Runaway from the past, To the future

The ring of the doorbell echoed through the large house, and soon enough, a tall 18-year old came down the stairs, a mop of brown hair in his eyes. As he ran past the window looking down on the doorstep, and saw his visitor. He grabbed 5 dollars from his pocket and opened the door. It was a girl, Very small, very skinny. Her hair was matted, and dirty. He clothes were very dirty and worn through.

"Hello, Have 5 Dollars, get yourself something to eat," The girl looked up, and when he caught her eye, she immediately turned around, with a muttered apology.

"Rikki? Rikki? Rikki, is that you?" He grabbed her arm, which went dead in his grip. "Rikki? What's the matter? What happened? Rikki, Tell me please, I want to help you," He pleaded with the girl in front of him; Skinny, Dirty, Scared, Trembling, She had bags under her eyes.

I can't remember when I just flipped. When the thought went through my mind 'Rikki. Go. You don't need this. Who says you deserve this? You don't have to put up with this. Go.' Maybe it was that night. The worst night of my life. I had come home from a date with Zane, and that's when he started. He launched himself at me, Hitting me, Kicking me. He got out his belt at started whacking it against me. I don't know what I had done, But it must have been something really bad. That was the worst he had ever been. He dragged me onto the sofa, and ripped my clothes off. It's always then that I turn my mind to Zane. Zane should be my first, Not my own father. Ever since I was 6, It's shameful. I always think of Zane, Even though we would be under age, I would rather it be Zane anyday. He'd gagged me and tied me to the kitchen table, And used me for a good half an hour at least. My face was swollen, as was the rest of my body, this wasn't right. I needed to go. I had to go. I couldn't live like this much longer. But who would help me? I had friends, Yes. But, It would be too much of a burden on them to look after me. It was enough of them to like me in the first place. Once he had finished, He stood up, untied me then threw me into my bedroom. I sat there crying for an hour. I was only really crying about the rape. I can deal with the physical stuff, But it's the rape. He was my dad for crying out loud. What if he got me pregnant? I could be a mother and a sister in one. This is awful. The beatings have been for as long as I can remember, The beatings since I was 6. But. I have to get out of here. I grabbed my second hand schoolbag, and shoved in some food I had hidden in here for the times that Dad would lock me in here, Sometimes for days on end. I put in my clothes, and anything else I would need. Anything I actually owned, Which wasn't much. I should put some kind of identification in there, To get a job or something. But I don't have any. I don't have a passport, It would be pointless; They're too expensive, and we don't have enough money to go abroad anyway. Bringing my birth certificate (God knows where that is) would be a waste of time. My parents refused to name me when I was born, It was just "Name; None." It was my Grandma who gave me the name Rikki. She's the only nice person in my family. But, She passed away when I was 7. It must run in the family. They're all evil, And the only nice one, Dies. I looked around for anything else I could take. I picked up the picture of me and Zane, took it out of the frame, and put it in my pocket. I climbed out the window, and ran. I kept on running, then I started to walk. I had no idea where I was heading; North, South, East or West. Soon, It became dark, and so I found a space in between two trees that would be okay for the night. I woke up, Ate an energy bar, and carried on walking. At about 3, I found myself entering a big city. I was so tired by then. I found an abandoned warehouse, and then went into a room at the back. I went to the corner, and tried to get to sleep. It didn't take me long, I was so tired.

When I woke up, My bag was gone. I had nothing. To begin with, I had next to nothing. But now I have absolutely nothing. I looked in my pocket, Thank God. My picture of me and Zane was still there. I have no idea what to do. I thought that living on the streets would be better than at home, But back there, I at least had somewhere to call home. Despite the beatings and the rape, I was relatively safe. I made my way down to the street, I will see if I can get some money off of someone. Everyone round here knows me as the drunks daughter, probably wanting to get money to keep her father in alcohol. Or herself in alcohol and drugs. But I tried anyway. I'm glad I look quite young for my age, I had lost quite a lot of weight recently. Dad had gotten more and more drunk recently, substituting food for booze. I stood by the war memorial, and waited for someone to walk past. I saw a friendly looking woman, and went over to her,

"E-Excuse me? Could I um..Have some -"
"Get away from me!" She shouted. I walked back over to the steps by the memorial. I kept repeating the begging for about 3 hours, I had managed to scrounge together $3.24. What could I buy worthwhile with that? I went over to Tesco, and went inside. I walked over to the Tesco Value aisle, that way I could get quite a lot of food cheaply. I bought a packet of crisps, a bar of chocolate and a loaf of bread. I was thankful for the low prices. On the way out, I took a cardboard box and a sheet of cardboard from the big thing by the checkouts. I walked over to Argos, and took a pen from the ordering stations. I went back to the memorial, and wrote on the cardboard; "Help Me. Money Appreciated. Please. Or Food. Please" I crawled inside the box, I don't know what was supposed to be in here originally, but, it was big. I ate a square of chocolate, and a piece of bread. Then sat there, waiting to get any donations.

And the cycle continued. Beg. Buy. Eat. Wait. Sleep. Beg. Buy. Eat. Wait. Sleep. Except, that everyday I got dirtier. I tried the best I could to get relatively clean. I had to go without 2 days food to buy 'lady stuff' My life was a sham. I had to drop school, That would be the first place my dad would go, Once he realised I had run away. I had no GCSE's, no qualifications. I was going nowhere. I'd be living here for the rest of my shameful life. I thought I had made something of myself when I came and met Emma, Cleo, Zane and Lewis.

A month later, I had found that all the supermarkets threw out a lot of food, perfectly fine food, that they couldn't sell, and put it in the big bins at the back. So, I started to take my food from there. It was perfectly fine, As far as I could see.

I started to lose track of time. My life had gone back into survival mode, from back when I was a kid. Except, This time it was more extreme. Dad wouldn't kill me, he needed me. Who else would he take his anger out on? Who else would cook? All the days melted into one another, Each day was the same. I saw the seasons go past. I watched the Christmas tree go up. Families going past with presents and nice food. I used to zone out from all that when I was with Dad, But now that I was there, Watching all the happiness non-Stop. That hurt. Then, You would get the AfterSchool Rush, With all the groups of friends going into town, Buying smoothies, or milkshakes or whatever. I wonder how my friends are doing. They've probably all forgotten me by now, They are better off without me anyway. The kids all walk past me, Sneering down at me, or ignoring me completely. They don't know how lucky they are really.

There's all this pain around me. The pain of not knowing what is ever going to become of me. Would I ever find happiness? Would I be murdered out here? Would I be living on the streets forever? Would dad ever find me? The hunger pain. The pain from ancient injuries that never got medical attention. Mental pain and physical pain. What's the difference?

It had been two years. Two whole years. Two years of pain, cold and loneliness. I obviously have no friends here, Who would want to know me? I haven't had a proper conversation in, what, two years. Mine are mostly one sided "Can I have some money please?" The only words that ever pass my lips nowadays, are; "Please?," The occasional "Thank you," and "Money?." I wished for someone to talk to, For someone to at least act like they care. Ask me how I am, And then tell me to get lost at least. It was June, The third June I had spent here, when I had a proper conversation with someone. I had gone round the back of Tesco's, to try and scrounge some food. I was digging around in the bin, When I heard someone;

"Hello? Is there someone there?" I crouched down behind the skip. "Look I know there's someone there. Hello!" It was a girl, A young woman, To be honest. I rose my head up from behind it, looking at her, She smiled at me, and said,

"You know, The better food is in the other skip."

"..Thanks" I mumbled, walking over to the other one, and peering inside, Liking the look of a pile of unwanted ready made sandwiches.

"May I ask you something?"

I turned around, and looked at her, and shrugged.

"What is it like? Living on the streets?" I was a bit taken aback from someone actually talking to me, and being nice, It took me a while to find my voice.

"..Hard" I looked at her. Clean hair. Clean clothes. Clean body. She had the Tesco uniform on, with a badge reading "Hello. My name is Lisa, How may I help you?" She sat down on the step, and took a sandwich out of her bag.

"I'm on my break," I smiled at her, looking at her sandwich. "When was the last time you ate something?" She asked me.

"I don't know..Yesterday? Day before..I can't remember," I still kept my distance from her, I find it hard to trust people now.

"Here, Have it," She held out her sandwich at me.

"I can't.." I replied, Looking at her. Why should she give it to me? Why did I deserve it? She's only just met me.

"Yes you can, take it. I don't feel right sat here eating, While you are here, and you haven't eaten in..Well, Who knows." She held it back out again, and I took it greatfully. I wolfed it down in about 3 bites, I was so hungry.

"Wow." I blushed.

"..Sorry. And thanks"

"There's no need. How old are you?"

"Um..18? I think..Yeah, 18 and a half."

"Really? Me too, So strange about the differences between us though."

"Yeah.."
"How old were you when you left home?"
"16,"

"Really?" I nodded, "Wow, Were things bad at home?" I nodded again, and looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry..I didn't mean to upset you.."

"It's fine..It's just nice to have..You know..Someone talking to me..It's been such a long time.."
"You left all your friends behind?"

"Yeah. They're probably all better off without me anyway.."
"I bet they're not, I bet they still think about you everyday. Did you have a boyfriend?" I sighed, and smiled.

"Yeah..His name was Zane." I put my hand in my pocket, and took out the now tatty photograph, and showed it to her.

"Wow, He's really fit," She smiled at me,
"I know. I miss him. I miss all my friends.."
"And this is you?"

"Yeah,"

"You're really pretty." I blushed,

"Not any more. Just skin and bone, Dirt. I.. Oh my god, I am so sorry.." I said standing up.

"Why? What's the matter?"
"And I stink..I am so sorry.." I said backing away.

"You don't smell that bad, And even if you did really smell, It would be understandable. You've been living on the streets for 2 years,"

"I'm really sorry though.."
"Don't worry about it, Have you ever thought about going back home?"
"No." I said firmly, "Never. No way."
"Was it that bad?" I nodded, "It was my dad.."He used to..Um.." I looked at the trees swaying in the wind, "Beat me..And rape me..I needed to get away. I am not going back to him. Never." He face clouded over,

"Oh my god..I'm so sorry,"

"It's not your fault."
"You should get some help.."
"Who would help me?"

"There are charities out there..Bernardo's..And Step by Step.."
"No..I'm not going to a Charity.."
"There must be someone you could go to." I shook my head,

"What about Zane?"

"What?"

"Your boyfriend. He cares about you. I can tell."

"Zane?"
"Yeah,"
"Why?"
"Why not?"

"Because..Because he probably has a new girlfriend. He has probably forgotten all about me, I am so selfish that I left without even telling him. Without even saying goodbye. He probably hates me."

"I bet he doesn't"

"Yes he does. He's this rich boy, Son of an entrepreneur. Why would he care about me?"

"He did once, He does now."
"He won't.."
"What if he does? You'll never know."
"What do you mean?"

"You'll never know until you try." I turned around at her.

"Are you suggesting that I walk for days on end, To my old town, To my..What..Ex-Boyfriend? Boyfriend? Whatever? Arrive on his doorstep, dirty, and smelling to high heaven, then ask is he recognises me?"
"Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yes."
"You're mad, Then what do I do when I get there, and he tells me to get lost?"
"He won't."
"But what if he does?"
"Then he'll be a selfish bastard who won't help someone when they need help."
"What should I do then?"
"Go to a homeless person shelter. You're young, They'll sort you out. You'll be fine,"
"Right. On your head be it."
"Oooh. Posh."
"Hardly."
"Did you finish school?"
"Nope. When I ran away, I just ran and ran and ran. Then I got here, I couldn't really."

"Ooh. Well, You should go, Now, Find your little Zane, and he'll help you. If he's a true gentleman, He will."

"Thanks.."

"Don't mention it. What do they call it.." She clicked her fingers, "Comfort from a stranger? Confide..No..Trust a..No..I don't know."
"I know what you mean."
"But then, You've got to come back, Tell me how you're doing, OK?"

"Yeah..But why?"
"Well, Ever since I started working here, I used to see you, come up here every so often, and take food. I could see you go back to your little house..Squat.."
"Box. Cardboard bloody box."

"Yeah..I would see you, reaching out to people, them telling you to leave them alone, then you would sit there." She smiled sympathetically

"Please don't feel sorry for me. I brought this upon myself."
"No you didn't. Your father did."
"I'm the one that chose to leave."
"Yeah, because of what he did." I stood up, and looked at her. "It wasn't your fault. Some people are just evil like that." I gave her a questioning look.

"But he's my Dad."

"Yes, Maybe he is, But he wasn't a very good one."
"It doesn't matter who your parents are; Serial killers, Rapists or abusers. They're still your parents.."

"I know..But.." I smiled nervously at her. "So are you going to see your Zane or not?"

"Yeah..Thanks for talking to me like this..It means a lot..I can't remember the last time someone actually talked to me.."

"No worries, and Good luck,"

"Thank you so much,"

"Yeah, Well, I've already gone over my lunch break time, Better go in now, Don't want to get fired." She smiled at me, Then I smiled again at her back.

"Bye,"
"See you,"

I turned, and looked at the road ahead of me, And started to walk.

"Oh Rikki.." He looked down on her, And she looked up at her with big blue scared eyes.

"I-I don't know w-what to do..C-Could you help me? Please..I'll try and make it up to you..I don't know..I could clean? Or I could.."

"There's no need, Come in, We'll get you cleaned up."

"Thanks.."

He ran upstairs, and she stood awkwardly inside the front door, Soon enough, she heard a bath running, Then he came down the stairs again.

"Do you need anything to eat?"
"Yes..Yes please.." She replied

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Probably about 2 days ago.." He sighed, and smiled sadly at her.

"Right, Here we go. A sandwich, Some cereal. I'll get you some soup in a minute to warm you up,"
"Thank you,"
"Do you want to get a change of clothes?"

"I-I don't..Have any.."
"Oh. Well, You can borrow one of my T-Shirts? You could wear it as a dress?" She giggled at him. She gulped down the sandwich and cereal, then he showed her upstairs to the bathroom. She looked at the water in the bath, Then a question went through her head, But Zane asked it.

"Do you still have your tail?"

"I-I don't know.."

"Well. There's only one way to find out."
"Hmm?" She looked at him, Then he splashed her. She giggled, then as she turned to fall, Zane caught her.

"That will be a Yes then." She laughed. He lifted her up, and placed her in bath. "I'll go get you a towel, And a T-Shirt or something,"

"Thanks."

"You can use the shower gel, And the shampoo, I'll be back in about 10 minutes,"
"Thanks,"

"No worries."

She started to lather up her hair, and the bathwater basically turned black, She was that grubby. She continued to wash the rest of her body, and then smiled to herself. She let the water out, Then dried herself off.

"Rikki?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, Sure," He opened the door.

"Oh, I forgot you were a human blow-Drier." She giggled at him again. He held out to her a T-Shirt, and a smile spread across her face.

"Do you remember it too?"

"Yeah.." She used to love this shirt, She would always wear it whenever she came round Zane's house. It came down to her knees, Which made them both laugh.

"Well, There you go,"

"Thanks," He went out of the room, and shut the door. Rikki took off the clothes that she hadn't really taken off for the past two years – What else could she have worn? She put the shirt on, and smiled at herself in the mirror. She opened the door, and met Zane on the landing. They walked into his bedroom, and sat on his bed. She noticed a photo-frame on his bedside table.

"You still kept that?"

"Yeah, Of course I did. When you went..We..We didn't know what to do..Emma and Cleo were devastated..We were all hoping you would be ok..That you would come back soon.."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Of course we did. Hey, Look what you're wearing in this photo.." He pointed at the shirt she was wearing, which she was also wearing now. She laughed.

"You look so different, But also the same.."
"What do you mean?"

"Well..You've lost a lot of weight..But, You look younger and older at the same time..You were 16 when the photo was taken, But now you're 18. You look older, But you look really vulnerable and young too.."

"OK..If you say so.." he laid down back on his bed, and pulled her down afterwards.

"Just like old time, Aye?"

"Yeah.." She smiled at him, "Zane?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I asked you something?"

"Yeah, Course."

"Are we..Still..Together?"

"Um, We never broke up."
"Did you have any girlfriends while I was gone?"
"No way, Of course not. Did you? But..Like boyfriends" He chuckled.

"No, No one ever went near me.."

"So we are still a couple?"

"Yeah," She snuggled into his chest. "I love you Rikki,"
"How can you love me, When I ran away from you all?"
"You didn't run away from us, You ran away from your past,"

"Still.."

"Then you ran to your future..With me,"

"Zane..That's really soppy."

"And? I love you. Love is supposed to be soppy."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"I love you too,"