Introduction:

This is my first fanfic ever! I have been a die-hard Rurouni Kenshin fan more than a decade ago, and the series was a part of my wonderful childhood. The fanatic side of me kind of "hibernated" as I grew up (and matured eventually). But after watching the RK live action movie shown in 2012, my addiction was activated again. Now, I can't get enough of the anime series (had to re-watch every episode, even the filler-type ones) and read the manga as well.

As a girl, one of the biggest unresolved issues in RK is the rivalry between Tomoe and Kaoru – the roles each woman play in our hero's life. Personally, I like the Kenshin-Kaoru teamup better; but this doesn't mean that I disrespect the love Kenshin and Tomoe shared during the time of the revolution.

There is a long debate among KK and KT fans. Is it just an issue of PAST vs. PRESENT? If Kenshin is going to be asked to choose only one, who would he rather be with? This maiden fanfic of mine hopes to answer these lingering questions. Enjoy!

Post-Jinchuu Arc – Days after the fight with Enishi…

After Kenshin and Kaoru visited Tomoe's grave near the hillside, Kaoru was wondering about many things. After learning about Kenshin and Tomoe's tragic story of love, Kaoru wondered her real place in Kenshin's life. She acknowledges the role that his former wife had on the Battousai's life, and how she changed his life completely. Tomoe's death breathed new life into Kenshin – for without her sacrifice, he would have remained as just one merciless killer. There would have been no direction, no meaning, no other purpose in Kenshin's life. Tomoe opened his eyes and heart to the new truth – that no matter how much he justifies killing people for the sake of the new government, there could be no sense of completion with these killings and the cycle would simply never end. Tomoe's ultimate sacrifice was indeed the greatest form of love she could offer to Kenshin, and it was a "necessary evil" to correct the greater evil in Kenshin's heart. Now, the manslayer has transformed into a wanderer – protecting his loved ones and atoning for his sins by revitalizing the weak. Through his endless encounters with the greatest swordsmen in the country (the likes of Saito, Jinei, Raijuta, Aoshi, Shishio, and Enishi), he learnt the true strength within him – even surpassing the level of a Battousai.

On that windy day, there stood a man at peace – something he deserved for all the battles he had fought, and something he needed as a form of fulfilment to his vow. He is grateful to the woman whose name is virtually etched on the tomb stone. If not for her, he wouldn't have experienced such kind of peace. If not for Tomoe…..

"Kenshin", asked Kaoru who stood beside him as they both faced the ocean. His flow of thought about his past and all the things that have happened ever since that tragic day (when his own hands killed her) was somehow diverted back to the present. "I want to ask you something…", she paused. "Something rather personal, if you won't mind…"

Kenshin gazed hastily onto the woman in kimono beside him. In his mind, he was quite sure that she would ask something about Tomoe. He thought that at that particular point, after all they have been through, he was more ready than apprehensive to discuss about the matter. "What is it then, Ms. Kaoru?" he replied with a slight smile glistening through his eyes, as if welcoming any inquiry onto his past without any hesitation.

"Where is she now…" asked Kaoru quite nervously. Kenshin was a little bit puzzled with the question, but then Kaoru continued, "Tomoe…where is she now in your life?"

Kaoru was glad she got that out of her chest. She had wanted to ask that to Kenshin ever since they got to her grave. No, in reality, Kaoru had wanted to ask that very question ever since she leaned about Kenshin and his former wife.

There was a cool breeze that blew Kenshin's scarlet hair and Kaoru's indigo ribbon. That short swish of air somehow set the mood for the gentle swordsman's recollection of his feelings toward Tomoe. For a while, he wasn't sure how to answer the question – for he thought that he himself doesn't know the exact or absolute response to this. He knew that this question should give Kaoru an assurance – but to be able to do so, he should answer it truthfully from the bottom of his heart. The lady beside him deserved an honest answer, even if it would mean hurting her feelings.

"Tomoe", Kenshin replied softly with his head bowed down a little and his eyes closed. He paused for a while as if recreating an image of his former wife in his mind…

…Her fair white skin, so tender and so endearing. Her concerned voice that always spoke of compassion. Her beautiful eyes – those eyes that once laid on her childhood sweetheart's image, now laid on the scar at the left cheek of this swordsman. Those deep eyes that seemed to absorb every frustration and anger Kenshin had. There she was – she was wearing her favourite white kimono. And she was smiling at Kenshin …

He then opened his eyes and exclaimed, "She's the kindest and sweetest person I have ever met."

Kaoru was somewhat shocked upon hearing this. The first few words of Kenshin about his former love felt like a tiny needle pinching into her heart. She asked herself if she was ready to hear more of what Kenshin is about to say, or if she just wanted to end the discussion and regret having to spill that question in the first place.

"She was the very first person who put a smile on my face during the hardest times of my life", Kenshin continued as he looked straight onto the endless ocean. "You see, Ms. Kaoru, during that time when all I knew was to hold a sword and thrust it against the enemies' flesh…"

…The images of the bloody revolution resurfaced. The surprise attacks he planned on members of the shogunate. The encounters with groups of government defence arm. The heated exchange of ideologies between opposing sides. That distinct colour of red, that distinct smell of blood…

"..inch by inch, one slash after every slash.. It was a feeling that accumulated grief and anger within my soul. It's as if you don't feel anything anymore, the feeling that you are being used as a tool for manslaughter, that bitter feeling…" Kenshin paused. "That feeling.. it makes you numb."

Kaoru was surprised hearing him talk like this. For the first time since their paths crossed on that day near the Kamiya dojo in Tokyo, she could feel Kenshin's pain more vividly through the piercing words he said. She looked worried for the man beside her. She felt that her questioning about his past brought back memories that have caused him so much pain.

"Tomoe", Kenshin continued, "she was the one who brought warmth and melted the cold surrounding my heart. That feeling of numbness has turned into a feeling of happiness." He then started to recall…

…One fateful night when two people laid eyes on each other – the man just finished a task he had to do as a manslayer; the shocked woman exclaimed: "You made it rain.. blood". Then the angst and pretensions blossomed into something precious – just on odd circumstances, but played on a perfect emotional setting. They both learned to care for one another, and eventually, to live for one another. She would hug him when he felt uneasy. He would always offer his hand to the most important person in his life. She would always encourage him to follow the right path. He would always be there to protect her.. provide everything for her…

With this, Kenshin found himself smiling as he reminisced the moments he had with Tomoe. "Being able to feel such happiness.. it was such a big deal for a manslayer like me, that it really is."

Kaoru stared in awe of what Kenshin just said. She took some pause before uttering his name, "Kenshin…"

"Ms. Kaoru," Kenshin somehow stopped her from saying anything more. He looked into her eyes and said, "I'm glad you asked me about Tomoe. It's a question that we both should answer…"

There was a long pause as Kaoru and Kenshin looked into each other's eyes. Their looks speak of honesty, of truthfulness, of setting things straight. Then, Kenshin laid his eyes to the open ocean once again.

"Tomoe was a part of my past, that it is. But it's the part of my past that I choose not to forget…"

...On that day he wished would've never occurred, there he was fighting with a skilled man. Energy almost drained up, he fought with all his heart. Just one more slash before I give up.. no, I cannot give up this fight.. I can't.. and one powerful slash of the sword was released. It touched the skin, and tore it.. quite slowly, but getting deeper and deeper. The sword made a lasting contact onto the body.. the body that belonged to the woman he wished to protect with his own life…

…And then there were flashes of light – darkness and then light. She laid almost breathless into his exhausted body. Hardly able to speak, she made it clear that she wanted to stop it – the senseless killing, the act of killing itself. She then put a mark on his left cheek with her tender hand. That mark meant the end – end of the pain, the anger, the grudge.. End of her life…

At this point, Kenshin wanted to answer Kaoru's question in the most honest way possible. Just where is Tomoe in his life now? Where is she in his present life not as a manslayer, but as a repentant wanderer?

"I choose not to forget because I will be forever grateful to Tomoe-san, that I am." Kaoru's face turned back into a state of astonishment. She felt that the next words Kenshin is going to say might be the answer to her question. "She gave me hope that even someone with such a very dark past can have. And by giving me that hope, she gave up her own life…"

"I understand…" Kaoru uttered softly as she cut Kenshin while he was talking. Her eyes now lay down as her hands crinkled the lower part of her kimono. Here fists were tensed as she was trying to contain the emotions bequeathing her – emotions of loneliness, astonishment, and unconsciously, of jealousy.

"Kenshin", she started speaking after gathering all the courage she could have at that moment. "I envy Tomoe for she was a lucky lady…"

Upon hearing her words, Kenshin felt sorry for Kaoru for making her feel that way. He did not want to hurt her this bad. But to his mind, what he said a while ago is the most truthful way to address a question that has bugged him for more than a decade.

"Tomoe came into your life at a better time, I guess." Kaoru now faced the ocean as well – her heart wanting to say so much, but her lips would not speak a word. After a moment of silence, she continued.

"I remember what I said to Ms. Megumi when she asked me if I can sacrifice my life just like what Tomoe did." She said these with a mere grin on her cheeks. "You know what I said?", Kaoru asked Kenshin. "I said I can't…"

A second cool breeze stopped her for a moment. Kaoru was not exactly sure at that time when she and Megumi talked, as to why she said she can't. Now that she had heard Kenshin's true feelings for Tomoe, Kaoru attained a level of certainty.

"I truly envy Tomoe-san for being the one to make the ultimate sacrifice just to give her most beloved a new life. I say that I cannot do the same thing she did because…" Kaoru's tears started to fall from her trembling cheeks. "..because I do not want to replace her in your life, Kenshin."

Kenshin was startled at these strong words from her. Kaoru can sometimes be naïve or even childish at times, but she really is a strong woman, he thought.

"As much as I want to play a big role in your life, Kenshin.. I could only do so little." This time, Kaoru let out a silent sob to release the emotions overwhelming her. As her fists crinkled the fabric of her kimono more, she continued.

"All this time, you were always there in times of trouble. You always do what you can to save me". And she recalled those moments…

…The first time he set his foot on the dojo was when he protected her from a group of mad men. It was brief, that moment, but it was more than enough for her to regain her confidence in the peaceful ways of not killing people. It was one of their first encounters. It meant a lot…

…Then, she was speaking with the wanderer by the riverbank. All of a sudden, a man with distinct eyes abducted her. She was cast under his spell. The wanderer came in to rescue her. He was so close to becoming the man he used to be ten years ago.. but she was able to break it. The spell that she broke stopped him from being a manslayer again…

…One time while sailing the seas, he even took her place when she was threatened by a group of pirates. He was thankful to the lady pirate who spared her life – and in return, he would willingly offer his own life as a form of retribution…

…During the resurging battle in Kyoto, it was the hardest for him to say goodbye to her. Of all the people who grew dear to his heart, it was her who made it the most difficult. "When I first met you, you said that my past wasn't that important.. I was happy you said that". "Thank you for everything… Farewell"…

…When his former wife's brother tried to harm her, he was very firm in protecting her: "I won't let you lay a finger on Ms. Kaoru!". When he thought that she was killed by the brother, he was so depressed and felt tired for the first time. A dream of his former wife enlightened him of the truth that she was still alive. He went his way to rescue her. There was no level of exhaustion that could stop him from claiming her back. He fought a difficult fight with a man who held all the grudges against him. All throughout this obstacle, getting her safely was his utmost concern…

Kenshin looked at her as she continues to sob. "All I wanted to do… is to be strong. To be strong and to stay alive… that's all that I can offer. I don't want to cause you any trouble again."

Kaoru now bowed her head as she said, "I just hope that by doing this, I can also give you happiness Kenshin…"

Kenshin ardently grabbed Kaoru into his arms and hugged her tightly – that same tight hug he gave her when he bid farewell on that summer night of May 14th year 1848. This time, the hug didn't feel any trace of sadness of a goodbye. It meant something more encompassing than happiness. Kaoru found herself wrapped in Kenshin's strong arms once again. She could not hold back the tears falling from her eyes. It's as if time has unwounded its hands and the scene on that sad night in Tokyo was reminisced. Just this time, Kaoru was crying tears of joy, and Kenshin's tight hug around her melted all her worries away. She felt a deep sense of assurance within her and with her feelings for Kenshin.

"But you are making me happy, Ms. Kaoru..", Kenshin softly whispered to her right ear: "..as you are", letting a smile of release from his lips.

Kaoru could not seem to believe what she heard. For the very first time, they both became honest about how they feel for each other. She was about to say something when Kenshin interrupted her.

"It is true that Tomoe is still a part of me, and with that she opened a new path of life for me…" Kaoru anxiously awaits for the next things she will hear from him.

"…and that path..", Kenshin continued. There was a short pause.

She could feel her heart throbbing loudly than usual. Then, Kenshin let go of his arms that wrapped Kaoru. He looked into her teary eyes and said: "..that path led me to you, Kaoru."

The tears from Kaoru's eyes stopped flowing. At that very instant, she felt her heart beat faster. Her emotions keep getting bigger and she found herself blushing after hearing what he just said. The name he just called – "Kaoru" – it stuck into her thoughts. It's the first time she heard her name being called by Kenshin without holding back. To call her by her first name without any hesitation – her first name alone. It must mean something, she thought. It really meant something.

The seagulls soared high above the hillside where two people stare eye-to-eye. The night breeze is closely approaching, and the tides settle low.

"Should we be going now?" Kenshin opened his right hand covered in bandage asking her to come with him.

"We should be going now, that we should." Kaoru replied and both exchanged a smile for each other. She took Kenshin's hand, and they walked downhill together.

Additional Notes:

The soundtrack in the anime series is superb. It has one of the best (if not the best) set of songs ever to complement a Japanese animated feature. For better reading experience, play the following tracks:

"Her Most Beautiful Smile"

"Cavalliera Rusticana"

"Kaoru's Love Theme"

"Starless"

I personally prefer the first two listed above: "Her Most Beautiful Smile" is when Kenshin is reminiscing his moments with Tomoe; "Cavalliera Rusticana" is when Kaoru starts sharing her thoughts.

I would have wanted a more "intimate" fanfic for Kenshin and Kaoru (like, they get to at least kiss each other). As tempted as I've been, I still chose to stick with the original RK creator's principle of "subtle romance" – where the sense of touch really means a lot.