Buffy slowly walked down the stairs into the cold, dark basement, trying to make as little noise as possible so that she wouldn't wake up the vampire sleeping in the corner of the room. She walked up to him and placed a bowl of cold water and a sponge next to his head before she kneeled down. She grabbed the sponge and stared for awhile at his eyes, before she realized that they were open and looking directly at her. Buffy jumped slightly and looked up embarrassed. She quickly dabbed the sponge into the water and began to slowly wipe the blood from his lips. "So luv to what do I owe this pleasant visit." He said calmly and coolly enough to run a slight chill up Buffy's spine.
"Well, you took a good bite out of Andrew so I came to clean you up a bit, it's nothing more than that." She said attempting to be cold, but failing. He gave a soft chuckle and looked back up at her.
"Oh come on, you can't tell me you didn't miss me a lil bit." He said, cocking his head to the side and biting his lip. Buffy rolled her eyes and pressed the sponge to his face to save herself from having to answer. Spike let out another chuckle and then sighed. "Buffy….you know your gonna have to kill me...don't you?" Spike said gazing up at her with his ice blue eyes. She turned away from him, stood up, and began to pace back and forth.
"No, that's ridiculous Spike, Giles will figure out away to stop this trigger thingy that keeps setting you off…we can fix the problem without having to take your life." Spike scoffed and began to stand up, using the walls to level himself.
"You can't do that, you let me live you are putting yourself and everyone else upstairs in danger!" He began to scream, surprising Buffy enough to make her cringe slightly. "That's one of the many things that I just don't understand about you…how is it that you would die to protect everyone you love but you cannot kill a man who could change in a heartbeat and hurt them all!" He shouted loud enough, Buffy thought it would shake the walls.
"Because it's not that easy Spike!" She yelled back, making Spike stop and look at her. "Your not some random vampire that I can just stake like its nothing." Buffy said her voice lowering and tears forming in her eyes. "Spike…I may not love you….but god damn it your in here." She pulled her hand up to her chest. "You should know that by now…you got closer to me than a lot of people ever have, you may not have gotten my heart but you are always going to be a part of me. If you were to die…then that part of me would be lost." She wiped away a tear and looked up at his face. No emotion shown, no happiness, no sadness, nothing. He then opened his mouth to speak.
"What part of you is it that would die Buffy…" Spike spoke quietly. "The hatred, the pain….those sound to me like those are things you can get by without. That's all it ever was to you, you needed me to give you the feeling of hatred so that you could feel alive again…I did that, your alive again. So let me go…I've done my duty so kill me and get it over with, I have nothing left to be here for." Buffy turned from him and sat down on his cot, he slowly moved over toward the cot and looked at her as to ask if it was ok for him to sit. She nodded slowly and put her hand over his.
"Spike…what you gave me was not hatred or pain. Sure that was a small part of it but that wasn't the big picture. You gave me passion…we need passion to live and without you I wouldn't be able to go on like I have been. No…I don't love you…you know that, but without you I wouldn't feel that passion to live or keep going anymore. I need you here Spike. I am not ready for you to be gone." She let go of his hand and looked back at him. They held each others glance for what seemed like hours before Buffy grabbed the sponge and cold water.
"Leave it." He said quietly, Buffy didn't ask why or look at him questioningly she just set it down next to him on the cot and began to walk up the stairs.
"I'll come in and check on you before I go to bed…." She said not able to finish her sentence unsure of what to say. She just nodded gave a half smile and walked up the stairs. Spike heard the closing of the door and turned to face the wall. He sighed, breathed in deeply before punching the wall as hard as he could leaving a small dent and a bloodied and cut up hand. He tossed the sponge out of the water and thrust his hand into it breathing deeply. On the edge of the stairs Buffy watched…she hadn't left, she wanted to sit and watch him even though she knew he would recognize within a few minutes that she hadn't left…she sat fixated on him and the way he acted when he thought no was watching…
It took him awhile, but Spike realized that Buffy had never left the basement. She made a lame excuse about having to grab a mop that Xander asked her for, an excuse they both knew wasn't true, before she headed upstairs.
"So how is our little friend William the Bloody?" Anya asked, sitting at the table eating a cookie. "Well he isn't really that little and not our friend or anything but anyways...how is he?"
"He is ok, a little upset and kinda shaken up, but he is gonna manage." Buffy said leaning against a wall with her arms crossed. Anya took a bite of her cookie.
"Personally I don't understand this whole trigger thing, I mean Spike isn't all that weak. You would think that if he knew it was going to happen he would try and fight it off."
Buffy began to pace back and forth across the kitchen. "Well it can't be that simple, it's probably something complex that he doesn't even realize happens. All I know is that it's something dangerous and we need to stop it." Anya got up and walked into the living room with Buffy following behind her. They both sat down on the couch and grabbed a stack of books from the coffee table. Anya sighed.
"Let's hit the books!" she said as she and Buffy both opened one of the many books in their piles.