Hey guys! This's my first story in English. Well, even in my mother language I only write short stories on my blog, so that makes it my first multi-chapters story ever!
Anyway, this's a story inside of a story told from Maura's POV, talking about love, friendship and family.. There is angst, drama, romance and so much more..
This is Not Rizzoli&isles/Grey's Anatomy cross over... I just needed a hospital in some city other than Boston, it would only make a sense to use one I already know..
Any error or mistake is mine. I tried to be as thorough as possible.. You can only imagine how difficult it is to write in your 4th language!
Please if there is any advice, remark or critique feel free to leave a review or contact me.. I really hope someone will like the story enough to beta-read the upcoming chapter(s).
That will be all for now.. Enjoy!
Oh I almost forgot; I own nothing of course.
L.S
"Happy birthday mama! I love you"
I heard my five years old son James say sweetly. He was looking up at me with so much love in his beautiful hazel eyes, it almost brought me to tears. I was loved that much once before. She used to look at me the same way; like I'm the sun and the moon and every star in between. Did she drown in the darkness when I left? Or had she found someone else who lights up her life now? Does she look at them the same way? I would never know. Part of me hopes so, so all the pain we both endured wouldn't be in vain. The other part still aches as though those six years had never passed. She is nowhere near me and yet She is everywhere. I see her in the morning coffee, burger commercials, baseball games, little black dresses, Italian films, my daily glass of wine, my reflection in the mirror.. I even see her in my son who looks nothing like her!
"Mama! Are you ok?" James's voice took me out of the reverie I often find myself trapped in.
"Wha.. Yes I'm fine. Why?"
" you have tears in you face.. Are you sad again?" He reached out to touch my face which was was a way out of his reach. I bent down to meet him half way. His touch was so soft it made me close my eyes. Few more tears made their way down my cheeks in the process. I wasn't even aware I was crying until he pointed it out. I usually make sure he was nowhere around me when I let the reins of my emotions slip out of my hands, but some days were harder than others. Some days I just miss her so much that I can't even breath.
I opened my eyes to find his shut. He kept moving his thumbs up and down my cheeks with closed eyes as if he was trying to wash away my sadness. God, if touches could heal! Does she have someone to wipe away her tears?
"Oh.. No darling, I'm not sad. I'm just little bit emotional at this moment." It gets easier and easier every time I tell the lie. I had to convince my mind that it's an absolute truth so I wouldn't break into hives every single time. I wiped my face dry and forced a weak smile to look more convincing, which did the trick. "Don't worry about me sweet boy.. I just love you so, so much and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. You know that, right?"
" Yes I do" He answered my rhetorical question enthusiastically that I had to chuckle a little bit.. My boy tends to be a tad literal like his mama. "Big Jay said that a mother always loves her child no matter what, even before their birth. It means you loved me longer than I loved you, That's why I should be a good boy so I can make it up to you." He finished beaming with pride of what he just said, and I just stared at him astonished for a moment until a thought occurred to me.
"Who's Big Jay?" I asked.
"I told you about Jayden's.. Oh I forgot you present in my room. May I go upstairs to bring it?"
" yes, you may" I permitted feeling puzzled over the sudden change of subject, but I had to smile at his persistence to use a proper language.
He came back a minute later with a haphazardly wrapped cylindrical object in his hands.
"I made you this… I hope you'd like" He handed it to me with a hopeful smile gracing his handsome features. He looked so cute biting his lower lip in anticipation, just like she used to do. And just like I used to do with her, I kissed him and brought him to my lap to shower him with even more kisses.
"Of course I will like it, it's from you! And It's so sweet of you to make it sweetheart" I gave him one more kiss before I start unwrapping the gift. "Here we go.."
Under the red wrapper It was a simple coffee mug with a childish drawing of what it supposed to be a blond-haired woman holding hands with a small child. Under it was written 'Mama & Mini Jay'.
"Oh it so beautiful honey.. Did you draw it ?" I gushed with teary eyes hugging him tightly.
"Yes.. The woman is you and the boy is me.. Turn it around"
I did as I was told, only to find three sentences in James's handwriting :
You are the best mama in the whole universe
You are my best friend
You are my 'little Maura'
M.J
I was at lost of what to do or say, it was my very first gift from James.. I wasn't used to such sweet gestures even after years full of them. The years I spent with her. She used to blame the way I grew up deprived of affections and kindness that wasn't coming from my nannies and teachers out of pity or obligation. Every time I stood speechless over the slightest sweet thing she had done for me, she would start cursing my parents who benignly neglected me and my classmates who bullied me for being different, and every lover who didn't bother to see past my physical attributes and my bank accounts to really see me.. And then she would take me in her arms until I rein my emotions whispering how much she loved me and how much she was grateful for my mere existence in this world.
And there was my son with the same look, taking after her to show me that I still am worthy of love. To him, I'm the best person in the world, I do no wrong. In his innocent eyes I'm a saint. Does a child love their mother no matter what? Even if she broke someone's heart? I hope so.
I look at my new precious treasure one more time before hugging James once more – grateful he liked to be hugged unlike her- and spoke softly into his ear..
"and you –my dear- are the perfect son, thank so much you for the mug.. I promise to use it every day, but I have a question: what do you mean by 'little Maura?"
"Oh it's the main character in the story Big Jay tells us in the hospital nursery.. She said that every one deserves to have their 'little Maura'.. And you are mine" he explained smiling at me. Could his smile get any sweeter!
"Oh that's so sweet, I'm honored to be that for you.. Remind me who's this Big Jay person again?" I inquired curiously.
" I told you about her before. Remember my new friend Jayden?"
" isn't he the boy whom you found crying in the hallways because his mother was badly hurt?" I still remember that day, about two weeks ago, when I picked a red-eyed James from the nursery. He spent the ride home telling me the story of the crying kid he met in hallways. Despite the unfortunate circumstances, I found it quite sweet that my little boy got emotional over someone else's misfortune, starting to show sympathy in his early age.
" yes, both his mothers were hurt.. his mommy Alice is still asleep. Big Jay is his other mother. She is ok now, but she leaves him with us in the nursery because she and his uncle Adam have to work.. They come to the hospital every day to see Alice and Emma.. Emma is Jayden little sister.. She's so small and red.. She was purple before.. She lives in a glasslike box because she is sick.." At that point I knew my son started digressing as usual while being excited about something..
" okay then.." I cut him off before he starts describing every member in his friend's family tree. "So Big Jay is Jayden's mother, Alice is his other mother, Adam is his uncle and Emma is his newborn sister. Alright.. So tell me; Why do you call her Big Jay?"
"It's her nickname mama" he said with a 'duh' expression in his face I couldn't help but laugh ."She is Big Jay , Jayden is Little Jay, I'm Mini jay, Zola in Zu, Sofia is Sofy, Bailey is Baiy, Emma is Em.."
And he kept going on and on until the last name, while I had no idea who the half of kids are and what their parents do in the hospital. What intrigued me was the fact that he never liked the nursery or talk about it. He was such a shy kid. never one to initiate a conversation with his peers or gets zealous about the play dates… He was so quit and reserved with other children. I was always afraid he would become a mini version of me And have the same dreadful childhood. Listening to him talking animatedly about the other kids as though they were his friends for years was quite refreshing.
"Well that's interesting mini Jay" I noticed his face lit up upon hearing the nickname, so I carried on " would you like me call you Jay from now on?"
"Yes please Mama" it always amazed me how much James and I had in common; a simple thing like a nickname could make us so happy!
"ok Jay, now tell me what the story is about "
" the story named 'little Maura'. It's about a little girl who lived in a small town. She was so different from all the kid in there that no one want to be her friend. No one understood her, not even her parents.. One day she woke up and found this little girl about her age, in her room. Little Maura asked her about her name and what she was doing in the room and how she got in there, but the other girl couldn't answer her because she couldn't remember anything about herself.. little Maura soon found that no one, other than herself, can see the other girl, that's why her parents and the kids at school didn't believe her when she told them about her friend and started making fun of her and calling her liar. One day little Maura decided she wants to prove that Alice, that was the name they agreed to call the other girl, is not imaginary. So they started thinking about a way to prove everyone wrong. And then Alice told Little Maura that the only way to do that is to find Alice physical self and that's how they started their journey to find the real Alice. It's little Jay's favorite bedtime story.. That day when I found him in hallways, he was crying because he wanted to sleep in Big Jay's room so she cloud tell him the story but that was not allowed so she had this idea. she would tell him the story -before his uncle takes him home- to record it in his phone so he can listen to it before sleep.. When I asked her if I could record it too she said yes and decided to start it from the beginning.. I too listen to them after my sitter tucks me in bed when you work late"
While James kept talking about the story I found myself feeling uneasy, and too destructed to feel guilty about missing his bedtime too often lately. Could it be a coincidence? The same name, the same childhood story, and this jay person.. Could she be.. No.
"Ok Honey.. Mama has a call to make .. Go read a book or watch TV before your bedtime."
After I made sure James was out of earshot, I picked my phone to make the call.
"Hey birthday girl.. You finally decided to go out with us ?" Came my friend's voice from the other end. Arizona Robins and I go way back to med school. We were more of acquaintances than friends back than, but we kept in touch during the years. She was the one who suggested my name for my current job in 'Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital'. Since than we grew closer to become friends which makes sense, since we had so much in common; We both went through an emotionally and physically traumatic ordeal that changed our lives for good. We suffered losses that could have brought us to our knees, but somehow we managed to find a reason to move on with our lives, each in her own way.
"Hey Arizona.. no, I'm spending the evening with James.. I actually called to asked about a patient.. A woman James called Big Jay, apparently her wife is still in the hospital, comatose after giving birth to a little girl possibly prematurely. Do you know anything about her? Her name for a start?"
"Ah you mean Superwoman?" I could hear amusement in her tone.
"What?"
" your talking about the woman who tells the kids stories, right?"
" yes, James told me she tells them daily stories after visiting her wife and daughter"
"So you're talking about Superwoman" after not noticing any sign of acknowledgement from my part, she sighed in disbelief. "Come on Dorth, you must have heard about her"
"I can assure you I absolutely have no idea what you're talking about" I answered sincerely not understanding why should I know about the woman and her silly nickname. Superwoman! Really?!
"Oh God woman, sometimes I forgot we even work at the same hospital! You have to get out of that basement every now and then, see the daylight and the beautiful sun.. You know the sun right? The bight and shiny-.."
"Good grief Robins! It's not the time for your sarcasm.. Just answer the question!" Usually I would indulge in her teasing, but not at that moment when everything I'd built in the last six years could be at risk.
"Ok, fine.. But you really need to get a life outside that hole Dorth! Anyway, about two weeks ago, a woman burst into the ER carrying a very pregnant woman in her arms begging for help. Before the nurse could ask her anything about what happened, the woman suddenly collapsed. It turn out she was shot twice; in her left leg and right shoulder both through and through.."
"What?! How that even possible?!" My stomach knotted slightly. The familiarity of it all was unsettling at best.
"Yeah, you can say that again. How she managed to do it is beyond me. I mean.. she must have driven to the hospital, and at least carried her from the car to the ER.. Not to mention how she got her into the car in the first place.. God I'm dying to know what the hell happen to them?! The pregnant woman's injuries were consistent with being tortured. It was really horrible to witness Maura .. Thank God we were able to save the baby before it was too late.. The poor mother is still in coma, Sheepherd said it's matter of time now, to see if she would ever wake up.. It's just so not fair you know" at that point Arizona started getting exasperated. "it somehow reminds me of how Callie and I almost lost Sofia.. That was horrible too.."
Oh No! not that accident anecdote again! if not stopped, Arizona could go on and on about how it wasn't her fault, and the truck that came out of nowhere and the agonizing waiting and the fight with the baby's father.. It was all too sad to hear it for the millionth time, and I wasn't really in the mood.
"Arizona, honey please focus!" I cut her off, rolling my eyes.
"Yeah right, sorry.. Well, you know now where the nickname came from, it's suitable right?.. Anyway, a couple of hours after we took them both to the OR, FBI agents showed up looking for them! And that's it"
"What's her name? the superwoman I mean" I could feel my heartbeat increasing with the passing second as I braced myself to hear the answer.
"Who knows! Their identity was kept secret for their safety; the Chief said.. They even put the whole damn wing on the watch.. Everywhere you turn there is black suits with stoic faces.. It's feels like an action movie of sort " she scoffed before she continued " All I know is that our Superwoman got herself discharged from the hospital AMA after only four days. She visits everyday though. we think she's an FBI agent.. She has to be, I mean she comes and goes freely and I even saw her once wearing one of those cliché Feds suits. It looked sexy on her though unlike her fellow male agents.. But than again when I ever found a man sexy?"
I could hear her laughing at her own joke and I found my laughter tagging along. However, the feeling of unease only increased tenfold with the new informations. Everything sounds too familiar for my liking.
" an FBI agent! Hmmm.. What does she look like? Can you describe her?" I asked crossing my fingers. So much for the atheist I am!
"Well, she's hot" she breathed and my eyes at that point started to hurt from the too many times I rolled them during the conversation.
"So God help me, Robins.. Can't you keep in your pants and be serious for once in you life?" I nearly yelled.
"Whoa.. What hair got up your ass Dorth? What is it with the third degree?!" Countered defensively.
"Please Arizona, can you just answer the question?!" I begged through my my gritted teeth. I could feel my patience wearing thin, but I didn't what her to pick on what was really going on my mind and start asking questions I wasn't ready to answer. Arizona was the only person here who knew about what happen six years ago, but not the whole story. She doesn't know about her. For all she cares, she was my best friend whom I lost contact with after I moved to Seattle.
" okey fine.. She's a brunette.. Late thirties.. Um.. very tall, super model kind of tall.. Slender, super model kind of slender.. Long black hair.. big dark brown eyes.. Toned body..To sum it up, she's sexy, super model kind of sexy" she chuckled a little, God knows the woman can't help herself even if her life depends on it! I could have laughed at her antics if I wasn't feeling sick all of a sudden.
"Okay thank you so much.. I apologize for my rudeness.. I just had a rough day" I managed to say desperate to end the conversation.
" Don't worry about it Isles.. Are you ok though? Do you want me to come over?" Arizona asked kindly, a hint of concern creeping into her voice. I could tell she started to sense that something was off.
"No, I'm fine just tired.. Thank for the offer though.. I'll see you tomorrow.. Goodnight" I hurried to hang up before the flood of questions starts.
Brunette.. Late thirties.. Tall.. Slender.. Black hair.. Big dark brown eyes.. Jay.. Little Maura .. Emma
No. It can't be her.. The woman is married with a son around James age.. She couldn't possibly move on, get married and have a child in a matter of months.. Could she? As far as I know, she has yet to sign the divorce papers my lawyer gave her years ago.
And there was the FBI agent part. I know she hates the Feds, she wouldn't leave BPD to work for them, would she?
And what on earth would she be doing here,in Seattle? And what's the odds she would end up in this hospital of all the places?
If it was really her, did she know I work there? Does she know who James is?
Too much questions with no answers. My head started to ache.
I hate not knowing, and I hate to guess or jump to conclusions even more. I had to know for sure who this mysterious woman is, but how?
The Records. I could almost feel the proverbial lightbulb lights up above my head. I recalled James talking about recording her stories. I would know if it was her from the voice.
"James" I forgot everything about his new nickname at that point.
"Yes Mama?" If he was disappointed that I didn't call him Jay he didn't show it.
"Do you still have the stories recorded in you phone? I would love to listen to them" I struggled to keep my voice light and steady.
"Yes mama.. Here" He handed me his cellphone, and went back to whatever kids show he was so engrossingly watching. I easily found the sound records, and randomly chose one. I went to play it,, but my fears got the better of me.
It can be her voice I'm about to hear; her beautiful husky deep voice I missed so much that I'm not sure I can handle hearing it again.
It can be someone else's voice, and all the similarities are just some sort of a sick joke the universe is playing on me. Would I be disappointed?
And what if it's really her?
During my mental debate, my left thumb grew a mind of its own and pressed 'play', startling me out of my deep thoughts. then I heard it.
"Ok kiddos, here we go with another adventure of Little Maura and her friend Alice.. "
For a split moment I thought my heart ceased to beat. Everything went still as if the planet itself stopped spinning only to have my head taking over that task a moment later.
"Oh My God.." A whisper slipped from between my quivering lips.
It's Jane.