Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, or Doctor Who. If I did, I'm sure I'd be a hell of a lot richer.
So this little one-shot is set after s04e06 - The Doctor's Daughter. A little introspective piece from the Doctor's perspective.
Read and review please!
It was after they had dropped Martha off to her fiancé, U.N.I.T., and her Doctor-free life, that the Doctor considered talking.
Wondered if it would help to ease the feeling at all to share with Donna how close he was to pulling that trigger. How close he was to blasting that evil man's brains out onto the cold concrete. It was only the knowledge that the man wasn't evil, merely brainwashed, and the Doctor's own selfish desire to keep his conscience uncluttered that had stopped him. And he'd turned his restraint into a nice little lesson for those soldiers, the humans and the hath.
The Doctor considered telling Donna about the fact that despite all his claims, for a very short time, it had almost felt like he had a family again, a little girl. Jenny had even reminded the Doctor a little of one his daughters, who had been bold, vivacious and so eager to learn.
But she was gone now, and so was everyone else.
But for that small moment, when he heard that double heartbeat, so familiar, yet so far away now, he'd forgotten.
He'd forgotten that Galifrey was gone, that everyone was gone, that he was responsible. And for that single moment, he was the happiest he could remember being for a very long time.
Not this incarnation's cheery enthusiasm, but a deep elation, from within his very essence, the part of him that stayed exactly the same, no matter what superficial traits varied with his regenerations.
He considered telling Donna that the void his children had left within himself, had impossibly, inexplicably widened when he saw Jenny dying in his arms, and feeling the dread rush over him with the awful realisation that she wasn't coming back from this. Timelord, but not Timelord enough.
He considered telling Donna that his usage of the word "void" was very particular. That it had significant meaning to the Timelord culture. That "void" was the English translation of the Galifreyan word for hell.
He considered telling Donna that had he still been his previous incarnation, especially if it had been before he had found Rose, he would have had no qualms about shooting that man dead. Even in this lifetime, while in his frame of mind directly after the loss of Rose, he would have killed that man.
The society shared between the humans and the hath at that time wouldn't have forbidden it. It would have been accepted, expected even, for the Doctor to take the life of the man who had made an attempt on his life, and killed a companion.
He considered telling Donna what he was thinking. She would have been accepting and consoling, and would have felt honoured that he had confided in her. It would have been easy, she wouldn't even be able to see his face, nor he hers, as the only dim light came from the centre console of the TARDIS, not even in flight for the moment.
He considered telling her, but he didn't.
He put on a brave face and a manic smile, channelled some false enthusiasm with energy he didn't know he still possessed, and suggested the next exotic locale where he could hide from his problems.
Just like always.
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