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Naruto knows why the girls find Sasuke beautiful, because he too has often looked at him and felt like dying.
ȹ
He is six going on seven when he sees the boy with raven hair sitting at the edge of the dock. His skin is as pale as the moon, and Naruto thinks that if he could touch him, the moon, he would be cold too. Sasuke is looking out into the ocean, soft hair willowing out messily. The set of his small mouth is firm, and stern, and very, very contained. From across the dock, behind the barricade, Naruto recognizes the restrain for what it is – a form of rebellion against the village, against the world, against the universe.
He has, of course, heard the stories – a boy twice his age who forsook blood and love and friendship for power, for solitude. Naruto himself, human sacrifice in more ways than he can imagine at this age, really cannot bring himself to understand why someone would forsake these precious bonds – bonds which he has sought out for himself, which have been denied to him, and which he has envied…
He feels an odd connection with this boy, who sits alone on rainy days and looks out into the sea. They are both so, so alone, and so, so angry. He wants to go up to him and say, "Hey! My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I want to be loved. Let's be friends!"
But there are people here, who look at him and Sasuke differently, and who would no doubt try to ruin something before it starts. It's beginning to pour now, and he really should get going anyway…
He thinks as he walks away that he sees the other boy turn to glance back at him, but by then it is too late, and he is gone.
ȹ
He is twelve when he wakes up in the hospital, bandaged and a newly-minted genin in the face of betrayal. Iruka-sensei is still in the hospital, and he is on his way out, to the Academy, to his new life. He knows what team he will be on before he gets there.
"YATTA!" Sakura joyfully screams when it is revealed she's in the same team as Sasuke, who looks as disinterested as ever. She and Ino exchange glares, and Naruto, who has an image to maintain, also celebrates loudly when it is said that he too will be part of Team Seven.
Something happens, much of which he doesn't remember, before it's just the three of them alone in that room, awkward, hopeful, and sulking; always alone, the three of them, or the two of them, or maybe just him…
ȹ
Except it isn't just him anymore, because at the end of his lighting hands, he grips the pale arm desperately, unaware that the large gaping hole inside himself has been there for quite a while. He can't speak, for the blood he's coughing up keeps coming back into his mouth and choking him.
"Sasuke," he tries to say, "Sasuke."
Sasuke is trembling, but his face remains neutral. Orochimaru is watching from a distance away, and Tsunade is screaming shrilly somewhere to his left, and Jiraiya is just lying there behind him, dead. Sakura is trying her best to heal the dead Jiraiya's body, but he is dead, you see, very much dead and there's nothing she or anyone can do a damn thing about, and anyway, Sasuke is here, and that's all that matters, because they've found him, they've finally found Sasuke, even if he's not the same as he was ten years ago…
He swallows enough blood to get a word out, and what comes out is a jumble of "Sasuke, I have always loved you"s and "Sasuke, I'm sorry, please come back"s, that manage to tear a sob out of Sasuke's gritted teeth. There's a lotus of blood that's blossomed on his chest, that keeps spreading, and when he looks into Sasuke's eyes again he sees the sharingan has evolved.
"Sasuke," he breathes out through lungs that rattle with the sound of death, "Sasuke, you know… felt about you, since that day almost…still a fucken idiot, fucken unbelievable… owe me big-time, you piece of… Teme, don't you dare… love… another."
And he descends into the void.
.
.
.
ȹ
There is nothingness, then there is the cold, then there is the darkness, and among the darkness, a dim light, like a stray beam of moonlight who sequesters itself into the night.
Was death not the end?
Boy
Something echoes all around him, or perhaps inside him, and feeling returns to his self as he shivers.
Boy
Come Closer
He's not sure where the voice is coming from, but he floats, or wobbles, or somehow makes his incorporeal way over to the beam of light until he realizes it is not light, or fire, or anything of that nature, but rather a mirror, and he is looking at himself, into himself, in all his soulful naked glory.
Yes, the voice says, This Is Indeed You.
Beside the mirror, he can just about make out the smoky, shape-shifting form of a curvy, willowy woman, of a dark, dark contradiction, of an obscurity more profound than his surroundings. She seems to step closer, and with every step, tendrils of smoke, of fog, cascade upwards, and downwards, and sideways…
This is what it must be like to be a god, he thinks. This is what people surely call gods.
Indeed
This One Goes By Many Names
Some Have Called Me Chaos
Others Have Called Me Death
Still, Some Call Me Mother
But This One Calls Itself Lady Night
This is Nyx
Naruto's stomach, or what thinks may have been a stomach in his current shape, gives an unpleasant lurch, and before he knows it, he is human again, and naked, and cold, and suddenly very, very afraid.
"What do y-you want?" He asks, all false bravado and pretenses gone.
The smoke woman Nyx is standing in front of him, feet black and bare and perfect, smooth as marble and unscarred, untouchable.
Nyx Comes To Bargain
Nyx Has Taken A Special Interest
In You and Uchiha Sasuke's Many Destinies
This Is My Proposal
Naruto listens carefully, knowing full-well that that what is being offered is unnatural, impossible, and unwise. Still… Naruto's always known why the girls find Sasuke beautiful, because he too has often looked at him and felt like dying.
Repeatedly.
Very Well
Uzumaki Naruto
Nyx Will Be Watching
His body feels hot. And then cold. And then, the darkness slowly dissipates, like drain water down a sewer, and as the light reaches out with hungry arms, the Lady Night blesses him, or curses him, and everything is engulfed by the overwhelming brightness of a star that burns him out of existence and into another life.