A/N:

So recently I have been visiting my childhood anime, only to realise that I ship Haibara and Conan more than I ship Shinich and Ran. So I just had to write a quick one. There was no beta read from anyone nor is English my first language, so please do go easy on me haha. But that being said, I do hope you guys enjoy this!

How long have I been asleep…?

I look at the clock. 4:00 AM. I must have fallen asleep while I was working on the antidote.

As I moved around, I noticed the blanket covering me.

Kudo Kun. I knew straight away.

Next time I see him, I am gonna teach him a lesson to not creep up on me while I am sleeping.

But at the same time I knew there was a part of me that loved it. That Shinichi cares. But there are also parts of me that hates the fact that I love it.

I decide to call it a day and go to sleep. I take the blanket wrapped around me to the bed. Why does the bed feel so much more cozy tonight?

I grabbed onto the blanket tightly, as I laid down, unable to sleep.

I hated feeling this. Hated feeling… attached. Hated feeling… jealous.

I went back to the computer, and turned on the camera.

'Baka', I thought to myself.

Entry 1

"Baka." I said out loud as if I was talking to Shinichi.

"What kind of a creep are you? Sneaking into a woman's room while she is asleep."

What the hell am I doing?

"You know considering that you are the mei tan tei and everything, you really don't know common etiquette do you?"

I sat there, just staring at the camera. I eventually turned away. It felt too much like Shinichi was actually looking at me.

Oh yeah, I hate feeling that too. Shyness.

"Thank you." I said silently, although I knew no one would hear it.

"It's nice that you do care…. I feel…"

I pause. Again, actually, what the hell am I doing?

"Ugh, what even is the point of th-"

I stop recording.

I save the video anyways.

Entry 2

"So apparently, you are an idiot."

It's actually weird to see myself say that with not a single emotion on my face. Am I really that emotionless?

"You already know that Ran knows about us; the black organisation, the APTX4869, and how it ended. So why did you not catch on to that OBVIOUS hint that she wants to do something with you?"

It was painful to watch the situation fold out. As me, Shinichi and Ran San was walking down the street, Ran constantly reminded Shinichi (well, Conan I guess) of how they used to do all the things that couples do.

While a good boyfriend would then suggest that they should do it again, Shinichi just simply went:

'Oh… oh yeah.'

"You are so lucky to have someone like Ran san. She waited all these years, not even knowing why you disappeared and if you would even come back.

If I am being completely honest Kudo Kun, Ran deserves better. You knew I had the temporary antidote to last long enough for the whole day.

…Ran needs you…"

I looked down. The sudden feeling of rejection overwhelmed me. Why am I suddenly feeling this..?

"I… I need you too…"

Wait.

Did I just say that on camera?

Entry 3

"The antidote is nearly finished."

"The tests and trials are positive, and I think it will be done in few weeks or so."

I kept my head down. I didn't look up at to the camera.

"…Is it wrong…?"

I could feel tears forming in my eyes.

"Is it wrong to feel that I don't want to finish this antidote?"

"I have no family left now. No friends. Nowhere to go. If I return to being Miyano Shiho, I have to go away. From here, from the detective boys, from Agasa Hakase, from…"

A tear dropped from my eyes on to my hands, which were grabbing tightly onto my legs.

"From you."

I sat in silence for a while, until I wiped my tears away with my hands.

"Don't start panicking now though. You can still have your much wanted reunion with Ran San. I am still going to keep my promise.

A promise Shinichi made before came across my mind.

'You will protect me, right?'

'Yeah.'

"Just like you kept yours…"

Entry 4

"So I have been giving this some thought…"

By some I really mean the past few weeks.

"The antidote is finished."

"Which also means my time here has also finished."

"So, I decided to go away. I am gonna be heading to London. Gonna try to sort my life out I guess…"

Although I knew that Shinichi would never see this, I could still see myself try to put on the fake smile.

"Baka, don't worry though. You are gonna be back together with Ran San. It's what you wanted. It's what I want as well. For you to be happy."

I could feel a tear drop and run down my face.

"Before you say anything, this is tears of joy. So don't go all mei tan tei on me and say that I am sad."

"I am gonna miss you though Kudo Kun…"

"And, to be completely honest, I am leaving because… I can't handle the pain."

"I know you are meant for Ran… and she is meant for you… and I wouldn't do anything to stop that. But…"

I am not saying this to Shinichi. I am saying this to a damn camera. So why couldn't I just say it?

"I… I love you. Shinichi."

"Thank you for everything."

Entry 5

"By the time you read this, I will probably be on a plane to London."

I was recording my video for message to Shinichi I was actually gonna let him see.

"I have finished the antidote, it is on the box in front of you."

"You can finally fulfil your dream about being together with Ran San again."

I was trying my very best to be 'Haibara Ai'. But after years of acting, for some reason, I couldn't seem to act today. I could feel my throat close up.

"Thanks for everything, Shinichi."

And like that, I was gone. I grabbed my suitcase, looked back inside the room one more time, before I closed the door behind me.

Conan's POV

"Haibara!" I shouted. No answer from inside the room.

What was she doing?

"Haibara, don't throw stuff at me ok? I am coming in. What are you doing anyways, we were supposed to-" I said as I opened the door to only find the room empty.

I started to panic. I looked around the place: the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, everywhere.

After I came back to her room, I realised a note on the box on the table saying: 'Shinichi'

I carefully opened up the box, only to find what seemed to be an antidote.

—-

Haibara's POV

Shit.

Shit shit shit shit. I cursed inside my head.

How could I be so dumb to forget to delete the previous videos? I did only leave 2 hours ago, but Shinichi could have read all of that in any 5 minutes of the 2 hours.

I quickly paid the cab driver and dashed into the house. That's when I saw it. Conan's shoes.

My heart was thumping like crazy, with each step I took feeling like I had sand bags around my ankle.

When I was at the doorway of my room, Shinichi was done watching the last video.

"Thanks for everything, Shinichi."

I stood there, frozen. Shinichi was standing there, head down, with his back still to me.

He slowly turned around, but kept his face down. It was hard to see what he was like.

"Shinichi, I am sorry. I didn't mean to…" I said as I stepped forward, only to stop as Shinichi started to walk towards me.

Shinichi then, just like that, pulled me into his arms. I remained standing, astounded by what just happened, only to give into the emotion that was overwhelming me as I tightly hugged him back. I started to sob. Only the second time I have done that in front of him.

"I am so sorry Shinichi… I didn't mean to ruin-"

"Don't go."

I froze. My eyes widened.

"W-What are you talking about? I have to… if I don't, you will never be happy with…"

Shinichi breaking the hug and looking me directly in the eye made me stop.

His face was serious. Although I could always tell what or how Shinichi was feeling all the time, I couldn't tell now.

We remained like that for a while. It felt like hours. In reality, maybe maximum a minute.

"So apparently, you're an idiot." Shinichi said calmly.

"W-What?"

"Why do you think I care for you so much? Why do you think I didn't act on all the obvious hints Ran was giving me? Why do you think I am asking you to stay?"

I couldn't form a response. The answer was clear in my head, but… It can't be… Can it?

"You're right. Ran does need Shinichi. But she still has everything else. But Haibara Ai?"

He gently lifted his hand and brushed away the tears on my cheek. I jumped a little at the sudden contact. He wiped away the tears then cupped my face with his hand.

"Haibara Ai needs Conan more than anyone else. You forgot one really important thing in this."

I did nothing but look into his eyes.

"What I need."

"W-What do you need..?" I asked breathily.

"I need you. Let me be the reason for you to stay."

And just like that, he kissed me.

It was unreal. I didn't know what it was I was feeling. My stomach felt like it was upside down.

His hand on my face slowly moved up to my neck then to back of my head, with my arms instinctively going around his neck.

The kiss was gentle, but passionate. No tongue, but the contact was immersive.

It's only when I gasp for air, we stop kissing.

"I love you, Shiho."

I could not help but to give a teary laugh.

"Baka. I love you too."