"Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it." – Ann Landers
Elizabeth quickened her steps as she spied Emily to her left, seated at a table nestled in the corner of the restaurant. It didn't escape her notice that Emily had chosen a table in the corner, her back to the wall and a clear line of sight to the entrance and the majority of the restaurant. But then it wasn't entirely surprising to the Ambassador. Seeing and dealing with some of the worst people that the world has to offer on a daily basis would certainly make a person a little cautious, perhaps even a little paranoid. She certainly couldn't – and wouldn't – judge her for that.
Emily's expression shifted to a smile as she spotted her mother making her way toward the table. "Mother," she said as she stood to her feet, and opened up her arms for a quick – albeit somewhat stiff – hug.
"Emily," Elizabeth said with a smile of her own, "it's so good to see you. I've missed you, it's been awhile."
"I know," Emily replied, her tone genuinely apologetic. It had been a little while since they'd seen each other. The last time they'd talked was just for a few minutes when Emily had called to wish her a happy Mother's Day. That was almost a month ago. "I'm sorry about that. It's been a bit crazy lately."
"Lots of cases?" Elizabeth guessed as she sat down at the table, her eyes searching every detail of her daughter and cataloguing everything. It was a habit she'd fallen into after thinking Emily dead for those long months. She didn't want to miss anything, and she certainly didn't want to forget anything.
"Yeah," Emily breathed in reply, seemingly unsure of her answer. Elizabeth's brows furrowed for a split-second at Emily's reply before she slipped her neutral mask back on.
"I do hope you're able to take some time off soon. It's not healthy for you to be working so much."
"Says the woman who routinely puts in absurdly long hours herself," Emily replied quickly, a small smile threatening to spread. "Where do you think I learned it from?" she finished, her tone definitely more teasing than defensive.
"I suppose I can't really argue with that," Elizabeth admitted with a rueful smile.
Emily's brows furrowed at her mother's response. It's not often that her mother is so relaxed; normally she would defend those long hours, insisting they're a necessary evil of her career, and well worth the time given how important her job can be at times. Maybe her mother really had changed…
"How are things going back at the BAU?" Elizabeth asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence. While they'd long since gotten past the screaming phase of their relationship that had permeated Emily's early teen years, they weren't exactly the best of friends either. Instances of uncomfortable silence were unfortunately more prevalent than Elizabeth liked, but they were slowly decreasing in frequency.
"Fine," Emily answered simply, her eyes flitting down to her menu. Elizabeth scrutinized her daughter carefully, noticing she seemed a bit out of sorts. Emily had never been one to broadcast her emotions and feelings, but a lifetime's worth of observing her daughter had given Elizabeth some insight. It didn't hurt that they tended to share some mannerisms and quirks either...
She wouldn't dare ask her outright if everything was all right though. No, that would not end well. While Emily generally did appreciate directness and general avoidance of beating around the bush, when the direct questions or comments came from her mother, Emily was automatically defensive.
Elizabeth didn't blame her daughter for this reaction. She knew that her parenting choices and absence during Emily's teenaged years were a factor. Not the sole cause, but certainly a factor.
"Good," Elizabeth said with a nod. "And you, how are you?"
"Fine, thanks," Emily replied, her eyes only briefly meeting Elizabeth's before jumping back down to the menu. "How are you? How's work going?" she asked, bringing her gaze up momentarily while speaking.
"It keeps me busy," the ambassador answered with a small smile. "I've been thinking of retiring though."
Emily's eyes widened in shock. Retirement had never been something she'd considered for her mother. At least, not for another 5-10 years. She'd worked her entire life to get to where she was, so it came as a surprise to Emily that she'd be so willing to walk away from the thing she'd prioritized over everything else for so many years.
"Retiring?" Emily repeated, blinking slowly, still reeling from that bit of information that her mother had so easily dropped into the conversation.
"Is that so hard to believe? I am getting old, Emily."
"You're not old, Mother."
Elizabeth smiled at these words. "Well thank you for that, but let's not forget that I am without assignment again."
"That happens now and then, though."
"Yes, but not this often. I'm smart enough to realize when my services are no longer required…"
Emily's face was set in a frown as she considered her mother's words. "You don't have to go on assignment, you could work elsewhere."
"Oh? And who is going to hire an old bird like me?"
"Your experience speaks for itself – I'm sure there's someone in Washington that could use the expertise of a politician," Emily replied, the slightest hint of displeasure in her words.
"I don't know…" Elizabeth said, shaking her head doubtfully.
Emily wasn't used to this side of her mother, and it had her feeling unsettled. "Surely there's a charity or a cause of some kind that you could jump in and help out with."
Elizabeth considered the suggestion. "I hadn't thought of that. Maybe…" she agreed, nodding thoughtfully as the idea rolled around in her mind. "But I think for the immediate future, I'd like to not have to commit to anything."
"Why not?"
Elizabeth looked at her daughter for a moment, tilting her head ever so slightly as she considered Emily's expression. She looked genuinely shocked by this news. Then again, she'd always said Elizabeth had pushed her aside for her career, so maybe it's not such a huge shock that she'd be surprised by Elizabeth's musing to perhaps retire.
"I've enjoyed a long, rewarding career," she began. "I've seen the world, and helped many people, but now I think it's time for me to put down some more permanent roots."
"Permanent roots?" Emily echoed as she scanned her mother's face for clues as to what led her to this decision. Her mother had never been the type to dwell on having to uproot her life. She'd always done so with no hesitancy, always accepting whatever assignment was given to her, regardless of whether it meant picking up and moving halfway across the world.
Maybe it was because they'd moved from country to country throughout her childhood, or perhaps because even after Emily left for college and eventually started her own career, her mother had continued to travel the world, but the thought of Elizabeth Prentiss staying in one spot for very long was a foreign concept to her.
"Don't look at me like that, Emily. It's not as though I wanted to live like some sort of wanderer. I only did so because of my job. Staying in one place is something I think I've wanted for many years now."
"It is?"
"Yes," Elizabeth answered with a nod. "Particularly after you came back to me."
They never talked about Emily's supposed death and subsequent miraculous return. It was a topic that they very carefully avoided, but it was far from hidden away. It was the elephant in the room, and had been for many months now.
Emily's face shifted to reflect guilt, and Elizabeth immediately felt a wave of her own guilt wash over her. "It got me thinking that even though I'd had those forty or so odd years with you, I really didn't make the most of them." She stopped to take a steadying breath before continuing. "I know you're still angry with me for how much I worked throughout your childhood, and maybe it was wrong of me to focus so much on my career then, but I realize now that I should have worked harder to be there for you."
Emily stared in shock – this is far from what she ever expected from her mother. In fact, she never expected to hear those words come out of Elizabeth Prentiss' mouth. She always assumed her mother was too damn stubborn to admit that maybe she'd been wrong. It was a trait that they ultimately shared, so Emily understood it well.
"Both back then," Elizabeth continued, "and more recently," she finished in a small voice, her bravery waning as the topic stayed firmly rooted on the subjects they'd long since agreed to never talk about. "I wish I could have been there for you, Em. Being isolated from your friends, your life…I can't imagine how difficult that was for you. And it pains me to think that I could have helped in some way. Could have prevented all of that in some way."
"I…" Emily said quietly, trailing off as words escaped her.
"It's okay," Elizabeth interrupted. "You don't have to say anything. I just want you to know that I'm here now."
Emily offered a sad smile to her mother's words. Life could be cruel sometimes. Here was her mother, telling her all the things she'd craved to hear for all those years, but it came right when Emily was going to pull up the roots she herself had put down and move across the ocean to London. It was so painfully bittersweet.
After several moments of Emily trying to process her mother's words, and Elizabeth trying to gauge Emily's reaction, the silence finally became too much. "I'm moving to London," Emily blurted out, an apologetic expression settling on her face.
Elizabeth's eyes grew wide at her daughter's words. "Oh," she said softly, with a tinge of sadness buried in the tone. "Why?" she asked after a moment. Her tone was not accusatory, but curious. Elizabeth knew exactly how much Emily's team meant to her, that much had been made crystal clear in the few conversations they'd had over the last few years. So for Emily to just up and move to London spoke volumes.
"A former colleague of mine offered me a job there." It didn't escape Elizabeth that Emily hadn't answered the question.
"One that you want?" Elizabeth asked carefully, mindful to not set off Emily's defensive tendencies.
"I think so, yeah."
"I thought you were happy at the BAU," Elizabeth said, trying not to sound condescending.
"I was," Emily said with a nod, "but after I… It's different now."
"How does the team feel about your leaving?"
"I haven't told them yet," Emily answered quietly, her gaze shifting down to the table. Elizabeth watched as her daughter's fingers began to twist in her lap – a telltale sign of her anxiety.
"They'll understand," she assured Emily, offering a sympathetic smile. "If they know you as well as I think they do, then they'll understand that you have to do it."
"I hope so. I don't think I could stand disappointing them again," Emily answered with a slight grimace.
Emily's candor shocked Elizabeth. It didn't escape her that Emily had just given her a glimpse into her normally well-hidden emotions, and that Emily was showing Elizabeth a vulnerable side that before her return from the dead, Elizabeth hadn't seen in decades.
"I'm sure you won't," Elizabeth said softly, ignoring a strong desire to reach over and grab one of Emily's hands. Physical affection and gestures of comfort had never been Elizabeth's strong suit, and they were certainly not something Emily would be expecting. It just wasn't what they did.
"I know this is something that I should do-," Emily began to reply, but cut herself off abruptly. She seemed to wrestle internally with her response for a moment before she continued. "Maybe something I have to do. And I know it's an incredible opportunity, the kind that people would kill for…" she trailed off again.
"But you can't help but feel like you're running away and abandoning your friends," Elizabeth guessed.
Emily let out a puff of air. "Yeah."
A thought occurred to Elizabeth – until settling in DC, Emily had never stayed put in one spot for very long. Had she caused this by moving her around so often as a child? Had she somehow made that wanderlust, that restlessness, that inability to stay in one place for long a normal part of Emily's life? Was she to blame for her daughter's inability to find happiness in one place?
The waiter interrupted her musing, asking if they were ready to order. Elizabeth looked up to meet his gaze and apologized. "I'm sorry, we got caught up in catching up. Could you give us a few minutes?"
He nodded his understanding and promptly disappeared, leaving the two women alone again.
Elizabeth considered her response carefully. "Emily," she began, waiting for her daughter's gaze to rise before continuing, "You're not abandoning them."
"But-"
Elizabeth shook her head at her daughter's protest. "You aren't. People change jobs, and move on all the time."
"It's different," Emily replied softly, tentatively. "I put them through hell because of my past, and once the initial shock and anger wore off, they were happy to have me back. Now after just months of being back, I'm going to disappear on them again."
"But you're not disappearing on them. You're leaving," Elizabeth pointed out. "There's a difference."
"That's just semantics," Emily dismissed.
"No, there is a difference," Elizabeth insisted. "This time it's on your terms. This time you have input. And this time you're just a phone call away."
Emily fell silent, letting her mother's words sink in. She knew her mother was speaking from experience. After all, the ambassador been on the end of her disappearance and had felt the pain of losing her daughter abruptly.
"You're doing this for you, Emily. Remember that," Elizabeth added, hoping her daughter would stop feeling so guilty about doing something she felt that she needed to do. "You're not running away, you're doing what you have to do to be happy, and after everything you've been through, you deserve that."
Emily shrugged, and Elizabeth could tell she wasn't keen to keep discussing the crux of the matter that had her feeling so guilty. "How long before you leave?"
"A few weeks," Emily replied, her gaze dropping to the menu on the table once more.
Elizabeth couldn't help her mouth dropping open ever so slightly. She'd expected a few months, but weeks? She quickly schooled her features and let out a calming exhale. It was a cruel twist of fate that just as they'd reached a civil point in their relationship they'd be separated by an ocean.
In fact, it was a reversal of roles. Emily had been the one to try and put down roots by spending more than a year in one place and Elizabeth had continued to move from country to country as the new assignments came in. Now Emily was set to up and move across an ocean while Elizabeth was getting ready to settle down and live in one place for the foreseeable future.
"Why so soon?" Elizabeth managed to ask after the shock wore off.
"With the Olympics coming up, Interpol needs me to get into the swing of things quickly and hit the ground running," Emily answered. Elizabeth recognized the tone – it was one she'd used often throughout Emily's childhood. It was tinged in a mixture of disappointment and regret.
"Well, you never were one to sit still for very long," the ambassador commented drily, trying to bring some humour into a conversation that had grown too heavy for them to want to hold up any longer. "So I suppose it's fitting."
Emily humoured her mother with a small smile, recognizing the attempt at lightening the mood. "I guess so."
The waiter returned then, and both women looked up at him apologetically. He let out a barely noticeable sigh of frustration. "Do you need a few more minutes?" he asked, doing an admirable job of covering his frustration.
Emily and Elizabeth met each other's gaze and mutually agreed to pick something quickly off the menu. The poor waiter had already been patient enough with them. They both rattled off their orders and watched as he headed back toward the kitchen.
The question formed in Elizabeth's mind shortly after the waiter had disappeared, but she let it roll around in her mind for a bit before she voiced it. "Do you…" she began, but found herself trailing off as her courage waned. "Do you think I could come visit you? Once you're settled, I mean."
Emily opened her mouth to respond, but was unable to as her mother had begun to uncharacteristically ramble nervously. "I wouldn't want to overstep of course, so if you need a few weeks or months to get settled, that's fine. I can wait. My schedule will be flexible, so whatever works with yours would be fine."
"Yes," Emily answered with a nod.
But her mother didn't even notice that she had said anything. Her gaze had drifted away from Emily's and the words were tumbling out of her mouth faster than Emily suspected she was processing. She had never seen her mother like this before. The normally composed ambassador who chose her words with care and purpose was rambling. If that wasn't an indication of emotion, Emily didn't know what was.
"I just would really like to spend some time with you. I don't want it to come down to just holidays, because we don't see a lot of each other as it is, and I completely understand that you've been busy with your friends and your job. I just…I thought I lost you, Em. And it killed me that there were all these things I had never told you that I really should have."
Emily's expression shifted to shock at her mother's words. To say this was an uncharacteristic display of vulnerability and lack of poise would be an understatement. Elizabeth Prentiss did not do emotional. "Mother-"
"I know I can't make up for all those years we spent at odds with each other, but I want to try and be there for you now, Emily."
"Mom!" Emily said, raising her voice slightly to finally get her mother's attention.
Elizabeth blinked in surprise at the interruption. She hadn't realized that she had still been talking. Truthfully, she wasn't entirely cognizant of everything she had said.
"I'd like it if you could come visit. After the Olympics wrap up, I imagine I can carve out some time."
Elizabeth smiled in relief and felt the tension that had built up begin to leave her body. "Have you found a place in London yet?"
Emily shook her head. "They're taking care of that for me."
"Are they covering your relocation costs? Moving can be quite expensive…" Emily couldn't help the smirk from forming. "But of course you already know that," Elizabeth added after seeing Emily's expression.
"Yes, they're covering my moving expenses."
"In full?" Emily nodded, and Elizabeth felt a swell of pride. "They must really want you."
Emily let out a chuckle. "I guess so."
Elizabeth smiled at the sound of her daughter's laughter and found herself simply enjoying her company. The dark cloud of her impending move to London was still looming over them both, but the understanding they'd reached had made them both optimistic.
"This is Prentiss."
Elizabeth frowned at her daughter's greeting. Emily was usually far more cordial when she called. "Emily, it's your mother."
"Oh, sorry. I didn't check my phone before I answered," she apologized, her tone losing the sharp edge.
"Is this an okay time? I can call back if you'd prefer."
"No, no," Emily said quickly, "now's fine. You caught me in between some briefings, actually, so your timing is good."
"Good. How are you doing?"
"Oh, good. Busy with work, but good."
"I'm glad."
"What about you? How've you been? It's been awhile since I last called – sorry about that."
"It's fine," Elizabeth replied quickly, dismissing her daughter's apology. She had been very good at calling more often since she'd moved to London. "I've been fine, thanks."
"Yeah? How's work?"
Elizabeth took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was now or never. "Work is done."
Emily frowned. Done? What in the hell did that mean? "Done?" she echoed, her tone asking the underlying question.
"I'm officially retired as of today."
Emily's eyebrows rose in surprise. She hadn't thought her mother would actually go through with it. "Wow. Really?"
"Yes, Emily. I can fax you the paperwork if you don't believe me," she joked.
"No, it's not- I just…I didn't think you'd actually go through with it."
"Why not?"
"You love your job. You worked your whole life to get where you are."
"There's more to life than just work. It's taken me longer than I'd care to admit to realize that, but it's time I focus on the other aspects of my life. Like my daughter."
Emily found she couldn't form words. It was a shock to say the least, even if her mother had expressed those exact sentiments months ago.
"Emily? Are you still there?"
"Yes," she croaked.
"What does your schedule look like next month?"
"I- Um-" Emily fumbled for words as she tried to process her mother's announcement. "We're hopefully going to be wrapping up most of our bigger ops in the next couple weeks, so it shouldn't be too busy. I was actually thinking of taking a few days off then."
"Oh," Elizabeth said, her mind jumping back to negativity and her tone betraying her disappointment. "I was thinking I'd fly out to visit you, but if you need some time, then we can figure out another-"
"What? No, that's not what I meant," Emily interrupted. She let out a heavy exhale before continuing. "I'd like to have you come for a visit."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, mom," Emily confirmed. Elizabeth felt a smile spread at her agreement. She was going to see her daughter.
The news Emily had dropped during that lunch all those months ago – that she'd was moving halfway across the world – had shaken Elizabeth at first. She'd felt the twisting in her gut that she just wasn't meant to really and truly reconcile with her daughter. She'd felt the fear that she was going to spend the rest of her years alone, wondering what could have been if they'd managed to put aside their differences earlier.
But the more she thought about it, and the more she listened – really listened – to Emily's explanations, the more she realized that moving to London was what Emily needed. Yes, it would take them further apart from each other, but the healing that had happened in that restaurant was enough to make Elizabeth understand that Emily moving across the ocean wasn't a death sentence for their relationship.
If anything, it was going to help their relationship, because it was something that Emily needed to do to heal and be happy. And if Emily could heal and be happy, then Elizabeth figured fixing and growing and maintaining their once strained relationship wouldn't be far behind.
She might be an ocean away, but now, without the restrictions of her job, Elizabeth was free to visit whenever she could. She was optimistic for what the future would bring them as they both tried to work at repairing and growing their relationship. She was optimistic about having her daughter in her life again – and not just for holidays, but on a daily basis.
"I've got this," Elizabeth said, reaching over to grab the bill.
"You don't have to, Mom. I can-"
"Em, please. Let me spoil you a little."
Emily met her mother's gaze and held it for a moment before offering a small smile as she relented. "Thank you," she said.
"My pleasure," Elizabeth replied, pulling out her wallet. "Now, where are we off to?"
"Well that's up to you. What do you want to do?"
Elizabeth considered the question for a moment before answering. Their relationship was on firmer ground now – a little less passive aggressive, and a little more genuine – but it was still a long way away from comfortable. That would come with time. She hoped.
"I'm a bit tired," she began.
"Oh, god, of course. Jetlag. You're probably exhausted," Emily said quickly, eyes widening with realization. "I'll take you back to your hotel."
Elizabeth shook her head quickly, not wanting Emily to get the wrong impression. "No, no, I'm fine. That's not what I meant at all," she explained hastily. She really didn't want to leave her daughter just yet, even if she was starting to feel the effects of travelling across some time zones. Emily's wide eyed expression shifted to one of confusion, her brow furrowing slightly. "I just meant that I'm not really up for anything too exhilarating," Elizabeth continued.
"Oh, okay," Emily said slowly. "How about coffee? There's a little café around the corner from my place."
Elizabeth found herself nodding immediately. Sitting down and talking wasn't something they typically did, but she found herself curious as to how Emily was doing. They talked more often now, yes, but there was only so much a person could glean from phone calls. She may not be a profiler, but Elizabeth's career in politics had honed her ability to read people, and she could read her daughter better than most people because of the mannerisms they shared.
"That sounds nice," Elizabeth replied with a smile. "Why don't you go get us a cab while I pay for this?"
"Sure," Emily said with a nod.
/
Twenty minutes later the two women were seated in the café, each holding a large mug. The café had a few other patrons, but mother and daughter were curled up in the back corner, allowing them some privacy.
"Still staying away from caffeine, I see," Elizabeth said, trying to ease into the conversation. The cab ride over to the café had been mostly quiet, with both women's gazes fixed on the passing storefronts.
"Yeah. Trying to relax more."
Elizabeth chuckled. "I take it that wasn't the case during the Olympics?" she remarked. Emily did seem more relaxed, now that she thought about it. She seemed…lighter somehow. Like there wasn't so much turmoil resting on her soul. Like she was less burdened, and more open.
"Long hours and supervising more people than usual from a variety of agencies…" Emily replied, remembering the heyday of the lead up to the opening ceremonies. "It was just a bit hectic."
Elizabeth laughed again. "In other words, you cheated and went back to inhaling coffee?"
"Yeah," Emily replied with a sheepish grin. "And I think it was better for everyone involved."
Elizabeth smiled before taking a small sip of her coffee. It wasn't just that she seemed lighter, she seemed happier too. Her smile was wider, her eyes brighter than they'd been while she was still in DC.
"I don't think I could ever give up coffee," she said with a shake of her head.
"You've been drinking it a lot longer than I have," Emily pointed out cheekily.
"Thanks for the reminder of my age," Elizabeth replied drily, her brow arching in amusement.
Emily laughed before taking a sip of her green tea. "Trust me, I know how you feel. There are all these young agents in my office, and when I walk in some mornings, I swear it feels like I'm walking into a high school."
They both shared a laugh before settling into silence again. Elizabeth looked up from her mug of coffee and met Emily's gaze, a gentle smile on her lips. "Well, you've got a few years yet before you need a walker, so I think you're okay for now."
"God, I hope so," Emily replied, her eyes alight with laughter. "So how's it feel to be retired?"
"Very strange," Elizabeth admitted. "I'm enjoying not being tied to a tight schedule all of the time, but all the free time and lack of paperwork feels very strange."
"I'm sure you'll figure something out to fill the time."
"That's the plan," Elizabeth agreed with a smile. "What about you? Finally settled into your new role as the boss?"
"I think so," Emily answered unconvincingly.
"Don't sound so confident…" Elizabeth teased, enjoying the fact that she could tease her daughter without fear of prompting an argument.
"I'm probably just second-guessing myself," Emily admitted. "The office is running smoothly, and the ops are coming back successful. I think everyone's happy with how things are going…"
"I think you'd know pretty quickly if things weren't going well, wouldn't you?"
"Maybe," Emily hedged.
"Stop doubting yourself, Em. If they pursued you so aggressively for the job in the first place, it wasn't because they weren't sure if you'd be successful. The fact that you've adjusted to life and gotten comfortable in the role here as quickly as you have speaks to your success, I think."
Emily smiled at her mother's words of encouragement. "Thanks, Mom."
Elizabeth felt herself smiling widely. For the first time in a very long while, her relationship with her daughter felt right. For the first time in what was entirely too long a length of time, Elizabeth knew that Emily was happy, and healthy, and thriving. Things were good for them both, despite the significant changes they had each gone through in the past few months. Maybe this time they could grow closer and have the kind of relationship that Elizabeth had always wanted, and she suspected Emily had craved as well.
"So," Elizabeth began, breaking the short silence that had settled. "I'm in London for a week. Any thoughts on what we could do?"
As Emily rattled off a few ideas she'd come up with, Elizabeth found herself nearly overwhelmed by the feeling of gratitude to have gotten a second chance to fix things with her daughter. It seems they'd both made strides in that regard, and based on the way the trip was already shaping up – things were definitely looking up.
I love exploring the mother-daughter dynamic that Elizabeth and Emily have, and can't resist trying to write it now and again. If you have a second - I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.