A/N: I do not own Archer. Obviously. My first crack at writing an Archer fic. Enjoy :)
And call Kenny Loggins.
Chapter One:
Brushing the lint off his freshly pressed coat, a thirty-something year old man looked himself up and down one last time in the mirror. His hair- perfect. Teeth- whiter than a farmer's tan line. Finally satisfied with his appearance, he left the restroom and made his way back to the bar. He casually leaned on his elbow, winking at some women nearby as he ordered a drink. He turned his back to the bar and gazed around the smoke filled bar. "This is why I love ladies' night," He thought as he smiled and nodded to a beautiful brunette a few feet away from him, "All the young, hot honeys come out to play." And that was just the way he liked it.
"Your drink, sir." The bartender said from behind him. He handed the server enough to pay for the drink and turned to leave. The bartender cleared his throat loudly.
"You expect a tip when I had to wait an eternity for a drink? Okay, I got a tip for you. How about doing your job faster so that your customers don't die of thirst?" He shook his head and laughed as he left the disgruntled bartender behind him. He was suddenly approached by a young woman, appearing to be in her twenties. She had the most gorgeous auburn hair he had ever seen and eyes greener than all of Ireland. "Hi, I'm-"
"Not interested in your name, okay?" Her response caught him off guard. "Dance with me." He didn't fight as she pulled him towards the middle of the dance floor. He found her bossy tone kind of a turn on. She faced him again when they reached the center of the large, dancing mob. She grabbed the end of his silk tie, pulling on it to make him move closer. She moved her body against his; he could feel every curve of her body as she rocked her hips. He suddenly became aware of the fact that he was standing there like a dumbass and threw his drink to the floor. Taking advantage of her seductive dancing, he ran his hands over her entire body.
It could have been a few minutes, it could have been hours. He couldn't tell just how long he spent with her in the club. He just knew he had never had a better time with anybody than he was with this girl he didn't know, in a club he didn't like and dancing to god awful techno music. His mind snapped back to his actions as the woman threw her leg onto his shoulder, leaving his jaw slightly agape. "You wanna get out of here?" She asked. Nodding was his only response.
He led her to his car and opened the door for her. He backed out of the parking lot and started towards his penthouse. They weren't even in the car for two minutes when she reached over to his seat and started unzipping his slacks. "Oh. My. God." He said, gripping the steering wheel tighter as she wrapped her lips around his now rock hard penis. He couldn't remember the last time he had gotten this kind of treatment. He steadily pushed the gas peddle down as he reached climax. "Oh my god." He said again. "I'm about to-" She reached a hand up and placed it over his mouth as she finished him off.
She flipped her har as she sat back up in her seat and searched through her purse, pulling out a bottle of water. "By the way, I'm not wearing any panties." She said after she took a drink of water. She placed one of her feet up on the dashboard, as if tempting him to reach between her legs. His internal dilemma was solved for him when she grabbed his hand and slid it up her black, lacey mini skirt. He shook free of her grip and explored. "Oh my god. It's…. perfectly smooth!" He thought. He rubbed his finger slowly against her vulva, seeing her shudder in his periphrial vision. Her thighs were growing tenser as he got her closer to climax. He slid his middle finger into her wet opening; she let out a loud moan in pleasure and gripped his arm. He could tell she had already cum, but he wasn't done with her yet. He pulled the car over in a dark parking lot behind an abandoned building and threw it into park.
He reached under her seat and pushed it as far back as it could go and leaned it into an almost flat position. He then grabbed her by the thighs and slid her higher up on the chair, positioning himself on the lower end. She grinned as he pulled her skirt and discarded it in his vacated seat. He knew that she was ready for his dick, but he would make her wait for that a little bit longer. She let a gasp escape her lips as he stuck his tounge inside of her. It wasn't much longer before she was squeazing his head with her thighs as she once again climaxed. She quivered as he continued to pleasure her. Her moans were now high pitched squeals, her knuckles turning white from her grip on the door handle.
He climbed back into the driver seat, leaving her breathless. He chuckled as he turned the car back on and drove the last block home. Once he parked the car, he met her at her door and scooped her out of the car and threw her over his shoulder, grinning at the obvious fact that her legs were still quite numb. She giggled as he walked to the elevator with her flung over him. He set her down while he hit the button to his floor. She then slammed him against the wall of the lift and pulled his face to hers and kissed him with a passion that blew his mind. He heard the ding of the doors opening and once again picked her up, she wrapped them around his waist. He struggled with his front door for a bit as he tried to unlock it while she was still glued to his face.
They stumbled across his living room, tripping on the sofa and over various objects. His bedroom door was closed, he pushed her up against it as he turned the doorknob. She broke away from him and stepped backwards, unbuttoning her blouse and revealing a deep purple Versace push up bra. She slipped her skirt over her voluptuous hips and dropped it around her ankles. He immediately dropped his pants and boxers and raced to her to unfasten her bra. She hastily unbuttoned his shirt, almost ripping off his muscular body. Once they were both fully naked, he pushed her onto his bed and climbed over her. She bit on her lower lip as he entered her. He thrust slowly as she wrapped her legs around him once more and her arms around his neck. "Harder." She groaned and yanked on his hair. "Be rough with me."