Disclaimer: I do not own Disney, nor do I own Hetalia.
America: Yo, I have a majorly important question for all of you!
England: Gentlemen, prepare yourselves to embrace a block of stupidity…
America: If you guys were any Disney character, who would you be?
China: Disney, aru?
America: Dude, how have you not heard of Disney? It's the most amazing thing ever!
Italy: Can we eat it?
Germany: No, Italy…
England: It is an organization that produces cartoons and animated movies; most of them centered around fairytales, other forms of fiction, and tends to have a lot of music and singing. It was founded by Walter Disney.
America: Hahahaha!
England: What?
America: Silly Iggy, everyone knows that the founder was Mickey Mouse!
England: …
America: You're so cute when you're being stupid. Anyway, since none of you are awesome and know what Disney is all about, I have a whole bunch of movies for us to watch! Get ready, for I am totally about to bring a whole bunch of fucking awesomeness into your boring lives!
Italy: Yay!
Everyone else: Dammit.
America: So?
China: 'So', what?
America: Duh, what character would you be?
France: Well, mon cher, because you're so clever, maybe you should tell us first.
America: Pfft. That's easy! I would be super-mega-awesome-hot-and-strong Hercules!
England: Why am I not surprised…
America: Hey! Hey, England?
England: What, you infuriating git?
America: I'll be your Hercules if you'll be by Meg.
England: …
America: Love you too, babe.
China: I think I would be Genie, aru.
England: From Aladdin?
China: Yes; he is strong, powerful, and desired by everyone, aru.
Japan: But you are not desired by all, China-san.
America: Imma have to agree with Japan – I mean, I totally hate you.
China: I do not care about assholes like you.
Italy: You should be Mulan, ve~!
France: It makes more sense, oui?
China: You are a bunch of criticizing and stereotyping—
England: I actually agree with the frog. Mulan is most befitting to your character. You are graceful, hard-working, intelligent—
America: Not to mention you're both cross-dressing liars.
China: …
Russia: …And China is very beautiful, da?
China: Shut up, aru.
America: Japan?
Japan: I will not be participating in this…
America: Aw~! C'mon~!
Japan: No.
Italy: Belle!
France: Oh, to have such a beauty as Japan to embrace my French culture!
Japan: I must protest—
England: True, Belle is intelligent, does not say much, loyal to family—
China: Unlike Japan.
France: And her lover is a beast!
Japan: Nani?!
Germany: We know all about you and Greece…
Japan: Doitsu!
America: And there ya have it, Japan's Disney character!
Japan: …Hai…
Russia: This is a fun game.
America: The Shadow Man
France: Pardon?
America: Iggy would be the Shadow Man.
England: …Am I supposed to take offense to that?
America: No! I mean, but because you know, you're both freak with the voodoo… and… other magic… stuff.
France: Voodoo?
England: I practice no such thing!
Russia: But you use black magic, da?
England: W-well I—
America: oh yeah! You tried to use it to curse me or somethin'!
England: …
France: Quite the evil soul, aren't you, mon cher?
China: Or he sold it.
England: Shut the bloody hell up! And I'm not your 'cher', wino!
America: Yeah, he's mine! … What's 'cher' mean again?
Germany: Why am I surrounded by such dummkofts?
Russia: I wish to be known as the she-dog from 100 Dalmatians.
America: So you want us to call you a bitch?
Russia: …
America: Okay! Jeez, lay off on the pipe! You want to be Cruela Devil, fine!
Russia: Yes.
China: How suiting…
Russia: Hm?
England: Her name is "Cruel Devil" when deciphered.
Russia: Excellent. And I shall mend you all into my finest coat. That way you will really become one with Mother Russia.
China: … I blame America, aru.
America: No more Disney for Mr. Tall, Dark, and Morbid.
Italy: Germany would be Pocahontas!
Everyone: …
China: Who is…?
France: She was the Native American princess.
Germany: …Italy?
Italy: Ve~?
Germany: Why—How would I…?
America: Why would THE KRAUT be Pocahontas?
Italy: I don't know… Because I really like Pocahontas?
Germany: ….
Italy: Ve~! Now Germany looks like Sebastian!
Italy: Snow White!
Kumajiro: Who?
Canada: Not now, Kuma.
Japan: Germany-san would be Snow White?
Italy: Si!
Everyone: …
Germany: But only moments ago you said I was Pocahontas…
Italy: Si! But you're also the whitest person I know~!
Germany: …
England: Italy, why don't you go take a siesta?
Italy: Okay!
America: Wait! We need his character—ah, well.
France: Why don't you choose for him, Germany?
Germany: … Aurora…
China: From Sleeping Beauty?
England: How lovely.
Germany: ONLY BECAUSE HE IS AN INCOMPETENT IDIOT AND HE'S ALWAYS SLEEPING!
Russia: Do not lie, Germany. Only dogs lie.
America: Pfft. And I thought you wanted to use our pelts for your coat…
Japan: Do not remind him, America-san!
England: France would be Pinocchio
America: And you've now officially ruined Disney for me.
Author's Note of Awesomeness:
This really just started out as a passing thought about China being a lot like Mulan… And I also I had a feeling that if someone said that, he would get really pissy about it. Hope you enjoyed! Considering I literally wrote this in about 15 minutes.
FBN is going to sleep.
Reviews are lovely!