They flew backwards into a filing cabinet. Bad Cop howled in spite of himself. The metal was unrelenting and dug into their flesh and bones. It was fortunate they had not been seriously injured. It was going to leave some intense, distinctive bruises, though.
Good, are you ok? Bad Cop asked in his mind, picking their aching body off of the floor.
Yeah. Came the weak reply. Good Cop retracted his tentacles from his face, only a little, to see what was happening. He hated being thrown into things; they were so vulnerable like that. Both of them. But it was one of Business' favorite pastimes.
"I caaannn't beliiiieve you two would show your faces here after that! I mean, c'mon, the nerve." Business slunk after them, a partially non-solid mass bounding from form to form as he moved. He stopped a few feet away from where the injured cops were kneeling, changing into his usual appearance—a lithe, well-dressed corporate man with large hair and a unibrow. He strode towards them, clicking his tongue.
"I should fire you." He shrugged. "Guess I'm just…sentimental."
His smile became a sneer, and before they could speak a hand was around their throat, pulling them to their feet.
Bad Cop gagged. He wasn't gripping them as tightly as he could, but it was enough. He was so strong, so strong…he loved reminding everyone, especially the two of them. Hated pretending to be human. To be weak. He never missed an opportunity to remind them what he was, especially when dishing out punishment.
Bad tried not to struggle too much, tried not to resist, but his body was giving out, the secondary lungs that Good Cop provided them wasn't enough for two… He felt the bruises forming on his neck.
Good Cop whimpered and hid. He could feel Bad struggling, screaming, in their minds, panicking involuntarily.
"I see we're gonna need a little something extra today.~" Business sang. "You're forgetting. Your. PLACE."
He shoved them against the cabinet, using the edge to choke Good Cop as well.
Good Cop let out a terrified, pained cry that turned quickly to pathetic gurgling.
Bad tried to speak, but the grip was too tight, and he just kept tightening it… He felt dizzy, dizzy, all emotional and mental walls slipping as they lost oxygen…
"Aw, geez pal, you don't look so good." Business said, dipping his lips in mock concern. "Maybe you need a break."
And with that he tossed them into a bookcase, the objects it held scattering everywhere as they collided with it. Some of the more delicate knickknacks shattered as they hit the floor.
More than one hit the Cops.
The first lucid thought Bad Cop had when air returned to his lungs was that they were gonna have a fuck ton of bruises the next few days.
And then the book shelf creaked.
BAD. Good, who was coming to faster, begin shrieking frantically in their minds. BAD, RUN!
They rolled out of the way just before the book case came down on top of them.
It narrowly missed their leg. They heard the remainders of porcelain and glass objects shattering as the shelves and books buried them.
Their body shook very, very hard.
Good Cop was petrified. That could have killed us.
Bad Cop didn't know what to say or think. They always deserved a beating, and he supposed if they were executed it was on their heads, but… Suddenly he realized how little control Business had of the situation, of what he was doing. How easy it would be for these little…reprimands…to accidentally cost them their limbs, or their lives.
He didn't have much time to consider it, though, because Business was fast approaching them. He was furious.
"Ugh, man…I hate to take that out of your paycheck, but seriously, that's gonna cost you!"
He smirked, bearing down on them. Bad Cop cowered a bit, instinct and reason and deep, deep fear feuding each other for dominance. Stupid. He berated himself. That was stupid...
Business reached for them again, and Bad Cop nearly flinched, but managed not to. He grabbed their hair this time. "Maybe I'll just take the expense out of your hide." He grinned, giving them a shake. "I'm veeerrrrrryyy disappointed in the two of you." He patted their cheek. Then he slapped Bad Cop across the face. "Guess we're gonna have to make sure that doesn't happen again.~"
Business dragged them backwards by the hair and shoved them into the wall. They both gasped with shock. Pain, sharp pain, everywhere…
We…we tried… Good sobbed suddenly in their minds.
I know. Bad replied, setting his jaw. But we still screwed up.
Business grabbed a part of their hair more to the back. He laughed as he slapped Bad Cop again. Bad Cop's face twisted out of pain, entirely without his consent.
"Hate to have to do all of this bud." He leaned in far too close, until his breath was hot and wet on Bad's face. "But it's for your own good."
"Of course…sir…" His voice wavered, a little bit of a whine as he spoke.
He tried to keep his mind clear, for Good Cop, but please be done, please let us go, please let us live murmured softly in his thoughts, increasing in desperation.
And suddenly, a stream of uncensored, unspoken pleading erupted, Sorry, sorry, we're so sorry, it won't happen again sir, please… sending Good reeling. He thought he was the only one who thought this. Bad was usually a rock.
It must have been that last hit to the book case. Made neither of them think straight….
A quiet, sudden anger rose in Good Cop. It was whisper soft at first, but it built and it built and it built, rising from his chest into his throat.
And into his mouth.
Good Cop didn't remember how it happened. What he was thinking when it happened. He barely remembered doing it. All he knew was one minute he was just pinned there, whimpering, his face pressed into a wall, and the next Business' hand was between his teeth.
Business let out an inhuman screech and tried to pull away. But Good Cop couldn't let go, wouldn't let go.
This monster…this…bastard… How dare he. HOW DARE HE!
Good bit down harder. Until he was grinding and ripping, slicing through flesh, crushing bone. HOW DARE HE
How DARE he hurt them, when Bad Cop was so loyal, when THEY WORKED SO HARD
IT WAS JUST ONE MISTAKE
ONE SIMPLE MISTAKE
The blood tricked down Good's neck from where Business had choked him with the filing cabinet.
It only made him more enraged.
He bit down harder.
This bastard, throwing them around, hurting them, saying terrible things, playing games with them, HOW DARE HE
"GET OFF GET OFF!" Business screamed, driving his fist into Good's face over and over again, trying to rip out their hair.
He kicked and slapped and spit and did everything he could think of, but Good refused to let go.
He slammed them into the wall, but Good held on, biting down even harder and locking his jaw. Busniess screamed and screamed. He tired to morph out of it, but the grip was too tight.
"GET OFF YOU UGLY FUCKER GET OOOOFFFF!"
Bad Cop had said nothing, entirely in a state of shock. Then he snapped out of it.
"GOOD, GOOD WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" He shouted. "LET 'EM GO! GOOD COP! GOOD COP!"
NO! he shrieked in their minds. HOW DARE HE HURT US!
Good, Good, you need to let him go! GOOD COP! Bad barked. Good, he'll kill us…
HE'LL DO IT ANYWAY Good Cop screamed. ONE DAY HE'LL KILL US BOTH AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA LET HIM!
NO. Bad said. No, I'll keep us safe, but you have to let go. Good, GOOD, LET HIM GO!
Maybe it was the desperation in Bad's voice or the tentacles Business had twisted tightly around their neck, but either way Good finally unhooked his jaw and released what was left of Business' hand.
Bad braced himself. "I'm sorry sir, he wasn't thinking, we're so sorry, sir, it won't happen again…"
"SHUT UP!" Business roared, smacking Bad across the face so hard it sent them crashing to the floor. They crumpled and stayed there, Bad's eyes to the carpet.
"DAMN RIGHT IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!" Business shouted, cradling his mauled hand.
Bad Cop was quiet. There was nothing to say or do, except…wait…he closed his eyes. Hide, Good Cop.
No… Good Cop was so terrified he could barely think anything, but he knew he couldn't hide. Not now.
He's pissed. You need to—
He'll do what he wants to me. Good whispered. It'll be worse if I hide. His voice cracked.
Shhhh, it'll be ok… Bad said.
Bad knew it was a lie. So did Good.
Yeah… He answered, his voice shattering.
Business reared up, all tentacles and eyes and teeth and fury. He threw them against a wall, Good Cop facing him. He pinned their arms behind their back. He snarled at them. "YOU AUDACIOUS MONGREL"
He twisted them in his grasp, pressing into wounds and bruises. Bad Cop let out a suppressed whimper; Good Cop cried out.
Business' voice distorted into a million voices, his face melting and contorting as he spoke."YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT"
Then he cooled. He laughed. The change was so sudden and extreme; it made the Cops' blood run cold.
"That wasn't a good idea there, pal." he shook his head. "What were you thinking, biting the hand that feeds you? I mean, do you know what theydo to dogs that bite people?"
Business kept them to the wall, smiling. He lowered himself to the floor, and crossed the room to his desk, keeping one hand held high at an odd angle. He began to whistle.
He rummaged through the drawers idly, singing softly to himself. "I feel so unsure…as I take your hand and lead you to the dance flo—Ah, here we go!~"
Business returned, skipping, holding an object in one hand and the other in a tentacle. He hoisted himself up with a mass of writhing tentacles to the place where he'd pushed them into the wall. He smiled, squinting one eye and holding up an object. "Yeah, I think this will do."
Good blinked. It was some sort of small mechanical thing, like a car jack but tinier.
"Yah know, I've been thinking about this for a while now." Business said, licking his lips, motioning to the device with his head. "I didn't think we'd have to do this though, buddy. I mean, I suppose I just thought you were better than that." he shrugged. "Well, I guess if it's what needs to be done…"
Good glanced at the other hand.
A metal paper weight.
No.
NO
The panic was all over his face now, he couldn't stop it.
"They'll grow back." he choked. "There's so many…"
Business laughed. "Well that's the fun part, pal." His smile became a sneer, the upper parts of his lip curling horribly. "Your nasty little chompers are unique that way! Growing back so quickly…they just. keep. on. COMING. And we'll just have to get rid of them all." He sighed dreamily. "Oh, this could take hoooouuuurrrssss~"
He stopped, frowning, eyeing Good's massive teeth.
He obviously wasn't too thrilled about putting any part of himself near those jaws of his again.
It was a small victory, one that was not nearly enough to lessen the pounding of Good's heart in his ears or make him stop shaking, but it was something. He locked his jaw and met his gaze defiantly.
Business sighed. "This again? Really? Didn't you learn your lesson…"
Good shrank as he approached, but kept his eyes fixed on him, still rebellious. If he was planning what Good Cop was sure he was planning, he was going to have to fight him for it.
"Look man, I really don't wanna have to do this, but you left me no choice." He shrugged. "But if you're really truly so intent on saving those glittery little gnashers of yours, well…" he turned them slightly, so that Bad was facing him. He passed the horrifying little device to a tentacle and ran his hand across Bad's cheek. He didn't resist. Good heard his fear sing through their minds.
Business' touch became a rough grip. He forced Bad's mouth open. "I can always take his instead.~" he smirked.
Bad grimaced. This was gonna hurt like hell.
"No! No no no…" Good cried, trying to look around. "It's ok, it's ok…" Business raised the paper weight. "I'LL LET YOU DO IT I WILL I PROMISE" His cries became more urgent. "Just leave him alone!"
Good. Bad Cop hissed in their minds. Shut up!
Business smiled and let Bad Cop go. "Yah see? That's what I like." He smirked. "Teamwork."
He turned them back so that Good was facing him. He grinned, grabbing the jack from the tentacle and running his finger over the mechanisms. He leaned in. "Now say aaaaahhhh…"
Good whimpered and opened his mouth. Business shoved it in between his jaws and pressed the lever down until Good began to cry with pain.
Business played with the weight in his hands, humming. "Hhmmmm, where to start…"
He smiled. "Oh, I know." And brought the weigh down on one of Good's side teeth.
Good screamed, tears streaming down his face.
Bad felt them pitch, heard Good Cop cry for their mother inside of their heads. His stomach churned. He braced himself for the next hit.
"Call my secretary, I think my tooth hurty has arrived!~ Get it you two? GET IT?!"
The first tooth was like a gateway. Business laughed and brought down the weight again, and again, until the whole right line of Good's teeth was shattered, bloody stumps.
It wasn't long before Good Cop was begging for mercy.
"Ooooh, I thought we were a defiant little beast just a few minutes ago, hrm?"
Business laughed again as he brought the weight down on another fang. Good shrieked.
"I'M SORRY I'M SORRY GOD I'M SO SORRY" He howled, forming words as well as he could through blood and broken teeth and his jaw being forced open so wide it was close to breaking. "I'M SORRY PLEASE I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN OH GOD PLEASE STOP"
Bad closed his eyes.
Good Cop's thoughts streamed together, the barriers all but gone, an incoherent mess of screaming and pain and terror. Bad Cop gritted his teeth. Hang in there Good. He felt tears sting his eyes. Dammit, why'd yah have to bite him… The pain was becoming dizzying. It wouldn't be long before he was screaming his head off too.
Then suddenly…an idea formed…
It was suicidal.
It was the only way.
"Sir!" he cried. "LORD BUSINESS!"
"WHAT?!" Business snapped, stopping his hand in mid swing. Good flinched, and then realized he wasn't missing another tooth. He cautiously opened his eyes, and turned his gaze in Bad Cop's direction.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! He said.
Saving you. Bad said. Now be quiet!
Business advanced in Bad Cop's direction. He turned them again, looking Bad in the face.
"WHADDYA WANT?!" He roared. "I'M A LITTLE FUCKING PREOCCUPIED AT THE MOMENT!"
Bad hesitated.
Business pulled him closer. Foam welled in the edges of Business's mouth. His upper lip arched like a scythe blade. He looked about ready to bring the paper weight down on Bad's head.
"WELL?!" He shrieked.
Bad Cop felt his throat close. His jaw clenched so tightly it was about to crack.
No, no no no this was his only chance…
Keep it together, you wuss. He hissed to himself.
He looked Business dead in the eye. Set his jaw. "I need him."
"…Excuse me?"
His eyes flickered to his boss' tie. "I need 'em." He looked up again. "He's useful."
Business seemed too amused to be truly upset. He leaned back a bit, letting the weight lull in his hand. "Enlighten me."
Bad inhaled. "He's an extra set of eyes. He can smell enemies from a mile away. People who try to take me from behind are always in for a nasty surprise." He bit his lip. "He's good at what he does. He's no good without his teeth. And I need 'em."
Business said nothing for a while. It was a long while.
The silence was deafening.
Then he threw his head back and laughed.
He laughed and he laughed. He laughed so hard he nearly dropped the weight.
Bad Cop wasn't prepared for this. He didn't know how to respond. He nervously laughed with him.
"Bad Cop…" he gasped in between laughing. "If you…just wanted…to keep your pet…YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SO…heehHHAAAAHHHAHA…"
He abruptly paused. He smirked. "Ok, I'll leave the teeth." He tossed the weight in his hands, up and down, sneering. "It's more than that little fucker deserves, but I'll do it. For you, Bad Cop."
He rolled them over again. He returned to Good's bloodied, tear stained face. "It's your lucky day pal. I'm feeling generous."
He reached into Good's mouth, causing him to flinch and whimper. But he only grabbed the jack and unwound it.
Good cried out, the sudden shift hurting more than he would have liked, but a hiss of relief soon followed.
He closed his eyes. He didn't bite down all the way due to his teeth, but smiled gratefully. "Oh, thank you sir, thank you…"
He stopped. Business was still sneering.
Fear clawed their spine.
"Oh, no buddy, you're not getting off that easy." he said. "What, you think you can bite me, ME, your boss, President of the World, and get away with it?" He laughed.
"No! Nonononono, no…" he tossed the paperweight and jack aside and leaned in really, really close to Good's face. Good shrank back.
"You're still going to remember not to DO things like that, ok, pal?" He rolled up his sleeves. "I'm gonna make sure of it…"
And he buried his fist into Good's face, right above his broken teeth.
Good screamed.
He hit him again, this time over the eye.
He didn't stop. He pummeled him bloody.
At first with his fists, then with things lying around.
Books, bookends, staplers.
It wasn't long before they both blacked out.
As the darkness overtook them, Good Cop thought to himself that he had never been so grateful in all his life.