AN: Trigger warning: Self harm, suicide
Lily Evans always hated seeing Remus in bandages. They showed her how the uncontrollable could tear up the skin so badly...
Remus' robe sleeve slipped down as he raised his hand, silently begging Professor Slughorn to call on him. Lily saw the carefully wrapped cloth around his wrist and arm, taped tightly down and grimaced. But she saw a line of horizontal scars beneath, leading up his forearm, disappearing under his jumper that she'd never noticed before. There were red and white ones, slightly raised, seeming so odd against her best friend's pale skin. When Slughorn choose Hazel McCormick from Ravenclaw, Remus' arm dropped down, and he quickly covered his arm again, running a hand quickly through his honey-coloured hair. He glanced at Lily, smiled, and turned back to the lecture. Lily sighed, looking down at her own scars which lightly crisscrossed her wrist, almost faded away into new skin. They're couldn't be... Could they?
"I really hate this stuff," Remus whispered to Lily, pushing the bowl of smoked haddock soup over to the side of his plate with a disgusted face. She nodded in agreement, placing their bowls both closer to Peter Pettigrew, who was gulped them down. The Great Hall was emptying as everyone prepared for the evening Quidditch match.
"It's pretty nasty..." she said, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.
"Dreadful," he replied, fiddling with a bandaid on his cheek. "Want to go back to the common room?"
"Yeah, let's go," They got up, and walked up the flight of stone steps towards the Gryffindor dormitories.
"Remus, can I ask you about something?" Lily looked around, making sure no one was in earshot, as Remus perched himself in the armchair by the fire. The room was oddly vacant (everyone had gone to the game it seemed), and the fireplace was emitting random crackling sparks.
"Of course," he nodded, leaning closer to her, concern in his eyes.
"Do you, er, hurt yourself?"
His eyes widened slightly, and he tensed.
"Why do you ask?" His hands now disappeared into the arms of his sweatshirt.
"I saw some scars on your arm that seemed a little too...um...precise...to be accidents. I'm sorry."
Remus quickly glanced around the empty room before turning back to Lily with shining, almost teary eyes.
"Please don't tell anyone, okay?"
"I wouldn't dream of doing that, of course not! I'm just worried about you."
He sighed, sliding out of his chair and sitting next to her on the couch.
"You don't need to worry, I'm doing better."
"That's not convincing, Remus," she said, shaking her head.
"Lily, I just don't know what to say," his voice broke slightly.
"May I see them?" She asked, placing a tentative hand on his.
He looked into her eyes for a moment before nodding. The pale boy's gaze darted around the common room again, but then he slowly pulled up the sleeves on his relaxation hoodie to show her the row of scars she'd seen in Potions. They were old, no new self-inflicted wounds there. They had been deep, she could tell, because they were thick and wide white scars.
After she finished pouring over them, Lily looked up at Remus. He pulled his sleeve back over them, and pulled up the other one, displaying the same thing, from wrist to elbow. There was one very red vertical scar which Lily kissed gently. She knew about that one. Remus had attempted suicide when he was 15. It had been during the summer before 6th year. She'd gotten a call from Sirius and cried until he came to get her. Remus was in St Mungo's for almost 3 weeks, but he had gotten to come back to school under strict supervision.
He surprised her by pulling up the shorts he was wearing and exposing horribly scarred patches on his upper thighs. She could see where the cuts from his claws and the cuts from his own human hand clashed, violently different. She saw the faint etchings of a word "freak" and she felt her heart crack.
"That's from a long time ago," he said.
"How long?"
"I think I was 12, maybe 13."
"Remus, that's so young."
"This started young, and it'll probably end young too," he said, his gaze unwavering and voice matter-of-fact.
"No! I won't let that happen," she cried, throwing her arms around his neck.
"I love you, Evans," he whispered as tears ran down his cheeks.
"Remus, promise me you'll never ever leave me?" Lily wiped her eyes with her sleeve.
"I promise," Remus replied, nodding.