Jess unexpectedly looks after Doula for a day and reminisces about Rory. I hope you enjoy it!
There was a knock on the door, making Jess jump. Irritably, he got up from his desk and opened the door. Starting to say, "I'm not interested -" he stopped, startled, at the sight of his mother and sister, and not the salesperson he'd assumed it to be.
"Hey, kid!" Liz cried. "Surprise!"
"Surprise!" Doula echoed, in a more dour tone. Her dark hair, so like her brother's, was mussed and tangled around her face and there was a smear on her cheek. She was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, crumpled at the edges with a strange splattering of purple on the front. Jess stared at her for a moment and then up at his mother's beaming face.
"Liz, what are you doing here?" he asked, his hand still on the door. "You didn't say you were coming for a visit."
"What, a mother can't stop by to see her son? I told you I was coming to Philadelphia, right?"
"You said you'd be in the area," Jess corrected, "for some friend's party. You didn't say you'd come over."
"And I need a reason? You said you weren't working this weekend."
"No, I said I wasn't working at the Truncheon. I still have to work on writing and bills and - hey, is she okay?"
Doula was hopping from foot to foot, tugging at her mother's sleeve, and said sullenly,
"I need to go. I needed to go forever ago!"
"She's been in the car for a while," Liz explained and Jess pushed the door open.
"Bathroom's to the left."
Doula dashed inside, sandals slapping, and as they heard the door lock Jess stepped aside, taking his mother's bag and said,
"Want a drink or something?"
"Oh, that would be just perfect!" Liz exclaimed and Jess nodded, pouring two glasses of water. He could feel the pinch of headache at the edge of his temples and knew it was not from the morning's work. Liz gulped down the water, eagerly telling Jess about TJ and his new job and her bigger spot at the Rennaisance Fair when the bathroom door opened and Doula came out.
"You have weird soap."
"Put that in my eulogy."
Doula frowned.
"Huh?"
"That's just Jess," Liz said, putting an arm around her. "Go and hug your big brother, Doula. I can't believe you guys haven't hugged yet!"
Doula walked over, suddenly shy, and awkwardly put her arms around Jess. Jess put his around her back and his annoyance ebbed slightly as he looked at his little sister, already nine years old and twice as tall as when he saw her last.
"You thirsty, Doula?" Jess asked. "I've got orange juice which won't expire for three whole days. You're in luck."
"I spilled my grape juice," Doula said mournfully, explaining the stain. "I didn't get to drink it all."
"That's because you wouldn't wait until I stopped the car!" Liz said, waving her arms in frustration.
"I was thirsty!" Doula exclaimed and Jess hastily handed her a glass.
"Don't spill unless you want a rainbow on your shirt."
Doula grabbed the glass, drinking with both hands, and Liz turned to Jess.
"I'm real glad you're here."
Jess shrugged and Liz added,
"And I really appreciate it.
"Appreciate what?" Jess asked sharply and Liz said,
"Well, I can't drag Doula around with me all day and TJ had to work and -"
"Liz, no!" Jess said loudly, surprising Doula into slipping the glass. "I can't look after her, I've got stuff to do!"
"You're writing!"
"That's my work, Liz!" Jess exclaimed. "You never called! I can't look after her!"
"Honey, I can't drag her around my friend's party!"
"Huh," Jess said sourly. "As memory recalls, you did exactly that with me a few times. More than a few times."
Liz looked down and Jess added,
"Or I'd be home with the TV for company."
"Jess -" Liz started to say and bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I know it's not the best time -"
"No kidding!"
"But no one else can look after her. My friends are, well, at this party, Luke's away with Lorelai and you said you weren't working and I just - I figured it'd be better if you two hung out. You're her big brother. She's your sister."
Half-sister, Jess wanted to correct, but it seemed mean to say with the kid right there. Liz went on earnestly, "You never see each other. Doula doubles in height each time and I swear you do too, son."
"I stopped growing a while ago," Jess muttered and Liz smiled, putting her hands on his shoulders.
"Could have fooled me. Please, Jess. It's just for a few hours. Doula can entertain herself, she's just like you. Give her a book and you won't know she's there. I'll be back by five."
"Okay," Jess said quietly, giving up. "Fine. She can stay with me."
"Oh, you're the best!" Liz cried, kissing his cheek. "Always looking out for me, Jess. And Doula. Did you hear that, Doula? You can stay here with your big brother! How about that!"
Doula gave a very small smile and Liz kissed her cheek too.
"Goodbye, sweetie. I'll see you kids later. I can't wait to tell my friends that - my kids are together! My son is getting to know his little sister! Have a ton of fun! Bye!"
Jess waited for her to disappear through the door before turning to his sister.
"So."
"So."
"What do you want to do?"
Doula shrugged and Jess said,
"You've been in a car long enough. Want to get some air?"
"I'm hot. I want to go swimming."
"Got a bathing suit?"
"No."
"Then you can't go swimming," Jess said simply. "Plus, I don't know where the pool is around here and I don't have trunks. So I can't take you."
"That's all I want to do and I can't do it," Doula said sulkily. "Forget it."
"Hey, enough with the attitude," Jess snapped. "I didn't know you were coming here, I wasn't warned, so excuse me if I don't have a welcome party prepared. I have things to do today and I've got to look after you. Sorry I wasn't told to get swimming trunks."
"I didn't want to come here either," Doula shot back. "I wanted to go to my friend Lily's house and swim in her pool and make candy and then Mom woke me up saying I had to go to Philadelphia to see you and I had to sit in a stinky car and I needed to pee the whole way! This sucks!"
They stared at each other angrily for a moment and Jess sighed.
"Look, do you want to draw a pony or something?"
"A pony?"
"Don't kids like ponies?"
"I don't care about ponies!" Doula shouted. "I want to go home!"
"You can't go home, you're stuck here with me so we both have to deal with it! I'm sorry if I don't know what kind of animals you care about!"
"You don't care about me!" Doula said, her face turning bright red. "You don't like me and you don't want me to be here! Forget it!"
Getting up, she ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Jess groaned, waited a few moments and then gently knocked.
"Doula?"
"Go away."
"This is my place."
"Leave me alone."
"Doula, I don't dislike you," Jess said, sitting down by the door. "I like seeing you, a lot."
"No you don't. You yelled at Mom."
"I'm just busy today," Jess said gently. "It's not your fault."
"You yelled at me too."
"Yeah. I'm sorry. Doula, I yelled because I need to look after you and I have things to do and I don't know how to do both. Please come out. We'll get an icecream or something."
The lock turned and Doula slowly opened the door. There were recently dried tear marks on her cheeks and drips of orange juice joining the purple on her shirt.
"Hey, you want to change?" Jess asked. "I'll throw that shirt in the wash."
"I don't have any more clothes."
"Wait there," Jess said. Going into his bedroom, he rummaged through his drawers and emerged with a small purple shirt, which he handed to Doula. Frowning, she went back in the bathroom and came out with it on, the dirty shirt bundled in her hand. The purple shirt was baggy on her and she asked,
"Whose is this?"
"It's from my drawer."
"Yeah, but it's not yours," Doula said doubtfully and Jess sighed.
"It belonged to someone I used to know. Do you still want icecream?"
Doula jumped up and down, her annoyance forgetton.
"Yes!"
Jess put Doula's shirt in the laundry and they walked slowly down to the main street, the heat coating their arms. Jess bought them an icecream each, grabbing a table outside under a wide umbrella. Giving the icecream to Doula, Jess sat opposite her and said seriously,
"Remember, it's only good icecream if it's in cones."
Giggling, Doula started licking the icecream. She held it away from her, tilting it and Jess said,
"Hey, don't drop it."
"I don't want to spill on your shirt."
"Oh, that's okay. Don't worry about it."
Doula grinned and Jess started eating his own. It wasn't halfbad, he thought, sitting back in the wicker chair. It was a warm afternoon and it felt good to be sitting outside with icecream, even if it was a babysitting job. But his sister wasn't so bad, as kids went. Not that Jess would know."
"Sorry," Doula said, making Jess jump.
"Huh?"
"I said I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" Jess asked and Doula said quietly,
"Messing up your day."
"You didn't mess anything up," Jess said. Doula looked disbelieving and he amended, "Okay, maybe a little, but it's okay. I needed to go out anyway, get some air. And icecream's good too."
"I wish I could eat icecream every day."
Jess chuckled, finishing his cone.
"Yeah, me too."
Doula swallowed the last of her icecream and, pushing back some of her hair, asked,
"Whose shirt is it?"
"What?"
"You said the shirt isn't yours," Doula said, looking down at it. "Whose is it? Do you have a girlfriend?"
"You're nine, what do you known about girlfriends?" Jess asked and Doula retorted,
"I know you break their hearts."
"Excuse me?"
"Mom said she hoped you didn't break hearts when she talked to Uncle Luke! She asked him if you have a girlfriend but Uncle Luke said he didn't know."
Jess sighed, knowing no amount of icecream would keep her quiet. He picked at the red and white tablecloth.
"I don't have a girlfriend. I did have a girlfriend, and it's her shirt."
Jess looked up to see Doula frown and ask,
"Why do you have it?"
"I don't know, I just...she gave it to me and I forgot I had it. Then we broke up and I didn't see her for a long time, so I kept it."
Doula opened her mouth and Jess said,
"It's a long story and you wouldn't understand."
"I would too," Doula snapped but she simply said,
"What's her name?"
"Rory."
"There's a boy in my class called Rory."
"Her name was short for Lorelai."
Doula giggled.
"That's a weird name."
"Okay, Doula," Jess chuckled and, getting the dig, Doula flicked her ballled up napkin at him.
"Do you know what my name means?"
"Yeah, I do. Interesting choice."
"If you'd been a girl you might have my name. Why are you called Jess?"
"I don't know," Jess said, after a pause. "But my middle name is William, and that's my grandfather's name. Your grandfather, too."
"Did you get to meet him?" Doula asked curiously and Jess shook his head.
"He died before I was born."
"Oh," Doula said, shoulders slumped. She played with the pattern on the tablecloth and fell silent.
"Listen, do you have any clue what you want to do for the next few hours?" Jess asked, noticing the clock inside the icecream parlour. "I'm sorry I can't take you swimming or to your friend's house, but we've got to figure something out before Liz comes back."
"She'll be late."
Jess opened his mouth to deny and then closed it.
"Maybe," he said eventually. "I don't know. Anyway, we've still to think of something for you to do."
"Can I watch a movie?"
"I don't think I have anything you'd like. You're a little young for Almost Famous."
"No, let me go to a movie theatre," Doula said impatiently. "You can do your writing stuff then come get me. I want to see the new movie with penguins."
"You're too young to go by yourself," Jess said apologetically, remembering the amount of times Liz would take him to the movies. She'd go to the bathroom and return when the movie was almost over and, one time, she wasn't there when the credits were rolling and Jess found her crying into a payphone, pleading for one more day with rent. They both pretended he hadn't seen.
"I am not," Doula said, eyes flashing and Jess sighed.
"Yes, you are."
"I'm nearly ten, that's double figures."
"Wow, that makes all the difference."
Doula scowled and Jess looked back at the tablecloth, determined not to fall back into their fight from before.
"Doula, I know you're a smart kid, but you're still a kid and you're too young. And you don't know the city."
"It's a movie theatre," Doula protested. "You can get me from the door!"
"Sorry kid. No can do. Let's just go back to the apartment and figure something out there. It'll be better than the penguin movie."
"Right," Doula said sarcastically, but she got up and, to Jess's surprise, took his hand. Tentatively he squeezed it and for a moment Doula looked up and gave him a real smile before looking away, retrieving her hand and mumbling that she could look after herself.
"So Liz tells me you like books," Jess said. They'd slowly strolled back and Jess had to resist Doula's plea for another icecream.
"Yes I do."
"You have good taste," Jess said. Looking around the apartment, he said,
"I don't think I've got anything you'd like up here but I'll find you something from the stockroom downstairs."
"Can't I pick out one of your books?"
"They aren't kid books, Doula."
"I know," she said with a scowl, and Jess was reminded of the owner of the purple shirt telling him how she read The Fountainhead when she was ten without understanding a word, and of when he was a small boy, searching the New York library in shelter from the rain.
"If you want," he agreed. "I'll help you pick it out."
"I can do it."
"Can I see what you choose?"
"If you like," Doula said graciously. They went into Jess's room and Doula instantly knelt at the bookcase, filled with Jess's favourite volumes. There were boxes of many more books without room for them and, idly, Jess remembered how happy Rory was showing him the bookcase Luke had built for her so many years before. She told him to ask for his own and then she and Jess had laughed, but Jess had envied it, all the same. He knew Luke could build one which would be perfect.
"Any luck?" Jess asked and Doula shook her head impatiently, staring at the spines. Jess took the opportunity to make Doula a snack, and when he came back he saw Doula waving a slim volume with a burgundy cover.
"I want to read this!"
"Franny and Zooey?" Jess said in surprise. "Huh."
"What?"
"Nothing, it's just - Rory liked it. We both did. Look, it's no big deal. I've made you some lunch so you can read in here or out there. I'll do my work and you can get me if you're stuck on a word or something. Or I could give you a dictionary. Deal?"
Doula nodded and Jess set the plate down, sitting next to her on the carpet.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said in a small voice and Jess nudged her arm.
"Yes there is. What is it?"
"You never want to see me," Doula said, her voice tight, and Jess, surprised, said,
"What? Of course I do. I'm just busy today."
"No you don't," Doula said, her lip trembling. "It's all the time. You never come visit me, not even on my birthday. When you come at Christmas you only stay for a day and you only want to see Uncle Luke. You don't want to see me."
"Yes I do," Jess said but Doula shook her head violently.
"No you don't. I'm not your real sister."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm just your half-sister. We don't have the same dad and you never talk to Mom."
Jess closed his eyes before looking at the little girl next to him and saying slowly,
"You are my half-sister, Doula, but I don't love you any less than if we had the same dad. That doesn't mean anything to me."
"You still never want to come see me."
"Doula, I don't always want to come home," Jess said carefully. "I'm busy a lot and when I was a kid it was hard with Liz, with Mom. We were on our own and it wasn't the same. I lived with Uncle Luke for a while."
"You did?" Doula asked, eyes round, and as Jess nodded she looked away and said,
"You still don't talk to me when you come."
"I don't know you very well."
"You don't talk to me," Doula said simply. "If you did you wouldn't ask me to draw ponies."
Jess smiled and squeezed her hand.
"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, Doula. I've been pretty crappy, huh?"
"Not totally," Doula sniffled. "You got me icecream after all."
They sat in silence for a while and Doula said,
"Hey, what about your work?"
"It can wait a little longer. Do you want to talk a little? Brothers and sisters do that, I hear."
"Brothers and sisters beat each other up," Doula said matter-of-factly. "At least, the ones I know."
"Is that so? I'd rather talk."
"Me too," Doula declared. She leaned up and asked, "So who's Rory?"
"Who's Rory?" Jess exclaimed. "Seriously? I thought you wanted to talk about stuff, like how you don't like ponies or whatever."
"I like them, I just don't like drawing them, and I want to know about Rory," Doula said, pulling at her shirt. "What was she like?"
"Why are you so interested?"
"You said I wouldn't understand. I want to know!"
"Fine!" Jess said, throwing his hands up. "Jeez! She was a girl I dated in high school. Her mom was Lorelai."
"Lorelai? The Lorelai Uncle Luke goes out with?" Doula demanded. "They both have that weird name! What happened to Rory?"
"She moved away, worked as a journalist. She writes for newspapers."
"I know what a journalist is," Doula said irritably. "Is that you stopped loving her? Because she moved away?"
"I didn't - I mean, that's not why we broke up," Jess said hastily. "We had a fight and I had all this stuff to figure out, so I left town."
"Where'd you go?"
"To stay with my dad."
Doula pondered this and asked,
"And you never saw Rory again?"
"No, I saw her a few times. I told her I loved her."
"And she said she loved you too?"
"No, she didn't," Jess said, feeling the old ache. "I don't know what she felt. But I helped her figure some things out too and she came here, to the Truncheon, on the day it opened. I didn't see her after that."
"That's not like in stories," Doula said after a pause and Jess let out a dry chuckle.
"Yeah, life's not very fair that way."
"Do you still love her?" Doula asked, looking up, and Jess hesitated. He was about to say no but it didn't seem honest. "Not like I did," he said honestly. "I think I could love her again."
"I don't get it," Doula said, wrinkling her nose. "I thought when you grew up you just loved someone."
"Me too, kid. Me too."
They sat in silence for a moment and Doula asked,
"What was she like?"
"Rory?" Jess asked and she nodded. Jess thought for a moment and then went over to his desk, opening a drawer and coming out with a picture.
"That was her."
Doula studied the faded picture, taken on a disposable camera so many afternoons ago, and said thoughtfully,
"She's pretty."
"Yeah, she is."
"She's holding a book. Is it yours?"
"Probably hers. Rory loved to read. She loaned me more books than I can count."
Doula grinned, handed the picture back, and said,
"I think you still love her."
"You think I still love her?" Jess echoed. "Doula, I haven't had a real conversation with her since before you were born."
"You're sad when you talk about her," Doula said bluntly. "You're like the guy in the movie who misses the princess."
"Hey, I am not some moony guy in need of Cupid," Jess said hotly. "I'm doing what some would say pretty successfully and she's not been here once. Well, not since the place opened."
"I still think you love her."
"You're nine."
"So what?"
"You can think what you want," Jess said, getting up. "And trust me, Doula, if you decide to enter the rocky world of relationships you won't be so sure on the love thing being clear. You can come back to me in ten years."
"Kissing someone is way too yucky," Doula declared, opening the book. "But I do get it and I think you're dumb."
"Eat your sandwich," Jess told her. "I have to go work."
He left Doula reading peacefully, a sandwich in one hand and book in the other, but even though she was silent Jess couldn't concentrate. His thoughts circled back to Rory - where she was, how she was and what she was doing. Her laugh echoed in his mind, the warmth in her smile. It had been years since he'd seen her but it didn't seem so long. Thinking of seeing Rory made him nervous, but in a good way. He saw her name on the newspapers Luke saved and he smiled every time. It was almost like seeing her again. Jess shook the thoughts away. What did his nine-year-old sister know?
The rest of the afternoon slipped away and Doula handed the book back.
"I liked it," she told Jess. "It was a brother and sister, kind of like us. But I didn't get all of it."
"You will," Jess said, putting the book back in her hands. "Here. It's yours."
"Seriously?" Doula asked, cocking an eyebrow. "But it's your book."
"I want you to have it. I've read it about a hundred times. You should too. Every time you think you've got it, you see something new."
Doula looked down at the cover and then flung her arms around her brother, hugging him tightly.
"Thanks, Jess."
"You're welcome, Doula," Jess said, kissing the top of her head. "Let me know how it goes. Here -"
Walking over to the desk, he found a piece of paper and scribbled down some digits.
"That's my cellphone."
Doula's face lit up and then fell as she said glumly,
"I don't have a cellphone."
"Well, you can call it from the landline. Or ask Uncle Luke."
Doula nodded and grinned.
"And I can call whenever I like?"
"Whenever you want. We've got to know each other, right?"
"Right!"
Doula was still chattering when Liz came to pick her up, an hour later than promised.
"Thanks, Jess," she said, breathless. "The traffic was crazy! You totally saved the day, kid. Was it okay?"
"I had an awesome time," Doula announced and Jess smiled.
"I'd concur."
"Oh, that makes me so happy!" Liz exclaimed, pulling her son and daughter into a hug. "My kids hanging out and having fun! You know, I loved hanging out with Luke, when he'd let me. Jess, you'll come visit us soon, won't you?"
"Sure," Jess said, looking over at Doula. "You can count on it, Liz."
Liz gave Jess another tight hug and Jess took the excuse to break from it by handing over a bag with Doula's shirt.
"Here, I cleaned it. It's still a little damp but should be alright. She can keep that one for now."
"No way," Doula said, grabbing the bag. Running into the bathroom, she came out in her own shirt and Rory's in her hand.
"That's Rory's," she said reverently. "You should give it back."
"Rory?" Liz echoed. "Lorelai's girl?"
"Jess dated Rory," Doula told her. "Did you know that?"
"Yes, I did," Liz said. "But your brother never told me about it."
"Save it for the drive," Jess said quickly, seeing his sister about to spill the whole story. "Call me when you get back."
"Oh, we will," Liz said, hugging him one last time. "Say goodbye, Doula."
"Bye," Doula said, clasping her arms tightly. "Sorry for being a pain."
"You weren't a pain," Jess said honestly. "I kind of enjoyed it."
"Me too," Doula said with a grin. Liz ushered her out and Jess walked over to the door, waving as they drove away.
The apartment felt weirdly empty without Liz and Doula. Jess busied himself by getting a beer, turning on the television, but couldn't relax. Finally, he got up and found a piece of paper Luke had given him several months ago, stored in the pages of his copy of Howl. It had Rory's number on it and Jess had never called it, but never wanted to throw it away. He sat staring at it, phone in hand, before shaking it and dialling it before losing his nerve. It rang three times and then a voice said,
"Hello?"
Jess swallowed and Rory sounded puzzled as she repeated,
"Hello, who is this?"
"Rory," Jess said, making himself speak. "It's me. It's Jess."
There was a pause and Rory said,
"I know it's you, Jess. I know your voice."
"Oh. Okay."
"Did Mom give you my number?" Rory asked and Jess shook his head before remembering she couldn't see him.
"No. Luke did. I hope that's okay. If you want me to go or -"
"I don't want you to go," Rory said. Her voice sounded tight with conflict and she asked,
"What is it? Why are you calling?"
"I wanted to see how you are."
"I'm...I'm okay," Rory said with a bitter laugh. Jess wondered what it meant but she continued,
"How are you? I know the Truncheon's still open."
"It's good. I'm good. Doula came over today."
"Doula? She must be a big kid now."
"She's nine."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
There was an long pause and Jess said quickly,
"Look, I know this is weird. I just wanted to talk to you."
"Why?"
Do I have to need a reason?
"It's been a long time," Jess said instead. "And if you're in the city, I thought we could catch up. If you wanted."
There was a silence and Jess waited for the deliberate, vague reply in defence, but to his surprise Rory said,
"Yeah. I mean, yes, I'd like that Jess. It's been too long."
"That it has," Jess said. He started to smile and Rory said,
"I need to go, but I'll call you. Coffee okay?"
"I wouldn't expect any other kind of beverage."
Rory laughed and Jess pictured her bright smile, lighting up her eyes.
"Bye, Jess."
"Bye, Rory."
They hung up but Jess sat still, phone in hand, mind wandering. He saw it already, the young woman walking towards him, her blue eyes curious and a willing in her stride. He was already ready to see her, he thought. With Rory, it was never a long time ago.