion, "I don't know. There are some pretty interesting things in here..."
Cell rolled his eyes, unimpressed. "Whatever you say. I wouldn't have even bothered wasting my time behaving if I knew this was all we were going to get."
Exactly thirty days ago, Goz and Mez made a proposition with the hell mates, promising an astounding reward if they could manage not to do anything that would be considered 'misbehaving' for an entire month. Every single hell mate arrogantly accepted the challenge, and immediately set about being on their best behaviour. They were all looking for any type of reward, especially since the ogre duo had been being extra strict with the hell mates because of their disappointment over the pictures not turning out from the slumber party.
Poor ogres, not being able to shamelessly mock the inhabitants of hell.
Anyway, the first week went by smoothly, with hell being as peaceful and goody-two-shoesy as the Upper World... That is, until Goz and Mez began to worry about the hell mates actually succeeding, and having to provide a reward. That's when they started to look for any little reason to disqualify the group, one by one.
Recoome was the first to go. His reason; leaving the toilet seat up.
Next, Broly was disqualified. Apparently he pronounced 'Kakarot' in the wrong pitch.
Then it was Nappa, for apparently blinding Mez with the shine from his bald head.
And so on and so forth the rest of the hell mates were disqualified for exceptionally trivial reasons. That is, except for Cell and Frieza. After torturing themselves for an entire month being absolutely perfect, -- which Cell insisted was in his nature, of course -- the duo found out that their grand reward was being able to rummage through the Other World's 'Lost and Found' bin, and take one item of choice.
"Property of Cell?" Frieza grabbed one of the random objects out of the Lost and Found bin, holding it up curiously. "Look familiar?"
Eyes widening at the sight of his first object obtained upon his arrival in hell, Cell quickly reached over to snatch the item out of the Icejin's hands. "How the hell did my diary -- I mean, my journal -- end up in here?! It's private property, you know!"
Frieza laughed in sheer amusement at his newly learned fact. "You have a diary? Since when? What would you even have to write about in a diary?"
"Anyway..." Cell started, in a not-so-subtle attempt to hide his embarrassment with a subject change. He hastily shoved the book into one of his non-existent body pockets, before continuing. "Do you see anything that's actually worth discussing?"
Frieza picked up another random object, which also happened to be a notebook, and chuckled. "Well, I suppose I could get this and start a diary of my own..."
Cell grabbed the first item he could get his hands on, and cocked his hand back, preparing to throw. However, just as he was about to launch whatever it was at Frieza, the item below the one he grabbed caught his attention. Lowering his hand as his attention was divided, the bio-android grabbed what appeared to be a black rectangle.
Cell could feel his eye immediately begin twitching at he read the label written across the rectangle.
"Is that a video tape?" Frieza rose an eyebrow questioningly, "What kind of video would cause such a reaction out of you? Unless... It's not one of my father's private videos, is it?"
Cell's still twitching eye seemed to render him unable to speak, so he leaned his hand across the bin, revealing to Frieza the source behind his twitches.
"Legacy of a Hero; A Recreation of Hercule Satan's Triumph in the Cell Games?" Frieza vocalized the video's title, trying exceptionally hard not to burst out laughing, but to no avail. He just couldn't believe it. "You were really killed by a human?"
This mocking question was enough to snap Cell out of his speechlessness and opened the metaphorical flood gate of the bio-android's repressed feelings over his failed tournament. "Hercule Satan?! That pathetic, overly ego-inflated annoyance of a human was flicked out of my perfect ring with one flick of my perfect wrist! He was the laughing stalk of my entire, perfect tournament! It was that stupid half-Saiyan brat that put an end to my perfection, and he didn't even do that himself! It took all of the fighters to gang up on me in order to take down my perfection! You know why?! Because they're not as perfect as me!"
Frieza just blinked. "...You know you just said perfect like six times in the last minute, right?"
Ignoring the Icejin, Cell continued on with his little rant. "I mean, how could even those moronic humans believe that Hercule Satan could beat me?! How could they make a movie about it?! A false movie?! How -- ?!"
Another bout of Frieza's laughter interrupted Cell, before he added. "We so have to watch that movie!"
"And that's exactly what we're going to do!" Cell declared, already beginning to form one of his classic plans. "We're going to steal the TV and VCR, and see just how bad they butchered my perfect tournament!"
Frieza smirked. He liked the idea of one of his and Cell's schemes -- no matter how small -- especially after enduring a month of uncharacteristic good behaviour. "I like it! So, what are we going to do?"
"Simple. We're going to distract Goz and Mez, and take it when they're not looking."
After perfecting their scheme to steal the ogre duo's attention away from the television and VCR, Cell and Frieza made their way back into hell's main room, where all of the hell mates spent the majority of their time. They spotted out the key person in their plan, and stalked up to him, grinning in excitement.
"What the hell do you two morons want?" Vegeta asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes. There always seemed to be some sort of catch behind every visit Frieza and Cell made to him, and he was sure that this time was no exception.
"Oh nothing... We just thought we should let you know that the Ginyu Force has been going around telling everyone that you tried out for the Force, but they rejected you because your poses sucked." Cell explained innocently, hoping to anger the Saiyan enough to attack the Ginyu Force, thus causing Goz and Mez to focus their attention on breaking up the fight. It seemed fool proof.
Vegeta cocked an eyebrow, continuing to stare at the villains skeptically. "Nice try, but those idiots are too afraid of me to say anything like that."
Frieza cursed inaudibly to himself, and decided to go with a different angle to make Vegeta angry. "By the way, monkey, my father said that you confessed your deep feelings of love for him."
That did it.
The Saiyan growled, and lowered his arms with clenched fists, visibly enraged. "He what?! I'll kill him!"
With that, Vegeta powered up, and took off toward his unsuspecting victim
"Quick thinking. I would have thought that the Ginyu Force thing would have worked for sure..." Cell whispered, wondering.
"I didn't. What made you think of that, anyway?"
"Because the Ginyu Force really told me that."
Frieza snickered, and looked over to his father, who was currently cornered by Vegeta. A Vegeta that looked ready to strike at any second.
"We should get going, it's almost time!" Cell said, already beginning to head over to the doors that Goz and Mez were sure to come through when the fight started.
The exact moment the first punch was thrown by Vegeta, Goz and Mez came running out, giving the tyrant duo the opportunity they were waiting for. Completely undetected, they were able to sneak into the ogre's special lounge, which happened to also be connected to the storage room the TV was kept in.
"Wow... It's actually pretty nice in here! Why haven't we snuck in here before?" Frieza said in awe, taking a very appreciative look at the unfamiliar surroundings.
"Focus!" Cell snapped, grabbing the first thing he could get his hands on from the Ogre's Lounge table, and throwing it at the Icejin. "We're on a mission, remember?"
Frieza easily dodged the object, which happened to be a lamp, and sent in crashing to the floor with a none-too-quiet bang. He grinned sheepishly, "Right, we have to see how your 'perfect tournament' got butchered in the video!"
It wasn't difficult to find the storage room, and therefore the TV and VCR. The problems arose, however, when they quickly realized that the big-screen was too large to fit through the rather narrow doorway.
"How is that even possible?" Cell demanded, both in frustration and a genuine curiosity. "I mean, they must have gotten it in here, right?!"
Frieza shrugged, still too caught up in the comparative luxury that the ogres got to live in compared to the hell mates to actually care about the great mystery of the too-small doorway. "Maybe they knock down the wall and rebuild it every time they bring out the TV? Wow, how come our rooms don't look like these...?"
"Because we're in hell." Cell started simply, before snapping. "Now focus! We don't have long before Goz and Mez return, so we have to get the TV out of here somehow! Help me think!"
"But aren't your thoughts supposed to be perfect? How could my regular, non-perfect thoughts possibly help?"
"Just shut up, and help me figure something out! There is no way I'm missing a chance to watch this video!" Cell once again made another attempt to push the large television through the storage room door, only to get the same results of it getting stuck. He tried yet again.
Frieza cocked a curious eyebrow. "Are you waiting for the TV to change shape or something?"
"I don't see you coming up with anything better!"
The Icejin pointed to the electrical socket on the bottom of the wall behind Cell. "Why don't we just watch it in here? As long as we're not too loud Goz and Mez will never notice we're in here."
Cell pondered that for a quick moment, before nodding. "I suppose that will work. Now, help me set it up!"
"Why do I have to do all of the work?! Frieza demanded in complaint, before smirking in a sudden enlightenment. "Unless... Don't tell me the great Cell doesn't know how to hook up a simple VCR?"
"When would I ever have the need for such knowledge?! Do you think I had a VCR at my ring while I waited for the tournament or something?!" Cell huffed in pure defense, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.
Frieza snickered, not bothering to voice any of the comments about that that were swirling around in his head. Instead, he slowly got to work with getting the television and VCR plugged and set up, for no other reason than to assuage Cell's annoyance. He had learned long ago that an annoyed Cell was not a fun Cell.
Cell did the honours of putting the enigmatic tape in the machine, and pressed play.
The tyrants held their breath as the screen lit up with the opening images of the film.
The desert wind swept across the brown dirt ground, the camera gradually panning over to reveal the edge of a poorly-recreated ring, a replica of the one Cell constructed for the Cell Games.
The camera then raised to reveal the back of an oddly familiar figure; A green bio-android covered with black spots and black wings, all obviously made of rubber. This only got worse when the creature turned around, revealing his over-sized rubber face, with oddly sharp teeth.
"Haha.. hahahaha!" The imitation Cell laughed, the actor obviously trying his best to sound evil, and failing miserably.
Frieza burst out laughing at the scene, already completely hooked in the video within seconds of it starting.
Cell, on the other hand, nearly growled. "How dare they try to pass that foolish human off as me?!"
"Shhh!" Frieza shh'd the other. "I can't hear the movie!"
"..."
The camera continued to pan, this time onto the Z-Fighters, all with the same goofy, bobble-head rubber masks.
Cell was at least able to smirk at this, enjoying seeing his competition looking just as ridiculous as he was made out to be.
The bio-android's enjoyment didn't last long.
"We will stop you, Cell-Monster!" The imitation Goku grandly announced, before stepping up on the ring.
The fake Cell just laughed in forced amusement, countering with, "Haha! It is I, Cell, who will instead beat you! Haha!"
These words seemed to commence the fighting.
"Cell-Monster!" Frieza quoted, nearly in hysterics at this point. Just when he thought this film couldn't get any better, he seemed to be pleasantly surprised at every turn.
Cell remained silent, just glaring at the screen. He couldn't wait for it to be over.
The Cell and Goku actors took their fight to the air, faking a grand melee battle, while blatantly obvious wires held the duo above-ground. Even worse, both characters were grunting in over-exaggeration, with a mix of 'Has!' and 'Hos!' thrown in with each dramatic movement.
This continued until both fighters returned to the ring, the phony Goku kneeling down in what was supposed to be pain. That's when Goku announced defeat.
"You gang of strangers were not hard, but easy!" The actor Cell laughed, before announcing his plans to 'blow up the world'. That is, until a sudden voice stopped him.
"Wait, you haven't beaten me!" The voice boomed through a cloud of wind-blown dust, eventually revealing the figure to be Hercule Satan.
"...I shouldn't have bothered to spare his miserable life." Cell practically growled as he took in the sight of the the so-called winner of the Cell Games.
Frieza just continued to laugh.
"You look very strong! Here is a fire ball!" The imitation Cell announced, before stepping back onto a bright red button planted obviously into the ring. This caused a dynamite-esque explosion, followed by triumphant laugh from the andriod.
"Haha... Hahaha!"
The smoke from the explosion cleared, and the actor Hercule stood tall in its midst, causing Cell to try another trick.
"Take my monster rays!" Yet another blatant button -- though it was this time a yellow one -- was stepped on by Cell's actor, causing two harpoons to spring out from the ground near Hercule.
Hercule grabbed the harpoons, snapping them seemingly effortlessly in his hands.
This act seemed to greatly frighten the so-called Cell, and the actor jumped on to his knees. With continuous bowing motions of his upper body, he cried, "Oh my, now I am scared! Please won't you forgive me?"
By this point, the Icejin was fighting for oxygen through his seemingly endless laughter.
"I. Would. Never. Beg." Cell seethed in pure hatred, clamping his fists tight enough to draw a small trickle of blood from his palms.
A fiery, righteous background flared up behind the mock Hercule Satan, before he began a winded speech on how bad of a person Cell was. This was swiftly followed by him attacking the villain with a slow fury of punches, finished off by a kick to the side that sent the Cell-actor flying into a mountain.
"Ah... I am losing!" Cell shouted, as he landed pitifully on the ground.
The camera briefly cut to an admiring Goku and Vegeta on the side lines.
"Mr. Satan in great!" The fake Goku chirped, while Vegeta nodded along with his own comment.
"I wish I were him!"
Cell was at least able to get a smirk out of this scene, just imagining the look on Vegeta's face if he were to see such a thing.
However, that smirk didn't last with the video's finally scene.
"I am beaten! Ah!" Cell yelled from his collapsed position on the ground, before randomly exploding, thus signalling his defeat.
"Justice always wins!" Hercule V'd his fingers, before cutting to the credits.
"Aww, it's already over?!" Frieza demanded teasingly, finally able to get his laughter under control.
Cell, on the other hand, had not gotten even the slightest control over his anger. He had actual begun to tremble as his kept his fists firmly closed.
"I guess I should get the tape so we can get out of here before Goz and Mez get back..." Frieza thought aloud, guessing that those matters weren't anywhere near the first thing on Cell's mind at the moment.
Once the tape was ejected, and Frieza grasped it, he quickly found it taken by Cell, who promptly crushed it with ease.
"I can't believe that such a video was ever made!" Cell finally spoke again, his voice coming out surprisingly calm. "I can't believe that those pathetic humans would even believe such a thing! I knew they were pitifully imperfect, but still --!"
Frieza shrugged, "Oh well, there's nothing you can do about it now."
Cell smirked, his eyes lighting up the way Frieza knew they did when he was forming a plan. "On the contrary, there is something that can be done!"
"And what would that be?" The Icejin questioned skeptically.
"We are going to make a proper recreation of my perfect Cell Games!"
"We?"
Cell nodded, "Yes, we."
"Okay, whatever you say, Cell-monster!" Frieza once again began snickering, much to Cell's annoyance.
"Shut up."
A/N: After waaay too long, another hell mates story! I've been planning this one for like a year now! And it starts with the largest chapter I think I've ever written! Anyway, updates and other hell mates goodness to come soon!