Edward/Jasper, SLASH, don't like, don't read.
Jasper PoV.
Make a Fool Out of Me
I remember the last day.
You were smiling.
Meaningless reassurance tumbled precariously from blooded lips;
"She means nothing to me, Jasper. Nothing."
liar
Your hand presses to my chest; meaningless. You're searching for something you won't find.
I'm not human
I'm not her
I'm not blind;
but I closed my eyes that last time
I know your heart
scrunched them shut and screamed
and I knew it would end long ago.
came and only thought of you
Oh, Edward. Your lies are bittersweet, and now it's done.
---
I'm a bastard
rotten
but I broke myself for you
demolished my pride for you
made myself a fool for you
because I loved that when you fucked me it meant something.
---
I remember the first time, when I arrived. I looked into your heart (eyes) and saw something
maybe, just maybe
there was hope and it blossomed and spread and was warm and wonderful.
death is beautiful in a cold world
I thought I had you figured, thought I knew
maybe we were all wrong in the end.
---
and then
I let you in me
and I remember I was thinking, hoping
maybe, just maybe
you grind and push and hack and take everything stripped bare, deeper. Softer. Inside so soft so strong…
I want to cry but I can't
fingers press into my back, worked inside, push and twist around and I lovelovelove it crave it
I never do this but for you my rules are dead
---
(Afterwards)
You didn't run, you lay beside me and laughed like a fool and I loved you for it.
I put my heart on a needle, extended it on a thimble because heartbreak is sometimes better than loneliness and I just needed something
you
---
(Soft hand on my arm
murmur of "I want you"
and that was all it would take
(because no one ever did)
and I fought the losing battle against myself and let you win because I adored it.)
---
There were times I knew you'd been dead for too long
because you just left me
and I did nothing to you
I feel hearts shatter around me
they flock to mine and shred it deeper
and the very worst thing was looking into yours and knowing it wasn't breaking.
---
"What is she to me?"
but I never get the chance to say that too but I screamed it in my head and I know you hear
"Can you keep your thoughts to yourself?"
you snap at Alice, but your eyes flicker faster-than-light to me
I love you
God, I do
I love you too much to let you be so broken –
But I sometimes wish she wasn't –
"You are my life now."
You know I can hear
it hurts
and then Alice drives and takes my hand
but it's not the same and she knows it
---
Alice sits with me at night when he's gone to her.
Her eyes fill with sympathy as she strokes my forehead; "I know what he meant to you."
oh, you know nothing
When did my life swell with past tense?
My head is down screaming
I feel a fool
(they must be sick of my shrieking but at least they know what he is)
but I don't understand
I just
I don't
What did I ever do to you for you to break my heart like this?
---
"How did we get here, when I used to know you so well? … Do you see what we've done? We've gone and made such fools of ourselves."
Inspired by Paramore's Decode.